The song "Grace" was deafening Ro had it so loud. It was a fucking Sunday, no one does anything on Sunday. I don't want out. Of my bed, my house. Nothing. I want to just look straight at the mirror and point out all the reason why I'm ugly, retarded or fat. I hate being me right now. It wasn't until eleven or twelve until Ash came into check on me.
"Missy? Wake up. We've got sausages and rashers on. Potato bread too if ye want."
"I'll just have soda bread and rashers cheers." I say taking my lighter.
"Um. Grand." he said "And for fucks sake, change your clothes. You've been sleeping in them for two weeks now." Truth is I didn't want to change. I hadn't changed the clothes since mams funeral. A black pair of jeans and a black top with a leather jacket. I'd change the boots. I'd kept the tops and jeans for longer but they didn't notice.
Dad rarely came home. I don't think he even did. He would actually. For money for his drink and fags. I get up anyway. Just putting the jacket over the clothes and didn't bother with my hair or anythin'. The house hasn't been the same. Since she left. Something was going okay in my life for once and it left. On the way down the stairs, I try putting on my boots and finding myself slipping until the bottom step. Oli came in the door as soon as it happened. "Woah. Bad time?"
"What do ye think, ye smart arse?"
"I mean, you look stuck but you probably know what ye are doin'."
"Getting drunk, drinking, Sleeping, eating. That's that."
"So no shitting or pissing, no?"
"Obviously you spastic."
"Thats not very nice!" Matty yells coming in.
"Were you raised in a barn? Close the fucking door."
"I was raised in a campervan with no doors. Sorry we aren't all as posh as the people of this household. Some of us don't even have houses!"
"It doesn't even feel like a home anyway."
"And close the fucking door!" Ro shouted out. Walking into the kitchen a little hungover for the fourth time this week might've been hard for my brothers I won't lie, but I couldn't stand being with Mam. We didnt have the best relationship, hell, I would agree to having no relationship but I still loved her and cared for her. Mike is already at the table reading through the beano. It's been his favourite since he was a young one so Dad always kept some for him, but now that Mickey has his own job, he buys his own on the way back from work every Friday or waits until they get delivered with the newspapers.
"Goodmorning anyway." I mutter. "Do we have paracetamol? I'm hungover again."
"Oh were you really hungover? I hadn't fucking noticed the car missing last night and the smell of cider on your clothes." Ronan says sarcastically, but I hadn't copped on.
"Well you must be fucking retarded then." I say grabbing a cup from the press. "Is there tea in the pot?"
"Yeah." Fritz says. Pouring to the halfway, no sugar a quarter milk. Doorbell. "I'll get it." I speedwalk out to be greeted by Aunt Sarah. I sigh.
"Well Sarah. What's the craic like?"
She looks at me for a few seconds and pushes by me. Sarah was a petite woman, with blackish hair and green eyes. She wore.... Fancy clothes and no one in our family exactly liked her. She was a professor in Ettiquette and was, in short, a snobby nose ditz. She practically waltzed into the kitchen. "Why is it so... Smokey in here?"
"We like it smokey, Lady." Mickey smiked
"And we like them naked!" Oli added.
"Oh for Christ's sake Ronan. Behave your dogs or I will behave them for you." Aunt Sarah said.
"I wouldn't mind getting taught a thing or two by her" Matty whisper chuckled to Oli.
"Here for your weekly visit anyway. The doors out there. You can go or you can get a suppa tae and go." Ronan said Reading the newspaper.
"No. I'm here to check up on you."
"That's nice." Ash said poshly
"It means get fucked." Fritz added.
"I'm here about your father."
"What about him?"
"Turn on RTE news." Ronan did exactly that. "There's nothing on Miss Reilly." Matty said. "Then wait a few minutes." Surely enough, a few minutes later, we saw that dad got arrested for drug possession, car stealing and murder in just one night. "A life sentence? That's.... Okay I guess." Ash said. "He's not bothering us anyway. Plus, we have the house to ourselves." Aunt Sarah stared at us and we stared back, naturally.
"What's wrong?" Fritz asked. She shifted her gloves and looked back at us. "You are going to be moving.... Away from each other. Permanently."
"What does permanently mean?" Ash asked. "It means forever." I say. I look over to the lads. "Can't I stay with Oli or something?"
"No. You are going to yout uncle in Chicago. America." I stop myself from holding back tears and just finally let them flow. How did it all come to this?! Leaving everyone I care about. I had no one now. I didn't even know my uncle. Or who he was. I had to get used to it I guess. I really didn't want to but I had to. I was going to live in Chicago.
I land in Chicago. Its pretty okay. I expected more I'm willing to admit and Aunt Sarah came to drop me off. The airport was nice. That's something right? I don't know. I'm trying to think of anything to do other than think of meeting my uncle. Hank Voight his name was. He had a wife called Camille and a couple kids in his house. He was a police officer. Dads cousin, not my actual uncle but I would call him uncle...Eventually.
When I saw Uncle Hank, I thought he looked cool. And he was. He had a police uniform on and he was with a boy and a girl, who I would later find out to be Justin and Erin. Erin was my age, just off a couple months and I was older. I liked Justin and he grew to like me. "Sarah." He said hoarsely. "Hank. How is Camille might I ask." he grunts in response. "So this is Jamie? Heard you are tough. A fighter. I'm sorry to hear 'bout your mom kiddo. She was a lovely woman." About ten minutes later I follow him to his car. Justin sits in the front and I'm left in the back with Erin. "So how is Ireland? I've never been." Hank asks to try and lighten the mood. "I guess it's nice when you get over the gangbangers and all the nitty gritty stuff."
"Like Chicago then?"
"No. There are lovely people there, fields of green and its paradise for some people."
"Do you think its paradise?" Erin asks.
"At times I did. I liked the friends. They made some good memories with me. I'll miss them."
"Well, I'm sure they will miss you too." she said back.
"I hope they do." I mutter leaning on the window.