"Healing Hearts Camp 2"
(Never Left Your Partner Behind)
Estelle Baxter's Lecture on Relationship Goals of God and Life Long Covenant of Marriage
A Lustful Heart and True Love in the Eyes of God
Key Points:
1. Lust is a sin that when not touch, will gravely enslave our lives so it is a must to be address in our lives individually and in the church collectively.
2. As a result of the fall and the sin that became innate in us, every single person in this world became a victim of desire and lust.
3. Loneliness, as a result of the unfilled God-shaped vacuum in our hearts, is the root of desire and lust.
4. God's solution for lust is the coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
5. God's design for love, sexuality and true intimacy are: (1) We are destined for a true intimacy and love, (2) All true love molded by God is a Covenant of Marriage, and (3) God made everything beautiful in its time.
~
We always desire for love, affection and companionship, and when those desire is not satiate it turn into a desperate lust, and for many who fall short on this, they tend to jump over from relationship to relationships without thinking over that the only one they are hurting is themselves. To Christians, it is different however. Because we capitalize Christianity, we cannot sin openly that's why silently we sin in our minds and hid it in the very depth of our heart, trying our hardest to avoid the topic when true repentance is being tackled in the church. To Christians who can no longer hid, they just simply stop attending church so that nobody will reprimand them any longer. Why do we keep on avoiding the topic of lust? Simply, it is to our gravest shame, but that is the greatest deception of the enemy. Lust is a sin that when not touch, will gravely enslave our lives. Many great men of faith fell on that. This is a reason that this sin must need to address.
The Hard Truth
After the fall of man, every single person in this planet were conceived from sin, as a result became a victim of desire and lust.
Genesis 3:7 says, "And the eyes of them both were opened and they knew that they were naked." That passage is the very first account of the Bible were both man and woman, for the very first time in their life, became aware of their sexual needs and desire. On verse 16 of the same chapter it continues, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be on thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." That is the start of the endless battle of women craving for men's affection, and men ruling over women and treating them as objects.
To make it grievous, our generation today no longer revolves on the desire between two sexes, but men desiring men, women desiring women, men desiring animals and incest between relatives.
Also, rape, prostitution and sexual slavery became rampant.
The root cause of that however starts with the very content of our hearts.
Where is Lust and Desire Uproots From?
Loneliness
Mathematician Blaise Pascal quote once, "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made know through Jesus Christ."
In Ecclesiastes 3, it is evident that God places eternity in the hearts of men. When we lost our relationship with God after the fall, we are being left behind with an empty space on our chest. Many times, men in the old testament tried to reach out for God, but we always fall short. (Romans 3:23). Religion, in fact, is one way use by men to fill up the void in our hearts that sin left us when God was being separated from us. We keeps on searching for God, and in the process makes our false gods.
That void, after our so many failed attempts to be filled, make room for a vast loneliness in our hearts. The hard truth is, men from generation-to-generation were born to become exceptionally lonely.
Loneliness, to its extent, affect all aspects of our lives. King Solomon observed: Again I saw something meaningless under the sun: There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. "For whom am I toiling," he asked, "and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?" This too is meaningless—a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:7-12)
Loneliness can also be associated with the feeling of being alone. When we are lonely, we tend to grow weary, tired, discontented and stubborn. We are also being mentally tortured by the fear that we may grow old alone and abandoned that is why we start to crave for affection and appreciation from others. To some, they tend to find their "so-called" value on premarital sex, on jumping from relationships to relationships, on money, on status or on many more things that people think they can get their worth from.
In its gravest, loneliness results to depression and later on death.
What is the Lord's Solution?
There is no one in this world that can satisfy the missing place in our heart except the love of Christ. This is the overall idea of the gospel that most people missed – that the ultimate goal is to be conformed on the image of Christ so that we will be the living representation of God in the world and His glory may now manifest in us (Romans 8:29), and as we grow into the fullness and maturity of the life of Christ, because He is now in us, it is only then that the void in our hearts will now be filled. After the fall, this original plan of God was distorted by sin. However, the irrevocable plan of God to man will never be destroyed by sin nor by Satan himself, that's why God made a repercussion – the much awaited promise of a Messiah, that anyone who became partaker of Himself (John 1:12), will also be a partaker of the very life that is in Him, which is also Himself. (John 14:6)
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. With Him everything was made, without Him, nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. (John 1:1-4) And the Word became flesh, and He made His dwelling among us, and we behold His glory as that of the begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) Out of his fullness we have all received grace in place of grace already given. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, but the one and only, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known. (John 1:16-18)
As a result, God sent off His only begotten Son to die on the cross that whosoever believes in Him will not die but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) Believing is not enough though to have eternal salvation. We have to repent fully and turn back from the dear sins that we knew all our lives. When Man accepted Jesus as the Lord and Savior of his life, we are now being brought back to our original design – the Adam that is sinless and blameless, but like the first Adam, we are also back to the first battle – a choice between the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. It is a choice between God or Sin. If we choose God, we will be forever alive with Him, but if we choose sin, we are living yet it is as if we are dead because we are destined to eternal damnation.
And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil; and now lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live forever. (Genesis 3:22)
God's True Design for Sexuality and Intimacy
1. We are destined for a true intimacy and love
We are a creation of love because God gave us His breathe of life (Genesis 2:7), so we are full of it and we are always looking for somebody, whom we can pour out our love. Genesis 2 furthermore narrates how Adam keeps on looking for a perfect match that is fitted for him, but failed. So God, seeing Adam's sadness cause a deep sleep to the man, take off a portion of himself and created from there a woman that would be his perfect match (Genesis 2:21-23). This is also a foreshadow of what God will soon do, He will sent off a portion of Himself, His Son, in order to raise a generation of a glorious church that would be suitable for Himself.
Like Eve, we are also (as a woman), a rib of somebody out there whom God prepared for us, that without us, would not be made perfect (Hebrews 11:40) because we are a portion of himself. If you are a man like Adam, stop looking everywhere but listen only to the voice of God, because He is the one who molds you and gives you the breathe of life. He also know where and when your missing rib will come.
2. All true love molded by God is a Covenant of Marriage
23The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." 24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. (Genesis 2:23-25)
When a man and a woman unites together and became one means that they are marrying each other. All true love designed by God ever since from the beginning of times is always inside the context of marriage.
Human mindset entreats marriage as just a contract of union between two parties or entities – the man and woman, that's why it can also be easily broke through a matter of annulment, legal separation or divorce. In this crook generation also, marriage is now being corrupted as it can now easily infiltrated by union of two people of the same gender. Moreover, young people of today no longer value marriage as much as they value temporary pleasure and cohabitation. As a result, many children were born out of wedlock and broken homes.
So what is really the true meaning of marriage in the eyes of God?
Let us look first on how God designed marriage in the life of Adam. Adam declares in Genesis 2 verse twenty-three, this is now the bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh, meaning Adam already recognizes the woman as a part of his life and a part of his self; then verse 24 says that he leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they became one. Now there are certain typology here, because we know that Adam is the first man and why is that the Bible has something to say about mother and father? Well, when a person is still living with his/her parents technically means of a dependency to them. To leave your parents means a sense of responsibility to your life and when you finally have a family of your own, it is also means of taking full responsibility to them. To become one with someone means your life is no longer yours. It already belongs to someone else and whenever you make a decision, you have to consider also what that other person or your other half has to say about the matter to whom decision has to be made.
To summarize, marriage is all about being a part of someone and to take responsibility for that person's life. It is a covenant between a husband and wife to live together forever. Marriage is the most beautiful design of God as it perfectly represents the relationship of God to the Church – Jesus as the brides groom and the church as His glorious bride. Having Jesus as your groom means He is now a part of us and He is now taking responsibility to our life for it is no longer ours. (Galatians 2:20) Why saying so? Remember, when a woman marries, she left her house and her name as she now assumes the name of her husband. When we finally belong to Christ, we also assumes the name of Christ that's why we are called Christians, no longer I.
Ephesians 5 also make a very profound explanation of this mystery of marriage as an allegory of what Christ intends for His relationship with the church:
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, people have never hated their own bodies, but they feed and care for them, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-32)
As a faithful husband, Christ will now take charge and take the full responsibility of our life and as a faithful wife, we must honor Him, respect Him, and submit to Him in return. This is the mystery of the covenant of marriage, and Romans 8 says, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:35,37-39)
Likewise, marriage also is an irrevocable covenant and as much as we did it in front of the altar of God, it is also being redeemed by His blood. Nothing can separates- not divorce, annulment or legal separation. In the eyes of God, you may physically absent from each other, but spiritually, you are still entangle to each other.
The covenant of marriage is also a genuine thing that entitles respect and bears genuine fruits, that's why many couples who have no children feels incomplete. To be married to Christ Spiritually, we must also bear fruits – the fruits of the Holy Spirit.
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:22-5)
3. God made Everything Beautiful in its Time
Ecclesiastes 3:1 Says, For in everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.
God, in his omniscient mind, already set a time for everything – the time of our birth, of our death, and even the time when we will be get married, so all we have to do is to patiently, purposely and faithfully waits for that perfect time to come. If anyone violates the essence of time that God sets, He is sinning before God.
During the waiting, don't swerve and just enjoy the journey of growing in the knowledge and the love of God and seeking for His will or purpose to our lives as we keeps our focus on Jesus as what Hebrews 12:1-3 says Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
In the end, let us all keep in mind to wait and save ourselves to that person whom we are given as what 1 Corinthians 13: 10 says, but when that which is perfect has come, then which is in part, shall be done away.
"What happened there?" I asks Franz as we are now sitting together on the dining table. The whole day activities turned out well. The Lifeline activity in the morning were all joined by married, soon-to-be-married, and dating couples, both young and old. Me and Juliana however didn't join the activity because her pregnancy is too sensitive for her to do strenuous activities and we couldn't afford to make something bad happen. The mechanics of the game is that the woman will wear blindfolds and the man will guide her through instruction in order for her to cross the series of obstacle courses, also without her letting go of the rope, which serves as her lifeline connecting to the finish line. The lifeline represents her connection to God. On her other hand, she have her Bible, representing the word of God which is in her. Along the way, there are staffs who will try to snatch her bible or try to break her connection to the rope. This symbolizes how the enemy will try to break our relationship with the Almighty and trying to snatch our hold to the word of God. Also, there are staffs that will try to lead her focus off her partner's words, distract her or persuade her to not continue the game. The woman must need to be sensitive and trust the voice of her better half on this one. Those who will continue till the end of the Finished Line shows how strong the relationship of the two with each other and with God.
On the afternoon, Estelle made a lecture about Relationship Goals of God and Life Long Covenant of Marriage, then after that, all the couples gathered to make a heart-to-heart talk with each other. It is an honest to goodness talk just between the two of them.
Juliana and I had been honest to each other ever since day one of our marriage, so we just spend that precious moment to evaluate our marriage so far and make future plans. The remaining hour, we spend it on evaluating our observations between the relationships of our friends.
So far, Alfred and Sophia are doing okay, it is just that Alfred is not the serious type of guy, however a loyal, good and generous one. We may not start good when we were kids – because I saw him as a boy who bullies all – but as our brotherhood grow stronger and friendship became more ponder, I learned that he has a genuine heart. Once he starts to have a genuine relationship with the Lord, he can put that good heart into good use. I believe that inside him is a man of love and compassion. He will become a good husband and father someday and I would not want to miss that for the whole world. Sophia on the other hand is a woman of beauty, grace and high IQ. She is kind-hearted and optimistic. One flaw however, is she rely more on her brain and logic. She enjoy the company of Alfred most of the time when it comes to their likes and dislikes. They both love books, sports and both on the same medical profession, but when it comes to the battle of wits and smartness, that is a battle of brains between them. It is hard for the two to make concrete decisions together because they are both logical persons, and too smart for the liking of each other. No one wants to bail between the two and that will become a big problem in the future for them. The Lord wants the wife to submit to their husband, while husband will love and honor his wife, and that includes asking her opinion on critical decision making that involves the future of their family together. Sophia will budge on that matter because she wouldn't want to bow down and become a pathetic wife, but I believe that when she understand fully what submission of a wife means ( and that is still able to be heard, however, the final word would depends on the man of the family), she will surely be a good light of the house one day. Alfred on the other hand, knowing fully what the Lord's will is, will no longer be bothered for his ego's sake when it comes to battling up of opinion with Sophia on every matter there is. I will want to pray for the Lord to open their hearts on these things, and as for my part, what is my what's next on helping them.