2.0.1.9 Year end realization.
This was my happiest yet saddest end of a year. 12 months of mixed emotions, 365 days of survival, and having 8,760 hours for myself to define and defend who I am and what I want to become.
As a beginning of every chapter, a new life was ahead, new chances was given. So I took every oppurtunity that comes and all the decisions worth grabbing was taken by me.
Indeed, It makes me happy.
Being a fresh grad. And having real work for the first time will be my experience I never ever wanted to forget. I still remember how I strive hard in my ojt years in a hotel, just to make sure that I will get my diploma and walk on the stage holding my degree as I step forward to face the real cruel world.
All I ever want was to make my parents proud and also myself because after 4 years of studying and being locked in a university, finally all the hardwork was paid off well. Its so fulfilling and self satisfying that in the end though still not so sure, I know to myself that this will be the start whom they will feel my worth and my role.
Maybe 2019 was my eye opener how really fucked up the world is. A dream crasher to reality. How people comes and goes so easily and a proof that you dont have forever to please and be with everybody. Youll meet the persons youve least expected to face, and leaving the friends youve got to have a new set of it.
This is what Ive learned as I look back in 2019.
In every place or in people, I dont have control to the will of time and fast phasing change of the rotating earth. For I go to nowhere and places will be found unintentionally, people whom I met unexpectedly and losing someone so dearly whom I thought will stay by my side yet still go to find the missing piece of their self searching puzzle of reality.
Cruel world isnt it?
Mga moments na akala mo sayo na pero pinatikim kalang? Yung taong akala mong magstistay pero iniwan kalang? Yung oras na akala mong para sayo hinati pa at nakishare kalang? Yung chances na sana tinanggap mo pero sinayang ko lang?
Yung mga desisyon akala koy tama pero meron palang nasasaktan. Yung makikilala ka ng mga taong paasahin kang maniwala sa walng iwanan pero sa huliy iiwanan kadin lang. Ang tiwalng akalay sa tamang tao binigay pero natraydor kalang.
Sa kwentong akala moy ikaw ang bida pero sa kwento ng iba ikaw pala ang labas ay masama. Sa taong sinayang kalang at ipinagpalit sa mas higit kapa?
Tangina na diba?
Yes. Siguro ganito talaga kabilis ang pagbabago. Una lang pala masaya. Una lang pala na ikay mahalaga. Sa una ka lang din may pag asa pero sa huli marerealize ko na lang bat bako nagtyatyaga sa taong wala namang alam kong ano talaga ako at kong ano ang halaga ko?
Hmmm. Maybe it will hit you hard.
Ano nga ako? Sino ba talaga ako? Ano ba ang silbi ko? Worth it na ba akong mamamayang pilipino?
Worth it ba yung sakit na nararamdaman ko dahil nagmahal ka ng maling tao?
Maybe yes maybe no. But atleast ive tried and know the result. Wala akong regret and in the end wala akong 'what if's'...
And meeting different faces indeed. With different stories to tell, different difficulties in life and many high and mighty attitude to dwell.
Really. Real talk! Hindi mo talaga alam ang takbo ng utak ng bawat isa. You need to be observant but not an over thinker. Ganto talaga yata. You cannot tell whom to trust or whose the reel. Stealing your spotlight and pushing you away. Basta magulo.
Mamemeet mo ang taong magtuturo sayo ng kamanyakan. Taong gagabay sayo pag lasing kana sa inuman. Tatagay pero duduty kinabukasan. Tatawanan mo pero handa mong ipaglaban. Mga travel buddies sa galaan. Magpapaiyak sayo ng bonggahan. Aasarin ka hanggang pikunan at lastly sila yung taong sana hindi ka iiwan pero kailangan.
Hindi dahil gusto nila or ginusto mo. Pero may situations talagang out of hand. Hindi mo mapigilan at di mo kayang pigilan. Work of nature ika nga. Iiwan ka beacuse of new oppurtunity that knocks on their door. New environment for improvement and self-justification.
Ganun talaga. Walang nagste-stay at wala ding permanent people sa buhay mo. May kanya kanya tayong will of destiny and role in life kaya be thankful na once in a while you been with that person how long or short term lang ang pinagsamahan nyo atleast diba nakilala mo at pinakilala sayo ng mundo.
Even they give me joy nor sadness, love or pain, laughter and pleas. But still Im blessed beacause this year may not be a perfect end atleast I've learned from what I've experienced. I survived my 365 days in earth.