We all head up to bed after I explained the whole situation to Josh and Harry. They both congratulated me on dumping the hot water on James. I didn't understand why he was suddenly acting so strangely, he was the one who took the bullet for me but now he acted like I couldn't do anything. It was so strange. It's not like I asked for any of this to happen, it just did and now I had to deal with it, I didn't ask him to join Josh and I in the fight against my aunt and dad, he just did.
I tossed and turned in my bed as these thoughts ran through my mind. It was all so confusing. I sighed and got up. No point in forcing sleep to come.
I got up and padded my way through the house, pulling on a hoodie that I found draped over the back of a chair before heading out onto the balcony.
I leaned against the railing, enjoying the cool late night breeze. Thoughts still swirling around in my head. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. If only I could put my brain in a straight jacket just for one night. I sighed. Aunty Isabel was back now and that means that so is my dad. We couldn't afford to be on bad terms with each other now. I thought back to the days locked in the basement, tortured and raped every day, or at least I thought it was everyday. All sense of time escaped me. It felt like I had been trapped down there for years. I had been used to the beatings, as I had been receiving them ever since my mother passed away three years ago. Then my dad got remarried to mom's sister, my aunt. It escalated then. Josh had gotten abused too. We only had each other. We were forced to do rough sports to hide the bruises or wear long clothing all the time. The two of us stuck together, never making friends until Harry and James. Harry and I took a gap year after we graduated and worked saving every penny we made. At the end of the year Josh and James graduated, we all ran away the next day. Disappearing in the night. It's a year ago today that it all happened. This is the second time they found us. The first time was three months after we ran away, that's when James got shot. He nearly died. We moved to another city after that, changed our appearances and everything. That seemed to work for a while, but now...
A hand touched my shoulder "Breath" said a voice. I immediately grabbed the wrist and spun around, twisting it with me.
"Chill, chill it's me. It's just me" the voice said again
"Oh shoot, sorry Harry. I'm so sorry" I said immediately letting go of his arm.
"It's okay don't stress." He said sitting up. I clearly didn't look convinced because he told me again that I shouldn't worry.
"Are you sure you're okay H?" I asked
"Seriously I'm fine. Where were you?" He asked
"Stuck in the past?" I shrugged
"Tell me" he said
"You know it all, what more is there to say" I shrugged again.
"Are you okay though?" He tried again
"Are you?" I countered.
"No. We aren't able to live normal lives, I can't go out like a normal 20 year old. I can't go and study art further because I'm hiding from your family. I hate you sometimes because you are the reason that I can never have a normal life." He said leaning against the railing beside me.
"To be completely honest, I don't blame you" I said "I didn't want any of this, I didn't want either of you going on the run for Josh and I. And I certainly didn't think it would go on for this long." I rested my head on his shoulder. "you deserve more than this"
"You can't blame yourself, we chose to come with you" he said
"Do you remember, the year we were working together? Everyday you would sit outside drawing and painting--"
"And every night after the shop closed up, you would have a special batch of cupcakes you had made especially for me" he finished for me.
"I went home every night and got a fresh beating for befriending you, they thought I spent the whole day with you. I let them, that way they wouldn't find out the truth." I scoffed
"I didn't know that, you never told me." He was frowning now. I could hear it in his voice.
"Because I knew it would upset you. You already hate me, heck I wouldn't blame you if you despise my whole family. You nearly lost your brother because of me, and now you have missed out on two years of your life. Having that on your conscience as well...who knows what that would have done to you" I whispered
"I don't hate you, I hate this situation. I just want someone to take it out on. I cover my anger with clowning around but it doesn't work. I take it out on everyone, you, my brother and my best friend. I...before I just wanted everyone to feel what I did, then I just wanted to make up for it all, and now I just don't know." He sighed and sat down, leaning his back against the railing.
"How have your drawings come along?" I asked trying to lighten the mood. I looked down at him.
He smiled with his eyes closed. He gestured at the table. I walked over to it and picked up his drawing book. He had his most recent marked out. I opened to the spot that was saved by the bookmark. I gasped, it was my face staring back at me, it was stunning. I paged backwards, drawings of all of us, at random moments. James watching TV, Josh working on our car, me baking. All three of us piled on top each other, the view from our balcony, the two houses we had stayed in.
"Harry, these are...absolutely gorgeous" I said sitting down next to him.
"Some of them aren't finished yet, but I'm going to keep working on them." He said softly
I handed the book to him "I'm going to bed, thank you for showing me, I know you don't like to let people see your incomplete drawings" I kissed his cheek before getting up and heading inside.
"Goodnight Sarah, I want my hoodie back" he stuck his tongue out at me
I laughed and headed to my room, suddenly very tired.