Some days the boys exchange nothing but glances and shared smiles. Other days, from the moment they wake they seem to hunger for one another, to be near the other, to touch softly and kiss roughly-breathlessly-pausing only to stare in each other's eyes and touch softly once more. They would each make an effort to read what is in the mind of the other, unwilling to admit out loud what is in their own thoughts. And they would go to bed having no idea how the next day would play out compared to the last.
Today is a day of contemplation. It's become a regular outing for them to walk together around the town. Zach has grown to be so relaxed, happy with his life, happy with Shane. And Shane has continued to introduce him to his small but complete world there in Shanan. He tells stories of his childhood and asked Zach about his as they make their way once more to their spot by the bridge.
They sit in the grass to enjoy the overcast sky and cool breeze that breaks up the monotonous heat of the day. The world seems quiet, though present. Crickets and birds send their voices out through the air in perfect symphony. The only word Zach can think of to describe this place, this small corner of the world, is 'tranquil'. He turns his attention once more to Shane, who talks more about his life.
"I'm named after it, ya know." He spreads his arms, gesturing around them. "The town of Shanan."
Zach smiles. He had noticed the similarity between the two names, Shane and Shanan, but never thought much more about it. He pulls aimlessly at the grass between his crisscrossed legs, wanting to hear more. It's fun to learn what it is that makes Shane who he is.
"They say it used to be Shannon, named after a man who found love on this land but was betrayed. There's a whole legend behind it. I wish I could remember, but I could never do it justice. Something about it, though, seems believable. Like the town is alive and has a dream, a past of her own.
"Sometimes I feel like I've become a part of this place." Shane looks into the distance, a somber expression on his face. "I could never leave. Not ever. Some days I feel as though the town is me and I am the town. To be honest, a part of me...may even be scared to leave. Scared that my connection with this place will be lost if I'm gone for even a day. It would feel like a betrayal. Stupid, I know. But everyone I love is here in Shanan. I need them."
Zach shakes his head. "You're protective of the town like you're protective of your sister and Granny. And you feel safe here. It's not unusual to want to keep that."
Shane nods. "Even when I was a kid I would spend my time here, patrolling the woods like a brave soldier scout, picking apples in the orchards to sell, walking along the river bank as the cars passed by." He takes a breath. "But I've never felt the need to leave. Everything I need is here. And what isn't seems to show up when I need it most." He looks at Zach, who feels the blood rush to his face at the implication.
"I don't think it was chance that you jumped off that bus and ended up where you did. I think Shanan led you here. To its fields, to the old man. To me." Shane is being so honest now, and Zach feels his heart overflowing with awe at his devotion. He hasn't felt more in love with Shane than he does in this moment. Shane speaks of the town as if it's a friend or a part of his family. It makes him feel for the town of Shanan the way he feels for the boy before him: eager.
"Being here has changed me," Zach admits. Embarrassed, he reaches for Shane's hand, needing the contact during his words. "But meeting you has changed me the most. How I think, how I want to act toward other people. I'm...a little ashamed of how I've treated my family in the past. The things they do get me so riled up, I tend to treat them like something I need to avoid, something disgusting I should stay furthest from. But it only bothered me because I wanted it to bother me. I let spending time with them be something I dreaded. Maybe even my father, if I just gave him a chance..." He says no more, but his regret turns to hope as he once more thinks back on the past few weeks. "And meeting Maddie," he chuckles.
Shane smiles, ducking his head at the mention of his sweet sister. "She's something, isn't she? She can change anyone's heart if they give her a chance to."
"You both can." Zach laces his fingers through Shane's, who pulls him nearer. Then, with a sly smile and a firm hand on his chest, Shane lowers him slowly into the grass. While keeping Zach's grasp on his hand, he uses the other to cradle his face then trace his fingers through his tangled locks, bringing his own face closer to his.
"Your hair is even blonder now than it was before," he muses as his lips brush past Zach's, a sensation both unfulfilling and arousing, then allows them to continue onto the line of his jaw.
"Blame the tobacco harvest," counters Zach as an ache rises in his chest that he can't quite place.
Shane smirks into his neck.
Zach pays close attention to the rising and falling of his chest as Shane asks, "Have you ever smelled cured tobacco?" His breath is like a small caress on Zach's skin. "Not from a cigar," he says slowly. "Just raw, dried tobacco?" He inhales deeply into the boy's neck as if to make a point, and Zach shudders, exhaling his breath to match his companion's.
"No," he answers breathlessly then seems to gulp in the air, desperate for its replenishment to his lungs.
Lips like magnets on the boy's skin, hands knotting themselves lightly in his hair, Shane draws one leg around Zach, leaving the other flat against the earth on the other side. Zach is both trapped and entranced by the action, wondering what the boy's plans could be as he stares up calmly at the moving clouds.
"How would you describe it?" he finally asks as a stillness settles around him.
No answer comes.
Shane remains motionless for a moment as the trees seem to whisper in the breeze. Not even drawing a breath before lowering the remainder of his weight onto the boy beneath him, with an answer into Zach's ear like honey, he gives his reply in a low, tantalizing voice.
"Warm..."
Zach swallows. Warm? Shane is on top of him now, and he feels the reality of the word in him as well as in his own reactive body. Shane's hips feel firmer against his, and he instinctively rolls up to meet them. His heart feels wild and untamed.
Zach's brain begins to recall a hundred kisses and a thousand touches in his mind. He has spent countless hours exchanging those things with Shane over only a matter of weeks. And none of them had felt like this. What was happening now was something completely different in an enjoyable but...intimidating way.
He feels weak despite his endless supply of energy at the thought of continuing this physical exchange. There is still something missing before he can let himself feel this way.
"Shane," he decides.
"I don't...think," that I'm ready? that it's a good idea? that this is the time? Zach isn't sure how he wants to say it, so instead of trying, he gently places his palm on Shane's chest, a weak tremor in his touch.
A slightly alarmed face rises into his view as a look of apology washes over Zach.
"Shane I'm-I'm sorry."
"No, don't," he answers, hopping back to his own patch of cool grass, leaving only a hand on Zach's face. "I'm sorry," he insists with rapid blinks, coming back to a reality he wasn't even aware of leaving behind.
Zach shakes his head. "You don't need to apologize either. I've just never," his voice falters as blood rushes to his face, too embarrassed to say the words out loud.
Shane blushes too as he retreats his hand. "Um." He looks past the trees, down at the grass, at his own hands resting limply on his folded legs beneath him, not wanting to feel ashamed but unable to completely stop the notion forming alongside the confusion in his mind, everywhere but Zach as he feels the need to inform him, "Me either."