"How?... How did Turk get you out of there?" I ask after I calmed down again.
John shrugs, "I'm not sure. You'll have to ask him. All I know is I was in a large bag, slung across his front, before I woke up here. Did they tell you about the water?" John inquires as he takes another drink of his cup of water before him.
I nod, "A little bit. That bastard gave you it when you were trapped with him."
John gives a weak, breathy guffaw. "He had it on tap for me. I had a spigot that I could drink and wash myself up with a bit. There were days that I drank my fill of water just so my stomach could feel full, because unless I went before him, I was not fed. I don't know how long I went in between seeing him, but now I know why he was smiling at me so deviously the first few times."
He finishes his water and places the cup back down, to pick the pitcher up with two hands to pour another glass.
"Does that water he gave you dehydrate you too?" I ask curiously.
John picks up the cup of water and shrugs, "I'm not sure, Mary, you'd have to ask the nurse."
"Ask me what?" The nurse from earlier comes in and brings two trays of food with him, placing a much smaller portion in front of John than handing the other to me. "I thought you would like to join him, maybe help him take a few extra bites?"
John pipes in, "Maybe you could refill my water? It's almost empty."
Tim sighs, "John, you've only got one and half more pitchers allowed on your allotment for today. We really need you to start eating more solid foods again. You can not fill yourself up on just water and tell me your too full to eat again. The doc nearly had me removed from my post for letting it slide those two meal times while you adjusted. I can't do it again." Tim pours what is left of the pitcher into Johns cup and starts out the door with it to refill it.
"I'll bring back the water when I come and get your tray in about thirty minutes. I would appreciate half of that food to be consumed."
We're left alone again as John picks up his spoon to scoop up the chicken broth from the chicken noodle soup on his tray, leaving the solids behind in the bowl.
I take a seat on the other chair and place the tray on the foot rest in front of it. I slowly cut up my grilled chicken breast strips on my plate, that was served with rice and steamed veggies, an apple juice, a boxed milk, a cup of mixed fruit, a cup of orange jello and a slice of toast. I had a feast in comparison to John's half sized portions of chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers, applesauce, orange jello, mashed potatoes with gravy, milk and an apple juice. It looked like a child's portion.
"John, you want your applesauce?" I lean forward, hoping he'll say yes, because so far I've not seen him eat a single solid bite of food.
"You want it? I'll trade you your apple juice for it." John offers, but I quickly shake my head.
"No, John, I want you eat it. I just noticed you haven't had anything that you've needed to chew, and thought the applesauce would be the best choice." I tried not to sound like I would if I was the nurse talking to a patient but it still came out exactly that way.
John gives me a flat, unamused glance before picking his applesauce up and drinking it back quickly. He drops the empty container back on the tray and quickly looks out the door.
"Where the hell is Tim with my water?" He grunts frustrated, picking up his apple juice and sipping it some more.
I'm taken aback from his actions, but quickly school my face and quietly eat my food. "Thank you." I say after a minute, once he's seemed to have settled down. I place my apple juice on his tray, as he picks up the jello, eyeing it with disdain.
"For what? Doing what I'm supposed to even though everything other than liquids has the texture of gravel on my tongue? Or worse, the the mess tents beans? By the way, I saw what you did with the impersonator and the beans." John smiles lightly at that, his eyes lost in the memory.
"I knew you would get the message, somehow." I reach out for his hand, which he takes and holds it tightly, gripping it like he was afraid of letting it go.
His hand begins to shake and his eyes begin to water, he starts to say something before he stops and blinks tears down his face. He starts again, "I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. I feel so absolutely useless, all I could think about is how much easier your life would be without me."
I sit there, stunned, hurt, and confused. The way he feels has me jumping up to wrap my arms around him.
"Don't you ever think like that again." I embrace him tightly, kissing the side of his head. "Life without you is merely going through the motions without any real meaning."
I lean back to gaze down into his hurt eyes, hoping to bear my soul so that he will see a shred of what I feel for him, "When I did not have you, John, there was no color, taste, scent, touch, sound, or person, that could make me feel as complete as what you do. No pain is too much for me to bear if it means I still have you. I wish I could have traded places with you, for us to be switched right now. You deserve so much more in this life..." I choke on my own words that I leave unspoken, that he deserves someone better than me. I run my hands over his face, seeing the pain, the trauma, the scars that will will never fade. All of them are a direct result of me loving him.
Johns words pull me from my dark train of thoughts, making me shake my head in disbelief.
"I have to become healthy quickly again. I want to make love to you so badly and fuck all those dark thoughts away from my favorite sin..." John grips my waist, placing a kiss on my stomach, sending flutters through me.
I run through all the possible issues that could arise from us being together, but smirk when I realize, none of them apply to him and me.
Running my hand through his hair, I grip him gently as I kneel to kiss him, whispering against his lips, "Who says we can't make love?" Our lips meet, causing a low moan to escape us both. I use my magic to shut the door and lock it, pulling the privacy drapes closed in unison as I lean back to grin at John.
I notice the hunger in his eyes, but also the hesitancy, as his eyes dart from the bed to the chair he's in right now.
"What is it my love? Can't decide on letting me have you here or there?" I breathe heavily against his skin, kissing his neck as I start to work his shirt off.
He quickly stops me, holding my hands, "Can I keep my shirt and pants on, just this once? I'm not ready to look at myself again yet."
I pull back from his neck and whisper against his lips like it was nothing, "Of course my love, shall we each have a roll here? I know how much you love it when I'm attentive nurse." I purr as I run my hands through his hair, letting my nails lightly scrape his scalp.
The little gasp of pleasure from John has me growing more confident, releasing my hold on him to lean back and start undoing my clothes slowly for him to watch. He stands up on shaky legs, making me hesitate for a second before letting him make his way to the bed himself.
'He's a man, I need to let him him feel like one right now and let him do this on his own.' I come to terms with that thought and next thing I know, he's already sitting on the edge of the bed.
'Just in time too.' I smile to myself, as I drop my pants to the floor, stepping out of them to stand in front of him in just my underwear.
"Fuck, Mary. You really are my favorite sin." John seems like a man who's confused about how lucky he is, but is frozen between thanking the keeper of the stars or getting lost in my arms.
This view of him, it is my favorite. No polaroid, video, snap, reel, or memory, could ever entirely recreate or capture this moment between us.
"I love you, John. Always."