Mare
"Farley, is that really you?"
"Who the hell do you think it is?"
My body felt either relaxed or stiff, I couldn't tell the difference finally hearing her voice.
"But I haven't gotten ahold of you since-"
"I know darling, it's been a while but there's been a reason behind it that I can finally tell you about."
Reasons? What reasons were they that was keeping her from talking to me for several months? I know it wouldn't be bad because they would need me. Right? But I couldn't wrap myself up in thoughts without actually hearing Farley.
"So what are the reasons." My voice trailed off, leaving her a chance to explain herself in the most Farley way possible.
"Well, I'll have to make it brief, its a lot."
"What do you mean a lot?"
"Just listen. I was meaning to call you forever, got every single voicemail you delivered but due to new circumstances and regulations at the Guard, contact for everyone was cut off."
"Doesn't sound brief to me."
"It isn't but if you heard, there are small uprising within the silver community."
I don't doubt it, it was a quick but ruthless civil war and with that comes protesters of the new way. A life of reds and silvers as equals.
"They're not close to becoming a threat, just pests within the operation but new generals are taking it with caution. I mean we've gotten this far, we don't want news traveling anywhere about our plans with the country."
"But I'm not someone that would tell any information."
"I know Mare but its just some strict rules that developed over the months."
As much as wanted to pull my questions and stubbornness on her, she was giving me answers I was asking for and me blowing it on her wouldn't get me anymore.
"Why did you get new generals?"
"I'm guessing because we're in the reconstruction part of the plan, we need more people that can control the country at this time. Kinda boring for me honestly, haven't used my gun in a while."
"What do you mean control?"
"Jesus Mare, not in a dictator way, like breaking barriers between red and silver. Control as in making sure no one is killed in the process."
I guess it made sense, I've read about reconstruction in a country before. Small things make it crumble, supervision is key and the longer it takes the better it will be.
"Well, when can I see you. Are you ever coming down to Montfort."
"I don't think I'll be going down to that small town of yours but that's actually why needed to talk to you."
I was waiting for the question, a question that would answer my problems or make them worse.
"I want you to come back and help with some stuff. This change is a lot and I think it's important you're here."
"I-"
"You don't have to Mare, I know you have your family here and you don't want to risk that again."
"I'll go."
There was no risk there. If they stay safe here and I leave, I'm not risking their lives. They'll think you in trouble. Gisa words brush my mind. Not if I tell them it's for a reason. I just have to be honest when I leave. Be honest, but don't go telling them part of me is leaving because I feel useless here.
"Are you sure Mare. I don't want to force you-"
"You're not Farley, I need to leave for my own
reasons, but I won't stay long." Another lie slips from my mouth, I think my mind will force me to leave early, but what I want is to stay there for however long I can.
"That sounds good. I can get some people to pick you up in the morning."
"That early?"
"I can do later but were on a tight schedule here."
"No, it's fine."
"Good."
I bite my lower lips thinking if I should regret my decision at all but the lack of regret makes me worried and I bite a little harder, tasting iron.
"Mare."
"Yea." I come out shaky by accident and I cough to suppress that random sadness stuck in my throat.
"I'm glad you're coming back."
"I am too."
"Bye Barrow."
"Bye."
The conversation ends with a deep click that strikes a nerve in my head. I finally got what I needed, a way out. It's just a matter of time before I regret it.
I put my elbow on the armrest of the couch and clasp my hand over my mouth. A heavy breath is quiet under my hand. I was going to have to tell Gisa, the hardest to get through when it came to my dumb decisions.
I heard laughter coming up from the interior balcony. Footsteps come down the stairs and the laughter gets softer but closer. I don't turn my head and wait for them to notice me.
"Oh Mare, there you are," Mom says, ending her laughter with Gisa, who was behind her.
I smile at her but she dodges it and I know the sooner I tell her the news I won't see a smile from her in a while.
"Mare, help me with dinner."
I get up, avoiding Gisa stern eyes. She goes back to couch as I place the fish out of the freezer and she goes back to writing and reading. Probably about Bison.
_______________
I don't know why mom decided to make the fish so complicated with the flavors. I think she asked me to marinated it three times, all with different sauces. It made dinner later and the sun had already fallen, outside now an indigo blue.
Gisa placed the table and Trammy and Bree, after spending the whole day in town, showed up just in time to eat. Dad waited patiently.
"Thank you, darling," Dad said as she placed a kiss on her cheek.
"Thanks, Mom." Trammy and Bree said together. Gisa is the last person to sit with us. Her hair is picked up in a loose bun, strands falling in her eyes and close to her ears. "Thanks, Mom."
Like every dinner we have, the beginning starts off quiet and the thin air echo's the slurps and chomps in the dining room. Mom breaks the silence.
"How was town Trammy."
"Fine, like most days but the market was busier than normal and dad was getting frustrated with the sales clerk."
"Is that right?" Mom turned her head to dad, who sat at the end of the table, across from her.
"Yea," Bree says a little too loud in my ear. "He was getting frustrated because all of the peaches were overripe."
"Hmm sounds like him," I say and that gets a small chuckle out of everyone, including Gisa.
After the air is filled with conversation that I don't want to be apart of, I think for myself and wonder if this would be a good time to mention me leaving. I'm not worried about Trammy or Bree and even dad, but Gisa and mom. The people who pride themselves of being my guardian and my conscience.
My bite of food gets smaller and smaller as I think what the story will be when they ask questions. I would have to make it simple and equally sound safe. But dinner was nearly ending, and my plate was full compared to my siblings and parents scraps.
"Farley called."
The loud conversation ends and mom turns her gaze to me. "That's good, what did she have to say."
Slow and steady.
"She told me they're working hard on reconstruction and that there are new generals there directing everything." I toss my food with my fork, gliding the fish fat against its juices.
Gisa strikes her eyes to mine, "Anything else, Mare." She drags my name a little too long than I would have liked it.
"Yea, she wants me to visit her."
Gisa mouths slowly drop but not enough for it to cause a scene.
"That's cool. You get to see how Norta's doing." Bree says putting the rest of his food in his mouth, clearing his plate.
"When are you leaving?" Mom asks and her voice sounds more concerned than normal.
"She wants to pick me up in the morning."
"That early? And you said-."
"I said yes, but I won't be gone for long, a week just to see some old friends."
Mom's face didn't have her normal smile but she seemed less concern. That made me happy but Gisa's face showed differently.
I couldn't tell if her cheeks were red with anger or it was a natural blush she had. She scooted her chair backward causing the ugly sound of wood on wood. She stood up and without blinking or looking back at me she left up to the stairs.
"Excuse me."
I leave without blinking either at my confused family and head towards her room.
"Gisa?" I see feet leave into her room and follow her.
"Gisa!-" She shut the door on me and I choose not to knock, save her the words I'm willing to scream out. Instead, I grab my coat and watch as my parents and brothers put away the dishes.
"Where are you going?"
"To see Kilorn."
"But its late Mare," Mom yells but I respond with the shut door behind me.
_______________
Kilorn lived across the lake closer to the town. I've visited it most of the time but he travels to Ascendant a lot, I assume it's Davidson, putting him more to work instead of a fisherman at the lake. Though I know he's home, because the lights on the top of his home are on and that meant he's staying up like normal.
Like many times, I successfully climb up the blue cottage home to his window on the second floor of his house where the light shines.
I see him sitting at his old desk he refuses to throw out, reading.
I knock on the window three times and the second time he greets me with a smile. He opens the window and I see goosebumps rise when the cold air fills his room.
"Haven't seen you in a while."
That will last longer than he thinks.
"Hey, you wanna go for a walk."
"Um its kinda cold."
"I need to talk to you." I gave a face that would melt him into submission.
"Let's go to the railroad."
I smile and he crawls out of the window.
_______________
The railroad used to be called Valley Town Loop Railroad back before the Calamities. It's old and abandoned but it's sturdy above the ground. Kilorn like normal, balances on the tracks following me to the middle of the railroad. If he fell, he would die. It was a big drop, a good amount of feet below us was the ground. He's not dumb, but then again.
I sit in the middle of the railway looking at the town. The lights aren't bright enough to dull the early stars in the night but the lights make the town vibrant and alive though doubt anyone besides young kids are awake.
Kilorn sits next to me and his feet, dangling off the tracks, are kicking up and down like a child.
"How's Ascendant?"
"Fine, the number of people can be annoying but Davidson allows me my own apartment near the capital."
"What are you doing there anyway."
"I'm mostly an intern they say, help with small things but Davidson wants me to work with influences within the Republic."
The Republic could mean anything, listening to politicians to acting with the politicians, but whatever Kilorn was doing was enough for him to be happy.
"How about you?"
"Farley wants me to come back to Norta."
"Really? When?"
"Tomorrow but I won't be gone for long."
His eyebrows bent towards his inner eye and his lips curled awkwardly. "Why do I scene that's a lie."
I catch my breath before its obvious and give out a long sigh. "Because I'm a bad liar when it comes to you."
"Do you not like it here?"
I turn my body away from him, "Its not that, I just miss some parts of the place, and I feel if I go back there I might feel complete in a way. Get back what I lost there."
"What did you loose there?"
"I'm not sure yet but its something that keeping me from being useful." I lift up my palm and stare at the scars on the tips of my hand. "My lightning, it feels weaker."
"Well probably because it's not in use anymore. You use that as a fight mechanism so right now it feels like it has no use."
"It" my powers was not an "it" but I understood him, no use meant no power, there's no threat for it to trigger. I rest my palms on my lap and cast my gaze to the bland and small town.
"Do you think I'll be useful there, in Norta?"
He breaths out for what he calls a laugh, "Of course, you're that lightning girl everyone talks about."
Not anymore. I was now an ordinary newblood. A newblood that can't use her abilities. A new blood having a mid-life crisis at age 19.
_______________
The early morning was an ugly one, I didn't pack well and I blame my mom who insisted I bring stuff like photos of the family. The sun was nowhere to be seen, it was four, earlier than Farley said.
The door stood open as the man in the black car waited for me but my attention was to Gisa, who face dropped when I began hugging mom and dad. By the time I hugged Trammy and Bree she rushed to the backyard and before I could call out for her the man blared the horn loud enough to wake up the whole complex.
"Ma'am, we have a schedule here."
My heart sunk for Gisa but the man was serious and my mind was too rushed to stand my ground about leaving.
The car smelled new and the interior was black and open, enough for eight people.
As the car rolled off, I saw Gisa, staring at the mountains, in the golden field. I wanted to call out and tell her goodbye, but my stomach felt like it was coming up my throat. If I regret this now than I'll regret everything here. I won't be gone long and I can promise Gisa that, a lie I won't follow.