December 24, 2007
"You guys wanna go to the mall again?" Julio gaped incredulously at the two boys from the driver's seat. "You went there on Wednesday! How much junk food can you possibly eat?"
Matt answered absently, chewing on the straw of his banana smoothie. "He's going Christmas shopping. And I'm going over to dinner afterward at his place." He jerked a thumb at Adam, who was fumbling with his seatbelt.
"I'm so jealous of your Spanish," Adam said distractedly; the strap of his book satchel had somehow become tangled with the seatbelt when he'd clambered into the car earlier, and the bag now hung suspended over his shoulder. "Julio's been teaching you since you were - how old?"
Lifting his head, he saw Julio watching him patiently from the rearview mirror. He knew by now the Venezuelan would not start the car until both boys were safely strapped in.
"Let me," said Matt impatiently.
His own seatbelt flew back with a click, then he leaned across Adam and began fidgeting with the satchel's strap. For a few seconds, Matt's chest obscured Adam's view - he smelled like apples. There were no apples at the cafeteria today, so Adam supposed it must be the flavour of either his soap or laundry detergent. For a moment, his imagination wandered to the smell of Matt's skin after he stepped out of a hot misty bathroom, wearing only a towel. Immediately his palms started to sweat and he grew hot all over - he was thinking about Matt in the shower, again. In a desperate attempt to distract himself from the smell of apples and the knee that rested so carelessly on his own, he began to recite his favorite poem.... Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary...
Fortunately, Matt managed to de-tangle the bag and it thudded heavily onto Adam's lap.
"Thanks," Adam said huskily, then pretended to have a coughing fit to hide his beetroot-red face.
"We can go now Julio," Matt said, rolling his eyes.
Adam was quiet for the duration of the car ride. He was aware of Matt ranting about homework, but his own thoughts drifted; these sudden, inexplicable fantasies about his best friend were occurring more frequently, and each time he'd break out in the same cold sweat and divert those unwelcome thoughts by reciting The Raven from beginning to end. What the hell was happening? Riddled with anxiety, he watched the city race by in a gray blur.
"Have you ever read the Raven?" Adam asked, noticing after a while that Matt had fallen silent alongside his laconic companions.
"Poe? Yeah, mom used to read a lot of his stuff to me when I was a kid," he said with a grin, ruffling his already untidy hair. His voice was detached, but Adam recognized only too clearly a streak of angst. "It's my favourite. I used to know it by heart, even. When mom and dad were having one of their fights and breaking things, I'd recite it out loud to distract myself."
Adam groaned inwardly. That information didn't help one bit, and brought to mind yet another nagging worry… he'd done the dishes and vacuumed the apartment this morning like he always did, but what state would the place be in once they got back? The Woakes' had been eating ready-to-cook dinners and take-outs exclusively for the last six months, and no guest nor friend of theirs had been to visit in all that time. True, his mother had been the one to suggest inviting Matt over for dinner, and he'd reminded her a dozen times before leaving for school that morning - but there was a good chance she'd have forgotten completely, and they'd come home to a pigsty. Little Lydia certainly couldn't be expected to do it all by herself, and his father's shift at the hospital ended only at midnight…
Adam was rife with worry by the time they arrived at their destination in half an hour. The rain had started to speckle the tinted windows of the Audi on the street, but the mall parking lot was cool and dry.
"Let's go." Matt tumbled out of the car and Adam followed him to the elevator.
"What're you gonna get them?" he asked as they rode up to the ground floor.
Adam shrugged irritably. "I only have like, thirty bucks. So, probably chocolate. I spent most of my savings on sparkly ballet flats to surprise Lydia before her recital last month - don't get me wrong though, it was totally worth it. Anyway, we'll be done soon; then we can hang out and go back to my apartment in time for dinner."
"You can get some cool stuff for thirty bucks," Matt said, shuffling his feet guiltily as they stepped out into the mall's ground floor.
"Name one thing YOU own that costs 30 bucks or less," Adam snapped.
He stared around, feeling increasingly hopeless - the place was packed with last-minute Christmas shoppers, and though nearly every store was streaked with plastic holly or had fake wreaths hanging at the entrance, he couldn't see a 'Sale' sign anywhere.
"That's not fair, Adam."
Matt's voice was soft. A sudden unexpected glimmer had flickered in his eyes; he fell two steps behind, sticking out his upper lip petulantly. Adam stopped short and grabbed his arm, cursing himself and his stupid sarcastic mouth.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Please." He would rather cause himself physical pain than see those big brown eyes well up with hurt again.
"It's okay. Forget it."
Matt pulled him into a half-hug, then let go and continued springily on, the dimple having reappeared in his cheek. Adam swallowed heavily and jogged after him.
"Y'know, I could lend you some money."
Matt sounded thoughtful as they studied a store window decked with flashing red-and-blue fairy lights. The cheapest item among the display of purses and shoes was 36.75$.
Adam opened his mouth to reject this well-meaning offer, but Matt interrupted. "I said lend, not give, you can return it to me on your own time." He pointed at an avocado-green cashmere scarf that seemed to melt rather than drape around a mannequin. Adam instantly lost his heart to it.
"Wouldn't that be perfect for your mom? And I bet Lydia would love the ballerina-style music-box we saw on the first floor, too."
Matt was acting cavalier and dismissive, so Adam grew suspicious. "You always mysteriously forget whenever I owe you money and refuse to take it back. How do I know you won't do the same thing again?"
"I promise, I promise," Matt said hurriedly, leading him into the store. "I'll take it back. Just buy the stuff already."
By now Adam knew how Matt tended to rush his words together whenever he was lying about something, but resolved firmly to pay him back even if it meant stuffing the money secretly in his locker. That scarf - just having it in the house would thrill him. After picking out that and a pure leather belt for his father, they returned to purchase the pink music box for Lydia.
"Are you sure about this?" Adam asked doubtfully after Matt swiped his platinum credit card at the second store. His face drained of blood when they collected the bill and he calculated the evening's total expenses.
"I owe you more than a hundred bucks," he choked as they rode the escalator to the food court.
"So you'll have to give me your allowance for the next few months," Matt said breezily, handing Adam their shopping bags. His clear hazel eyes skirted Adam's.
"I will," Adam replied firmly, stepping off the stairway into the food court. He had to trot after Matt who'd raced off to the fro-yo counter, face alight with joy.
"That's going to ruin dinner," Adam pointed out, hoping desperately that the dinner waiting for them wouldn't be two-minute pasta out of a plastic packet.
Still, his mouth watered when Matt handed him his cup - salted-caramel frozen yogurt, sprinkled generously with Nutella, brownies and crushed nuts. His favourite, down to the last topping. Matt had already gobbled some of his own strawberry-banana blend by the time they found a free table, and was beaming when they sat down.
"This is so good," he said happily.
"It s," Adam agreed after swallowing, with some difficulty, a considerable quantity of yogurt and nuts. "What's the big deal about fro-yo anyway? I'm sure Julio can get it for you anytime you want."
"I like it here," Matt answered simply, with an affectionate glance around the crowded floor and the herds of people gathered around tacky fluorescent food-stall signs. "My mom would never bring me to a mall, and the only time I get to go to places like this is when I'm with you. And honestly, the only time I ever have fun is when I'm with you."
Adam dropped his gaze, both embarrassed as well as thrilled. Matt half-smiled, unaware of a smudge of pink yogurt above his upper lip. "I'm so, so glad we're friends, Adam."
They hung around for another couple of hours, playing video games at the arcade and a childish game that involved chasing each other raucously up and down the escalators, much to the annoyance of the mall's security guards. By the time the Audi drew up outside Adam's apartment building, they were both flushed, exhausted and happy.
"Wait for me in the lobby, I need to get something out of the car," Matt said mysteriously and dashed away, then returned with his arms laden with shopping bags.
"What's all that for?" Adam spluttered. "Did you get them Christmas presents too? Matt that's not fair, mine are going to look like crap next to yours!"
But Matt refused to say anything more, and smirked furtively until Adam's mother opened the front door.
"You must be Matt," Charity Woakes said with a warm, wide smile, arms outstretched. "Come in, I'm so glad you're finally staying over for dinner… Adam talks about you all the time..."
Adam gaped around at the apartment, stunned. A large, brightly lit Christmas tree stood at the corner of the living room, its base littered with shiny wrapped presents of various sizes. Star-shaped fairy lights twinkled along all four walls, and fluffy woolen red stockings festooned the bookcase. Charity had taken the trouble to dress for dinner - and she was the true centerpiece, an angel disguised in a soft fleecy maroon sweater, tan slacks and heels. She looked beautiful, and Adam blinked back tears when he leaned up to kiss her. He gave her a swift, tight thank-you hug, then scarpered off to hide the presents he'd bought under his bed since they weren't wrapped yet.
"Lydia!" he bellowed, banging on his sister's door before he raced back to the living room. "Matt's here!"
For the second time that evening, Adam stopped astonished in his tracks - his father, whom he hadn't expected to see until the next day, stood beside the Christmas tree talking to Matt. Fearful, he stood rooted to the spot - Chris Woakes worked 16-hour shifts, and of late his temper had been notoriously short. But Adam's apprehension was futile, because Chris was wearing a delighted smile and cradling a bottle of champagne in his hands. He thanked Matt heartily, then retreated to the dining unit whereupon he spotted Adam agape behind the doorway.
"Hey kiddo," Chris said cheerily, placing the bottle lovingly in the fridge.
A wonderful aroma wafted toward him; Adam turned to greet his father and nearly fell over when he beheld the table. Large clear bowls of gravy, mashed potato, stir-fry vegetables and roast beef slices lay neatly grouped together, thick steam forming condensation on the insides of their see-through lids. Shining silver cutlery and clean upturned water glasses had been carefully arranged around five place-mats. Unable to speak, Adam opened and shut his mouth several times like a fish in search of food. At that moment the oven pinged, and Chris, after slipping on mitts, poked around inside and emerged with an enormous, delicious-smelling turkey.
"Stuffed with peas, onions, garlic, sage and thyme," he said proudly, setting it down carefully at the center of the other dishes.
He cut himself a tiny piece with a knife, nodding approvingly and muttering, "It's perfect."
In answer to Adam's unspoken question, his father, through a mouthful of meat said, "your Mom and I spent most of the day cooking this dinner. I know things at home haven't been perfect lately, so I figured I'd take a few days off from the hospital for Christmas. Inviting Matt for dinner was my idea; I suggested it to your mom - I know he's been a lot of support to you ever since we moved here.Honestly I can understand your apprehensions about having him over, but I hoped your mom and I could make this Christmas perfect for you."
Adam flew across the room and flung his arms around his father. Tears flowed unrestrained; he couldn't possibly hold them back as he had earlier with Charity. "Thank you - thank you-" he choked. Chris hugged him back tightly, and tousled his hair before gently pulling away.
"Your friend's waiting for you," he said softly, propelling Adam away by his shoulders. "I'll take care of dinner. Go, now, enjoy Christmas Eve."
Adam was still having trouble recognizing his transformed apartment. Dazed, he stumbled back toward the living room and tuned into the ongoing conversation.
"...Mom picked it out last week," Matt was saying, sounding surprisingly bashful. Adam gawked. This reticence was utterly new to him, a strange contrast to Matt's usual incautious self. "And I took the liberty of buying a few Christmas presents as well, I hope you don't mind… there's something in here for everyone." He handed over his bags to Charity shyly.
"Oh Matt, this is just so sweet of you," Charity gushed, then withdrew to place them under the Christmas tree. Adam was incredibly happy to see soft brown curls hanging over her shoulders, freshly-shampooed and glossy. Lately, she'd become negligent about taking her pills; Adam had been forced to assume the responsibility of coaxing her into swallowing them twice a day. Charity had been dull and under-the-weather ever since they'd moved to the city - she would wander about the house with sunken eyes, her face wan and drawn out. Rarely did she change out of pajamas, and her hair hung about her pale face in unkempt tufts, going unwashed for weeks on end. But tonight she looked so alive, so beautiful - there was a light in her eyes that he hadn't seen for a long, long time. His heart swelled with gratitude toward Matt for giving his mother a reason to get out of bed.
Lydia then came thundering in from her bedroom, slammed into Adam, and they both tumbled to the floor.
"Lydia, watch out," he said crossly, getting to his feet again, then reached out to help his giggling little sister upright. Matt waved from across the room.
"Hey Lydia," he called. "I'm so glad to finally meet you!"
Lydia bounded across the room, chocolate curls -identical to her mother's - flowing behind her. "Adam talks about you all the time," she said. "Why haven't you come over before?"
"Because your brother won't invite me," Matt whispered theatrically, then looked up at Adam and winked. "Your family and your apartment are both so great… I'd sleep over every weekend if you'd have me."
Marvelous images swam before Adam's eye, one after the other like a camera reel - the two of them snuggled together under a thick blanket, sipping from mugs of steaming hot cocoa and talking all night, growing ever-closer while exchanging their innermost thoughts and desires, falling asleep with bodies entwined… he gulped.
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December...