I can still feel it, even when it's suppose to be gone.
My brain still screams even when the pills are suppose to send me further along.
Loneliness is still present in my head, especially when I'm in bed and the words still haven't stopped.
Echoing in my skull trying to get me to free it all, repeating visuals of lakes with my body laid down in it.
Even when everything is suppose to be fine, something reminds me that it's not.
It pushes me into a body of water, making me wish everything was fake, making my heart swole so big. Too heavy to carry the pain, beating slowly with each breath, not careful with the soul that lies in my chest.
Fading it is, from existence each day, barely able to hold on from the human cruelty that it tries to shake. Evil making the poor soul weep, all around it you can see why it doesn't keep. Glowing light it was, fading worry it burns. Burns with all the things it saw, from all the darkness that clouds its shine, from the fire that doesn't heal and isn't kind.
Oh, how it feels joy to cry, to water the burns that severely taint it, the wounds that try to break it. The love that was suppose to be there, falsehood within a crowd of snares. Worse than a fox and a rabbit, crowded with empty habits and hunger pushed to drive one mad.
Insanity steady in the flesh, carved as a woven mess in between me, harsh claret spilling from the barren womb of my brain. It is the thing that makes one hate the game, of life that we are set about, a crooked hell in an unsheltered route. Making us run in circles like mice, each killed by our own spite.
While some are bitten by over chewed expectations, taking others with their fall. Embarrassed by the true nature of this world, wasted time on broken pearls. Thinking they would outshine the rest in truth, they are no exception to the test. Breaking themselves before they could be broken, minds shattered with a few golden tokens. Baiting you in the false reality of the promise of freedom without morality.
It was time now, I knew, to put on a face again as I headed down the steep steps, my teeth clenched to my jaw and I matched the part of my outfit.
Mourning the freedom of my slumber to be put through a mental hell, a hell so disastrous that I forget my words. Stumbled and trapped in the phonatory, it twists around my trachea and causes the respiratory to panic, nearly crushing my breath as I bear through the pain. Biting down on my lip as each second causes mental agony to my frontal lobe. Every action screaming for me to run the opposite way yet nothing co-operated with any of pleads. Instead, I reach the final step and met with my potential inner death.
"Lady.Victoria! I am so pleased we got to meet each other so soon yet again, especially with your upcoming birthday ahead." It was Sir.Bertram or the second Bellum Heir, wide-eyed and pearly smile eagerly awaiting me.
I bow my head with a respectable smile and he rushes up with a hug, which catches me off guard. "I know we are not the closest but I do hope we become good friends, as I said before!" I give him a pat on the back and back away with a blink. "Oh, yes that would be nice, better to be friends than enemies right?" My smile is crooked now, and I fiddle with my fingers but Sir. Bertram doesn't seem nervous at all. "Yes, better to me at least", he takes my hand and closes the distance but his sister interrupts the moment.
"Excuse me", she clears her throat, "I don't know if I am interrupting some fantasy or something but are we having tea or what is the situation here?" "Coffee." I muttered, "We are having coffee for this meeting if you don't mind."
Sir. Bertram flushed, "R-really?" I nod, "I know that you prefer coffee over tea and we have as much sugar and cream as you like so-", he embraces me again. "I didn't even know you were even paying attention! Thank you so much Lady.Victoria, trust me the taste won't fail you!"
My eyes linger over to Lady. Bellum who is glaring daggers at me, quickly pulling her brother away from me and whispering in his ear, "Contain yourself." She takes in a deep breath, turning to me, "I suppose coffee will do fine, as long as you have biscuits to accompany ." "It wouldn't be a gathering without one," I state in response and she scoffs as a maid leads us to a room close to the kitchen. Her eyes wander the place for error but the scowl on face proved she was with fault. Probably feeling the heat bloom on her temples as the satisfaction of my demise was not in play.
A small breath drew from my lungs and it was the first one that felt real since I was in the presence of these two. The insufferable irritation comes to a mild point as we enter the room, the fresh smell of coffee beans hitting my nostrils. It's strong and rich, with a boost of caffeine hitting your face even before you taste it. Many flavors follow with hints of fruit and tart notes, Sir. Bertram's eyes light up as if it's a candy shop and I raise a brow at his amusement.
"Excited?" He nods his head while clapping his hands, "Absolutely! You must be spoiling me today, having different flavors of coffee, and creams." He goes to take a seat at the table and his sister rolls her eyes, "Please, it's nothing we haven't seen before, this is just the basic hospitality." She takes a seat by her brother and I join them, sitting in the middle. "Well, does basic hospitality include biscuits in all shape or form? Not just with honey or jams, but infused and carefully crafted with different glaze and edible flowers. I can provided my knowledge on them if you want?"
Her eyes slightly twitches, "Not now, maybe when everything is here properly, let's hope you don't run away this time."
I tilted my head to the side, not faltering my expression. " I don't intend to. In fact, I would rather stay right here and hear about how those sales are going. Since you like talking about business so much, Lady.Bellum." She smiled sharply and put her lips together, about to protest in her defense until her brother slammed a familiar book down.
"Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to ask if you have ever read The Beast, the prequel to The Witch & The Wolf.