The days following that, I couldn't do anything except pace my room and look out my window towards the forest. I could feel my body changing and it was driving me crazy. I think at some point Nat and the others had come to visit but I refused seeing anyone, I mean what could I possibly say, "hi everyone, apparently I'm a monster, waiting to unfold". Who would wanna be friends with me after that?
To make things worse, the voice in my head was getting louder each day, taunting me, pushing my buttons like it wanted me to lose it and I was close, no kidding, I was fucking close to exploding. My mind has never felt so unstable to me in all my life and I have been through hell before so it's a new experience.
Aunt Maia had tried helping me with teas, spells, but nothing worked. At this point we all were just waiting dreadfully for the inevitable. My mom had turned down every job she couldn't do from home, just so she could keep an eye on me. I knew she was beyond worried, I'd heard her talking to Adam and Aunt Maia about me. I felt bad for being the one responsible for her pain but I couldn't do anything about it.
I had nightmares each night and all I saw was Nixa cursing me. Each nightmare I became a different creature, each more horrific than the last. It was exhausting and I just wanted it all to end. Aunt Maia had advised that I stay home until the next full moon which was in a week. She wanted to make sure I was safe and taken care of by my loved ones, as if that made things any better.
I longed for the days when I didn't know anything about my past, the days I could have fun messing around with Nat and playing with the boys. I missed cheerleading as much as I thought I would hate it but most of all I missed Xander. It didn't make sense but I missed him. I felt bad because we had just started getting along and now he must think I'm an anomaly, a weird creature. I missed my life and all the visions and blackouts, but most importantly the blackouts. I would love to just be out until all this blows away, but then misery does love company, doesn't it.
"Yes it does", the wicked voice in my head replied. "I wasn't talking to you, and just go to sleep or can you just die please", I said out loud with irritation. "Oh but I can't just die, no matter how much you wish I would", it replied with glee. "I am you and you are me, which would just make you dead, don't you think dear Asha", "I just want you out of my head", I screamed out loud.
"I may be able to help you with that", I heard a familiar voice say. I turned and standing at my bedroom door was Xander. He was leaning on the door frame with his hands in his pocket and a friendly smile on his face. I felt happy and uncomfortable at the same time.
"I told Aunt Maia I didn't want to see anyone", I said making myself comfortable on the window seat. He didn't appear affected by what I said, instead he just walked in a few steps and said "she said so, but we both agreed you could do with some company and Nat told me to make sure I check on you without fail, since she can't do that herself".
He was tempting me into a conversation and I knew it but I couldn't help myself, I wanted to know. "Why can't she do that herself", I asked quietly. He smiled wider this time knowing he was getting somewhere, he moved further into the room and waved a hand to my side asking silently if he could sit with me and I nodded.
Once seated, he crossed his legs and folded his arms. We stayed silent for a while, it wasn't awkward like I thought it would be. I just focused on my breathing, in and out. I didn't want to put all my problems out there, especially not to him. It was a few seconds later before he answered my earlier question. "She can't visit, because she's staying with her dad in the hospital", he said quietly. I was worried immediately, as if sensing my imminent question he said, "he had an accident on his way home few days ago and she's been with him ever since".
"I totally get that", I replied absentmindedly. "Nat always said her dad was her favorite person in the whole wide world". "True", he agreed.
"So how're you holding up", he asked gently. "I can't answer that question honestly", I replied quietly. It was the sad truth, I couldn't. If not he'd think me weak, or even crazy. "Well you can lie", he encouraged, "I'll believe you either way". That brought a smile to my face and helped me relax just a little bit.
"What you said earlier", I said hesitantly. He looked puzzled, so I quickly added, "about being able to help me get the nasty voice in my head to quiet down or at the very least disappear", he nodded. "Did you mean it", I asked quietly.
He smiled at that. "I can't promise to make it disappear, but I can assure you, you'll be able to control it". "Well I wanna know how", I replied immediately, overeager to get it done with. "Be patient", he said gently. "Before you can control it, we have to figure out what triggers it".
"I don't know that", I replied sadly. "All I know is, it all started after that strange girl, Nixa spelled me or hexed me at this point". "I heard about that from Nat", he said solemnly. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that", he apologized. "I didn't think she would do something that despicable. If not, I would have taken you home immediately no matter the consequences".
I could see it clearly on his face that he felt responsible for the crap that happened to me but he didn't even know the half of it. "I don't think there's anything you could've done to stop her that day", I said comfortingly. He was still struggling to accept what we both knew was the truth.
"Yeah, what did happen that day?", I asked suddenly, recalling the vision I had that day. He went stiff for a few seconds and I just knew he didn't want to tell me about it. I didn't want to push, but then I wanted to confirm that he did make it home in time to help out or prevent a catastrophe.
It took him a while but surprisingly he answered. "Let's just say things would have been a lot worse if I hadn't gotten home when I did". "Well I guess that is good news then", I said in relief. I had a few more questions I wanted to ask but I didn't want to intrude, so I just settled for quiet.
"I have a question for you though", he asked turning to face me with his hands on his knees. "Ask away", I answered immediately. "Yeah, what did happen that day?", he asked with a smile. I laughed right away, understanding the unspoken joke.
"You just had to do that didn't you", I said while laughing. "Yup, I wouldn't miss such a chance for anything in the world", he fired right back, laughing with me now. We looked at each other, smiled and both said "I'm petty like that". I think that was the first time I laughed since I got cursed. It felt good.
After a few more seconds of unbridled laughter, he looked at me, placed his hand on my face with two of his digits tapping my temple, he asked, "so how does it feel in here now?". I hadn't realized it but when he asked that, I just realized that the voice in my head had gone quiet completely and I definitely felt better. It came as a surprise to me though, he had been trying to help me all along.
"It feels quiet and peaceful", I replied quietly, still in awe of how it happened. He smiled warmly at that and took his hand away from my face. I didn't like that, at all. He took the warmth with him. "Sometimes all you need is a nice distraction or a change of pace and stop focusing on the issue", he said in encouragement. "I would really like to know what you saw that day at the party but I don't think now is a good time", he said candidly.
"Yeah, me too", I replied absentmindedly. My mind had gone back to the vision he was talking about. I didn't know if I'd ever be ready to tell him about it. I was lost in my thoughts when I felt him grab my hand gently as he shook his head. "No dwelling on the issue with that much focus okay", he said. I nodded my head in reply.
"Well I should get going", he said rising to his feet with my hand still in his, pulling me up with him. "Thanks for stopping by and helping me out", I told him honestly. "You are very welcome", he replied. "I guess we'll be seeing you in school on Monday then", he said raising his brows in question. "I don't think that'll be possible y…", I started to say only for him to interrupt me.
"No excuses, Nat said to tell you", he said immediately, adding afterwards, "You are coming to school on Monday. Nat's words not mine", he smiled at me as he released my hand, ruffled the ends of my hair a little and walked out of my room. I just stood there with a smile on my face as I heard him downstairs say bye to Aunt Maia and my Mom.
I think it was a few more seconds which felt like minutes mind you, before I was able to pull myself out of the trance to go to bed, and for the first time since Nixa spelled me, I slept a peaceful sleep. No dreams and no nightmares, my definition of best promo ever.