TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM
I woke up to a pool of blood.
It was scary. Tasting my own blood. I remembered a time when I used to cut my skin regularly. These memories rushing back into my head were memories I forgot I had.
I called up my doctor. He said it was just the weather and it was probably seasonal nosebleeds. I was relieved but I still had an uncomfortable sensation.
I decided to let it slide. It was probably nothing. But the blood brought back too many traumatic memories.
I always felt the need to have a source to trace my pain back to. It's a very wrong thing to do, but when I was younger, nothing felt right.
I headed out. I needed a different atmosphere. For the first time in a long time, I was craving a change. This was especially weird for me.
Quite a few weeks passed. Jewel has regained her motor abilities and quite a bit of her memories back and was returning to normal life. I was happy to see her like this. It brought me joy.
She called me up one day asking if we could meet for lunch. We used to have lunch together often.
At lunch, she said to me
"I wanna run away."
I was dumbstruck.
"What?"
"I wanna run away."
"What do you mean?"
"I want a break. I wanna leave all this behind and disappear for some time. My memories are returning but I need to find some things out before I can fully accept who I am. And I don't think I can do that in the situation I'm in right now. Anyways I'm gonna go on a long vacation."
"Umm okay. Mind if I join?"
She didn't look like she expected me to say that. Pleasantly surprised was what I read from her face though.
"Sure. The question is, where do we go though?"
She paused, waiting for me to answer.
"Wherever you want to."
"Well, when should I book the tickets?"
I chuckled.
"You'll find out that we won't really need to book tickets. Name the destination and we're there."
"How about the Paris? Next week? Gosh I must be crazy."
This was so out of the blue. I couldn't believe this was happening.
"Paris it is then. Pack your bags. We're going on a vacation. Make sure to grab a sweater."
I spent the rest of the day canceling meetings, postponing events that could be postponed, basically excusing myself from all obligations.
The beauty of an unplanned holiday is the spontaneity of it all. How quickly everything falls in place and how much falls apart.
I was walking down the street when I felt the impulse to buy something. And just like that, I dropped a very large sum of money on something that probably would never see the light of day again,
Her birthday was coming up on November 21st. It was already November 12th and our trip was supposed to start on the 15th. We would probably be in some corner of the world on her birthday and hence I decided to buy a gift in advance.
But what would I get her was the question that rattled my mind. It had to be perfect and nothing less.
A necklace? A bracelet? What on earth should I buy?
I knew she would be very upset if I bought her something too expensive.
I came up with an idea, it was so chilling, almost scared me in a way. My nerves were tingling. I knew exactly what to do.
The days flew, but I was very excited for our trip. I picked her up from her house at around 12 noon.
"What time is our flight? Where are the details? What's the ticket rate? I wanna split everything equally."
"So many questions, just relax and enjoy the moment."
We arrived at a special terminal.
"Where are we?"
I just smiled.
We walked in. She was very surprised.
"You have a jet?"
"Well technically speaking, it's under the company name."
She just looked at me and sighed.
Around 8 hours later, we arrived at France. The flight was mostly silent since Jewel was out like a light for most of it.
She woke up looking refreshed.
"Where will we be staying?"
"Local hotel belongs to a friend of mine. Two rooms have been arranged for us there."
"Hmm okay."
She seemed lost in thought.
"So we can do a bit of sightseeing tomorrow?"
She just stared off into the horizon. Then suddenly responded.
"Yes yes."
The next day, we decided that we would visit the Palace of Versailles.
"A castle fit for a queen, such as yourself milady."
She laughed.
"My knight in shining armor. I've heard there are spiders there."
"Then you'll be leading the way princess."
We both laughed.
It felt good being with her like this, just us, in Paris, the city of love. This was perfect.
The Palace of Versailles was nice. Although I must admit most of my time was spent looking at Jewel's reaction towards everything as opposed to what she was reacting too, I enjoyed every minute of the trip.
By the time we got out, a good chunk of the day was over. We decided we would wrap up the day at the Eiffel Tower.
We reached the Champ de Mars. Jewel started.
"Did you know, this place was a tribute to Mars, the Roman God of War."
"Well isn't that absolutely romantic. Way to set the mood."
She laughed and proceeded to say.
"Isn't love and war very similar though? In a way? They're the heights of human emotion. Heights of love and hate. After all, the saying goes, all is fair in love and war."
It was always wonderful to hear her speak like this. Hearing her speak itself was privilege. This was joy at it's finest.
We went up to the top of the Eiffel Tower. It was just us, no other tourists. Which was very strange, considering that this is the Eiffel Tower.
"Zavian, I need to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"It's about my memories."
She paused.
"What about them?"
"Well, I didn't know how to tell you this , but after we arrived at Paris, they returned to me completely, I remember everything."
"Well, that's great! Isn't it?"
"Yes. It is. And I also need to tell you one last thing."
My heart was racing.
"Go on."
She walked towards me, pulled my face into hers for a kiss while saying those three words that I've been dying to her.
"I love you."