"Hello", I said into the receiver the minute I accepted the call. I heard nothing on the other end for a few seconds and then, "Asha". You know how bad memories remain planted in your brain to a point that even if you successfully push the memory out of your consciousness, subconsciously your body still remembers what it felt like. That was how I felt when I heard that voice crawl over my skin like a cold snake slithering its way to the kill.
I went rigid where I sat instantly and goose bumps rose up on every surface of my skin. "Asha", the cold voice drawled again. In every nightmare I've experienced since I was saved from that incident his voice was the only thing that ever gave me a panic attack right from my dreams into real life and I could feel another one building right now, affirming what I already knew. The demon has found me.
"Don't tell me your mother forgot to teach you manners", he asked icily when I still failed to give a response. I kept swallowing and trying to form words but my mind had drawn a blank slate. He waited again and when he got no response, he shouted this time. One of the few things he knew how to do so well.
"Damn it, stupid girl, open your mouth and answer me or your mother will be paying for your sins", he threatened angrily. At the mention of my mother, my senses returned with full speed because I knew he didn't make threats lightly.
"I'm sorry", I replied in a small voice. It felt like I was seven again and he had all the power. I hadn't gotten better over the years, I finally realized. I had only been putting on a brave front and that shield was crashing down right in front of me. It made me feel weak and completely stupid.
"Better", he agreed coldly. "Now we can finally get down to business. You have someone I want and I happen to have someone you love, so let's make a trade for now". If there was one lesson I'm certain I learnt quickly enough during the days I spent as his captive, it was that he always had a loophole somewhere in his words.
He would choose them carefully and deliberately and leave you for a fool when he finally gets what he wants. I also knew though that I had to play along or someone is really going to get hurt. "Who do you want?" I asked carefully.
"The answer to that question depends on the worth of my new captive", he replied sinisterly. "And who is this new captive?" I asked dreadfully, my mind racing to figure out who it could be. "Why, your mom of course", he replied sweetly.
"You never regret a moment until it's gone.
So live each day like it's the only one,
and when it's done you'll never regret
because you gave it your all."
The panic attack that had been building up slowly suddenly picked up its pace and before I knew it, my eyes became blurry and I started hyperventilating. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and I struggled to even take a breath. It felt like my heart was about to implode on itself and true fear unlike any I��ve ever known took hold of my heart.
Images of my mom flashed before my eyes and tears rushed down my face. Every single thing I could have done differently with my mom started running through my mind and the pain from it all was unbearable. Guilt worked its claws up my neck and tightened its grip on my throat. I could no longer stay seated and fell to my knees on the floor heaving badly.
I don't know how long I stood there crying and struggling to breath, don't know how that miserable call ended, don't know when Xander returned to the room and saw me drowning in pain I caused myself, don't know how long it took for the pain to ease, don't know how I got into the shower, don't even know how I got wet and didn't notice.
All I know is by the time I came to from the hardest and longest episode I've ever had in my life, I was soaked completely and wrapped in Xander's arms while he soothed me with comforting words. I was tired, weighed down by guilt and swimming in my own misery and regret.
I have never regretted a decision in my life like I regretted not giving my mom a chance that morning and if there's one thing I have learnt about regrets, they're almost impossible to fix.
*******Xander's POV*******
Today was seriously turning out to be the start of what was beginning to look like the most eventful week I've had all year long and that includes even the attack that nearly happened to my pack.
When I had gone to Asha's place this morning, I had simple plans. Confirm the seal on her back is not beckoning any other wolf and then have a nice date after school but all that flew out the window when Maia's twin Mila returned.
She was one of the deadliest witches in the Sivan coven and she had been as terrible as Nixa if not worse. Maia had sacrificed her place in the coven to ensure her sister was not hunted down and killed. The only reason that even worked was because they were twins and one had to carry the repercussions of the darkness the other got involved with, if not there'd be chaos.
To think she also had a hand in the painful experiences Asha suffered as a child. I don't know what I would have done to her, chaos be damned, if Asha hadn't fled the house almost immediately but now that witch was not my only problem anymore.
I don't know who Asha spoke with over the phone when I left to give her some privacy, a mistake on my part, but when I came back I nearly died when I saw her doubled over in pain, crying and struggling to breathe.
It seemed whatever she had gone through in the past was gradually circling back and that cycle was trying to repeat itself again. Maia had told me before we left this morning that Asha was very intuitive and she had a bit of a psychic ability which she refuses to believe.
One of the things she had told me and I was starting to see as true was, "she will go through hell for the coming months, it's her way of building strength that is required to embody the fullness of her powers. She has been through that before when she was rescued from the place she had been held captive.
Only thing is children are easier to deal with since their minds are still malleable and it was easy to help guide her mind but not anymore. So you need to help her believe in herself and her strength or else, the pain will eat her alive and end up destroying her mind".
I didn't know the first thing about dealing with a panic attack but the minute I recognized it as what she was feeling, I held her and tried talking her out of it but it was like she could not hear anything I said. Not knowing what else to do I rushed her to the bathroom and placed her on the shower floor, then turned on the shower and sat right beside her.
I may not know how to help but I think the whole point was to ensure that she calmed down and that was my goal and I achieved it my way. It took a while before she finally calmed down enough to breathe normally, but still I held onto her. Fear due to the things Maia had told me wouldn't allow me leave her alone.
We sat there for such a long time, I began doing my alpha duties via mindlink. Keith had linked me to ask about the meeting we were supposed to have concerning Mila. I attended right there on the floor and we still could come to no conclusion, basically because I didn't want to do the same thing Asha's mom did. So I knew Asha had to be present when we made the final decision on what to do about Mila.
My body was starting to go numb from sitting in the same position for a long time. I decided then to carry her to the room to ensure that she wouldn't be going through worse when she was okay. Before I could stand up and carry her though, she held onto me by arms and said so quietly I would have missed if not for my sharp hearing, "stay a little longer please".
She sounded weak and it broke my heart that I hadn't been there in time to stop the panic attack before it got so bad. I tried to get comfortable this time and she snuggled into me doing the same.
About five minutes or so later, I left her in the bathroom to take a quick shower while I grabbed a change of clothes for her and deposited them on the counter in the bathroom. While she had her bath, I left the room to Jesse's to quickly do the same.
Luckily, I made it back to the room just in time. She walked out of the bathroom in black sweatpants and a white tee. Without a word, she walked to the bed and I helped tuck her in. Her defenses completely lowered, she looked vulnerable and weak and I hated it.
I sat beside her and placed her hands in mine, rubbing gently as I asked, "Do you want to talk about it now or do we leave it until later?" She debated her answer for a few seconds and I could see the struggle in her eyes to tell me now or later. She finally settled for the former.
She sat up gently on the bed, removed her hands from mine and began fidgeting with them in her laps as she told me the story that tested every limit of my control like nothing ever had in my entire life.
*******Asha's POV*******
Telling Xander about my past was not an easy decision to come to but with the way I was feeling I just knew I wanted to lay everything bare and move past it. If he rejects me, it's going to hurt but at the very least I'll know soon enough and begin patching up whatever is left of my heart.
"I don't know if Aunt Maia ever told you but I was kidnapped when I was seven", I began painfully. "I was in school a few days after my birthday, my friends and I were still basking in the aftermath of my birthday party and so we decided to have lunch outside the school cafeteria that day. It was one of my favorite spots, the tree planted just right outside the cafeteria".
"These men just appeared out of nowhere and grabbed me right in the midst of my friends like they already knew who they wanted. I was knocked out by the one who grabbed me and the next thing I saw was…" I took a deep breath. This was harder than I thought. Xander kindly placed his hand on mine and gave me strength to continue.
"I woke up and everywhere was white at first. When my eyes finally adjusted I could make out a number of people behind a glass fall facing me. There were computers hooked to walls outside and inside the room I was placed in. I had needles poking into my skin from my arms to my legs".
"They kept me there like that for hours, only coming to check on the computers I was hooked to a few times. I cried for my mom and Lucas that day and was ignored all through. I gave up on crying soon enough though, because the next day… the monster came".