I've been out of the cell downstairs for 2 weeks now and I'm bored most of the damn time. They don't speak too much to me, they seem very wary of everything. Even talking about laundry. However, they were kind enough to get me more clothes and some bathroom stuff. Sin, that's what Cass the guy my age calls her, was nice enough to install a gauzy curtain to give us each a little privacy in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what her name is... Sin, Maria? The redcap calls her Mija, but that's just a term of endearment. I try to avoid using a name when speaking to her. I can only imagine that everyone thinks I'm dead back home. My neighbors at my apartment, my drinking buddies from my old station, they probably threw out my stuff or sold it for the apartment manager. I haven't been able to get to the neurologist for the tests and my memory shots they'd give me.
It's been a little over a month now and I'd be due for one. I've been getting more headaches again but they give me some pills and I take a nap and wake up it's gone. I think because I read that book it's been giving me some pretty lucid dreams about scenes I remember reading. They feel so real in my dream though. I both love and hate it when I have a dream about having sex with her. Love it cause it feels so good, hate it cause I wake up with a raging hard on and no way to take care of it except a shower and or chancing a rub in the middle of the night.
This woman is driving me crazy in my dreams and boring me to death in the daytime. I really don't care for this Alex guy who comes over to see her on occasion. Sounds like he's got a wife who's expecting at home but disappears downstairs with her for hours on end and always leaves soon after coming up. Each time giving me a distrustful look before being awfully considerate to her in a very intimate way. Damn it. Why am I jealous of this guy? This is the woman holding me hostage not my damn woman.
I guess I'll watch some more T.V. and work out.
....
"John is having more frequent headaches, Sin. Think I should see If I can make a scanner for his brain?" Cass asks me one day as we're going over some new intel Graves has been giving us.
"Why? Just for headaches?"
"What if he has a brain tumor still?" Cass whispers and I stop.
I had forgotten that bit of information I learned after he died. "Do it." Is all I say and Cass gets up and start to draw up some designs considering the parts he'll be needing to use.
We've had him upstairs for about two weeks now and I have noticed he complains of headaches more frequently. I stop what I'm doing and go upstairs to find him watching T.V. while doing exercises. He's dripping sweat and huffing and my heart skips a beat, damn it why? Why does he have to look so damn sexy?
Those gorgeous brown eyes framed by lashes any woman would be jealous of to have look at me. He stops and wipes the sweat off his face with his shirt asking me if I want to say something.
"Yeah John, you've been having headaches a lot lately. Do you know why?" I ask taking a seat on my bed bending one leg up to rest and leaving the other hanging off the side.
He looks at me and sees how I'm sitting and sits on my bed too just opposite side.
"Well ever since I woke the Neurologists have been giving me brain function tests, scans and what not every month to help me regain my memories, they'd also give me a shot for 'neuro-stimulation' they said. I don't know what was in it but I didn't have headaches unless it was getting time for my next appointment."
"Did it ever help with memories?" I ask him.
"Well sometimes I'll get a brief flash in my mind but it's like a scent or sound, sometime a song or a phrase sometimes just a couple words. Nothing concrete though and nothing I can string together." He informs me.
"We're building a scanner for you, we'd like to see for ourselves what the doctors were looking at. Do you mind if we do that?" I ask him.
"It doesn't matter if I mind, you're going to do it anyways right?" He scoffs at me.
I'm taken a back slightly at his attitude and tell him, "No, only if you allow us to we will. I'll let you think about it." I go to get up and he grabs my hand and tugs me back.
I give him a stern questioning stare and he releases my hand quickly, "Sorry, why do guys want to know about my brain?" He asks me.
"Because the John I knew died with a brain tumor growing between his cerebellum, frontal and temporal lobes, and it was inoperable. We want to make sure that it's not giving you the headaches." I get up again and he follows me making me turn to look at him.
"I've seen my brain scans and they have never once mentioned something like a tumor." He says.
"Well that's why we'd like to check, like I said we'll let you think about and decide. We won't force you to do it." I start away again.
"SIN!"
My heart stops, it's the first time he's referred to me by any name. I turn around my heart thumping.
"Will it help you guys trust me maybe a little bit more? I'd like to do something other than watch T.V. and workout." imploring and hopeful he asks me this.
"A bit, but if you were bored....all you had to do was say something." I motion for him to follow me and take him downstairs.
....
Dishes, this woman has me washing dishes and doing house chores..... What the .... I asked for it I guess. At least I'm not going insane in that room working out and watching T.V. all day long, right?
I'm standing here scrubbing dishes and plates taking out my frustration on them at my predicament.
Her smug little smirk that crossed her face when she saw my chagrined state irked me to no end.
I'm scrubbing and and rinsing and setting them to dry. How many damn people ate in here? I'm scrubbing the next sink full when she comes walking in not sparing me a glance and sets down a music player.
"I thought you might enjoy some music to listen to." She immediately turns to leave and pauses looking over her shoulder at me, "I'm going out later, want to come with me?"
The plate in my hands slipped out of my hands and I scrambled to catch it before it broke enthusiastically shouting , "YES!" as I did.
"Okay." She giggled watching my clumsy moves and left.
Real smooth there, John. I can't help but think.
That giggle made my heart beat elevate along with my mood. Why does it sound like I've heard that giggle before.... That giggle!
I put down the plate and run after her.
"Hey!" I shout to make her pause.
When she turns around I'm caught in a trance. The way the afternoon light falls on her through the stained glass windows leaves me dazed, unblinking and breathless. Her unrestrained jet black hair that curls on the ends. Those lightly kissed freckles splayed across her nose and cheeks. Those emerald green eyes that are like a tropical lagoon. She's stunningly beautiful.
"Earth to John!" She waves her hands in front of my face breaking the spell the moment had me in.
I regain my senses and tell her, "I remembered your giggle. "
Surprise fills her eyes and she smiles slightly, "I guess that's a start." She pats my arm once and heads back to the computer room where her and Cass do most of their work together.
I turn around and head back to finish the dishes looking at the music player and turning it on.
"Hey, not bad." speaking out loud I admit this is a song I like to listen to. What's this playlist called?
The lists name is .... 'John's HC Mix' .... oh....
I click through a few songs and they're all songs I like. Weird.
I'm definitely more cheerful finishing up the dishes at this point as I continue to think about going out later. Plus I remembered something! That giggle was one of the first sounds that would flash through my memory. Does that mean I really am her John? Did I really die? I don't think I did... I would know if I did right?
...
I took John with me tonight to do something so he wasn't going crazy in the house. He's been very tight lipped when it comes to not complaining and I was a bit of a cynical ass giving him house chores to do that were technically mine to take care of this time.
I made him dress well in slacks and a nice button up shirt. I even gave him some cologne to put on and he was happy to use it saying it was the same kind he used back home.
It was the same kind he used when we were together too...
I was dressed in a long skirt and loose fitting blouse and comfy sandals with my hair kept down. Cass smiled at me and reminded John to not try anything stupid or he wouldn't live to be able to regret it. I gave Cass a look to cool it down and he shrugged it off.
It put a slight damper on the mood at first but when we got to the restaurant I wanted to go to he seemed to perk back up.
We had a good meal and talked about little things, the nice weather we were having at the moment, the good food we were eating, and the things he appreciated that we did for him. The clothes and everything from toiletries to music was all to his personal preferences.
"I'm glad we're doing something in a more positive light for you then." I tell him not wanting to divulge that I was doing them because I remembered everything about what John liked. I also was curious about some things possibly being used as trigger responses to see if any more of his memories might come back.
We finished our meals and I took him down the way, walking to the nearby amphitheater that was having a concert.
"You want to go check it out?" He asked looking over and hearing the music.
"Sure."
...
(Musical Recommendation -Ludovico Einaudi - Nuvole Bianche (Official Music Video))
We stood off to the side as the next song was getting started. The song was sad and longing and filled the atmosphere around us. We were quiet appreciating the vocals and pianist playing.
The song swept me up into my thoughts and memories of times I had with John that were bittersweet at the moment.
...
I couldn't understand most of what the woman was singing on stage but it was a song that made me think of longing for someone. I looked over at Sin, and she was lost in thought, you could tell by the way her eyes would sparkle and shimmer at times with a sad smile. After the song was over she seemed to snap out of it and applauded with everyone else.
"Ready to go or you want to listen some more?" She asked me.
"We can go, I only know a handful of Italian."
Walking out of the amphitheater area, we continued to stroll as the sun was setting not saying much. The silence was starting to feel heavy between us.
I cleared my throat, "Thank you for bringing me out. This was a nice change of pace."
She smiled a little awkwardly looking quickly into my eyes before looking away, "You're welcome, I thought you might like to do something. Start giving you some more trust."
"Yeah, thanks. I'll do it by the way." I tell her thinking about the brain scan we'd discuss earlier.
She blushes, embarrassment written all over her face as she looks around her quickly, "I'm sorry?"
I'm confused by her reaction, "The scan?" I remind her still perplexed by her demeanor at the moment.
She gets wide-eyed and turns her face away, covering her mouth, looking mortified.
"Oh that. Okay." I hear her say as she avoids my gaze.
Why was she reacting to me ....oh... something clicks in my mind. The shower scene the first night I was taken out of the cell, to be more precise pops into my head. Was she thinking dirty things about me?
I know I'm grinning, I stop her by gently taking her hand and ask her, "What were you thinking I was talking about." I'm looking at her flushed appearance that couldn't get any redder at the moment.
"Nothing, something stupid, I was rude and not paying attention to you." She quickly tries to play it off. I'm nobody's fool though.
She goes to keep walking but I still have her hand and tug her back, "What happened to a little bit of trust? Some truth would be nice to build some more trust Sin."
She looks utterly appalled I would continue to ask and seeing me grinning I think was unnerving her even more.
"I.... I... don't talk about things like that in public." She takes her hand from mine and starts to walk back to the car.
Damn it did I just ruin my time out tonight?
"Sin! Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you, if I did." I catch up to her quickly.
"You didn't offend me, John. If you want to talk about it though, I suggest we get in the car back to the house. " There was an urgency in her voice that I caught on to and we double timed it back to the car and she tore off back to the house.
"How am I doing Cass?" I hear her talking but don't see a phone or hear anything. "Got it ETA is less than 2." She speeds down the road and swings the car into the parking space.
"Run inside now. NOW!" She yells unbuckling us and inside we run her closing the door and pressing a button shutting off all lights in the house. She holds her finger up to her mouth and we stay silent there for about 5 minutes until the lights come back on and Cass comes out from the basement.
"Damn it! I wasn't sure if you were going to make it in time or not. Those detector swarms I've been spotting are getting out of hand. That's the 4th swarm I've detected in Europe the past 6 months. I'm going to start asking Niven and Decan to help me make some of the back ups." Cass shakes his head taking his glasses off and wiping the sweat from his brows.
"Sorry that you're night was cut short, but we don't know who they're being used by yet and can't take any chances. I'm going to go get started on some more right now. Our drones are safe by the way Sin. The hibernation mode you suggested seems to have worked out great. Only lost a few and that could have been because of a car or animals. Try to enjoy the rest of the evening."
He starts to take off to the computer room they work in and he turns around still walking backwards.
"Hey John, thanks for not causing any issues right now for Sin." He turns back around and walks in to the room after I nod to him.
Sin gives a little forced smile and motions to the kitchen, "I'm going to make myself a night cap. You want one?"
"Please." I follow her and she pours us each a glass and clink them together and knock em back.
"Oh. That's good." I swallow the smooth amber whiskey that leaves a light woody caramel arrangement on the palate.
Sin motions with the bottle, "I'll be going upstairs with it now. So if you want anymore you'll have to suffer with my company to enjoy it."
"I doubt I'll suffer." I smile at her and motion for her to go ahead. I swear she might have blushed before I couldn't see her face as she led the way up.
We're a few glasses in and almost done watching a movie together while sitting together on her bed. I was having a good time and we talked about different movies, genres and shows we liked to watch.
"Oh I know, I really loved watching The Oroville." I tell her after we get in to the sci-fi part.
She kind of stops and gets excited, "That's one of my favorites too! Did you want me to put that on next?"
I can't help but smile maybe it's the booze starting to hit me.
"First though, I 'd like a shower. You can start it though with out me. I've seen it all so put it on your favorite episode."
I grab my sleep stuff and she puts on a season 2 episode I liked as well where the doc's in love with the robot. I quickly go and take a shower and come out feeling much better and enjoy the last 20 minutes or so with her.
"Your turn to pick." she says and tosses the remote to me and pours me another glass and of whiskey.
"My turn." I say as she grabs some night clothes herself and heads into the bathroom. I hear the shower start as I find the one I remember really enjoying the best.
She comes out in her satin night clothes that she always wears and I have to swallow hard at the emotions its stirring up in me with the help of the alcohol.
She smiles at me as she dries her hair. "So which episode is it?" She looks and kind of pauses as she starts to watch it. "But this one is the one, ....." She trails off. "Gordon and the memory."
She goes and hangs her towel up and talks through the curtain, "This one's so sad, you really like this one the best?" She comes out and flips the light off in the bathroom making the T.V. the only source of light.
She takes a seat and another glass of whiskey.
"Yeah I can't help it, it definitely is the one that moved me the most when I watched them. Like I know it's so sad but when you get to the end and they share that moment it brings about this sense of closure that you never can get sometimes."
"Do you mean when they sing the song together?" She runs her finger along the rim of the glass and I confirm it with a nod.
"If I had the time to write a book about ...." She starts off the song
"the way you act and look, I haven't got a paragraph." I add singing along.
She giggles that giggle she did earlier and we both start singing the next part, " Words are always getting in my way, anyway I love you, that's all I have to tell you." She stops but I continued, "That's all I've got to say."
She gives me a very tender look and I sit up and lean over, "You have a very cute giggle by the way. I'm glad I seem to know that."
She blushes and leans a little closer, "You would remember that giggle, you always had a way of making me do it too."
She is so close to me and I can't help but feel the attraction to her.
"Lucky me." I smile and lean closer putting a kiss on her lips that seemed to be begging for me to kiss her.
It's slow and sweet with just our lips moving against each other and slightly shocking.
I feel a jolt through my system and a flash back of a white lace dress comes to mind with the song we just sang and her smile. I'm hit hard with some very happy emotions and it makes me want to pull her closer.
I go to place my hands around her face but she begins to move closer to me instead.
I take that as my cue and deepen our kiss pulling her closer by placing my hand on her waist.
......
My heart is beating like a drum ready to beat its way out of my chest and my stomach has turned to a haven for butterflies.
My brain has become mush as he placed his lips on mine.
I move a little closer and he pulls me even closer and deepens the kiss and I can't help but start to get lost in this kiss.
His hands stay around my waist but I can tell he's trying to keep them there because they'll start to slide up or down and come back to my waist.
I roll my body against his making his hand caress my cheeks and he grips them to hold me against him and I know what our bodies are saying to each other.
Take me is what our bodies are saying to each other. My hands wrap around him timidly and I begin to hold him without worry or care. I'm holding my John again is all I can think about for a mere second.
That's what gets me to stop our kiss. I pull my arms back and push up on him a little bit and he pulls back. "John, this is not a good idea right now." I whisper.
He leans against my shoulder sounding slightly rejected and whispered into my ear. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it but kiss you Mary, I remembered you in white lace dress, your smile, and the song."
He pulled back and I saw his eyes had some conflicting emotions going on. What he just said was making some conflicting emotions arise in me too.
"I'll go to my bed. Good night." He gets up and I grab his hand, "Did you just call me Mary?"
"I guess I did. Sorry. I don't know why I did." He squeezed my hand and got into his bed facing the wall as I just stared. I eventually rolled into my covers and continued to look at him.
Was he really remembering me? My body was begging for attention and I rolled over and tried to get some sleep.
......