Ken's POV
Believe me or not, it took everything in me not to go there. It took everything in me not to show up there and greet him happy birthday. Not just that, everything I don't do, it takes so much effort and resistance. It was so hard to argue with myself earlier, but I ended up calling a courier service. I hope that made him better, especially when I can't be with him--which is the greatest gift I could give him.
My stomach's crumbling but I don't have the appetite to eat right now. I locked myself in my room, not having the energy to do anything. I am still by the window, watching the rain pours out.
I've been imagining many things as well including the scene that everything is good: no cancer, no confining myself here, no secrets, and no limitations. What if I don't have this cancer? Then, I don't need to hide myself and lie to my man.
He must be very sad right now because I didn't show up. It's his birthday but I am not around. No hugs, no kisses, no wishes, and no sweet gestures from me.
I am certain that I make him sad and in pain but like what I saw in my imagination earlier, he will heal and move on. Sooner or later. He'll met a girl that will be his wife in the next 5 years.
"These sacrifices are my gift for you. Happy Birthday, my man." Then suddenly, a tear is streaking the side of my face. I trembled and fell to my bed and wept. As I looked up, I saw picture frames hanging on the wall. I stood up and fastened them off. I put them all inside my drawer. I don't want to see things that will remind me of our happy past, there is no use--no more happy past, because all we have today is sadness.
"Please eat. They're worried about you. Hindi ka pa kumakain, oh. You're trembling in hunger." Thad pleaded, from my peripheral vision, he's at the door way, carrying a tray full of foods.
"I don't have the appetite and I'm not hungry." I answered with no interest.
He crossed the room and put the tray in front of me. I snapped and turned to the bed. He sat down to the bed before I could and held my wrists. He sighed, "Your mother is crying before going to work. Your father is worried. We are weary about you. Please eat. You're already thin, and still you don't want to eat? Ken, you have four months more. Instill in your mind that many people--that loves you--will never be happy to see what you are doing. Marami pa kaming masaya na makita kang lumaban. So please, I am begging you. Kumain ka na."
I loosened up his grip on my wrists and bursted into tears. I felt him hugged me and lightly patted my back. "If you won't eat, I'll spoon-feed you!" He threatened. Of course I don't want that so I get the tray from him. He's annoying all the time but he really can lift my mood. "Thanks for these, Thad. Wala talaga akong gana." Then, my stomach crumbled.
"Oh, good timing!"
He laughed out loud and threw his hands in the air like crazy. "Stop it. You might spill up the foods!" I shouted that made him stop.
"You want to go to the amusement park? It opened yesterday." He invited. I saw the same excitement in his eyes he had when we went to that amusement park as children.
"No, I am not in the mood plus I am eating."
"You will be in the mood, I promise. Remember the apple candy stick in the amusement park? That is my key."
"But we had that in high school. Do you think it's still there?" I amusingly asked.
"Well, you're getting in the mood so we'll see."
The amusement park is not what it was like fifteen years ago. When we were in high school, and visited this, it was not crowded; the lights barely flickered; the rides were limited; and the food avenue was not packed with vendors yet. But today, it's different. The amusement park was crowded; it has became brighter and beautiful, a place where you can bring your children or a place where you can enjoy yourself; the food avenues have a lot of vendors; and unlike before, it was cleaned. Probably because it was renovated. I don't know, I haven't been here since college, not because I don't want to, but I kinda forgot about it.
"It's not the same as before--" I cut in when Thad yelled apple candy.
"But the vendor's still there! Come on!" He was about to pull me inside but I reminded him of the ticket.
"Stop being childish. Did you forget?" I pulled him and we fell in line.
"I'm sorry but I miss this place so much!" He opened his arms and breathe in and out. Acting like he's seizing the moment. The people behind him are complaining now.
"Nakakahiya! Uuwi na ako, sige." Finally, he stopped doing it and laughed. "I just wanna lift your mood up." Then, he pinched my cheeks. Masyadong ma-diin mangurot ng pisngi ito.
"Tigilan mo nga ako. Wala na nga ako sa mood, pinapahiya mo pa ako."
"Magpakasaya ka naman!"
"Oo na! Stop doing that!"
"Sige na, sige na! Baka kung mapaano pa ako, I mean baka kung mapaano ka pa." He smirked. He really is annoying. Napa-buntong hininga na lang ako at hindi na siya pinansin.
Ngayon naman ay ako na ang nang-a-asar. I played games here, in which you can win big teddy bears, and I won five times in different game zones, and I ordered him to carry it all.
Now, he's trailing behind me, his face is barely seen because of the big prizes. I laughed silently. Pinapahiya mo ako kanina ah, bahala ka diyan ngayon. I'm just sipping my float while the guy behind me can't walk well.
I laughed once more and faced him. "You really look troubled. Ilagay mo na nga muna 'yan sa kotse. I'll wait."
His shoulders dropped, "You're abusing my strengths, huh? Hintayin mo ako, ha? Babalik ako kapag pumuti na ang uwak."
I made a face, "Five minutes, or you will never see me in this spot anymore." I threatened.
He also made a face and walked out. Excuse lang siya ng excuse.
I looked up and amazed by the stars, blinking from the sky, giving lights to the world. And the moon gives the brightest light to the world.
Then, I looked down again, and saw Thad on his way back. I haven't looked at my childhood friend straightly before, and now I could say, he became more manly. His hair grew longer but still black, his nose is pointed, his lips are thin, his white and flawless skin, and the freckles sprinkled across his face made him more handsome. And have I told you this before? He's half-american which explains why he's tall.
He met my gaze and smiled widely at me like there's no problem in his life. And in a fleeting moment, I realized, this guy never let me down. He lifted up my mood, and I somehow forgot my sadness.