We had been allowed to stay with Cael for the night while his people looked through their scrolls for a possible remedy to my problem. They had given Sasha and me a tent to ourselves and she seemed frustrated with the idea of sharing a tent with me.
"I could sleep outside if you wish," I offered.
"Like you could sleep out there without dying of frostbite," she snapped.
She was huddled as close to the tent side as possible. I was trying not to be amused. She had, after all, allowed me to fall asleep against her that one night after the battle in the lower city. She also had accused me of being cold towards her and now she was as far away from me as possible. I guess this was progress. It meant she was thinking about Sebastian.
"I was just trying to come up with a solution. Why did you say one tent would be okay if you were going to be uncomfortable, Sasha?" I asked.
She sighed. "I know they don't like us here. I didn't want them to turn down helping you out just because I was being stubborn."
I chuckled and she rolled towards me, glaring. "What's so amusing?" she growled.
I let my smile fall. "Nothing."
She rolled her eyes.
"Have you made your choice?" I asked.
"Like I have one," she snapped, rolling back over.
I sighed. "What draws you to me anyhow, Sasha? I just bring death and destruction wherever I go."
"What draws you to me?" she retorted.
I thought for a moment. How was that question fair? That was like comparing a beautiful day to the foggy night. Like comparing a butterfly to a spider. Like comparing a diamond to a pebble. She was the most spectacular person I had ever known.
"Well?" she asked impatiently.
"You fight for every bit of happiness you get. You have a fighter's spirit and don't like letting people think otherwise. You are witty, kind and loyal. You are also very blunt and have some very ad-"
She elbowed me in the ribs making me stop. "What was that for?" I growled.
She said nothing, but I swore I saw a blush on her cheeks. "Well?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said.
I saw a curt smile play on her lips.
"You're not the monster you make yourself out to be," she whispered. "It's just fate, Jaspen. It's not you."
I said nothing. Fate had nothing to do with it. It was Ander. I sighed.
"It's true," she persisted.
"Thank you," I said quietly not knowing what else to say.
She turned back to face me. We were mere inches from each other. Her eyes flashed a bright yellowish-green.
"You're not a monster," she said, bringing her hand to my cheek and tracing my jaw.
She left me breathless. Why were the fates drawing me towards someone that would kill me to hurt? I didn't deserve her love, but, oh, did I want it. I wanted to let her touch my soul completely.
She's Sebastian's! yelled a small piece of my mind.
Why should I care? asked the less logical part of my brain.
I was so torn.
She looked at me intently finally moving to rest her head against my chest. I didn't do anything to stop her, but instead ran my hand tentatively through her hair. My thumb grazed her ear and she squirmed closer.
"What?" I asked with a chuckle.
"Don't do that," she growled.
"As you wish,"I said.
I was internally battling myself about this- about being this clos to her.
"Why don't you trust me enough to let me choose for myself?" she asked after a few moments.
"Because you will choose wrongly."
She rested one hand gently over my heart. Oh Sasha. Why was she tempting me so much?
"How's it wrong?" she whispered.
"Sasha," I growled.
"I know you feel the same, Jaspen."
I sighed. "I'm not right for you."
"Yeah… That's why we both don't feel the string tugging us together," she said sarcastically.
"It's for your safety," I said. "And to try to help you honor your decision to courting Sebastian."
She growled. "As if I'm honoring that so well now that I'm curled up against you."
I sighed. "You just know it kills me to see you unhappy."
"Then let me choose, Jaspen," she said crossly.
"Don't push your luck. I'm only allowing this because it will be a cold night. Now sleep."
She growled, mumbling under her breath about cold-hearted demons, making me smirk sadly.