Lee Jieun's POV
"Heejin are you sure you're fine? I think we should get you stronger painkillers, you still seem in pain." Rowoon completely upset about my accident.
Well my not-so-accident. My gut seems to have been right; her aura was just unsettling.
"Rowoon I'm fine it's just a sprain, not an incurable disease!" I tried to be humorous so he could calm down. "Besides I just got the painkillers it'll kick in after a while, relax." I smiled sweetly, really touched by his deep concern.
"I couldn't help it. Do you know how aghast I was to hear you got hurt. A million of scenarios played in my head, plus you ran out in the morning and still haven't given me an explanation for it." He replied soothingly and I couldn't help but feel guilty for what I put him through in place of Heejin; and moved for how much he cares for his little sister.
I wish I had a loving and supportive older brother too. I thought silently.
Feeling terribly remorseful, I looked outside the window.
"I'm really sorry." I mumbled. Trying my hardest to fight against the sob in my throat and my eyes from tearing up; but I couldn't and Rowoon heard it.
"Heejin." His voice sounded so apologetic.
I sensed the car being pulled of the road and stopping.
Rowoon reached out for me and surprisingly hugged me. He wrapped me in a warm swaddle of his chest and arms. It's what I yearned for at this moment. It felt as if when I was in his arms all my pain went away; mental and physical, mostly the pain I'm inflicting on my parents.
He tirelessly patted my head as I cried away, whispering, "I'm sorry I sounded harsh. It's ok Heejin." "It's ok."
—-
It's like all the crying and the pain and the heartache I caused took a toll on me. When I hit the bed, I was out. I think the painkiller played it's roll too.
Waking up I saw the curtains were drawn and the bedside lamp was lit. I guess it was nighttime already
My head felt heavy and my stomach was yearning for some food. As I was getting out of bed, I noticed a plate of food covered and a glass of juice next to it. There was green note placed; it read;
I made some soup for you to reenergize you. I know you don't like it hot so it's probably warm by now. Make sure to have it all. If you need anything just call me.
My heart was suddenly filled with warmth; like the times mom would sneak in her home cooked meal when I was hospitalized and would specifically be in charge of meals.
She'd say the hospital food just gets you sicker but mine would have you running like a horse.
I really miss her. With that my heart got constricted again.
—-
Besides the pain subsided and I was able to walk around the room; uncomfortably I must say.
Thinking maybe it's time I get to know who the real Heejin is, the life and body of who I am stealing at this moment.
I was searching for any sort of information that would help me know who she really is; I landed across photos of her baby pictures, her parents and friends. I also got to know she was really smart.
With all the limping around, my ankle got to hurt. I decided to sit down, when I felt I kicked something back under the bed. Curious I went and reached for it.
Turns out it was a cute purple notebook with Heejin decorated on it.
It was her diary.
Waiting no longer, I opened it and read without delay.
It's not enough. I should have stayed behind for more practice but I would have been late for the dinner party.
—-
I can't seem to feel this dance routine. The trainer says it's right but he knows I'm not emotionally stringed to it.
—-
Why am I even doing this when I'm not good enough! These endless hours of practice don't reap it's fruits! I'm just gonna give up!
—-
I wish I was a great performer.
—-
And it went on and on. If I was expecting an insight of her life, this is surely not what I had in my mind. Heejin didn't seem satisfied with what she has or how good she actually she is.
I really couldn't wrap my head around it; how can't she not see how good she is!
—-
It was past midnight and I'm still not asleep. Reading heejin's diary was an eye opener. But it still beats me that I can't seem to understand how she is happy with her life at this moment.
I noticed I didn't see my phone today at all, opening up the drawer i took it out to find tons of messages from the guys at the company. They all wished for my quick recovery. Scrolling through them, I found one from Jungkook.
I replied to him instantly hoping he wasn't asleep; but he wasn't and we texted for a bit before I asked to call him.
I really don't know why but the thought of him links me to Heejin. I think it's because I'm piqued to know if he feels the same.
A couple minutes of impatiently waiting he texted back.With an involuntary smile I replied immediately.
We talked for a bit, until I glanced the diary again and thought to my self, was Heejin really not good enough. So I asked him.
"Are you okay?"
"I will call you."
My heart dropped instantly once I read those words. I jumped out of bed when moments later i saw his name in my phone calling me.
"It's just a question don't worry I am not dying." I cackled at him.
"Well I had to make sure regardless." He baffled.
"You're too nice sometimes."
"Not really, just to people I care about."
My heart fluttered and I couldn't say anything back.
"But what do you mean good enough?" he added.
"Well as a trainee in general."
"Of course, you're really talented Heejin."
"And what do you think of yourself?" I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same as Heejin.
"I still need more practice!"
"What no you're literally the best out of all of us!" I said in distress.
"Are we just going to keep going back and forth complementing each other like that?" He slightly laughed.
"You know its always greener on the other side. I just started believing that." I said what I thought at the moment out loud.
"You surprise me sometimes." He cackled at me with a low soothing voice.
And then the conversation went on to the most randomest things once again. It reminded me of the first time we met.
Realizing to my self that I am totally smitten for this guy.