Sometimes, the most defining moments of our lives are not the ones when we encounter something monumental, but when something barely avoids us. This was the case for Shane today when he almost became the target of an eyeball laser on obliteration mode.
"Fine...we'll save the eyeball for a rainy day." Alex pulled out a notepad from his computer desk and began scrawling on it. It was a list of names with Shane written in the middle. Alex crossed him out and readded him to the top of the list. 'You can escape once, but you've just gotten a fast pass to hell.'
Alex felt good to be an agent of karmic justice. "Alright, what's up with this sword?"
'Lord, this is Balisarda, the sword from the inner world of a former European chosen named Ruggiero. It has a special characteristic in that it can cut through the enchanted,' Houdini responded.
"Enchanted...like otakus?"
'Excuse me, Sir. I was referring to enchanted substances such as items strengthened by magic or other means.'
"...That's unfortunate." As Alex slowly removed the blade from its sheath, it shimmered in the light. It was approximately 60 cm long, with a blood grove all the way down the middle. He held the sword and examined it closely, as if in admiration and respect for its terrible lethality. Then he abruptly started waving it madly around in every direction, only stopping when he accidentally cut the lamp in half.
'It's good to finally have a weapon. Smashing people with gold bricks feels good but it hurts to damage my money like that. It's like giving the enemy 1000 physical damage while suffering 800 morale damage myself,' Alex shook his head.
"Houdini, these offerings satisfy me. Your date of execution has been delayed."
Houdini was both happy and frightened. '...Delayed? Until when?' he panicked internally. Besides the 3 new magical items, Alex had pulled out a 4th item--the sword of Damocles hanging over Houdini's head.
"Does each chosen have a weapon like this?" Alex asked.
'No, Sir. To remove a weapon with magical powers like that, a chosen may typically need to conserve energy for half of their lifetime. Many Generals form weapons so such a cost is too much for most chosen. In addition, each family requires its chosen to provide materials to the family as a duty, so a large part of their extractions include cultivation resources, strengthened materials, and in the case of the Rodwells, science and technology products,' Scott chimed in.
"Very well, meeting's over. You're all dismissed," Alex announced.
'Lord, if I may.' Hades had something to say.
"Speak."
'Lord, I am happy the mission has gone well, but if you ask me, you are not using the Helm of Darkness to its fullest ability,' Hades continued.
'Am I about to receive a power-up?' Alex grew eager. "Ok...How would I correctly use it?" he asked Hades.
'Lord, have you ever wondered why the King of the Underworld would need a Helm that granted invisibility?'
"Why?" Alex's curiosity began to grow.
'Lord, in my travels many years ago, I came across a great sage. He taught me the true power of invisibility, a secret which I shall confer upon you now...'
Alex's anticipation reached its peak.
'...Watching women bathe, Lord.'
...
'This is my fault. I should've known he was going to say that, but I bit anyway.' Alex began to reflect on his fatal weaknesses.
'This is the greatest divine power known to God or man, Lord.' Hades' eyes gained a fervent glow. Standing alone in the sky of Cardpolis, he gazed into the distance, raising his left arm as if demonstrating a picturesque scene. 'Lord, just imagin--'
"Shut up!"
'How was this guy a famous God? He should be on a list of sexual predators.' Alex began to have doubts about these alleged Gods.
"Are you still watching women bathe naked?" he asked Hades, feeling perhaps he needed to post a photo of him around Cardopolis to warn the citizens.
Hades' face became serious. 'Of course not, Lord. I am no longer that lowly animal I once was. I have since learned many things, grown as an individual...I now watch them use the bathroom.'
Alex had immediately cut off his soul link to Hades.
Hades was sad. 'Why can I never find anyone to share my hobbies?' The eternal loneliness of a perverted NEET.