I throw on a hoodie, it's half past five and – despite the sun in the sky – there's a crisp October chill in the air so I'm taking no risks. For the first time in years, I'm wearing an outfit that is fully mine out of the house, no hoodies or jumpers that smell like him and none of the jewellery he bought me for birthdays or Christmas. I've not bothered with make-up today, I just want to enjoy myself without having to try and impress anyone.
The breeze runs through my hair as I shut the front door and I'm suddenly so thankful for the outfit choice, especially the jeans I've gone for over the denim shorts. The field isn't far from my house when you take the dog walkers route and it's nice to spend the time walking along the countryside.
It's not until I've passed the newly refurbished play equipment in Harrison Park that I see them, a group of ten gathered round a smoking campfire and chattering loudly. They notice me almost instantly and Emma starts running towards me, screaming, "Carlie! I cannot tell you how glad I am that you've made it." She's dressed for a completely different occasion than me.
She has masses of make-up on, red lipstick to perfectly enhance her porcelain features and dark eyeshadow drawing attention to her, usually dull, hazel eyes. She's swaying already and she's holding onto my shoulder for support, "Can I get you a drink?"
"I would be honoured," I smile, helping her across the hardened dirt to where they've set up their camp.
Ever since year seven we've been coming here: the corner of the field where the huge willow's leaves sheltered us and they drooped so far down that they almost completely hid our hangout spot in the summer. The trunk was hollow to a certain extent and so Emma and I would spend hours gossiping in our own little den whilst it rained around us. Now the tree's leaves are all but gone and the branches we can reach, we use for the bonfire.
As we get closer, it's clear there's an argument brewing between Archie and his girlfriend, Alison, "Why would you put veggie sausages on a barbeque with normal sausages? Think of the cross contamination," She's hovering over a disposable barbeque and scowling.
"As long as they don't touch you'll be fine!"
"Give me the tongs!"
"We've only got two barbeques and we need to put the chicken on the other one, otherwise there will be cross contamination."
"Fine but if I can taste the difference you owe me."
Archie smiles, taking her by the wrist and pulling her into his arms. They've been together on and off for years, even before he hit puberty and was still a geeky nerd who spent more time with his Xbox than with her. Since then, however, he's grown into this muscular god who's traded his specs for contact lenses and stopped using so much gel in his hair that it pricked you if you touched it.
Alison has never been the prettiest but she's got a heart of gold and the humour to match, despite being bigger than most girls she knows how to rock every outfit she wears and her make-up perfectly accentuates her plump lips and high cheek bones.
"Carlie, you made it!" Archie says, dropping his girlfriend and running over to us, his bottle of beer sloshing over the sides.
"I did indeed, how much have you had to drink?"
He pulls me in for a hug and slurs into my ear, "Not much, but you do have some catching up to do."
As we make our way over to the group, it's clear my arrival has shocked them all – everyone apart from Austin who has his usual teethy grin welcoming me.
Abbie is sat on a log in the corner trying not to make eye contact, since our dispute over Spencer in year 8 there's been a subtle feud between us, I'm sure she's only come tonight because I wasn't meant to be here. Jay is beside her wearing my hoodie – the one I stole three years ago – and prodding tongs into the sausages as if I hadn't even arrived. I am not going to let that bother me. I can be happy without him.
Led on a blanket behind the fire are Austin and Spencer, playing some sort of drinking game, but their heads turn immediately as they hear the mention of my name. Austin is still smiling when I reach them and hands me a shot, "You have to do twice as many as we have, so you can catch up."
"And how many have you done?"
"I think… I think it might have been six, maybe seven."
"I'm pretty sure I'll be okay with this one for now." I take the glass of vodka and swallow it all, shivering as I can feel the alcohol burn making its way through my body. I nod my head towards the other occupier of the blanket, "Spence, how are you?"
"Very good now that you're here." He jumps to his feet (rather ungracefully considering he's six foot and hammered) and wraps his long arm around me. He's wearing a cotton shirt which I can feel his sweat through and his cheap aftershave is overpowering my senses, "I can't believe you've actually shown up," He's whispering in my ear now, spit firing with every word, "By the way, Mr Alcantara over there looks like he's been having a hard time without you."
"Thanks Spencer," I say, trying to push him off but his Dad bod is proving it very difficult.
"I'm going to go and see if Abbie wants anything," He trudges off, fixing the brown mop on his head as he goes. Austin pats the blanket and I lie beside him, watching the clouds move above us.
"Jay said you were too tired to come, what made you change your mind?" He lies on his side so I'm looking into the deep ocean of his eyes.
"I wanted to have some fun."
"Well then, let's have some fun then little lady!" A cheeky grin pops onto his face and he grabs the vodka bottle from beside him before screaming, "Shots!" and raising the bottle into the air.
"I think you may have had one too many, mate."
Jay is suddenly hovering over us, arms crossed and looking down his nose, "I think Carlie and I need to catch up." He swipes the bottle with an excited squeal and swigs a gulp, his body visibly writhing from the burn. Pulling me to my feet, he giggles and gives me the bottle, "Let's see if you've still got the stomach for it, shall we?"
I gulp down as much as I can stomach as chants of 'Gable' echo all around, everyone but Emma joins in, she seems to have gotten quite friendly with a boy in the tree trunk. After my insides stop burning, I ask, "Who's the new boy on the cards?"
Jay sighs and leans in, "A boy called Nick, apparently they met at one of those weird gigs she goes to, she's known him four weeks and has already clarified that she's in love with him."
I laugh, this is typical Emma, if it wasn't for the lack of boys that she hasn't already met in our relatively small neighbourhood, she'd be dating a new one every week. As much as I hope this one will last, I guarantee I'll be mopping away her tears before Christmas.
"He looks nice enough from back here."
"Maybe let's not pass judgements whilst he has his tongue down your best friend's throat, shall we?" He says.
"Sorry, although this is a shock," I lean in closer and whisper in his ear, "She told me she liked Austin not so long ago."
Jay takes a step back, his mouth is open wide, "No way," He says, taking a sip of beer to calm himself, "I guess now that you mention it, they would suit each other down to the ground. But I always imagined…" He stops, conflicting thoughts clearly racing through his mind.
"You always imagined what?"
"I just thought it would be you and him, you know, like you seem so well suited." His eyes are wide and pleading and the doe-eyed expression is doing little to calm the butterflies in my stomach.
"I have spoken to him three times since he's joined, one of which was to apologise for your behaviour, so I think you're reading a little too far into this."
"I'm sorry," He slumps to the floor and I follow, although the hard mud doesn't do much for comfort. I take his hand whilst he continues, "I know I broke it off and so I shouldn't be jealous but I just never expected it to be this hard, I thought that was just what they said in movies and stuff. I don't like not waking up to send you good morning texts or spending hours debating which Friends character is the funniest. It turns out it's not that much fun watching it alone."
I rub my thumb against his hand, "I bet you don't miss going to your wardrobe and seeing you have nothing to wear though," Smiling, I lean my head against his shoulder – I can still smell my perfume engrained in the fabric, "And, just to clarify, of course it's Chandler."
"I can agree with the hoodie thing but I'm afraid I'm now glad we broke up; I can't be having a girlfriend who doesn't agree that Phoebe is the funniest." He deadpans, takes another swig of vodka and hands me the bottle to finish.
Squirming I say, "Yep, can definitely feel it now, maybe I should stick to the cider from now on." He laughs and I fall in love with his smile all over again, I wonder how long it will take for this to stop. After we've finished bickering about every other television show under the sun, we head back to the main group where the burgers and sausages are awaiting us.
"Grubs up, what are we all having?" A boy, I'm assuming it must be Nick is now stood squatted over the foil barbeque, shovelling the food onto some paper plates.
He's handsome but not in an obvious way, his eyes are completely obscured by a mass of black curls tumbling onto his face whilst his teeth are crooked with a metal brace cemented to them. Yet there's something so endearing about him, an aura of confidence radiating off of him and the tall, brawny figure to match. I can definitely see what Emma would see in him.
Though things are slowly starting to sway a little, I crack open another cider and wait my turn to get a hot dog, although it takes a while as Alison is having to inspect every single one to see if it's veggie or not. Once everyone is seated - I'm squeezed between Emma and Archie on the only picnic bench the field has – Austin makes a toast:
"This isn't going to be a long one," He's standing but is barely up straight, "because I don't think I'll stay up for that long, but I just wanted to say how grateful I am to have been incorporated into such a magical group of people and just been made to feel so unbelievably welcomed." Spencer is sniggering under his breath beside him but Austin doesn't seem to notice, he's staring up at the sky with glassy eyes and a dazed smile. It seems he has forgotten to end his speech.
"To the new addition, Austin!" Jay raises his glass and Austin snaps back from his trance with a wide grin.
"Shall we play a game now?" Alison asks, still not totally convinced about the sausages, "I think Austin needs to play our famous truth or dare!" Everyone erupts with cheers, we all wolf down the rest of our dinner and sit around the campfire in a little circle on the floor.