It was deathly quiet from where L stood, just on the other side of the door leading to Ori's bedroom. His hand slowly reached out to grasp the knob; it opened with a silent swing. Inside, the room was dark and completely trashed. The only light coming inside was provided from the city lights outside. Clothes spilled all over the floor, forming an explosive trail from open suitcases tipped over on the floor, the bedside table tipped over. Even the bed mattress was flipped over, resting on the dinner table near the kitchen, forming a tent. Tucked in the small space in between the table and mattress, was a small, shaking figure. Quiet sniffles filled the room. L trudged into the mess carefully. This was another new side of Ori he had never seen. The explosive one who could only unleash her anger and frustration through actions. It was something he would only see once throughout their time together on the Kira Case.
"I told myself I wouldn't let my feelings get the best of me; I promised you the same thing." Her voice cracked and wavered. He could hear the effort to hide the sobs fading away. They were becoming more and more prominent and easy to hear. He could hear the heartbreak in every single whimper. Her back was to him, now hunched. He was sure that it was painful, stretching out the stitches like that; she may even pop a few if she wasn't careful.
"You're going to hurt yourself like that." He murmured, ignoring the fact that she could hear him despite his efforts was staying quiet.
"I don't care!" She wailed. "I need to feel it. It's the only thing keeping me from going insane. I know I'm alive. I need it." Her voice shrank into a whisper. L walked around the fort she made so he could see her face. Her arms were wrapped securely around her knees, her head tucked into her body. She was protecting herself, he realized with a start.
"I don't think Vivian wou-"
"Don't you dare throw that in my face!" She whipped her head up, blue-green and gold orbs glowing in the light only provided from outside.
"You don't get to tell me what she would've wanted! You didn't know her! Not-" she choked. "Not like I did." Her voice wavered and fell. "Y-you d-d-didn't kn-know her." She moved her hands up to her face, hiding her tears and wiping her eyes roughly. L didn't know what to do. This wasn't something he was familiar with. This was were Watari shined, not him. Slowly, cautiously, he reached his hand out to her, as if trying to refrain from scaring her. In a sudden blur, he jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his midsection. L fell back with an oof but said nothing else. She shook against him, sobbing loudly. With tentative hands, he brought his hands around her back. Wherever his hands rested, he just felt thin skin and jutting bones. She was so skinny. How had he not noticed just how frail she had gotten before.
"I'm sorry." She said once she was able to get a hold of herself. She wasn't crying anymore, but she inhaled and exhaled in shuddering breaths. Her voice was raw and thick. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She apologized but never moved. L was beginning to think she wasn't apologizing to him. She said it like a prayer, a mantra, something to live by. He tried rubbing her back gently, something Wataru had done when he was a child, but when his fingers skimmed over the stiff stitches, and Ori's breath hitched, he ceased the movements. When she finally pulled away, her face-especially her eyes-were puffy and red.
"Sorry about jumping on you like that. That was uncalled for." She stood up and started tugging on the mattress, her face set into a stony and tense expression. She managed to flip the mattress back onto the bed and began pulling the blankets and comforter back into place.
"You don't have to apologize, and it wasn't uncalled for. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. I guess Matsui had something to do with it." She was silent for a moment, lifting the nightstand with a grunt. When it was upright, she rested her hands on the polished surface, a sad smile adorned her face.
"He sounded just like her. They didn't happen often, but when she got really worried about me taking care of myself. She would get the most aggressively passive things I've ever heard in my life." Her chuckle was dry and lacked any humor or amusement. Then her smile fell and twisted into a frown.
"I hadn't heard it since I started researching the Kira Case. Maybe she knew it wasn't what I needed, I don't know, but she stopped." She covered her eyes with her hand. "I never thought I would miss her ridiculousness. Her goofy one-liners, her non-child friendly jokes, even the way she would tease me about small things. I never thought-" she choked on her words a second time, this time she took in a slow breath to recollect herself. She looked at him with deep, ocean eyes. Mysterious depths of grief shined brightly at him. They watered and rippled like waves.
"I never thought it would hurt this much." L had never been at a loss for words like this. He was a detective, not a therapist. He swallowed thickly and opened his mouth, searching for the right words. Anything to help her feel better.
"I can't say that I've ever experienced the pain of losing someone you loved, but I can say that Vivian was a wonderful human being. And she was lucky to have someone like you in her life." The words felt odd in his mouth, and he thought she would ask him about his past, but she didn't. She never overstepped boundaries. She toed the line again and again, but she always knew where it was and how far was too far.
She shot him a grateful smile, then sat on the bed. L walked around to curl up next to her.
"I haven't been taking care of myself like I should've been." She murmured. "I haven't been changing my bandages like I should've been."
"I wasn't going to say anything, but you have been smelling pretty bad." She shoved him to one side with a hoarse laugh and he fell against the soft blanket. She rose from the bed and picked up her clothes. When they were a large pile, reaching over her head, she dropped them on the couch, purposefully letting sweatshirts cover L's face. He pushed the clothes away to see her piling some into her own hands.
"Whatever, I'm going to take a bath, and I'm going to need your help swapping out the bandages after. You have a strong stomach, right?"
"It's fairly strong. What am I supposed to do until you get back?"
"I don't know. Pry into my personal life or something. Discover my likes and dislikes for whatever reason." She flicked on the light to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
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Ori lowered herself into the hot water with a pained hiss; her back ached something awful. Well, it was her own fault for not taking care of herself.
'Stupid Mastui, making me feel bad.' She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. He really did sound like Vivian. He sounded so much like her that it hurt. It made Ori feel guilty in a way that she hated. She wasn't used to feeling guilt like that, and when it hit her, it hit like a truck, sucking the air from her lungs and making her heart pound crazily. It was one of the worst feelings she had ever felt before, just under...
Ori released her knees and sunk under the water. She stayed submerged until her lungs demanded oxygen. She pulled herself up again but kept her eyes closed. She could almost hear Vivian scolding her.
"Honey. I told you I wouldn't let you continue looking for Kira if you weren't going to be taking care of yourself." She could see the disappointed set of her mouth, her eyebrows pushed together in frustration. Her face twisted in displeasure, but her kind eyes remained the same as they'd always been. Kind and loving.
I know, Mom. She thought. I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't focus on anything else. Nothing feels real without you here.
"You'll be all right, Honey. You have people looking out for you. Not just me." It was corny to say the least, something definitely Vivian-like.
"I miss you," Ori whispered raggedly, a small tear sliding down her chin and into the water, lost in the greater expanse.
"I love you, Orien. I love you. I love you. I love you." Despite the heat coming off the water, Ori felt warmth seep into her bones. Like something was wrapping around her tightly. Ori wanted to say that she loved her too. She wanted to say it so bad, but what came out was:
"I'm sorry." She sunk lower into the water until her mouth was submerged. She felt so tired. Her eyelids were heavy and she could feel her bones going limp now that she was actually letting herself relax.
"You can't fall asleep in a tub, Honey. You'll catch a cold." Vivian's scolding voice came to mind once more. It helped Ori opened her eyes, and when she did, bottles of shampoo and conditioner were staring back at her.
'I guess this is a sign for me to actually clean myself.' She thought and reached over to grab the bottles. She lathered and scrubbed at her hair until she was satisfied, then she dunked her head underwater again.
As Ori wrapped the fluffy white towel around her body, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She looked like something out of a horror movie. Sunken cheeks, hollow eyes, and skin and bones stared back at her. Her tangled hair sticking to her skin didn't do anything to help the image. On her right shoulder, Ori could see where her cut started. It was angry, red, and disgusting. Puss and dried blood stuck around the inflamed skin. The longer she stared at it, the stronger the nausea in her stomach became. She tore her eyes away from the skeletal image and rifled around the bathroom for peroxide and gauze. She dressed in a big t-shirt and sweatpants, trying not to cry while she eased her shirt over her head. She tried to keep herself upright as exhaustion rippled over her body, but she almost collapsed when she opened the door. She had to grip the doorframe to stay on her feet.
L was sitting on her bed like he hadn't moved, but the pile of clothes on her bed was now several piles of neatly folded clothes. Ori spotted a bare spot and face planted into the mountain of blanket. She felt the bed shift as L got up and eased the peroxide and gauze out of her hands.
"Is it all right if I lift your shirt up for this?" He asked. Ori lifted herself tiredly so she could glare at him.
"I know that my back is fucking disgusting, but I'm the one who told you to help me." She yanked her shirt up, making sure that her chest was still covered, and fell back against the comforter.
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To say that Ori's back was unsightly... would be an understatement of large proportions. Even if L hadn't been with her for the last few days, he would've known instantly that she hadn't been taking care of the wound. The skin was puffy and red, puss crusting the black pine-like needles. L swallowed back disgust long enough to grab tissues and pour the peroxide over it. Again, this was something Watari did, not him. He didn't know if he should press down or just dab carefully.
"Would you hurry up?" Ori demanded. "You're giving me anxiety."
"Relax. I'm going." He tossed the tissue aside and gently poured the peroxide over her back. The tissue wouldn't have helped any. A sharp hiss came from Ori and her fingers dug into the comforter.
"I'm surprised it's not infected with how much you've been neglecting it." He murmured, continuing the trail of peroxide down her back. He could see the tears forming in her eyes.
"It probably wouldn't hurt as much if you'd taken care of it." He said.
"Would you shut the fuck up! I'm not in the mood."
"Watch your language."
"Sshut up." She buried her face in the bed. "I don wanna hearit from sumone who onle eats sugar." Voice now muffled and slurred with sleep, Ori raised her hand to lazily flip him off.
"I can't tell if you're acting like this because of what's been happening, or because you're tired."
"Why na bofe?" She asked. L rolled his eyes and placed the gauze over the stitches.
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?"
"She swung at me, I fell down the stairs, hit ma head, then she was gone. Knife to the throat."
So she doesn't have much of a mental filter when she's tired. He thought in faint amusement.
"You didn't grab any tape." He told her.
"Then gwab sum." She murmured. Her voice was becoming quieter and softer. L rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. She hadn't even turned the light off. He fumbled around until he found the medical tape, smooth, small, and round in his pale fingers. When he went back to Ori, she was sleeping, soft snores escaped from her.
The bandage work was clumsy, but it covered the stitches and held together.
'I should've called Watari down here.' He pulled her shirt over the bandages and left the room.
"We'll see you when you wake up... Honey." The door closed behind him.
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"She hasn't really talked to you at all. Are you sure your plan worked?" Ryuk's rough voice grated Light's ears. He had to refrain from snarling and clenched his fists. "Yes, it will work. She just needs some more time."
"L's been hanging out in her room with her. Seems like he was comforting her. Even helped her with her bandages." The Shinigami snickered and munched down on an apple. Light's room was on the floor above Ori's, and he had told Ryuk to see what was going on. After Matsui's blow-up on Ori, Light wanted to make sure that everything was going according to plan. It was hard to say yet, but the fact that L was putting himself in was irritating. As was Ryuk's constant teasing. Light was patient, he was able to wait for as long as needed, but he'd like for things to hurry up before L figured out that he was Kira. He had to get L's name as soon as possible. He wouldn't stop until Kira was the god of the New World.
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"I'm doing this for you... Please, forgive me... I love you... I'm doing this because I love you..."
Ori woke up with a start. She was laying on her stomach, alone in a bright room. She squinted at the assault on her eyes and buried her face down in the blankets. She felt groggy, but also refreshed... and hungry. Her stomach growled loudly at the thought of eating. She staggered to the bathroom and flicked on the light. She was still deathly skinny, but her eyes didn't look so lifeless, and the dark circles eased up a bit, now back to how they were before.
I wouldn't look this much better after only a night of sleep. How long was I out? She staggered down the stairs to see everybody else awake. Light was the first to see her, his face breaking out into a big smile. He was seriously acting weird and Ori was starting to get a little freaked out. Matsui noticed next, looking terrified.
"Maggie, I'm sorry about the cupcake! I was just really worried about you and I didn't know what else to do!"
"It's fine, Matsui. I deserved it." She sat down next to him, and, immediately, Watari slid a plate of french toast in front of her.
"You've been asleep for a few days, so I figure you must be hungry. If this isn't enough, there's more food in the kitchen." Ori threw him a grateful look and started digging into the food, not even thinking about his earlier comment about how long she'd been asleep. The moment she took her first bite, she realized just how hungry she was. Her stomach growled in demand for more when she paused to feel the doughy bread on her tongue.
"Hey, Ori. How are you feeling?" Raito came up behind her. Of course, he had to ask her a question while she was eating. She looked up at him with flat eyebrows. Giving him a look that said, "I'm eating; go away," she flipped him off and turned back to her food. Raito scoffed and sat down on her other side.
"I know that you're going through a lot, but that doesn't mean you have to be a-" Ori stopped him with the raise of her hand. She swallowed and gave him a hard look. Pushing the now empty plate away from her, Ori spun around in her chair to look at him dead on.
"What do you know about what I'm going through. Both of your parents are still alive, and so is your sister. Don't tell me that you 'understand my pain'," she said in a mockingly high pitch voice, "when my mother is dead and your family's still alive and kicking." She rose from her seat roughly, knocking her chair into Matsui's. She muttered a quick sorry to the young man and walked into the kitchen with her plate. Aizawa was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He was frowning at her.
"He was just trying to help, you know?"
"I know, but I don't need help right now; I need more food." She found a stack of pancakes and waffles next to Aizawa and proceeded to pile them on her plate. Aizawa side and put his coffee down.
"At least your not shutting down again." At that, she looked up at him with cocked eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" He looked at her with unusually soft eyes and ruffled her hair. She flinched at the sudden contact.
"I'm not surprised that you didn't notice. Then again, we didn't say anything, but... kid, we were really worried about you. I'm pretty pissed at myself for not saying anything sooner, but I didn't want to push you too hard or something like that." He removed his hand and set it on the counter. "I have a daughter of my own, and I don't even want to think about what might happen if she were to lose her mother. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."
Ori looked up at him with wide eyes. "N-no, I'm sorry. I should've been more aware of my own surroundings. I take pride in being able to understand people pretty easily, but I never even thought about what you all were thinking. I was too wrapped up in my own little world."
"Don't worry about it so much, kid. Just let us help you when you need it. We're a team, after all." He gave her one last pat on the head before walking out. Ori was left staring at the stacks on fluffy breading in front of her. Everyone had been so worried, but they never said anything because they thought it would only make things worse.
I guess Matsui got fed up with waiting. She thought. I really am the worse. I was only focusing on my own goals. I was only doing it for my own selfish reason. It was a wonder that they were still with her. She was using money and resources to her own advantage.
What are selfish people but ones who use the weakness of others to get ahead in life? She didn't know who said it, she had just read it somewhere, but it stuck with her like a strong glue. It clung to her bones and never let her breath without reminding her of its existence. Suddenly, her breakfast didn't look so appetizing, but she was hungry, so she dowsed them in syrup and left the kitchen.
Everyone was, and still is, worried about her. She had to get better so she could help everyone else in the long-run. It wasn't just her anymore. She was apart of a team and she had to be able to rely on them.
She could feel L's eyes on her as she walked into the large room, but everyone else was focused on their work. Ori cleared her throat for everyone's attention. Eyes were suddenly on her. Ori had never felt so uncomfortable in her life. Aizawa was looking at her with a soft, parental smile that made her stomach churn. She set her plate down and wrung her hands together. Her knuckles popped and cracked faintly, but she ignored it.
"I'm sorry, but, I just realized that you all have been worried about me. I was selfish and didn't consider reaching out for help until Mastui broke me out of the fog in my head." She shot him a grateful smile, which he returned brightly. She looked away from him to address everyone else.
"I need to get better. I'm not in a mentally stable area right now, so, for the time being..." she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were still watching her.
"I'll be quitting the taskforce."