I knelt next to wife's cot, dabbing a cool, wet cloth on her face, trying to keep the sweat out of her eyes. She had given birth to a boy, Raksheesh, almost an hour ago, but I knew at once he wasn't mine, but a greater demon's. It was easy to tell by the metallic flecks in his eyes and also that I had not lain with her. All lesser demons held the blue or purple hue. The greater demons held silver or gold or a mixture of both. This boy – this Raksheesh -- had eyes the color of the darkest of night with golden flecks that lit up like stars in the sky. Raksheeshs' eyes took on the color of their male parent.
"Hassan," she said in a dead whisper. "Hassan, where is my son?"
Not 'our son', but 'my son'. I fought the tears that came to my eyes. Why of all people did this have to happen to me, to my wife, my Sari, who I loved with all my heart? I had told her when we married I would not cause her to carry my children for the mother of Raksheesh usually died due to complications with having a child that was not just human welling inside of them. Half demon children seemed to somehow poison their mother's bloodstream and that was sometimes too strong for just a mortal to bear. I thought she had been okay with this --- I thought she loved me and understood why we must be childless.
"I had Leanne take him for now and care for him so I could tend to you and let you rest." She smiled weakly, moving her hand shakily to my face and resting it on my cheek.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
I hadn't known she was pregnant till I had been pulled from the fighting to the north to return home for a messenger had told me that my wife was about to give birth.
I held her hand against my cheek feeling a few hot tears run down. This was the first time I had ever shown such a mortal emotion. This woman had changed me- had made me turn against my own races emotions. We were demons and a blood thirsty race reveling in bloodshed. It had taken me twenty years to become like her and I feared with her passing, I would slip back to a more comfortable form of myself- a numb, killing machine alongside my people. I was nowhere as strong as this woman. She had taught me so much in our short life together. She had taught me most of all that emotion wasn't a weakness; that crying wasn't a weakness. This was the only woman that had been able to make me question everything I believed in and change my ways.
"How?" was all I managed, feeling the word tumble out before I could hold it back.
"It wasn't by choice," she whispered tiredly. "It wasn't by choice."
She was a maid for our king's wife and often I slept alone when I was home because of it. At once I put the two together and hatred filled every ounce of me. I had served him loyally and trusted my wife in his care and he had betrayed me-- my own King.
The only thing that held me at her side was that I knew she was slowly being called to the other side. I knew she was fighting to stay with me as long as she had.
"What's his name?" I asked.
"Jaspen," she whispered.
She coughed; blood dribbled down the side of her mouth and tears ran down my face. I was losing her – the only woman I had ever loved and would ever love.
"Go, Sari. Stop fighting," I whispered imagining what pain she had to be in. She was ghostly white and her hair was dry; her eyes were looking blank.
"I love you," she whispered.
I sat there with her, telling her everything I had ever felt – how she had changed my life and was the most remarkable person I had ever known- as I watched her slowly slip to the other side. She lay there quietly smiling weakly until her chest finally heaved her last breath. I sat on our cot holding her for what seemed like hours crying silently. I first I didn't notice the figure in the doorway until he cleared their throat. I looked up shooting daggers until I realized who it was--my King.
"Sorry for intruding," he said awkwardly in the heavy silence. "I just had come ... come to see the child."
"Leanne has him, Your Majesty," I said, not daring to look up at him. "The blacksmith's wife."
"I... If you're ready I can call for the shaman to take her."
I choked back a sob, putting my fist in my mouth. I knew he had to be looking at me oddly. Our kind didn't cry. We had no need for such an emotion.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
I looked up at him, trying to understand. Royalty didn't apologize. "What-what... Your Majesty?"
"I'm sorry," he said through a clenched jaw. "I will not repeat it for a third time, soldier."
"Why, my lord? Why would you be sorry?" I asked coyly.
I had no fear of death. At least in death I could hopefully join her. I didn't believe in our judgment system made by the gods. I barely believed in our gods. How could our gods be so vengeful and blood thirsty and still have a race of humans so kind; so gentle that were so fragile? Sari had made me question everything and I no longer had anything to live for. Especially the bastard son of the king.
He clenched his jaw. "From your face, soldier, I know you know."
I put my fist in my mouth to hold back my anger before choking out, "Why?"
He looked away.
"With all due respect, my lord, I think I deserve an explanation."
"There is none and I owe you nothing," he growled. "Remember your place."
I bowed my head, "Sorry."
He said nothing.
"What are you going to do with the boy ... with her ... her child?" I asked.
I honestly asked more out of curiosity. I felt nothing for her son in the few moments I had held him handing him to Leanne. No part of him was mine other than he was my wife's son and the last piece of her living. For that I already hated the small child. Especially since he wasn't mine. He had taken the one person I had cared for on such a deep level.
He said nothing.
"My lord?"
He walked out without another word.
The rest of that day happened in such a blur that it wasn't till I fell into my cot alone that night that I remembered she was gone. She was the one person who gave me insight into what life really meant. She had been so vibrant and loving. How she had ever loved a demon like me was beyond my understanding. I had saved her from slavery, yes, but for her to grow fond of me and be willing to marry me was something I did not understand. I held back the sadness that welled in my chest.
"Sari," I whispered into the darkness as if I could call back her ghost. "Sari."
The king had been kind enough to allow me a month off duty to care for her son and find a home I wished him to grow up in. He would leave it up to me if I would rather be a tribal guard and take a mortal woman as a nanny to care for him or pawn him off on another family to take care of. For now, the drink of the dragon warmed me and soothed part of my tormented heart at least for now. I had left the boy with Leanne for the night so that I could rest and he would also be well taken care of. Soon, I fell into the pit that was called sleep and was welcomed by the memory of when I first freed her.
(Hassan's dream memory) I had grown fond of her. I had doubted she could or would ever love a savage such as I. I went to the king without telling her and asked for his permission to allow her to be free. He didn't question me on it and within an hour, I had the papers and a necklace that would prove for the rest of her life in the tribe, if she willed it, that she was no longer a slave. I went to the market as soon as I was done and bought a light blue dress that I hoped would fit her. The merchant placed it in a box for me and I slipped inside it her freedom papers and necklace.
I entered my tent to see her mending some of my clothes and she looked up at me meekly through some of her hair that had fallen in her face.
"Is there anything I can get for you, master?" she asked quietly.
"Nay," I said smiling. "I have a gift for you though."
I took the box out from behind my back and walked forward, placing it on the table. She looked at me with an odd look on her face. In truth, it had been awhile since I had gotten her anything except a new dress from time to time.
"Go on, open it," I said gently
She lifted the lid gently and placed one hand over her mouth as the other held up her freedom necklace. A few tears fell silently down her cheeks as she just sat there taking it in. It had to be hard for her. I still didn't understand why I had done it other than I wanted her to be happy- to be free to live her lif.
"Master," she finally whispered, getting up and coming over to me. "Why?"
I lifted her chin. She had changed a part of me. Love was a foreign concept to me. I hadn't loved anyone other than my mother, father, and brother from my old tribe until it was completely destroyed. Since then vengeance was all that engulfed me and, somehow, unknowingly, she had taught me how to love again. I was indebted to her more than she'd ever know.
"I just want happiness for you, Sari. I want you to be able to live a life not governed by another."
She smiled. "Thank you."
"If you wish to go to the northern lands to be with others of your race, I will aid you in any way I can."
She shook her head. "My home has always been the desert. I know nothing of the northerners. I just… I don't know how to live as a free woman. Where will I stay? How can I earn money with no husband?"
"You are still welcome here and I will support you until you find a husband. Just because you are free doesn't mean I will abandon you unless that is what you wish. I have no intention to hold you back, Sari."
She looked at me with a look of confusion as well as relief.
"I… I don't want to be a burden, master."
"Hassan," I corrected. "And you won't be a burden."
She smiled, twisting her hands together uncomfortably. "I don't think I will ever understand you."
I laughed. "I doubt you ever will."