Chapter 10
Jisoo gets in the car in the backseat while Min Yoo sits in the front and the car starts moving. She keeps looking into the void from the window and when they're about to pass the gate, Jisoo takes her gaze away from the window to the inside of the car. That's when she notices that there is only one bag here and realizes that she has forgotten the other one. She asks the driver to stop quickly and go back. Surprised by her request, Min Yoo turns his head towards her and asks about the matter.
"I forgot the other bag."
- "Oh, I'll get it."
"No, no, I'll go." She tells him simply, in case his presence would disturb the girls.
After the car returns to its place, Jisoo gets out and speeds hers way up to the top floor. Walking with hurried steps, she forgets that the bag is in the office, thinking that it's in her room too, so she skips the office and heads towards her wing.
When she reach the wing and is about to open the door, she finds it already partially open.
Once she opens the door wider and steps inside few steps, she hears faint voices. The voices of people talking. After the door section there is a short passage separating it from the chest of the wing with a large partition, she walks through it carefully, getting closer and the sounds becoming clearer..
"Lisa..I thought you were serious about this..."
Jisoo stops in her tracks.
"It seems I was wrong!!"
Jisoo became confused..very confused..Voices never reached her ear and she didn't know who these voices belong to and what they are doing in her wing. No one here but these three girls..
"I am really serious, but I can't take the discomfort out of me."
She can feel her hands starting to tremble, and the fear starting to crawl inside her, her hidden fear from the past, as she tries to absorb what is happening..
She starts walking slowly.
"Don't worry, nothing will happen. We'll just go and look at the papers.. if we don't find anything, we come back here as if nothing happened. Even if we find the password, Jisoo is too busy on her dates to even notice!"
She stops again as soon as she hears her name and the phrase that followed it.
They know her name..they know her work.. they know her..Knowing who these voices are, become eating her from the inside and at the same time her fear has increased and her facial features have become pale.
"And in any case, I won't stay any longer here, even if I can't steal the safe .. I'm leaving from here!"
She is close to the end of the partition and in every step she sees a part of these people until she comes out and sees them completely; one is standing with her back facing her and the other stands in front of her.
"Now please mov-" the first one says as she turns around.
"Wh-what am I hearing?"
They are the two girls who she allowed to live with her temporary. They are not strangers, she knows them, but the voices she was hearing, who they were? Both of them can't talk..then to who they belong?
Silence reigns in the place, Jennie and Lisa, both are in a state of shock freezed in their place, looking at Jisoo and Jisoo looking at them.
Jisoo was looking at them with a mouth slightly open and eyes full of questions and confusion, eyes that were traveling from Lisa to Jennie repeatedly, but this silence is of no use. She must know..before losing her mind she must know.
"Voices..Whose voices they were?" Jisoo starts talking with a low hesitant voice.
No answer, just silence. She's starting to think about another possibility.
"In th-this wing, there's only you and I, even..even Min Yoo can't enter here without my permission." She says in a steady tone. "So, the voices..the voices I heard..that were speaking before..who they belong to?"
Once again..only silence..
"Answer me!" Jisoo shouts at them loudly and impatiently, making both Lisa and Jennie startle.
"Tell me now! who these voices were?" in a louder voice.
Another few moments of silence pass before they hear someone approaching them from the rooms' direction and Jennie turns her head slowly to their direction, Lisa and Jisoo does them same. It's Chaeyoung, apparently have just woken up because of the loud voice, walking slow and dragging her steps on the floor while wiping her eyes.
"Lisa?" She speaks in a sleepy tone and Lisa looks at her while shaking her head desperately, indicating that she should stop talking.
"Is that you? Why are your voices so loud?"
She finishes, blinking few times and getting closer to them when her vision becomes clear and her eyes lay on the person on the side to see that it was no one but Jisoo, looking at her shocked.
As soon as Chaeyoung sees her she becomes sober completely and realizes her action just now and she freezes in her place.
At that, Jennie shuts her eyes close momentarily and clenches her teeth. It is over now.. they're over. No more games and tricks now, Jisoo got her answer in the worst possible way.
She opens her eyes and looks at Jisoo, she's staring at her.. staring into her soul. Lifeless expressions, dark eyes.. her looks sent chills through her entire body.
Jisoo's hand stopped shivering as her gaze turns to the floor, and the fear that was inside of her disappeared. It became clear to her now that she collected all the pieces in her mind to become one. Her emotions are no use now, Jisoo is no longer nice and quiet that she realizes that; They..took her for a fool.
"Let- let's talk-"
Lisa tries to talk with her but Jisoo is quickly to cut her off, "Shut up." In a low firm voice.
"It's- it's not what-" Jennie tries too.
"Shut up." A bit louder
"Please ..."
- "I said. Shut the fuck up!" She shouts looking up at Jennie.
"J-Jisoo.."
- "Don't say my name!" Shouts again suddenly making Jennie wince. "Don't you dare say my name!"
Jennie's lips are trembling, she doesn't know what to do and what to say. She can't think of anything now, scared..too scared..and so is Lisa.
But why? Why is she so scared? Just a minute ago she was so confident about what she was doing..she didn't even care that she might get caught or what Jisoo will do or think if she found out. So why now that she did found out, she's so scared?
Maybe from how Jisoo is looking at them right now..she never saw her like this before.
"How could you?" Jisoo starts talking in a cold tone looking at them in disbelief. "After all that I've done for you? You wanted to steal me too?" She says and laughs a slight humorless laugh and turns her eyes at them one by one.
"Was this your plan from the beginning?"
They all look at her quickly, and their eyes screaming, no.
Silence fills the place as she keeps looking at them unbelievably.
"I believed that you were so innocent that you won't even dare to lie to me.." she adds with a bitterness. "I believed you!"
"Listen to me..please-" Jennie starts again carefully.
"Min Yoo was right..I shouldn't have allowed you to stay." Jisoo says coldly, ignoring her as she looks down.
"Let me..let me explain to you..please.."
Jennie tries to talk to her but Jisoo no longer receives any of their words, She has closed her ears and anger is all that controls her now.
"My intuition for the first time, has betrayed me." She says with a low voice, disappointed, mostly in herself. "I thought we..I thought.." She trails off and looks at Jennie for a moment, when she feels her eyes are getting teary and a tear is about to fall down her cheek she turns her head away from them and wipes her eyes unnoticeably.
🎶▶️ Epic Score - We Will Not Yield.
"You broke into my house and this is what I never allow." She says as she slowly turns her body, giving her back to them, it looks like she's going to head out but what she's going to do?
"No..Jisoo this's not it..listen to me."
Jennie says helplessly but Jisoo ignores her again.
"You can complete your little game in prison." She adds and starts walking.
'No! Stop!'
why doesn't she listen to her?
Why does it have to end like this? Why every time nothing works right for her? Why doesn't she let her talk to her? Why's she leaving?
When Jennie feels that all her efforts, thoughts, plans and anxieties have gone in vain, when she sees that even in the end she didn't succeed, that until the end she will suffer, that her life has been condemned to humiliation and permanent hardships.
When she just now realizes that the only true good thing that happened to her is in front of her walking away, that she lost everything..she loses her mind.
No, not after everything she went through. She cannot allow the matter to end like this, It cannot end like this. Prison? Is this her pay for all that she has suffered so far? To go to prison? No..it can't be..she can't.
But even so, even in this situation, her pride doesn't allow her to beg or humiliate herself. Jennie, who has nothing left of her but her useless pride that she hates so much, still until now refuses to submit, and therefore she rises..
"So what?" Jennie shouts making Jisoo stop in her tracks.
"Yes I wanted to steal you and so what?"
Jisoo turns back around slowly hearing that, to face Jennie.
She can see Jennie's veins as if they were about to pop out from her neck and face, with her hands clinging tightly to her pants.
"And so what if we stole it? Not as if this will affect you!" Jennie was speaking with loud and deep voice from the bottom of her throat, causing her voice to crack at the end of every sentence she says.
"For heaven's sake, look at the mansion you live in! Would it harm you if a little money disappeared?" She says with a hint of irony in her tone. "Yes! We lied to you.. But do you have the right to blame us? Did you even bother to know why? of course not!
We have done what our instincts told us! We have done what we need to survive! A spoiled girl like you will never understand!"
"Jennie! Stop it!" Lisa says to her but Jennie ignores her and continues with a stressed determined voice, "You were born with a spoonful of gold in your mouth! What do you know about the likes of us? What do you know about suffering? Your food is ready! Your house is ready! Your clothes are ready! You didn't have to make an effort to get them..You found everything ready for you!
In what right are you holding us accountable now? You have no right to be angry with us!
People like you who pushed us to be like this! And now you're punishing us for lying to you? Of course we will lie to you! Look how ignorant you are!"
Staring blankly at her and listening to her words, an old memory invades Jisoo's mind, something that her mother had told her in the past..
**
"Mom! When can we see people for who they really are?"
Her mother smiles at her strange, deep question, given her young age and answers:
"When they have nothing left to lose."
**
"Innocent?" She pauses a little in disbelief."The world I came from doesn't leave..anything innocent within you." She says with a steady shivering voice as she feels her tears are about to gather up in her eyes.
"You think you know how a miserable life looks like? Just because you are an illegitimate daughter? Does that fact sadden you?"
'No ..Jennie..stop!'
"Are you sad that your father sent you here?
Would you have liked it if he sent you to a better place and a bigger mansion?"
'Stop it! Before you cross the line.'
"Do you think you have suffered enough to make judgments about others?"
'Stop..'
"Acting all hight and mighty..Do you think you can deceive those around you with your fake smile?"
'No! You know this's not true..'
"Do you think that will make you a better person?"
'It's not her fault..stop it!'
"Does this justify you to look down at us like this?"
Jennie continues to throw hurtful words and Jisoo continues to stare at her, her eyes are getting darker and colder. Jennie can see that and so she turns her eyes to the floor as she lowers her head. She can't stop herself now, She has already pulled the trigger, the bullet has already been fired.
"You want to send us to prison? Come on, go ahead..do it.. Do it now !
Not like you will make a big difference, we're already in prison! Our entire life was a prison! It was a prison and it will remain a prison!
What did you think? What makes you think anything in the first place? And what did you expect? We will stay here with you and live forever happily? We and you are from different worlds..Our end was clear from the start! There's nothing that makes you think otherwise!" Clenching hard on her clothes, feeling her pain starting to flow slowly, maybe if she throw it all on her it will go away.
"Your family that you don't like.. your family that makes you sad.. at least you have a family!"
Jennie's hot tears grow and starts to fill her eyes, making her vision blurry towards the ground as they keep falling heavily.
"At least your father loves you enough to call you and asks about you..make sure you're okay! My father even forgot my existence!
If someone tries to harasse me, he wouldn't lift a finger! I had to save myself by myself! And in the end he left me and fled! This is the kind of father I have!
Did you have to work in a shitty place? Just so you can save your day? Did you have to work in a nightclub where men are waiting for the opportunity to prey on your body?"
Once again, Jisoo's intuition tells her that something is about to crash, is about to be broken. She can feel it getting closer and closer to the bottom..
It's her.
"Have you ever experienced a feeling of terror and fear? Were there people chasing you everywhere demanding money that you didn't even steal?
You don't know anything! Absolutely nothing!
Oh..right..you don't car-"
🎶⏸
The chaos that was possessing her..the feeling of the end that overwhelmed her heart.. her heavy soul and her burning eyes..
The pain that drove her to take out everything that was buried deep inside her; hatred, envy and jealousy..all these were eating her from the inside.
She was comforting herself that she was better than that..that she's stronger..that she is able to resist them whatever happens.
She thought she could.
Now that the pretending and strength have become meaningless, now that it has become clear to her that the reality is stronger and that all the walls she built for herself to protect her were an illusion, as if she pressed the red button that keeps all this intact, the button of self-destruction, she lets go of herself.
Her words that came out like a sharp blade cuts mercilessly and passes, hot tears accompany these words.. as if she was praying for someone to save her. She was breaking down, standing on the cliff of an abyss, might as well let them fall with her..
All those heavy feelings disappear and fade away the moment she feels an arm pulls her forward so that the other arm surrounds her, making her cut her words.
🎶▶️ [MV] 안 지연 (Ahn Ji Yeon) - Lost (The Smile Has Left Your Eyes OST)
Moments and she realizes that they are Jisoo's arms, she can tell from her scent.
Jisoo's arms embrace her strongly and tightly, shielding her from the world; a hand on her head pulling her towards her chest and a hand on her back, as if She's trying with everything she has to protect Jennie.
As if she has realized that if she doesn't do this now, Jennie would lose herself forever, she would be endlessly broken.
Jennie tries to push Jisoo away from her, but Jisoo clings more to her and tightens her embrace even more strongly.
"Easy.."
Jennie stills when she hears a voice she now has realized that she loved hearing it unconsciously.
"Easy on yourself.." Jisoo says gently, almost like a whisper.
'Ah..she's so warm.'
"It's all right now.. those days are over.."
'Her voice.'
"I'm sorry..I didn't know.."
'No! Don't! After everything I said to you?'
"I can't imagine how painful it was for you. I'm sorry.."
'Stop, stop.. I'm the one who should apologize!'
"I know these words came late, but those days are over.."
'Why are you like this to me? I don't deserve it!'
"You are safe now, no one can hurt you anymore.."
Jisoo says, in a soft and calm tone, as if she's singing a lullaby, like a sip of cold water at the end of a stressful day, pulling Jennie closer and caressing her back repeatedly.
"It's okay not to be okay," she pauses for a moment and then she adds softly, "you did well..You did well, you can rest now.."
Jennie's tears that were previously out of pain and heartburn, now they're pouring down because for the first time in her life she heard the words that she always wanted to hear. Throughout these years she wished, even if only one person..anyone..to tell her that, until she grew older and gave up this wish.
She realized that what made her sad when she saw a parent buying a doll for his child was not the lack of money nor because she wanted to buy that doll. She didn't want the doll, she wanted the person who gives her the doll. Someone take cares of her with the same love and affection.
She was alone.
Jennie starts crying like a newborn baby, the sound of her crying fills the entire place.. she cries as if she knew the meaning of crying for the first time.
She hugs Jisoo back, with her fingers clinging to Jisoo's shoulders desperately. Her tears on Jisoo's chest pouring down non-stop wetting that spot. The strength disappears from Jennie's legs causing her to collapse and sits on the floor, pulling Jisoo to sit with her too while she's still in her arms.
"Jisoo..jisoo.." She speaks with a broken voice between the cries, "Jisoo.. it hurts."
Jisoo lowers her head and presses the side of her face to the side of Jennie's face, making her lips close to her ear and pulls her more tightly.
"It's over now.."
- "It hurts so much!"
"I know..it's over.." she says as she strokes her head with so much tenderness.
"I'm here..don't worry..they can't hurt you anymore. You must be tired, you can rest now."
When she hears that, Jennie cries even harder again, weeping and sniffing, and doesn't calm down until after an hour of continuous crying when she falls asleep in her arms.
She was lost but now she is found.
🎶⏸
Meanwhile, Lisa who was watching them quietly, she hears short sniffs from behind, she turns to see Chaeyoung has started crying.
"Why are you crying too?" Lisa asks in a worried tone.
- "Seeing them like this made me remember the time when my parents passed away, you were hugging me like Jisoo is doing now." Chaeyoung says as she wipes her tears to stop them from falling down.
"Stop, or you will make me to cry too!"
. . . . . . . .
Jisoo gets out of Jennie's room and Min Yoo behind her closes the door.
"Thank you for helping me carry her."
- "Oh, it was nothing."
Jisoo walks toward the wing's chest, and looks at Lisa and Chaeyoung who are sitting silently with their hands on their thighs looking down.
Jisoo sits opposite them on the couch.
"Well, I think we have a lot to talk about.." Jisoo says staring at them sharply.
They look at her, wearing troubled expressions.
"Everything..tell me everything."
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"So you really don't know how to write or read?" Jisoo asks looking at them questionably.
"Yes." Chaeyoung answers.
- "And what about J-Jennie?"
Jisoo asks hesitantly, still feels strange when she speaks her name since they told her about it. Even talking to Lisa and Chaeyoung , she was wondering all the time if this is really happening and that these are their voices and she is sitting talking to them.
"I don't know about Jennie, she doesn't talk much about herself or her past." Lisa tells in a calm tone. "What happened earlier was the first time I saw her like this."
There is a moment of silence between them before Jisoo follows, "okay..you can go now. We'll talk tomorrow."
Lisa and Chaeyoung get up, bows to her and heads towards the room while Jisoo looks at the couch where they were sitting, staring into the void.
After entering their room, Min Yoo steps forward towards Jisoo.
"Mmm..ma'am?"
- "Yes, Min Yoo." She says tiredly.
"About the business dinner.."
As soon as she hears him saying that, her eyes widens and jumps quickly off the couch, astonished, to then Min Yoo adds before she could speak, "Don't worry, the moment I got up here and saw you in that situation, I called him directly and apologized to him for coming. I postponed the appointment for tomorrow evening."
- "Oh, I totally forgot. Damn!" She says letting out a breath if relief with one hand on her head and the other hand on her waist, "You saved me! "
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Jennie slowly wakes up, flips on the mattress playfully, stretching her body with a light smile on her face, unconsciously burying her face in the pillow a little, and then lays on her back while breathing comfortably.
She had an excellent night's sleep.
As she was suffering from insomnia, interrupted sleep, excessive thinking, anxiety and nightmares, all of which prevented her from sleeping peacefully. This time, unlike previous times, was the first time that she slept without waking up repeatedly during the night or having nightmares.
Since she just woke up, she still doesn't remember what happened yesterday and doesn't know why she is so happy and reassured now. She stares at the ceiling, smiling and feeling content.
"Good morning."
Her smile disappears as soon as she hears this annoying voice, pulling her back from her beautiful moment to reality.
She quickly rises her upper half up to see Min Yoo standing near the door, and has put a breakfast tray on the make-up table. As soon as she sees him, everything happened yesterday comes down at her heavily and she remembers what happened between her and Jisoo.
She turns her head away as she closes her eyes and clenches her teeth, feeling ashamed and guilty.
" I hope you had a good sleep." Min Yoo adds calmly, drawing her attention to look at him.
"Mrs. Jisoo asked me to bring your breakfast to your room. Now I will go.."
She gazes at him a little and then lowers her head. Min Yoo turns around and is about to open the door when he stops and turns back looking at Jennie.
"I can understand why you did what you did," Jennie raises her head and looks at him confused to then he continues, "Anyone in your place would have done the same, in the end, you don't know Jisoo. Luck was on your side from the moment she caught you that night. If I were the one who did, I would have called the police immediately without wasting a second! And you were lucky again yesterday."
He tells her in the most calmest tone as he looks at her coldly, placing his hand over the other.
"Didn't you ask yourself why the only lady of the mansion leaves her property and goes for a business dinner leaving people she doesn't know alone with only the servants? Didn't you ask yourself why she might trusted you so much? Or rather, did you think she trusted you in the first place?"
He gives her a meaningful look as she looks at him with questioning eyes.
"The mansion appears weakly protected at first sight, but all its parts are connected together." He says turning his gaze around the room. "In the safe there are sensors that can't be turned off except with a special code that differs from the code of the safe and nobody knows it except Jisoo, even I don't know it." Looks back at her and follows, "If you don't turn it off, once you place your hand on the keyboard of the safe, the main door of the wing will close and the alarms will go on throughout the mansion. Do you understand what does this mean?"
She lowers her gaze from embarrassment.
"It's not about whether she trust you or not, she knew from the start that you won't be able to do anything even if you want to. In other words, your plan failed before it even started." He finishes his words and leaves Jennie in a shock.
Now everything makes sense to her, she was so desperate to the degree that she didn't think correctly. She was so soaked in her darkness that she didn't see the light that appeared before her. She had lost her hope in people and all that remained was her suspicious, resentment and wary of them.
Her tears begin to fall and she covers her face with her hands.
How stupid? how pathetic? How did she become like this? How did her heart become so dirty? Why didn't she see early the dark person she has become?
'The things I said to her, I hurt her. I know that well and yet she..'
She stills as she remembers how Jisoo embraced her.
Now that she has returned to her senses, now that she's no longer blind, she can see her now.
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To be continued
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