For the rest of the day, I went through my classes wondering what I did to Kyle to get him so pissed at me. He never showed up to any of his classes after that. Everyone knew I was the reason too. I couldn't stand the embarrassment; all the stares and whispers. I decided I was just going to ditch and walk home. I was about to leave but fate had a different plan. I went to the ladies room to pee, and right before I left, I could hear someone in the stall two over from me sniffling like she had been crying. I turned and also saw drops of blood on the floor two stalls over. I walked over to the stall and knocked on the door. "Everything okay there?"
For a minute I didn't hear anything, but then she opened the stall and stared at me. I looked at the beautiful girl standing in front of me. She had jet black hair, like me that makes her light skin pop. Her tear- filled blue eyes that are filled with pain no one should have to carry, could make anyone stop and stare for a while. But it wasn't her raven hair or her blue eyes that my eyes lingered on, it was the bloody cut still dripping blood on her left arm and a blade from a pencil sharpener in her right hand.
I thought of what Kasen did the day he caught me cutting back in my first week at Miss Donna's. I repeated what he did to the dot. Without speaking, I took her cut arm and cleaned it carefully, took the blade from her weak and hesitant right hand fingers, flushed it, and wrapped her in a hug to tell her without words that someone out there does care. I never asked why she cut. I knew from experience that if you did, you had a grand chance of putting the person in a more depressed mood. When and only if she decides to tell me, I will be there to listen.
"Do you want me to take you home?" I asked her and she nodded. We walked to her car and rode to her house in silence. The only time her beautiful silk- like voice was audible to my ears was when she told me where to turn.
When I pulled into her drive I didn't expect her to thank me. So I guess that's why when she invited me inside I was too shocked to say or do anything but nod. Her house is not a very big one. It's a normal size house not too far from the school, maybe walking distance too. It looks to be a two story house with four windows in the front. We walked inside and instantly it hit me. The smell of fresh baked chocolate chunk cookies.
"Jenny, dear, is that you?" I heard a woman call from where I'm guessing the kitchen would be.
"Yeah mom, it's me! Mom, I want you to meet someone." Jenny called back as we walked into the kitchen. A woman who looked to be in her mid-30s looked up from the cookie dough she was kneading. She looks as if she has been baking all day.
"Hi, I'm Jenny's mother, Helen." She said standing up and extending her hand for me to shake.
"Hi, I'm Devyn. Nice to meet you Mrs...." I said shaking her hand and wondering what to call her.
"Ms. Cross. But please just call me Helen." Wait... Helen Cross? Could it be? I was about to ask her a question when she turned to start kneading her cookie dough again. Jenny and I were about to go up to Jenny's room when Ms. Cross stopped me.
"Devyn, what did you say your last name was?"
"Walters ma'am." All the color drained of her face. It was then that I knew. Didn't have to ask, and neither did she. I looked down at my shoes suddenly finding my shoes and the floor more interesting than that of the rest of the house.
"Are you the daughter of John and Marie Walters?" She asked me quietly. I nodded slowly.
"Mom's gone and Dad's in jail for attempted murder on the count of a minor." I breathed out a shaky breath. "He tried to kill me." I said for the first time ever.
"Oh Devyn. I'm so sorry to hear that. I knew your father quite well." She cried, running over to me, wrapping me in a hug.
"It's okay." I told her, even though I knew deep inside, it really wasn't. "Well I better go and find Jenny." I said, pulling away.
"Okay Devyn! Thank you for bringing her home!" She called to me as I walked up the stairs to find Jenny's room.
===
I finally found it after looking through three other doors. When I walked in, Jenny was sitting on her bed looking down at her hands that sat on her lap. I walked over and sat down next to her. She never looked up. She stayed silent. I looked over and saw she was silently crying. I put my arm around her to hug her and she leaned into me and cried into my shirt. When she stopped crying, she pulled away and just looked at me.
"Why did you help me?" she asked.
"Because I know how it feels to be in that place. That place where the only safe haven is to make you bleed."i explained honestly. I pulled up my sleeve, letting her see the damage I've done to myself through the years.
"And here I was thinking you thought I was a freak." She said, chuckling slightly even though there was no joke.
"No. You are no freak. Everyone has an escape from pain. Yours just happens to be more life threatening than most. While others drink the pain away, or do drugs, or drown themselves in work, you, Jenny, you find relief in the self-inflicted pain." I told her.
"I used to be happy. I did. Then, something changed." She said. I realized she was about to tell me why she cut.
"No, Jenny, you don't have-"
"I know I don't have to, but I need to. I need to get it off my chest. I trust you anyway."
"Okay..."I let her continue.
"Anyway, something changed in me. I didn't see the world like I did before. I didn't see myself like I used to. I'd look in the mirror and see someone I hated. I couldn't fit into any of my jeans. At the time, Mom had just got laid off and we didn't have the money to buy me anymore jeans. I started eating less. Slowly, my appetite got smaller. I lost a lot of weight. I made it to where I wanted, but I was Anorexic. Then I started to see more flaws in myself. I started to hate them. Like how in tight tops and dresses it looks like I have a baby bump, or how when I run, my legs knee each other and cause me to slow down or fall. Slowly, I started to keep to myself. Then, I found a safe place in books. My 7th grade year, I got named Book Nerd. At first, I didn't have a problem with it. But then it got worse. Gradually, the bullying increased. Then, god, then, the only friend I really did have, she committed suicide. I was no longer a Book Nerd. I was "The Reason of Suicide." Every time someone would see me, they would cough "Suicide." By the time of my freshman year, I had started cutting. I can still hear people whispering in the halls, "She is Suicide." Today was the first time I had cut at school. Today was the day 3 years ago that my best friend took her last breath." She said with silent tears falling from her eyes. I felt so sorry for her.
"Hey, Jenny?" I asked getting her to look at me.
"Yeah?"
"I want you to know, you're not alone. I know we just met, but I know how you feel. You're not alone no matter how alone you feel. If you ever need to talk, I'll be there." I had a feeling we'd be great friends, almost like sisters.
After that we began talking and getting to know each other better. It was nice to have another friend to talk to besides Christina and Kaitlin. Maybe I wasn't half bad at making friends after all.
After a couple hours, Jenny's mom came in and looked between us with a solemn look on her face. I knew then it was my time to go. She was about to tell Jenny.
I said my goodbyes and assured her mother I would be fine walking home. I needed the time to think anyway. I left as quickly as I could to give them the space they needed