Tuesday 4th June, 2019
Day 2.
I felt sick as I climbed out of my car the next morning.
Going around and around in circles, thoughts getting tangled in my head, the night before had done no good. I still had no idea why Julian hated me now. But I knew one thing - he had the whole school on his side out of fear, and if I wanted to survive this I had to keep my head down.
I didn't look toward him as I crossed the lot, diving into the safety of school.
It was in assembly that I first caught wind of the rumour.
"Filthy slut," someone hissed behind me. I carried on, sat down, paying no mind. It must have been to someone else.
Two girls passed by me. "Do you think it's true?" One of them whispered, tone gossipy.
Another girl passed by. "Some of them probably had girlfriends, you know."
I was confused. Were they speaking to me? Just then, Brendan collapsed in the seat next to me.
"Hi," I turned to him. He gave me a quick side-eye, and it wasn't a nice one.
"Hello." He said stiffly.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine."
"What's wrong? You look like you're about to get shot."
"I am," he said. "If you don't stop talking to me."
I blinked. "What?"
"Listen, Brooke," he whispered, blond head leaning closer. "I never asked why you moved. I thought it would be rude. But how could you expect no one to find out about this?"
My heart thudded. "What do you mean?"
"A whole football team, Brooke." Brendan shook his head in disgust. "Really?"
"I genuinely have no idea what you're talking about." I said coldly, taking off my glasses before they fog up with anger. "My parents moved here to be closer to the Church."
Brendan finally looked at me. "What?"
But then the assembly began. I spotted people turn to glare at me, their eyes frosty. What the hell was going on? If they found out I was an atheist, they wouldn't exactly be warm to me, but they were all looking at me like I'd committed some hideous crime.
I froze as the realisation hit me. Someone must have started a rumour. The only person with enough power to get it around the whole school overnight was sitting behind me.
I turned, wide-eyed, to see Julian looking at the headmistress, a wicked smirk on his face. Those dark eyes found mine, cold as ice, as his long fingers wiggled at me in a wave.
My body seized up with the urge to pounce on him and rip the curls from his scalp. But I just turned back around, shaking with fury.
At the end of assembly, my body was still trembling violently. Brendan followed me out.
"Are you alright? Why are you shaking?"
"I shake when I'm angry." I said through chattering teeth. "And right now I'm really angry."
"Why did you move here again?" He asked as people hissed things at me in the corridor.
"My parents wanted to live in a more religious environment."
He made a startled noise. "So you didn't sleep with the entire football team at your old school?"
My feet stopped. I stared in front, seeing red mist.
No. No, no, no, no.
"What the fuck?" I whispered. "I went to an all-girls school."
"Wait. Seriously?"
"Yes." I barked. "I've never slept with anyone in my life! The entire football team?" My breaths came in short gasps. "And everyone believes it, don't they?"
Brendan chewed his lip guiltily. "Kind of."
I groaned. "Shit! What am I going to do?"
My glasses fogged up as I started to sweat. "It'll blow over," Brendan murmured.
"This kind of stuff doesn't blow over, Brendan. People might stop talking about it, but that'll be my reputation. That'll be what I'm known for around here."
"I'm sure we can prove it wrong."
"We can't. I'm new, no one will believe me." The fury raged inside my veins, heart pumping it wildly around my body. "That's why he's done it."
"Who?"
"Julian." I spat, and stalked to first lesson.
+++
After enduring two lessons of Hell, that consisted of a note being passed to me with 'disgusting slag' written on it and insults hissed in my ear everywhere I turned, I went to English.
Brendan took one look at me and sighed. "That bad, huh?"
I passed him the note.
He grunted in anger. "I'm sorry for ever believing that bullshit."
"It's okay." I tied my short hair up. Maybe showing my bruises off more would scare them off. "You don't know me that well."
"I know you enough to know you wouldn't be like this. I guess I just got caught up. . ."
"Don't worry about it, Brendan." I assured him. "It's not you I'm angry with."
"Look, Brooke," he leaned closer. "I know you're pissed, but going against Julian won't do you any good."
"Why not?"
"Him and his friends do what they want. They're dangerous."
I knew that better than anyone - I was reminded every time I looked in the mirror. But I didn't care if they hit me again, beat me to a pulp, I needed to know what Julian's problem was. "I just want to know what I've done."
"You haven't done anything. They do this for fun." His big eyes were pleading with me.
"It's sick."
"I know."
"I won't have it."
"You can't do anything."
I looked him in the eye. "Maybe not. I have to at least try and defend myself. I owe myself at least that, even if it does me no good." I smiled at him. "I have pride, you know."
Yet, at lunch, I stormed to the grass only to find Julian and his friends weren't there. My eyes scanned everywhere, but they were no where to be found.
Throwing myself on the grass, I told my friends that it wasn't true. "I went to an all-girls school," I explained.
"Ugh," Amy grunted. "What a disgusting rumour."
I nodded sourly.
"Ignore everyone," Stuart told me. "We'll try to calm it down, tell people it's not true."
I smiled gratefully. "Thank you. I'd really appreciate it."
"Do you know who started it?" Holly asked.
Brendan and I looked at each other, and I shook my head slightly. I didn't want to be associated with him, especially not now.
"We're trying to figure it out," Brendan said, picking at his sandwich. I felt bad, making him lie to his friends, but I'd just get more stick if people thought Julian had it out for me.
Jordan grimaced. "As soon as you know, let us know."
"Sure," I grinned tightly. "Now what do you all have for lunch?"
Just then, someone shouted from across the field, "Brooke Miller! Filthy slut!"
I closed my eyes tightly. "Shut up, asshole!" I heard Jordan holler.
A boy passed behind him, clapped him on the back. "Watch out, bro," they said, a blue football jersey on, "she's got an STD for sure."
"Get out of here, Andrew," Jordan hissed.
I sat there, feeling two inches tall, red-faced. Looking around the grass, most eyes were on me, talking and gesturing and frowning with plain revolt. Julian really had to hate me to do this.
But what the hell did I do?
+++
I was beyond furious by the time I got out of school.
So when I saw those tell-tale curls, Julian sitting on his car, I charged over there without another thought.
He was usually pale, but all I could see was red. His friends noticed me before he did, smirking with amusement as I approached, angry as a bull.
My feet stopped two feet away. "Hey."
Julian carried on smoking, dark eyes turned away.
"Hey!" I snapped.
No reaction. I reached out, snatched the cigarette from his hand and threw it down, stomping on it. "I've had enough," I said when his head inclined toward me.
"Of what?" It aggravated me - more than it should - how empty his eyes were when they looked at me. Maybe it was because I knew how they could look, soft and concerned, and I didn't know why they weren't anymore.
"Of you."
"Why?"
"You know what you've done."
"It's only been a couple of days."
"Oh, so you know?" I said, too sweetly. "You know how much of a dick you've been?"
"Of course."
I stared at him, and started shaking violently. He was provoking me, and I didn't know how to handle someone like him. I wanted to clip him over the head, but that wouldn't do, so the anger built. To someone who didn't know how much I shook when I was like this, it might have looked like a panic attack.
Julian's dark eyes flickered to life. "Why are you shaking so much?"
"I'm angry."
"At me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Who else?"
His face was dead again, apart from his mouth twisting.
"You don't care, do you?" I asked.
"Why should I?"
"That's one nasty rumour, Julian. Even for you."
When his eyes met mine, they were ice cold. I froze under the pressure. "So?"
"So? Julian, I haven't done anything! Tell me if I have! Stop spreading nasty things and being a dick. You're like a child!" My voice strained.
"This is all for fun."
"Fun? That's sick. And if you don't mind me saying, you don't look like you're having fun at all."
He stood up, towering five inches taller than me. I tried not to let that intimidate me, but I faltered as his jaw locked. "I know."
"Then stop!"
"I don't want to."
I scowled up at him, feeling betrayed. "You know I'm not like what you made up."
"Do I?" He asked, and flashed a cruel smile.
Looking into his eyes, I could tell I was getting nowhere. There was a firm wall in them, a wall so high I didn't even know if I could try and climb it. At least, not today.
"Take it back." I told him.
"No." Julian leaned back, t-shirt stretching over his chest. "Now fuck off out of my face. There's only so long I can look at you."
That stung. "Don't tell me what to do, Julian."
"I'm not telling you, I'm making you." He said. Then, Julian snapped his fingers in my face. "Boys, take her."
Bleu moved, red hair glinting in the sun. The golden-blond one moved too, and I stepped back impulsively. Suddenly, they had my arms locked in vices on either side, dragging me away.
"Let go!" I ordered, seeing as everyone in the car park stopped to stare. "Let go of me!"
I watched as Julian looked away, lighting another cigarette. His dark curly hair flopped forward as he took a drag.
They dumped me behind my car, and I landed on the concrete, hard. Pain lanced up my back, and as if they could sense it, the boys laughed and retreated.
Without looking at Julian again, I got into my car. Starting it up, I sped out of the car park, pretending that no one was looking at me. Pretending that my heart wasn't aching painfully in my chest.