"Miss Juliana Antonette Escalante"
"But I guess, he already changed," she said.
"What's his name?" I ask.
"Sorry?" she said as she shakes her head. "Let me guess . . . uh. . . Neale? Nate? Nat-"
"Nathan?" I said as I look at her straight in the eye.
She blinks a little then she smiles. "Knows what, you only proved me something. It's been a long time and I never thought that we will see each other again in a very unexpected way. I forgot to introduce myself with my full name. I am Juliana Antonette Escalante. How are you Nathan?" she said as she extends her hand.
I can't help myself on smiling as I shake my head.
"H-how . . . how come?" I said as I never stop on staring at her. "I mean, Julia? How did you know that it's me all these times?"
"Let's just say that I've known you ever since," she smiles.
I study her and at first, I admit that I just can't imagine that it is already her. From the sweet little girl, she's different now. I noticed that she curled and dyed her hair too, but her outfit is still the simple her- just a plain, sun dress that can almost touches her feet because of its length and it is paired with a floral sweater. With our short talk, she already told me that she somehow learned from Mother Abess that I was being adopted by the Villartas and she always used to admire me from far.
"I just keep on wondering is that how you treated girls whenever you see them?" for sure, she is referring on yesterday. "Not really, I'm just too drunk and annoyed on my friends," I answered.
"Uh. . ." she blinks a little then nods. "I never expect that it is really you, that's why I slap your face, then I studied you and it sinks in that it really is you. I'm sorry," she then changes the direction of her eyes.
I smile. "No. I should be the one to apologize. I just hate it when everybody feels sorry and guilty even on my own flaws." She looks at me again and smiles. "Anyway, it seems like you're still the same old one, you know, the little Julia I used to know."
"Kinda," she agrees.
"But you never tell me then that your real name is Juliana," I insist.
"'Course I do, right? Besides, you never ask and I never used Juliana way back then because it is too big for a little girl that's why my uncle used to call me Julia and I begin to somehow like it." With that, she looks at me again.
"Before I forgot, sorry for your loss," I said with a sorrowful expression.
"Don't be 'coz he's now on the paradise with Him and with my mother. You don't know how I sometimes wish to go next- with them, so that I can finally be happy . . . ," she said in a low voice then she bites her lower lip.
Even though she doesn't tell me, I knew her. She is vulnerable and it is obvious that she is in pain. "Huh! I don't know how to react because I don't believe in blind faith. I guess, not anymore." In my tone, it is really obvious that I have guilt because we don't share the same views on things. "You really did changed and it feels like it's not you anymore," she utters.
"You don't know how much I missed you," I said as I changed the subject.
"You're now unreachable Nathan. All your life, everyone admires you, and considering the fact that you are now a successful one because your greatest dreams finally come to reality, it feels like you're too far." She holds my hand, squeezes it then smiles again.
"How are you now, Juliana?" I ask.
_________________
"It's kinda fun to hear her voice
To see her smile
The way she looks
Ev'rything in her is the highest of the brightest star
A dream that that finally come true
Fifteen years that you've gone so far
And I'm on a terrible pain
But lady, you finally showed up
The love that drives me crazy
You came into my life
And the pain suddenly drifts away
You cured my heart
You healed my wounds
You took away my scars
The girl that makes me shivered with so much love
The moment I saw her
I feel complete again
A forever that is yet to come"
I increase the speed of my Porsche as I head on my way down the main road of Angeles City, Pampanga. It's been two weeks now since we last saw each other. Actually, I spent these past two weeks in Los Angeles, California with Alfred and other acquaintances. It's just only a gathering and a celebration. Now, I am still heading off to a library hub in Angeles City while singing my new solo released song entitled, "The Moment I Saw Her." I composed this song during my two weeks escapade in California and it was inspired by her.
I turn off my head set because of the loud ringing in my mobile. As I press the answer button, I can hear how my Dad nags me again. "Where were you?!"
"Obviously, I'm on my car," I answered sarcastically.
"You've gone for two godforsaken weeks Nat! D'ya understand?! I scheduled you for the board but what did you do? Jesus! To the hell you are doing stuffs, then what? . . . blah . . . blah . . . blah. . ."
Ouch! My eardrums! He will never stop. I knew it.
"Dad, would you mind? I. AM. DRIVING!"
"You were only gone for California then now you're on where again?!"
"Pampanga, goin' towards my friend then to Olongapo for my album contract then to our airbase in Zubic for a visit on our operations and after that, I'll head back to Q.C." I answered patiently.
"Go back home now! Forget that nonsense stuffs and go home or else . . . huh, just go home Nathaniel. You see? It's my amigo's welcoming party today and they need to see you there and that's final!" he shouts behind the line.
"Alright, I will end the call now Dad," I said as I press the end button. I only shake my head. His tantrums really irritate me a lot. Suppose to be, this will be an exciting day for Juliana invited me for a visit on our hometown- Angeles City. She requested it to me before we parted, that she needs this time to show me her present life. This day seems so very special, not only because of her, but also because it is the contract signing day for my new solo album and I am planning to go to Olongapo City later for an event organized by the recording studio wherein I work as a part-time singer and artist. Till now, I am still looking forward on applying as a seaman or cruise captain to gain an experience before I start on a venturing company of my own. I also need to attend series of seminars for that matter. Also, it is true that I am going to Zubic, not because I am interested to Dad's firms but because I had a better plan on making the day extra special.
I stop the engine of my car at the front of a public library. It seems like a heritage museum, all painted in white with flower canvas and a circle logo in blue, red and yellow and a sign saying 'DepEd Library Hub.' The vicinity is so wide, and in spite of the surroundings from the city, it is still surrounded by fruit trees and flower orchards of santan, gumamela and sunflower. Very impressive, I said to myself.
As I set my feet off from my vehicle, I also smile as I caught glimpses of Juliana walking towards me.
"Nice Porsche," she greeted as she refers on my car.
"I call him Grey," I answered. She only nods then smiles again. "Wanna ride with me?" I joke as I form a driving position and pretend to drive while smiling.
She only laughs then shakes her head.
"Of course, but later okay? Now, can we go come in?" she asks.
I smile as an approval.
Inside, there are more or less thirty students and Juliana is tutoring them one by one. She gave them different fun activities to do and read them stories and it feels like I am insubstantial. I admit that I don't like this idea being surrounded by kids, but to Juliana, it is more than just leisure, it is joy.
"Now, kids, I want you to meet Kuya Nathan," she said as she refers to me. Full of surprise, I only smile then wave at them.
"Come on children, greet him," she urge.
"Nice meeting you Kuya Nathan!" they all exclaimed in chorus.
She winks at me then smiles.
"Do you always do this kind of stuffs?" I whisper to her as we both take charge on playing with the children.
"Yeah, I'm a volunteer, you know?" she smiles then turns to a little girl who approaches her for a help in her artwork. "Ate Juliana, can you show me how to use a pastel?"
"Oh sure," she said as she gets the material from the little girl and shows her how to use it. "Just think of a style then use some strokes of colors like this one. There you go. . . . "
I only shake my head as I watch her then after a few moments, I get bored, so I went outside and take charge on smoking.
"Don't you know that that's too dangerous, especially the second hand one?"
I turn to face her. She is still smiling while staring at myself. I throw the cigar to the ground and step on it then we both head our way towards the swing and sit there.
"I know that you don't like to be exposed to too many people especially to the naughty ones like those kids. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's not like that. I'm just too confused on myself or on how I am used to be before. Maybe I really do change. Anyway, I somehow like them. In fact, they're cute," I lied.
She bites her lower lip. "Nah!" she shakes her head. "Don't be stupid. I know you Nathan Villarta. You hate children. Maybe you did changed in some ways, but still, there's a part that stays as you are. You don't have to pretend just to please people 'coz sometimes, it's not what really makes them happy. Sometimes, the truth that you lied is what makes them hurt the most. Get my point?" she nags as she looks at me.
"You're right, I don't like this idea, but this is the way you really are- the thing where your heart is. Yes, we're too different but I do belong to the places and to the things, even to the people where you feel belong," I said with a smile.
"I'll take that as the most pleasing phrase ever came out from your golden tongue Mister," she laughs.
I look at her straight in the eye then smile. It feels like I am beginning to like her. No, let me correct that. I like her ever since and still like her over again.
"How long since you've been like this?" I ask.
"Ever since first year high school," she answered. "Can you see those kids? They lacked the home, the family, the affection to which they truly deserves. I don't want to let them lack even the right to receive education."
After a short silence, she looks at her wrist watch. "It's already four-thirty and I guess my session with them is already done. Would you mind if I bring you somewhere?"
"No problem," I answered.
We walk towards the parking lot together while holding each other's hands. When we are finally there, she turns to face me. "Know what? Your car never suits the place to which we are planning to go." She gave me a sideways smile then she looks at our left. From where I am, I spotted a grey ATV car. When I look at her, she shows me her car keys while smiling. I can't hide my amazement that's why I only manage to smile while shaking my head.
By the time we get inside- of course, Juliana at the driver's seat while I am on the passengers', I call Levi. "Bro, sorry, I guess I will be there later but I will come late. Just uhmmm, get my car in a public library here at Angeles City. The key is on the care of the librarian . . . oh yeah . . . uhmm, okay," then I hung up my phone.
"Seatbelt?" she asks while she keeps on staring at me.
Of course, as if I really have a choice, so I just only nod and obey her. Impossible girl!
During our ride, she only keeps on listening to certain country musics and praise songs by Chris Tomlin, Hillsongs, Planet shakers, Carrie Underwood and Britt Nicole. Sometimes, she will take glimpses of me and smiles. After that, she will concentrates on driving again. I guess, she's right, Grey never suits here because of the rocky road and mud. Besides, I am not familiar to the place. I think this is outside Angeles City and an outskirt of Pampanga's town.
"We're now in San Fernando," she said silently. "Look, over there!" she exclaimed while pointing into a townhouse in the middle of a botanical garden. Actually, we are still at least five meters away from that house.
"That's where I used to live," she smiles. I only nod. We reached their place at exactly six o'clock. Juliana keeps on mentioning me certain things about this place and how it became so memorable for her. She told me that this used to be the home of her mother and uncle during their childhood years and they are a happy family, until her mom met her dad, while Father Escalante entered the seminary. When the relationship never worked out and her mother died, her uncle adopted her but after his death on an accident several years way back, she decided to live with her grandmother, and her folk used to take care of this place.
"So, you're still with her, huh?" I ask.
"Ahh, yes. I want you to meet her. Knows what? She is the only one I have. At the age of her? One hundred one, I think, it's already a miracle. Uncle used to tell me that an average human being will only last for seventy years. Imagine that? But the rest are all gift, and I am blessed because He gave her to me. She's a blessing," she said proudly. I only smile. "She is really different. She inspires me a lot. She keeps on weeding the garden and do chores. She always said that 'If you don't want me to die now, let me do things my way,' or this one, 'Nah! Don't be afraid on death because it is a sign of weakness. You believe in the Lord? Of course, you do. I knew it. Do you believe on His son? If you do, accept whatever fate He sets upon you. Everything, even the little ones had their own purpose. Don't be self-centered young one. Just hold on and be Christ-centered. You'll see, big things will awaits. Besides, death is the passage door for the eternal life with Him. Just strengthen your faith.' Funny, right? But I do believe on her." She laughs again.
Moments later, a tall, old woman, greets us at the front door. In spite of her age, I can still feature her beauty and she looks like Juliana. Her charm is so stunning.
"Nana Gregoria," Juliana said as she greeted her and kiss her on the cheeks.
"Julie, how are you girl," the old woman smiles and she looks at me.
"Ahh, this is Nathan Villarta, the one I used to mention to you," Juliana said as she introduces me.
"Good evening . . . ," I said.
"Nana Gregoria. Just call me Nana Gregoria," she interrupts. "Kids, you look good together."
Inside, I saw several photographs of Juliana's ancestors. One of them is the picture of her grandfather in military suit. Nana Gregoria shows me her garden and she tells me many things on how to take good care of medicinal plants and about their benefits to human beings. She also cooks veggie corn soup, mashed potatoes, fried kangkong, carrot chips, and rice rolls for dinner while vegetable salad of spinach, carrots, cabbage, raisins, sweet potato leaves and potatoes, with baked banana cake for dessert, and pineapple extract for our drinks. It is a real feast and in addition to the fact that Nana Gregoria is so nice, as if I am a part of the family. I can say that I really enjoy the night. I guess, they promote healthy living here.
"Hijo, just enjoy the meal," she even tells me.
"Nana Gregoria, this is the best ever," I answered. The three of us laugh together.
After our dinner, Juliana shows me her painting collection. Most of her topics are biblical subjects.
"This one is about the enlightened of St. Paul on his road to Damascus, while that one over there is about Prophet Elijah's journey towards heaven while riding on a chariot of fire," she said. "Those ones are about Jesus' life- his preaching then up to His crucifixion and resurrection."
She also shows me her certificates on winning certain bible quiz shows and on her award winning performance on a music guild battle of the bands. "Know what, that time, we made it to compose an oratorical music about Joseph the dreamer. Imagine that?�� she laughs.
All her life, Juliana dedicates herself on her faith. That is no doubt, because she grew up on her reverend uncle, and her grandma is also a very religious old woman. All her life, she always does the thing that she thinks is the right way, while all my life, there's the rejection from my Dad. All my life, everyone looks at me with criticisms, as if they are only finding for my own flaws. Juliana is so happy and contented while I am miserable and I am not enough for a perfect son. Juliana has the freedom, while I am imprison by Dad's authoritarian laws. We are childhood friends but life seems to be unfair on my part.
"Nathan?" she asks as she noticed that my thoughts gone on somewhere.
"I'm just thinkin' that you're great," I said.
"Anyway, do you wanna hear me sing?"
"Sure."
She shows me her harpsichord. "How nice," I said as I point to her instrument.
"Ahh, that one? Uncle's gift to me. He said that my mother used to play with that." I only nod. "Come on, sit there and watch me playing this one."
I obey her and sit on a small stool facing her.
"When I am down and oh my soul so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened me
I am still, and wait here in the silence
Until you come and sit a while with me
You raise me up so I can stand on mountain
You raise me up to walk on stormy sea
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be."
"Westlife?" I ask by the time she finished.
"I really love that band so much, because we shared the same faith somehow," she smiles.
I look at her straight in the eye. It makes me remember our conversation two weeks ago.
"How are you Juliana?" I ask.
"Huh," she sighs then she changes the direction of her eyes. "When I am on my sophomore year in high school, uncle never survived the crashed with Mother Abess. I am now living with a relative since then. Knows what? I suddenly feel the fear of being a pilot, that's why I changed my mind and decided to take up music lessons instead. With other youth members from our church, we founded a music guild and we also do volunteer works, and I am now working on a public library."
"Have you ever still considered pursuing your dream?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I'm not ready to take the risks. Besides, people do changed. The only thing that hasn't is my faith," she smiles. "You can call me coward or whatsoever, but I don't want tragic endings on this dear life and I don't want to die young." I believe that when God close a door to one's life, He will open a bigger door. It's all about our specific assignment. This life? It's a new profound calling."
By the time she said those, a thought formed in my mind that somehow, I want to surprise her, but I am afraid that she might not like the idea. In fact, with those stuffs that she showed me, I think, she really did well.
Before I left their place, she told me that the last time was her second and farewell performance on the bistro because Suzy, her co-member and friend in the music guild is already done on her personal matters and she's back. She also shows me the jet plane that I gave her when we were seven years old.
"So?" she asks while smiling. We are now on their doorstep.
"I bet, I gonna go to our studio in Olongapo City," I answered. By the time I about to head off, she pulls my left arm. "What?" I ask.
"It's already late. I'll gonna accompany you to the bus station," she said.
I only smiles as an approval.
On our way, she just keeps on asking me about certain things on my life, and my experiences on Harvard. I only answer her question while smiling.
"You, how's your plan with your life now?" I ask.
"I have, I think, five certain to-do lists until now," she said.
"Well, what's these five all about?"
"My number five is to have a fund raising concert sponsored by my kids' praise club. You know, the children that you happened to meet this afternoon," she said as she looks at me. I only nod at her.
"The fourth one is for me to have somehow an album of my own. Of course, with my music guild. The third is . . . for me to experience riding on a private jet plane, even for once, so that even though I never made it to fulfill my dream of being a pilot, at least I still experience to ride with it . . . while the second one . . ."
"What's the second one?" I interrupt.
"To meet my Dad someday and ask him why he left me and my mom.
Suddenly, I can feel the pain in her eyes again. She sighs.