Brody is still seething the next day because he doesn't know what to make of it. He huffs his way through class and throws an internal fit when Kaius refuses to look his way.
What Kaius did to him was unforgivable. He won't rest until he gets an apology out of him. He can barely focus during the lecture. And when it ends, he decides that two can play the cornering game. He waits by the door until the boy comes.
Kaius loiters inside the classroom effortlessly conversing with the always present crowd at his feet. Brody waits. The remaining students clear out of the lecture hall, and Kaius lingers behind to speak with his professor. Brody huffs. Finally, Kaius collects his belongings and exits the room, passing by him without saying a word. Brody stares at his back for a moment before calling out,
"I was right about you in the beginning. You live your life just to mess with people and get your pleasure from spitting them out when you're done."
Kaius turns to look at him, considering the hateful words.
"I'm sorry if you misunderstood."
"It's your fault if I did." He closes the gap between them.
"It's nobody's fault. Haven't you ever lost interest in a toy that's just not what you were hoping for? How many toys—no, how many people— have disappointed you, I wonder?"
"So you admit you've just been messing with me this whole time." He grabs his shirt. Kaius answers by taking Brody's tie in a fist and tugging him closer.
"Nothing I said was to mess with you. You're the one who made it clear where you stand. Or what, did you think I'd say 'I don't care that you have a girlfriend, let's bang'?" He releases his tie with a light push, dismissing the idea.
"I'm a lot of things, honey, but I'm not someone who purposely sabotages others' relationships. Especially if that person is already happy. I believe happiness should be held onto. You don't know how lucky you are. And so here we are. I have no choice but to leave myself out of it." He turns his back on him once more as Brody's lips part, but no words come out.
Right. He has feelings, too. Of course he does, he's only human.
But what does he mean, 'misunderstood'? What could he misunderstand? The guy was a stalker who wanted to get him in bed just to validate himself. Unless...he was apologizing because he said he had a girlfriend. Why would you need to apologize to someone after finding out they have a girlfriend? Because...he wanted to date me?
He wants answers. That conversation managed to do nothing except irritate him more. Still, he refuses to beg. He won't lose to that man.
Who is he kidding? He's lost ten times over. Now that he's finally winning...he hates it.
He hates it every moment during the day, all the way up until the party.
Within walking distance of the south dorms, through the sparse forest lining the campus, is a field large enough to accommodate a few dozen vehicles and a decent crowd of red-blooded college students in need of mind-numbing entertainment. It's not like it's a great spot. The tree-cover is suffocating at times, wildlife runs amuck, and it's probably marshland at the moment from all the rain. Brody is sure he could do better. But a party is a party no matter who throws it together.
He feels his enthusiasm returning as classmates and roommates entice him left and right to join their group for the trip over. Right. He's Brody. He's popular. What Kai said simply isn't true. He's the same person he's always been. People like him and respect him. And he's never needed the validation of another to be content. All he has to do is relax and fall back into old habits.
It's no surprise to him that Kaius is there, dressed in by far the most colorful and ridiculous getup he's seen him in yet. He looks like he never moved on from the seventies of his childhood. He's already drunk, and dancing, and surrounded by people.
Brody settles onto the tailgate of his buddy's truck while some optimistic girls go to get him a drink. He doesn't even notice they're there. His eyes are fixed on the colorful boy now dancing in the center of the field with another guy. The way he's dressed, the way he moves, the way his voice carries through the crowd as if determined to invade his ears alone—it's overwhelming.
Brody speaks to no one in particular as he complains, "Why does he act that way in public?"
"Huh?" answers a girl beside him who has been unsuccessfully trying to get his attention for the last half hour.
"He acts like a girl sometimes and it pisses me off. He's not a girl. If you're gonna pretend, at least make it something worthwhile!"
"I'll pretend not to take offense to that," she says with a playful push.
Brody scoffs, as she looks to see who it is stealing his attention.
"Hun, I don't think he's trying to be a girl for anybody. That's just how he is, crowd or no crowd."
Brody gawks at her. There are people out there who are able to be completely themselves? Without putting up a front for family or coworkers, professors, future business partners? The idea sends him backward.
Idiotic.
That's not how one makes it in the world. You lie. You cheat. You pretend in front of other people if you have to! All so you have as much control as possible about how they view you—anything to maintain standing. And if you can find just one person you don't need to pretend in front of you've hit the jackpot. That's just how it is. Isn't it?
The more he watches, the less convinced he is.
Kaius Cole.
What is he? A peacock, Brody thought at first. Useless and excessively ostentatious. Making a racket and fanning his colors.
But now? As he watches him take a running start to leap on top of a car and point out into the crowd, he can almost imagine he's pointing at him, signaling him to come join him in whatever world it is he's living.
He's drawn in by his bright eyes and confident steps full of grace. Yes, grace that's the word—electricity-fueled grace. Not feminine but...full of attractive pheromones. Kaius is a lethal combination of both alluring and dangerous.
His uncle's doberman gave off the same aura. He clicks his tongue. Still not right. No...Brody feels like the mutt in this scenario. Kai is something more— an entity to be worshiped.
A decorated lioness on the prowl.
He laughs at the inspiration. He can see the beast staring him down from the branch of a tree. The image sends a thrill up his spine. He wants so badly to be a part of that. But he and Kaius Cole are not the same. How can he chase after him when that fact will always be true? If he can just talk to him again, he feels like he'll figure something out.
After breaking away from the crowd and trying his best to ignore him for a time, he gives up and looks once more to see the same guy from earlier pushing him against the cars with his face in his neck, trailing a hand down his body while Kai holds his beer in the air.
"Hey lovebirds, that's my car you're defiling. Take it somewhere else." scolds a voice beside them.
"Hey buddy, I see you. Hey. I see you, buddy, I wanna talk to ya."
Kaius and his partner seem to ignore the censure.
"Hey buddy, wanna hear a story?"
His blood rises to his cheeks as he imagines what it would be like having Kai all over him like that again. Why couldn't he just march up to him and say that to his face?
"Buddy...don't just ignore me..."
"What do you want? I'm trying to think!" snaps Brody. It's only then that he realizes the kid speaking isn't addressing him at all but is looking up into the trees above his head. He turns around to see a raccoon staring down at them both. Alarmed, he retreats backward into the opposite tree. Damn wildlife.
The kid next to him seems to reboot and, after taking in his surroundings, asks, "Why would ya need to choose?"
"What?" he responds despite knowing the dude is talking nonsense.
The boy droops his head toward Brody who is now beside him against the trunk of the tree. After realizing someone is listening to his mindless ranting, he smiles.
"Right?" He nods his head even though Brody clearly had not agreed with him. "Why choose between two good things when you can have both?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" He eyes the joint in his hand.
The boy knocks on his head with his knuckles, revealing a surprisingly hollow sound. "That's what was going through the old noggin when those chicks were sitting on top of me with their shirts ripped open and I couldn't decide which pair of titties to grab, man." The boy leans in closer, squinting up at Brody in the poorly lit night.
The hell? What party is this guy at? The party for one in his mind, no doubt.
"Get off of me." He pushes the boy away with a hand to his face. The kid stumbles backward then veers off into the field and crowd, drawing his attention once more to the two boys being obviously risque while they weave their way through the mass of bodies toward the darkened trees.
Are they actually taking it somewhere else? They're headed in the direction of the dorms. No. Don't. Without thinking, he circles around toward them.
"Cole! You have my keys, man!" Brody's attention is grabbed by a kid calling for Kai to come back. Kai holds up a finger, signaling him to wait. After pulling away slowly from his escort, fingers touching dramatically until the last possible moment, he comes running past him. Brody hides in the bushes, hunching over to get back toward the path.
He's got a plan. Yeah. He'll hide out over here, and when Kai comes back...
No! He's already coming. He panics, and just as Kai reaches him only feet from the path leading back through the trees, he lunges, yanking his arm toward the ground. The guy doesn't even scream. He stumbles but allows his arm to be pulled down low. He squints into the night to see Brody, who hisses,
"I need to talk to you."
Kaius bends down further until his forehead smacks Brody's. Brody can smell the alcohol on his breath mixed with someone else's musky cologne.
Matching his tone, "Why are you whispering? I don't like to whisper," he whispers into Brody's face.
"I..."
He what? He let himself believe that just catching his attention would be enough. But Kaius isn't giving an inch. He was so forceful before. He tries straightening while Brody clings desperately to his arm.
"Look, I already apologized. Twice. So unless something's changed…"
Brody releases him. Could he say it? How humiliating would it be to say it? Would it be worse than the regret of not saying it? And come to think of it, what would he even say?
"Thought so."
He could be wrong, but Kaius almost looks hurt. It's a look he hasn't seen on his face yet. And just like that, he loses his chance to say anything at all. Why hadn't he just opened his mouth? He didn't know what to tell him but he could have said something!
________________
Kaius sighs, stopping on the path once the music and party disappear.
"This is far enough. I'm not going back with you."
"What does that mean?" The boy spins around toward him, refusing to let go of his hand.
"It means go back to the dorms, go back to the party, do what you want. I'm staying right here."
He clutches at Kai's shirt with a fist. "You came to me, remember. You told me to join you tonight at the party and promised me a good time after."
Kai knocks the hand away with his wrist, rolling his eyes.
Offended, the boy grabs his arm. "You said it would be worth my while. You can't back out now, bitch."
"I guess I changed my mind, love." He shoos him away with his free hand.
A slap echoes through the night before the boy releases his grip and walks away, cursing him more. Kaius listens as his footsteps disappear.
"Ow."
Gritting his teeth, he brings a hand to his face but stops. He straightens and shakes the hair from his eyes instead. Now what?
He's never not known how to entertain himself for the next few hours of his life. His plans are ruined. His night is ruined. He shouldn't have acted so recklessly with Brody and left himself wide open for something like this. But that's how he's always been. Act quickly or not at all. He just does whatever comes to his mind. Right now, nothing comes to mind. Well, that's a lie. But what's he supposed to do about it?
As he stands all alone in the forest between the party and dorms, listening to the sounds of the night, he lets the pain in his cheek outweigh the pain in his chest. He's never cried about a boy before and he's not about to start now. You can't be the champion of every game you play. You win some, you lose some.
Que sera, sera.
He's never liked that phrase. Whatever will be, will be?
Wrong. It's whatever you make it. The brighter you shine, the brighter your life will be. No one else can just make your life something grande without any effort from you. Has anything good ever happened to him because he sat around and did nothing? He can't think of one thing.
Being invisible is like being in darkness, just like he is now. And the deeper you wander or let yourself fall, the more unlikely it is you'll see any light at all. He clutches at his heart as he confirms to himself once more that happiness doesn't just appear out of the darkness spontaneously.
How was he supposed to know Brody would come stomping through the trees?