[He just stands there, staring at the impossible combination of two things in his line of sight. He's sure it's a trick or some kind of hallucination. And even when he decides it isn't, his mind still rejects the possibility of all his dreams coming true.
He's come to say goodbye for good. He's engaged to a beautiful girl. He's going on to a bigger city. He's...smiling.
And in his smile, there on the bridge that brought them together, Shane sees Zach denying those possibilities. He's confirming the impossible, the wonderful. It's a smile that says--]
Fwump! "Ugh."
Bang! Bam! Bam! Shane wakes to the pounding of a fist against his front door. Slightly dazed, he hops up from the sofa to answer. Brody is there with a clenched hand in the air.
"Why the hell was the door locked? You never lock the door." He lets himself inside without wasting another moment.
"Must have been Sheryl. She took Maddie for the day. She has a key."
"So what, you gotta pay for a babysitter for the rest of her life?"
Still dazed from his realistic dream, he closes the door and lets the comment slide. Having Brody here always stirs him up, and not always in a positive way. The kid has no filter, but there's no malice behind his words. Shane has no idea why he says the things he says.
"Yeah."
Brody squints his eyes, obviously unhappy with the less than warm welcome, then pulls Shane in close to crush his lips against his. Shane only has to reciprocate to feel the kid's pout turn into a smile.
It's been weeks since they last saw each other. Brody has come by less often than Shane would have expected. But every time, he seems so...happy?...no, excited to see him again.
Why is that, he wonders as his familiar warmth envelops him. They obviously weren't dating. Brody admitted to having a girlfriend after that first night. That was no concern of Shane's.
Brody's actions are purely selfish. But it's fitting, because so are Shane's. Even so, the kid always makes a point, whether on purpose or not, to make Shane feel like the only person in the world he wants to see in his day. It's like a wish is coming true for him; it would be flattering to anyone.
Probably an act. If it wasn't an act, then he was just like a dog, excited enough to pounce and lick when he sees you, wagging his tail like mad, then rolling over and wanting the best treatment a man can offer. For hours.
If Shane didn't enjoy his company, or rather what he made of his company, he would find it exhausting. He's his own kind of mystery. It's just that the mystery is so simple, Shane chooses to overlook the answer entirely.
He would have killed to give this amount of attention to Zach. That kid never let him spoil him for too long. Was he shy? No way. Cautious, yes. Practical.
He smiles at the memory of the boy who is as stubborn as he is.
Sensing that his mind is elsewhere, Brody pulls back to look at him as though trying to solve a puzzle of his own. His solution is to grab Shane's hands and pull them over his shoulders and around the back of his neck, pulling his hips closer when he's done. Shane lets him kiss him once more.
His life seems to be filled with stubborn boys.
Brody didn't even bother to sit down. Shane guides him to the sofa anyway. After thinking about it, Brody seems to change his mind and drags Shane onto him, settling into the cushions and tugging him around like he's some kind of chew toy.
Then he changes his mind again and flips them over so Shane's back is in the seat's cushions. He isn't happy until Shane's lips, hands, and even one of his legs are pulling him in closer.
As usual, Brody is earnest and demanding. He acts like they haven't seen each other in months. As a child, Brody never would have asked for anything from anyone, especially Shane.
Shane knots his fingers in Brody's hair, pushing away the memories of his childhood. If he's going to reminisce, he'd rather think about someone else. That dream he had—he'd never thought about what happened when Zach returned home, only wondered why he hadn't come back.
Were his parents mad he ran away? He'd be in college now, wasn't he on his own? If so, it was official that he was never coming back here. But...maybe. No. Zach's primary objective was to distance himself from his family for a time while he figured out his future. He'd told him. So why? He couldn't visit even once in almost four years? He just threw him away without giving him a chance to prove himself.
Brody mistakes Shane's quickened breaths as a product of his own doing. He moves his lips to his neck as Shane further withdraws into his own mind.
["The first thing I'll do after graduating is move out of my house. It's really important to me that my parents start seeing me as more than a child. But I don't think they can do that when I'm still so dependent on them. Shane, what were your parents like?" Zach seems so talkative today. It's adorable.
"You don't have to answer." He rocks forward, shrugging.
Shane looks out across the grass, letting the wind blow the hair from his face.
"I never knew my mother. And the only memories I have of my father are—well—not bad. I guess in his eyes, his partner left him alone in this world with two children that weren't like everyone else. I can't blame him for leaving. And I've never heard from him since."
"That's not right."
Shane snorts. "He's not wrong. But yeah, it hurt to hear the names he called me, what he called Maddie. He never tried to understand either of us, not even once."
Zach takes his hand.
"Sometimes I wish my dad would leave forever. Just leave us alone. But thinking harder about it, maybe I can make him happy while also changing him, just a little bit. Your father may not have understood, but you have Granny. You have the old man. You have everyone here in Shanan. It's been eye-opening for me, being here. There's something special about this place."
Shane smiles, spreading his arms.
"I'm named after it, ya know."]
It's strange how well he can recall the memories without actually remembering Zach's face. It's just a blur, a smile, a feeling. He often dreams of Zach, even after all this time, but the dream this afternoon felt so real, just like this memory. Honestly, if Brody hadn't shown up when he did, he might be feeling depressed right about now.
Finished with him for the moment, Brody stands and brushes off his pants.
"You got any food here? I'm starved."
"Yeah." He leads the way into the kitchen to find them a snack. Brody touches the magnets holding a crumpled piece of paper to the refrigerator.
"Your sister draw this? She draws like she speaks. I don't know how you understand her. I sure as hell can't."
[It's a loud morning in the farmhouse. Granny had insisted everyone wait for her to finish making breakfast, that she didn't need help, just a little more time.
Maddie isn't happy about the delay to begin with. But there's something else bothering her, too. Her chanting words fill the house as she rocks herself back and forth in her chair.
"Ee-mor-ee-mor-ee-mor. EE-more, eemore..." She just keeps going, adding her screams into the mix.
Finally, it comes to him that she might be trying to convey 'morning', as in 'good morning' in answer to his 'good morning' from earlier. He readies himself to calm her down when Zach says,
"Thanks, Maddie; it is a good morning."
At his acknowledgment, Maddie calms down and sinks into her chair, waiting patiently now for Granny to bring her food. Zach's focus is on ensuring her comfort while giving her enough space to put her at ease.
But Shane's focus is on Zach. Does he realize what he just did? How it affected him as much as his sister? He can't believe what he just witnessed. Even he sometimes has trouble discerning what she needs.
His heart can't take it. It feels like it's trying to explode inside him. How much more can he like him? Every day, it gets stronger. And something like this will likely push him over the edge. Everything about him keeps Shane on his toes, wanting more.
There's no way he can let him out of his sight today. Not here, not in the fields, not even with the old man and his wife. He just wants to keep touching him. Keep kissing him. It's unbearable. He'll go crazy if he can't have him.]
That had gotten him in trouble. He'll never forget the old woman's scolding. What a memory.
"Hey, uh. Listen," Brody begins after pulling Shane toward the door later that evening. "I actually can't stay tonight. I just wanted to see you. I'll be back at school for the rest of the semester, till the last day of final testing. So it'll be a few weeks."
He seems uncharacteristically silent for a while. "But when I do come back," the look in his eyes makes Shane a little nervous, "I mean, we can kiss, too, but let's try...other stuff." He gives Shane one more peck on the lips before backing toward the door. "It'll be fun. So just...think about it, and... Let's plan on that." Then he's gone.
________________
It's the last day of the semester. The last day of testing. The last day Zach will walk these halls as a student. He really did it. He's a college graduate.
He wouldn't miss these halls and buildings. This campus is filled with people, yet none of them are the people he needs. He lingers outside the testing center when he hears a particularly rowdy group of boys talking in the hallway. Their words seem to carry through the air and off the walls. He tries blocking them out as they converse about failed tests and unfair grading systems.
"That guy... you really going back... that place called?"
"...Shanan."
Zach jolts at the mention of it, wondering if the person answering is someone he recognizes.
It isn't. It's a tall, good looking, and by the looks of it very popular boy with a striking face that Zach can tell he doesn't trust.
And he hears, "Come on, Brody."
Brody. No, that isn't familiar. He would remember if they'd met. Must have been something else.
"Zach! Zachary!" Nina is racing toward him down the hall, gaining stares and turning head.
Here it comes, he thinks. His palms feel moist with sweat. But somehow, he's prepared. He'd made sure of that before coming here today. He may not be ready to face his father. But he's ready to face Nina. She, at least, deserves the truth.