I awoke and opened my eyes enough to see I was curled up against Jaspen with my head against his chest. I could hear his irregular heartbeat and it was soothing in an odd sense. Unlike Sebastian, who made me warm in a numb way from him being cold like ice, Jaspen was just warm. He radiated warmth and it was a nice change.
I just wished he would let me choose. It frustrated me to no end that he thought he needed to keep me at an arms length away. I knew I was courting Sebastian, but we just didn't fit. I knew that ever since I met Jaspen. Sebastian treated me like I was glass or a flower; Jaspen treated me with respect and a warrior. He understood me on a deeper level, but ghosts from his past were pushing him to keep me at a distance. At least somewhat. He sometimes caved. Like last night. I smiled, curling against him more.
I felt him wake up a little and I snapped my eyes shut. He stirred a little bit and ran his hand through my hair. This was how it was supposed to be.
"Morning," he mumbled groggily.
I cursed under my breath. "Morning," I said.
I sat up and stretched. My back had a knot in it, but it was worth it. He had let me close in a small sense. It was a small victory. I smiled slightly, yawning.
"We should go see if Cael has found anything after breakfast. I smell frost berry oatmeal."
I sniffed, getting a whiff of what he was talking about. It smelled delicious. He threw off his furs and tugged on his boots stumbling out the tent door. I watched him go for a moment, but then I rose doing the same thing, grabbing my cloak and fastening it and grabbing his as I stumbled out to catch up with him.
When I found him in the village center, he was talking with the young, pretty redhead who was infatuated with him. I stopped folding my arms over my chest, letting out a low growl of frustration with him. What if he chose her just to try to push me back to Sebastian? No. I don't think even Jaspen could be that cruel. I ran one hand nervously through my bangs, smirking slightly because I didn't used to do that until I saw Jaspen do it so many times.
After his short conversation with her, he finally saw me and walked towards me. "You look defensive," he said curiously. "What's wrong?"
"What did she want?"
I failed horribly at keeping the jealousy out of my voice. He must not have noticed or pretended he didn't. I was guessing the first. He seemed too open to do the latter.
"She just … likes me," he said quietly with a slight confused tone to his voice. "She's too young though and Beautiful Bloods and Dark Bloods shouldn't mix. It doesn't usually work out well."
"Oh," was all I could think of to say.
He smirked. "You aren't jealous are you?"
"No," I quipped, trying not to blush.
I failed at that horribly too. He had noticed the tone of jealousy in my voice. Or had he read my thoughts? I bit my lower lip. No other guy had been able to make me feel so confused in my life. I had never chased a male before either.
He grabbed my chin in his rough, calloused hands.
"I've noticed something."
"What is that?" I snapped, looking him in the eye.
I had never noticed that they were actually black and held their own night sky with the gold, metallic flecks. I had never seen eyes like his.
"You are bad at lying."
I flushed slightly. No other person had ever made feel as he did. He made me actually off balance. He wasn't a gentleman at all with his blunt comments. Not my usual crush, I'd admit. I usually went for guys that were safe; guys that I could read and knew exactly how they would treat me. With Jaspen it was unpredictable.
"I…," I stuttered.
I cursed inwardly. How dare he make me feel like this? I had never stumbled for words in my life. All I could think about was how there seemed to be no end to his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked, placing one hand on the tree behind me.
He was smirking. I'd have given anything to have his ability of reading minds just then.
"You," I growled.
I pulled my face away from his hand. His smile broadened.
"What about me?" he asked.
I pushed him out of my way and began running. I needed to get away from him. He was confusing me. My own feelings were confusing me. Isn't he what I wanted? Isn't this what I wanted?
I ran a while longer and finally noticed a pine that had snapped a bit and made a kind of shelter. It would serve as a good place to think. Hopefully he would be a gentleman enough to allow me some time alone.
I was so confused.