The night is still young and so are we. Zainab called me earlier to ask of my whereabouts and I told her that I'm together with Hassan. The name of Al-Amin's friend is Hassan. The first thing I did after we sat down was to ask him for his name because knowing a person's name is very important, it's the first step in getting to know more about a person.
"You seem like a quiet person Falak."
I do not know what to say to him because I am actually a quiet person who loves to just stay at home and watch spongebob.
"What makes you ask though?"
"Your composure in the car and how you behaved in the restaurant, you were so calm and composed even when you weren't comfortable with your friend's public display of affection."
My eyes are now wide, "Who told you that I wasn't comfortable?"
"I can see through people."
"Truth is, today's just one of those days I want to stay alone because my mood is down but I don't mind seeing Al-Amin and Zainab display their love for one another publicly."
He sighs, "I'll be honest with you Falak, I wasn't comfortable with the way they were, they made my heart hurt and made me want to have a love like theirs. It was painful, don't you feel that way sometimes when you see them together?"
I smile now, "I understand what you mean Hassan, it gets overwhelming sometimes but that's just the way that they're."
We're quiet now, I glance at the sky and can't get my eyes off it because of how magnificent the stars are, they're scattered all around the sky like a mess but a beautiful mess.
"What makes you happy?" he asks.
I don't know what to say to him, his question makes me ask myself what makes me happy because I can't seem to think of anything so I tell him, "Myself"
His eyes are wide now, "No one has ever given me this answer." he says smiling at me.
I smile too because when I think of it I'm my own source of happiness and being happy is solely my responsibility and not anyone's or anything.
"So are you ready to tell me what's on your phone that has been making you uneasy?"
"You don't forget do you?" he says.
I giggle while closing my mouth with my hands. The night is cold, I drag my jacket close to my body, the ground isn't really wet and we were lucky to find a bench with a tent over it so the bench wasn't wet.
"I'm listening," I say while shaking my legs.
"I like your boots"
"Don't change the topic." I say.
"I don't know if I want to share the reason with you Falak."
"It's ok if you're not ready to tell me, I understand." I say with a reassuring smile.
"I'll tell you."
"I'm listening then."
"I had a terrible fight with my girlfriend."
I am short on words now because I never really thought of him having a girlfriend. I guess everyone's taking except me. But how many men will I go out with that have girlfriends?
"What happened between you too?"
"She expected me to celebrate her birthday in a grand way but I didn't have money and that was yesterday but she wouldn't understand. I'm so broke that I wasn't able to buy her anything for her birthday."
I wait for him to continue talking and when he doesn't say anything I say, "You had a fight with your girlfriend yesterday and you're out with another girl today?"
"Don't misunderstand me Falak, I just want to have someone to talk to."
"Why me?"
"Your energy drew me."
"That's cliche." I say and I'm laughing now because I didn't expect that answer from him.
"Do you love your girlfriend?"
I decide to ask him this question because many people aren't sure if they're in love with the person they're in a relationship with. Many times it's infatuation that draws us to the other person and then after sometime we become tired and exhaustive in the relationship.
"When you ask me that way, I don't even know if I love her or not."
It's not surprising hearing this from him and there are many more in entangled relationships like this.
"If you don't love her but cherish your relationship with her I suggest you end the relationship now before things get far."
"No one has ever been this blunt with me, how do I break up with a girl whose birthday was yesterday and I disappointed her?"
"Take your time but if you're sure you don't love her then leave her to find someone better for her, please don't be selfish."
"I'll take your advice on that Falak. I really would."
"I'm glad I can be of help."
Hassan's phone is ringing now and when he picks it up from the conversation I know that he's talking to Al-Amin. He tells him that we're not ready to leave and that they should go.
"Did I tell you that I wasn't ready to leave?"
"I know that you're not ready Falak." he says mischievously.
"No you don't." I respond laughing.
"I can see through you." He says with a voice that sends adrenalin rush into my body. While staring right into my eyes he gives me chills which forms goosebumps all over my body. I feel like he's looking through my soul, like he's able to see through everything that I hide through my small eyes.
"You're right, I'm not ready to leave here." I say this because I don't want to leave truly, but also because I can't keep up with eye contact.
"This date would have been great if we had something to eat." Hassan says while holding his stomach.
"Well there's nothing for us to eat other than our words." I say in an attempt to make a joke and I'm glad that he finds it funny.
"Did you send her messages which she didn't reply to?"
"How did you know?" he says, surprised to the core.
"It's obvious."
He laughs and says, "Yes I did, I poured my heart out in words but she didn't reply. I know that I have failed her but I promised to make it up to her."
"I pray you two get to settle your differences and I hope you find love in your relationship."
After saying this he keeps quiet and I check my phone for the time. It's 12:30 am already and I feel like I'm just getting started with the conversation, there's something about him that makes me want to keep talking to him.
"Why didn't you ahead plan for the birthday ahead of time? Since you know how important it's to her"
"Honestly speaking Falak, there are times that things get very bad for a person and I'm in that time."
"I hope you heal." I say sincerely.
"Thank you" he responds with gratitude.
I check the time on my phone and it's 12:50 already, how time flies.
"What do you think I should know about you?"
I laugh because no one has ever asked me that way. People always say- tell me all about yourself, not bothered if I want to tell them or not.
"There isn't much to know Hassan."
After checking the time on his phone, Hassan abruptly says, "We should get you a taxi Falak it's late."
My heart is breaking bits by bits now, it doesn't want to leave Hassan behind. The voices in my head are begging him to stay but my rational personality says that I should get up and get going and I get up.
"You won't follow me home?" I ask hoping that he would but he shakes his head which indicates no. A part of me hopes that he will ask for my number before I enter the taxi but when he finds a taxi for me and asks me to tell the driver my location he pays for my fare but doesn't ask for my phone number.
As the yellow taxi begins to drive away, I put my head out the window to see him one last time and I catch him waving but I don't wave back. A part of me wants to see him again but a part of me tells me that this may be our last meeting because I have 29 more dates to go on.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
It's early morning Tuesday, I got back home by 1:25am. When I unlocked the house everywhere was dark because Zainab had switched off the lights, I went to the kitchen to get something to eat and found pizza on the kitchen counter and a can of Chapman. It must have been that Zainab and Al-Amin got snacks before he brought her back home.
I ate the pizza like I haven't eaten anything all day and drank the Chapman like it was the first time I was having a drink since morning because I was frustrated in a way I couldn't explain.
I prayed for Hassan's relationship to end yesterday but now that I think about it, I pray it doesn't. I was only angry at the fact that someone so amazing wasn't mine to begin with.
Before going to bed I prayed Isha and then I picked up my diary and wrote about my day. I also went to the page where I was writing about my self discovery and wrote that I had just discovered that I was a healthy jealous person.
After writing all that I needed to, I closed the diary and turned off the bedside lamp before going to sleep.
I woke up at 5 in the morning to pray but found out that I was on my period so I wouldn't be praying until after seven days.
Zainab has been moody all morning because she did the house chores today and because I finished the seven slices of pizza she left yesterday but I have apologized and I know that she will come talk to me very soon.
It's 8 am and we have a lecture by 1pm today. I hope that the lecturer turns up because many times the lecturers don't turn up and they don't give tangible excuses for their actions.
I want to end this plan of dating 30 men in 30 days because it seems like too much work. What time would I have to read for school if I keep on with that? Thankfully, Zainab and I had completed our projects in the first semester and we had A's for that.
I have a very good feeling about today because the day is bright and clear, although it's July, and I know that rain and July are like five and six it's good to see the sun again.
As I think of yesterday night, I remember I had a conversation with Hassan, he keeps popping up in my mind and I can't help it. I remember his face, the way his perfect jawline, his wide eyes. His long nose and fair face and also his slim hands. If he were to apply for hand modeling, I am positive he would get the job.
I remember his voice like it's a voice in my head. If the first person on the first date has this much effect on me then how would the rest be? A voice in my head says, go girl!!!! If I listen to the critical thinker in me, I'd be in the library all day meaning that I would have no social life and be buried in academics only. But all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Zainab has just come into the room and she's trying her best to not look at my side but I say, "Just ask me what has been eating you up Zainab and stop pretending."
She rolls her eyes but a smile creeps on her face and she jumps on me.
"Don't ever eat all the pizza again Falak." She yells.
"I won't, I promise. In fact I would order some for us after lectures. Or, we could go and eat it there if you want."
She's thinking about it, she says that she prefers it if we eat it there before coming back home.
"Your wish is my command my lord." I say playfully. She rubs my hair and hugs me.
"Tell me about yesterday"
"It was a good first date." I tell her everything except the part where he's having problems with his girlfriend because that's his to tell.
She tells me that he's a fine man and that if things work out between us I can dump the idea of dating 30 men to find love. I'm laughing now, my mouth is wide, my oval eyes are bright. But if only she knows that he didn't ask for my number and that I was too cowardly to ask for his.
"Have you dumped your idea of going to thirty places?"
Zainab doesn't even think about it as she tells me that she has. She says that she doesn't have the energy to do all that.
"Learn to explore and live." I say mocking her.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After getting pizza with Zainab, we return home and as usual I write down all about my day in my diary. I write: The lecturer came to class early, and we learnt a lot more than I expected today. We spent three hours in class. Thankfully, I took a water bottle with me because if I hadn't then I would have fainted from dehydration in the class.
After an hour the lecture got boring and when I turned around I saw almost all the backbenchers including Zainab sleeping, it was then that I decided to download Tinder.
After I installed it I put in my details and began to search for a suitable person for my next date. I found a guy named James Smith. His profile said that he's 24, a professional writer and a lover for cats. He was online so we set a date and time for a date.
By 2pm tomorrow, I'll be meeting this James Smith and I hope it turns out great.