I curiously tested the aftertaste of those words in my mouth. Where I had thought I was going to feel nothing but cold remorse, I was instead left with the sweet and freeing sense of release. I was actually glad I said it. Go figure.
"I will never let any man do to me what you did to mother," I repeated in more direct phrasing.
Sometimes, when someone has been kind to you, it is so easy to forget what they've done to others. We had a good day. He had spent some quality family time with us and even donated to our cause, but one day doesn't outweigh the disfunctionalism he had caused this family. He had watched wordlessly for years as the health and mental wellbeing of our mother deteriorated to a point where she could barely get out of bed. He had neglected us, to an extent that he'd never even been alone with me before today.
So I wasn't sorry.
I didn't hate him, but we weren't close enough for me to feel I needed to coddle his feelings. He was going to have to finally explain himself.
"Eden," Father said calmly, after a moment of holding my gaze, "I think I need a private talk with your sister."
Eden stood up slowly, discomfort with the new turn of events written across his face. "I guess I'll... take a walk?" He said this more towards me, clearly conflicted between whether or not this was one of those situations where an older brother is supposed to take a stand.
I nodded to him to let him know it was fine to leave. In understanding, Eden nodded back quietly and shuffled off down the street.
As he did so, Father turned to me.
"Well," he said, and from his inflection, I could tell he had no idea what he was going to say next.
"Yeah," I agreed.
In a normal family, this is where the father and daughter start fighting... but we were much closer to being two strangers than family and the familiarity that sparked a reactive conversation was missing. We were just lost.
He sighed deeply. "this family really is quite the mess. I was thinking today that it was a miracle that you and Eden came out so functional. I see now that maybe your mother and I have left you with some scars after all."
"You give yourself too much credit," I said. "Maybe I'm just smart enough to see through noble courtship. The training I've had the last two years has really been nothing more than a glorified acting class. We get trained on what to say and how to respond to such an obsessive level that 'dates' are just two people reciting empty lines. How can you fall in love with someone when both of you are too focused on saying the 'right things' that you aren't really saying anything meaningful at all?"
"I admit," he replied. "When I was young I had the exact same feelings about it all. Escaping that was exactly why I started travelling."
"Yeah, and I mean, it's disheartening for a whole other reason to watch your marriage fall apart," I said. "You both went rouge and it still didn't work out very well."
"I assure you when you get married your story won't be anything like ours," he promised. "I cannot let your mother and my marriage give you cause to renounce your own chance at happiness."
"I didn't renounce happiness," I said dryly. "I renounced romantic love. Which I kind of resent is my only path to a happy and fulfilling life in your eyes. My marriage doesn't have to be the most important thing to me."
He sighed deeply and ran a hand through his sandy hair. "I think it's time I tell you... how I met your mother."
I did my best to keep a straight face at the wording. "Last time I heard a man say those exact lines, it took nine years to come to a very unsatisfying finish,"
"You are seven," He said.
"Touché."
"I was born the second son to the original Earl of Brightbell, your Grandfather." He said.
Oh God, we're starting that far back. He really was a regular Ted Mosby.
"It was always intended that my brother was to inherit our father's title. My future was a little less consequential, I was to be a reserve son, set to inherit the Earldom if anything were to happen to my brother. As such, I had the same education, but not the same expectations, which gave me quite a bit more freedom. When I was sixteen and our father passed, my brother took his titles and I went off to travel the world."
While this story was taking a while to get to its point I wasn't entirely uninterested. I had always assumed Father directly inherited his titles from his father. I didn't even know I had an uncle.
"I spend a few years on the move. It was freeing to be away from the stifling rules and customs of Casselia. I was heading back home for a while after a year spent travelling when I ended up in the neighbouring country of Sihbar- and that's where I first saw your mother dancing in the highest class theatre of the entertainment district. She was actually once one of the most reputable dancers in the country. She was breathtaking in every way and her performances held every man's attention, she even once had a private performance for the king of Sihbar. Without thinking, before we'd ever even spoken, I asked her to marry me and even though I was a no-one in that country and she had a trail of suitors, she saw something in me I guess and said yes."
Very pre-nineteen sixties Disney, not really a love story that would pass any writer's room during my time on Earth- but it still somehow warms a romantic's heart.
"I see you don't approve," he said. "Believe it or not, we were happy for a time. I decided to stay in Sihbar. I thought we'd live out the rest of our days there. I got a good job with my education and she continued to dance. It was only when she was already pregnant with Eden that we received news my brother had passed and I was now the new Earl. Everything only changed after we returned here. I got to work, she started taking her lady of the house lessons, Eden was born- but she had started getting more and more despondent every day, she stopped dancing entirely and started spending less and less time with the baby. Eventually, she stopped talking to me too and I thought I'd just give her space and she'd get better. It only got worse though and after having you, she stopped leaving bed entirely."
"Did you ever have an open conversation about what was wrong?" I asked.
"At first I made inquires but she would always just say that everything was fine," he said.
Oh boy, this man spent years learning about being a gentleman and no one told him what 'it's fine' means in the ladies' dictionary?
"I think I can understand what happened," I said.
"Can you?" He asked.
"It's like you tried to grow an orange tree in our garden."
"You can't grow orange trees in Casselia," he said.
"Exactly."
Restless from sitting too long on the hard stone of the fountain's lip, I got up and stood on the thin rim, walking along it as if it were a balance beam. He stood as well, although on the ground, and offered me a hand of support but I waved him off. We walked in slow circles around the fountain's circumference in this manner.
"If I were her, I know I would have had a hard time. Back home she was considered elegant and a woman of class and repute. She came here and she was ten years behind on the training other Casselian women receive from childhood and so became reduced to being the 'stupid' and 'uncivilized' foreigner. She wasn't prepared when she debuted and got eaten alive. You should hear how the other ladies talk down to her."
"I suppose I didn't consider that..." he said. "I truly assumed she'd adapt just fine given how aristocratic she had always seemed when we lived in Sihbar."
"Do you even know how anxious she is about the ball?" I asked.
"I... didn't," he admitted. "Should I hire her a teacher?"
"Given the way some of my teachers talk about her, I'm sure they'll only taunt her and destroy her confidence even further."
"Then what exactly do you propose I do, Briar?" He asked in exasperation.
I jumped off from the fountain and stuck my landing gracefully. "Why don't you meet me at the old groundskeeper's house at five AM tomorrow?"
"Why on Earthia-"
"Oh look, there's Eden coming back!" I said cheerfully spotting my brother who was very tentatively walking over. "I suggest you just do it," I told him and then skipped over to my brother's side to indicate that the conversation was over.
The next day, all four of us stood in the single room home, Mother and Eden looking forlorn at our newest addition to the Briar hour.
"Briar," mother said, "were we not going to continue your lessons this morning?"
"lessons?" Father asked.
"Briar and mother do Sihbarian dance together," Eden said quietly.
"You're dancing again?" Father asked in surprise.
"Teaching," Mother corrected.
"I'm glad," Father said. "I was wondering what was causing that skip in your step to return."
"You're glad?" Mother asked, flabbergasted. "I was told by your employees I had to quit. They made it sound as if it was a directive from the head of the house!"
"I never gave any direct orders about your education," he said. "I just left it to the senior staff."
"Honestly," I said. "It seems because you two never actually TALKED PROPERLY, the teachers were able to just tell mom what you wanted of her and claimed to be your direct mouthpiece. Every time they were unimpressed- which they always are- they probably said YOU were angry or embarrassed of her and she had no reason to believe otherwise."
"I supposed that's true..." Mother said in realization. "That all did happen."
"So," I said. "I am bequeathing Briar hour to you both this week. Today you should just TALK. For the next couple days, you can practice for the ball without judgement."
My parents looked at each other awkwardly and I grabbed Eden's hand. "Come on, let's leave it to them, maybe you can play for them or something later when they need a musician."
"I got up for this for no reason?" Eden asked, distraught as we exited back out into the cool damp morning.
"Since we're up want to play or something?" I asked.
"No Briar. I am going back to bed."
"Suit yourself."
"By the way," He said. "So now that all four of us are out here, who are we hiding from exactly when we sneak out in the morning?"
"No one," I said. "I just thought this would be a productive way to start the day."
He looked at me, deadpan.
"Fine, Velma," I admitted.
"Velma is terrifying," he agreed.