"I Am Gay."
Finally, Eric broke his mute words down. because he can no longer hold the criticism he was receiving indirectly. the statements bullets he was receiving from his dearest person was much more painful and biased. it took more effective in tearing Eric's strength cause it's coming from someone he considers like family.
The tears came down on his checks.
(Eric POV)
It was enough for me to listen to his homophobic comments. his words were like iron bullets for me. striking down my strongest boundary. if it was someone else I wouldn't mind much, cause they were just strangers to me. but when the same terms came from the person I have faith in the most,
that's hurt, you know, the person who is dearest to your heart tries to cruse you.
"I'm gay."
I don't know how and when my mind completely goes on a different track out of frustration, I finally spoke.
he was just looking at me with his expressionless face when I admit myself as gay in front of him.
"yes, you heard it right I am gay."
all the humiliation I had in my heart broke down. I was crying. the tears which were inside my heart fells from my eyes. do you know how much it's hurt, it's freaking more painful than breaking of bones. It was unbearable when I heard my only best friend was cruising with his hateful comments, indirectly. I know he wasn't aware of my real self because I hide it well. it was never been an option for me to hide this fact from him. but instead, I want him to be the very first person to know about me. but because of the tragic event that occurs a few years ago, I hold myself back. I was just waiting for him to calm down and look at us more openly. but as soon as I realise his inner bitterness was much more dominant, I let my guards down.
"The people whom you are cursing to death, I am one of them."
"...do not joke with me like this Eric. it's not funny."
"It isn't a joke. I'm telling the truth."
"but,"
"I am like this Fred, always."
"A..."
(Freddie was unable to say anything because he was shocked about this truth.)
"I know this would upset you. I'm kinda disappointed in your eyes. you might hate me now.
but, I can't stand just listening to your homophobic curses. people like me are not all bad. just because of some freaks like them, it is not good to be biased and judge everyone else of the same community the same way you are justifying that evil moron. it is wrong to measure all of them on the same scale. In all my life I have to listen to people talk shit about us being an abnormal and shameful creature of society. curse us to death and even hell is not a place for people like us. see as taboo. I was tired of hearing that humiliation through sentences.
I know you have your reason for hating gays.
ever since what happened to Brother Frank, I still regret and felt sorry for that. those people were some fuck*ng demons. but, it ain't make every one of that kind to be guilty.
why can't you understand the difference between these two?
do you know why I have never told you about my truth?
I waited that someday you might able to take less hate on people like us.
I wanted to say to you that I'm gay.
why can't you open your mind about people like us?
not all of our kind are evil. don't jump to conclusions too easily, and become judgemental.
Freddie, I know it might end our friendship. but I can't stay still just because of this sake.
I won't ask you to understand. I just wanted my best friends to accept me for who I am.
but I guess I am expected too much from you.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry for being like this Freddie,
I'm sorry for being gay."
It was heartbreaking for me, to deal with my frustration like this, this shows my coward behaviour and weakness. but, I was just so done from listening to Fred's verbal abusing. I know today's conversation may ruin our friendship. but, it's better to have no friends at all than a friend who is homophobic.
after I finished my worlds I turned my body, I didn't bother to look at Freddie because I don't want him to look at me so pity. I was sad and was weeping on my way back to the hotel room. it was such a terrible fight that I don't want to see Freddie from now onwards and probably don't want anyone else to see me in this condition.
I opened my Room and goes directly to the shower to take a bath.
"ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜"
through the shower, I was trying to weep out all my tears for losing a friend.
I sat down on the floor of the bathroom and was continued to cry my eyes out in the rain. my clothes were all wet my body was all wet. but somehow the tears which I wanted to disappears were not wanted to go away. I was trying hard to stop myself from crying but, no matter how much I try, I cry more.
it takes about 2 hours whole for me to stand up from the floor and off the shower inside the bathroom. until then I was sober up. I was upset and did not want to see anyone speciality Fred and wanted to have some personal space. so, I packed my bags and checked out of the room. but before I can do back home I need to at least send an SMS to the inviter of this trip before I leave. otherwise, it will look like I overlook our friendship.
SMS-
"Brother Mint, I am so sorry. some emergency has occurred. so, I need to move back home. I apologise for flying away without even saying anything in person."