Chapter 27: Day One
Hogwarts, April 20th 1997
The words echo in my mind, over and over again, making everything else fade into the background.
Avada Kedavra!
It didn't happen, it couldn't have happened. No. Snape – he, he must've missed. Dumbledore must've somehow fooled everyone, and he is in fact alive. He has to be.
A moment later, I realise that I can move again, and as a choked cry of anguish bursts from my lips, I can only think of one thing that needs to be done.
The Death Eaters have exited the tower only minutes ago, and with mixed rage and confusion, I start to sprint towards the stairs – only to freeze in place as something moves in the corner of my eye and a small, almost inaudible groan fills the silence.
Shit. Regulus!
I grit my teeth together and move quickly towards his now visible body, even though every fibre of me wants to race after Snape and Malfoy, because I know – I know that they are the answer to this…this turmoil inside me. That reaching them will somehow solve everything.
But not before I've checked him. Made sure he's still breathing.
"Come on, Regulus…" I mutter, my voice rough and thick.
Regulus doesn't move again and stays still, breathing steadily.
I give him another assessing look before I grab my Invisibility Cloak and throw it over him, guilt already making its way up in my throat. "Please be okay…until I come back," I whisper, my voice shaking, the conflicting emotions weighing so heavily inside my chest, that they will probably suffocate me soon.
I tear my eyes from the now disillusioned man and leap towards the narrow set of stairs, running two steps at a time. The upper level is empty, as I already predicted, and I don't waste any more time in there, and instead run down the stairway, after the group of Death Eaters.
Blood is rushing in my ears, and the distant sounds of battle now become louder as I descend the spiral staircase in the Astronomy Tower. There's debris everywhere, and more than once I stumble on the steps. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters, except catching Snape.
It feels like an hour later, when I finally barge through the door that leads to the darkened corridor, filled with dust and the sounds of duelling. People are running everywhere, curses and spells flying in the air.
"Harry!" Lupin yells close to me, looking at me with a stunned and relieved expression, before he quickly pulls me down by the scruff of my neck as a jet of purple zooms over our heads, blasting against the wall not far from us. Both Lupin and I turn to throw a curse at the Death Eater aiming at us, and one of us manages to land a stunner, as the man falls hard against the floor of the corridor.
"Where were you?" He asks hastily, blocking hexes and curses of one large blonde Death Eater, who manages to cause quite the disarray as he keeps firing spells in every direction.
I shake my head, and look quickly around me. Tonks is duelling a Death Eater further down the corridor, where Ron and Ginny are facing one as well. "Did you see Snape?" I demand, my gaze still sweeping over the duelling people close to us and further away. "Did you?"
Lupin frowns in confusion but his focus shifts momentarily as he goes to block another set of curses that are flown towards us.
"Yes, he ran with Draco – across the hall, just moments ago," He says quickly, and gives me a once over. "Harry what are you – "
"I need to go!" I say hurriedly, my voice a hard growl. "Listen. Reg – he's up there. He needs to be taken to the infirmary," I explain impatiently, and cast a quick shield charm to block a curse aimed towards us. The brother and sister – who were duelling Tonks, Ron and Ginny, start to retreat. Ron and Ginny follow them while Tonks starts to duel the large blonde wizard instead.
"What?" Lupin says, looking utterly perplexed. "Regulu – "
"Help him, okay? I need to go!" I grit out, and Lupin looks like he's about to argue but then gives a sharp nod.
I run towards the duellers, ducking the curses that are zooming everywhere and dodging the erratically moving people, trying to make my way down the corridor, trying to catch the brother and sister – who are blocking Ron's and Ginny's spells as they back down and head towards the grand staircase. I need to get to Snape before they do, I need to –
"Crucio!" The woman, Alecto, yells and her curse misses Ginny by two inches.
Shit.
Ron screams angrily and aims a knockback jinx at the woman, hitting her straight in the chest, sending the Death Eater to fly several steps down. Alecto's brother, Amycus, snarls and throws a blasting curse at the stairs, right in front of Ron and Ginny, destroying a large chunk of stairs between them.
Ron and Ginny shout in surprise and jump quickly backwards just as I reach them, and now there's more than half of the stairs missing between the Death Eaters and us, and nowhere to go but back, giving Amycus the opportunity to run down to his sister and drag her away.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit…
"Harry!" Ginny cries with relief when she finally notices me. "What are you doing here? Where were you?" She asks hastily, between sending hexes and curses at the retreating Death Eaters, hitting a suit of armour and several portraits instead. They are soon too far from us.
"Harry!" Ron echoes. "You alright, mate?" He asks quickly, wiping sweat from his brow.
I give them a quick nod as I run all the possible shortcuts in my head. "No time. Need to go!" I yell, already sprinting up the small number of stairs left and almost slip in a puddle as I turn around a corner.
A puddle of blood.
Two bodies lie there, faces down against the floor, unmoving. I swallow hard and force myself to focus, to run towards the tapestry where the nearest shortcut to the Entrance Hall is hidden. This floor – it has to be the fifth one – is otherwise deserted, and it seems that the fighting has moved from here to other floors and corridors.
Gritting my teeth, I shove the tapestry aside and race down the steps, several at a time, leaping over the vanishing step halfway down the concealed staircase. The closer I get to the Entrance Hall, the louder I hear the shouts and screams. Fear and worry grip my stomach as I burst through the tapestry at the bottom of the hidden route.
There are smears of blood speckled over the flagstones, but no casualties, other than a group of terrified looking Hufflepuffs in one corner. McGonagall is there though, duelling two Death Eaters while yelling at the students to retreat to their dorm. Their spells are flying everywhere, blasting against the stone, shattering the windows, and then, one of their spells whirls across the hall, right over my head, and with a loud crash, the Gryffindor hourglass is broken into pieces, sending rubies to fall down with a loud clatter.
"Impedimenta!" I yell and the other Death Eater is lifted off his feet, flown across the air before smashing against the marble staircase behind him.
Knowing that McGonagall can handle the remaining opponent by herself, I wheel around and rush towards the oak doors that are blasted open, jumping over the falling rubies that flood the floor like blood, ignoring the yells of the others, the bangs and crashes coming from upper levels.
As soon as I get a lungful of chilly night air, I spot three figures – Snape, Malfoy, and the blond wizard – running across the grounds, heading towards the gates, towards an Apparition point.
I don't think so.
Gathering all my strength, I start to sprint towards them, as fast as I can, ignoring the pain in my lungs, and the dizziness in my head. As I run further, I see a series of lights in the distance – spells…aimed at Hagrid.
Hagrid's there, trying to stop the escape, trying to help.
No…
I choke down a sob as Hagrid takes spell after spell in the chest, but miraculously, the blond Death Eater doesn't manage to take him down. Meanwhile, Snape and Malfoy continue their flight towards the gates.
"NO!" I scream, running past Hagrid and the blond Death Eater, aiming my wand ahead, at Snape's back. "Stupefy!" I yell, missing them both.
Snape shouts something to Malfoy before he turns towards me, raising his wand.
"Cruc – " I gasp, but Snape blocks my spell swiftly, sneering at me.
Behind us, the blond Death Eater sends a curse to set Hagrid's hut on fire. The cool night air is warming rapidly and the grounds are suddenly illuminated by the flames. While Hagrid yells back at the Death Eater, I try the Cruciatus curse again, only to be blocked again by Snape.
"Your attempts are weak, Potter," Snape hisses angrily, "You do not have it in you to – "
"Incarc – " I growl, and Snape deflects my spell again. "Fight back!" I scream, my lungs now stinging from the smoke. "You coward!"
Snape looks livid. "You are calling me coward, Potter?" He snarls. "What would you call your father, I wonder…"
"Stupe – "
Snape flicks his wand, easily blocking my spell. "You'll need to learn to shut your mouth and your mind, Potter, otherwise you won't stand a chance!" Snape yells, his voice taunting, before he turns towards the blond Death Eater. "Now come! We need to go before the Ministry turns up – "
I'm about to send another curse at Snape, but then, suddenly, an unbearable pain flares over my body, sending me face first towards the ground. "AAAAHH!" I scream, when sharp needles stab my skin, and my insides burn, as if I've swallowed acid. A Cruciatus Curse.
"No!" I vaguely hear Snape yell to someone. "Do you not remember your orders?! Potter belongs to the Dark Lord! Now go! We have to leave!"
So…not Snape torturing me.
The curse is lifted and I'm left there, curled up on the grass, gasping for breath. I lift my head to spit a mouthful of blood – probably bit my tongue or my cheek – and I see the brother, the sister and the blond Death Eater sprinting towards the gates, following Malfoy.
I stagger to stand up on my knees, swaying slightly as I feel a murderous rage surge up inside me. I hate him. Snape. I want to hurt him. For what he did. I want to kill him.
"Sectum – "
My curse is deflected, and Snape walks quickly towards me, his wand at the ready, plain fury in his dark eyes. I try to cast a non-verbal Levicorpus, but he blocks me again.
"How dare you use my own spells against me, Potter?" He yells, and flicks his wand, sending me to fly backwards several feet.
I hit my head hard against a rock, while Snape summons my wand and throws it away. "I invented them! I am the Half-Blood Prince! …Trying to use them against me, Potter, just like you father did, the wimp!"
Snape stops next to me, and even if I can still taste the blood in my mouth, even if I can't even see clearly anymore, I try to lunge at him, to attack him. Snape merely casts a spell to force me to lay back.
"K-Kill me then! Just like you killed him! I'm wandless. Defenceless. Just like h-he – just like Dumbledore was," I gasp, tears prickling in the corners of my eyes. "You fucking coward – "
"Do not. Call me a coward, Potter!" Snape yells, his voice wavering. His eyes are widened with shock and his expression filled with agony.
A second later, he strikes me with a painful curse, and as my vision keeps blackening and then clearing up, I vaguely register how a Hippogriff – Buckbeak – flies down to attack Snape.
Snape manages to escape, and all that is left is the screeching of the Hippogriff, Hagrid's wails and the thrumming in my head.
"…Harry! Speak ter me, Harry…"
Hagrid's voice breaks through the blackness and through the haze, and I'm slowly blinking, regaining consciousness.
"Hagrid…?" I rasp, pushing upwards to sit on the grass. "…okay?"
Hagrid's there, crouched next to me, his black eyes brimming with worry and confusion. There're gashes on his skin, couple of places trickling with blood, but otherwise he looks to be okay. At least I hope so.
"'Course I am! Fang too…Takes more'n that ter finish me…" He says, taking my arm and helping me to stand up. "Yeh all righ', Harry?"
I'm trembling all over, forcing my lungs to work, even though every time I breathe, it hurts like hell. Ignoring the pain, I give Hagrid a weary nod. Then I remember the hut…The fire!
" – Fire!" I croak, the only word I manage to push out.
"S' taken care of…took a couple o' minutes fer me ta remember the spell," he says, lifting the pink, flowery umbrella.
I turn to look at his house, and instantly, the smell of extinguished wood floods through my nostrils. The hut is badly burnt.
"S'not too bad. Dumbledore'll be able ter put it back in a jiff," Hagrid grunts and starts to talk something about Bowtruckles, but his words disappear behind the images of the Astronomy tower that start to flicker in my mind, and behind the sharp pain that fills my chest.
"…Hagrid," I say weakly. I need to tell him. He needs to know, because every second that passes adds more guilt, more pain to the bottom of my stomach.
" – Snape…" I grunt, interrupting Hagrid's inquiries about the Death Eaters. "Snape. H-He killed." I manage to gasp, swallowing hard before I continue, "He k-killed Dumbledore."
Hagrid blinks at my words, and then proceeds to contradict me, evidently thinking that I've managed to hit my head too hard. He tells me that Snape was only following the Death Eaters on Dumbledore's orders.
I try to argue Hagrid but he doesn't believe me. And who would blame him? Snape was supposed to be on our side. Dumbledore…he trusted Snape. I'm tired, feeling too weak to do anything but walk, so I resign myself to follow him numbly as he urges us back to the castle. He'll know soon enough.
As we approach the castle, I can see that many of the windows are now lit. Students have woken up, only to find traces of battle – or to witness the actual battle – and find their Headmaster to be…dead.
My gaze flickers to the Astronomy tower, and I blink quickly as my eyes start to burn. On the ground, there's a group of people, gathered at the foot of the tower. Hagrid mutters something next to me, wondering what are they doing, what are they all looking at.
Moments pass, and it feels like I'm not even here. It's like I'm watching all of this from a distance. Watching how we finally reach the group, and how Hagrid slowly breaks apart when he understands what has happened. I watch as people around me – students and teachers – stare at the wizard lying on the ground, first with shock, until the initial surprise settles and gives room for grief, for sadness, for tears.
I watch as I slowly walk towards the man – the greatest wizard I've ever met – lying on the grass. He's slightly curled up, as if he's sleeping. I crouch down beside him and reach out to straighten the half-moon spectacles upon his crooked nose. As I wipe a speck of blood from his mouth with my sleeve, the pain in my chest makes it hard to breathe, and the tightness in my throat is making it impossible to swallow.
Another one, broken, taken away from me. Another one who I will never speak to again. Or see again. Another loved one, gone.
Regardless of my efforts to suppress them, the tears force their way out from the corners of my eyes, and I have to look away from him, from his peaceful expression.
My eyes catch something gold glittering on the grass, close to my knees.
The remains of the locket.
He's gone. Dumbledore's gone and he's still there. And I'm alone.
I stare at the locket for a moment. Not alone. Regulus. He's…he's, Merlin, I hope – I pray that he's still alive. Guilt and shame flood my chest as I pocket the remains of the locket and stand up. I shouldn't have left him there. I should've stayed with him, made sure he was taken to the infirmary. Why did I follow Snape? What good did it do?
I need to go there, I need to go to him, to see that he's okay, that he's still alive.
I almost bump into Hermione as I turn on my heels.
"Harry…" She says, her voice wavering, tears glistening in her eyes. "You should…come," She whispers and takes my hand, starting to pull me away from Dumbledore, away from the grieving crowd.
I study her expression and fear grips my chest. "Regulus. Is he…is he…?" I gasp, unable to even say the words. I can't bear the thought of losing him as well.
Hermione shakes her head quickly. "He's alive, in the infirmary," she whispers, and relief settles somewhere inside me, between the anger, the grief, the worry and the pain. "Everyone's there, McGonagall, Lupin, Ron and Ginny," she says, evidently aiming for a calmer tone.
"…Hermione…who else is dead?" I ask quietly, not even trying to steady my faltering voice. I need to know. I need to brace myself.
"None of us. Don't worry, Harry." Hermione says weakly. "Neville and Flitwick were hurt, and Bill…"
I swallow hard and watch her worried expression. "What about Bill?" I ask anxiously as we climb the stairs towards the hospital wing, ignoring the sobs and cries that pierce the air around us.
Hermione gives me a troubled look. "Greyback…he attacked Bill…" Before I can start to panic, she continues, "but he wasn't – wasn't a werewolf so we don't know…how Bill will turn out…" She says quietly, her hand trembling against mine.
I focus on moving forward, staying silent for the rest of the walk as Hermione explains how one of the Death Eaters got hit by a Killing Curse, and how she, Ron and Ginny were protected by the Felix potion, as every curse that was aimed towards them, had missed.
As we step into the hospital wing, there're people gathered around three beds. Neville is lying in the first one, seeming to be asleep, while Luna sits close to the bed, whispering something to him. In the next one, there's Bill, looking almost unrecognisable with the deep gashes lining his face and torso. Ginny and Ron hover next to his bed while Madam Pomfrey is on the other side of it, taking care of his wounds. Lupin stands between Bill's bed, and the next one – where Regulus lies in, unconscious still, with Tonks by his side.
I take in a shuddering breath as I drop Hermione's hand and walk quickly towards the last bed, towards Regulus.
"Harry…" Lupin says with an uneasy voice as I stop at the foot of Regulus's bed and stare at him, clenching my jaw as I try to swallow down the guilt.
Lupin moves closer to me and puts a hand lightly against my shoulder. "Are you all right?" He asks quietly, and I can feel his worried gaze on the side of my head.
"I'm fine. How's he?" I ask bluntly, my eyes moving over Regulus's frame.
He looks…peaceful enough – at least there're no lines of pain or suffering visible in his expression. His black hair is a tangled mess against the pillow, only accentuating the sharp angles of his pale face. His left arm is resting on top of the thin sheet covering most of his body, bandaged, from his fingertips up to his shoulder.
"Madam Pomfrey did what she could to help him…to save his arm. She said that it is going to take a while to heal the damage the curse did, and…that…he might never regain full use of his left arm…" Lupin says, his voice filled with uneasiness.
Merlin...his arm…he might never…shit…
No…I can't think about that right now. "But he's gonna live?" I ask, my voice thick with worry as I turn to look at Lupin.
Lupin nods and gives me a sad smile. "He's alive, Harry. He's going to survive this," He says, trying to reassure me, trying to calm me.
It helps, only a little, but it's still something. "How's Bill?" I ask as my gaze flickers to the bed he's lying in.
The others explain Bill's situation with short sentences, and I move closer to my friends after a moment of hesitation. I know Regulus is not going to go anywhere, and that I'm going to be across the room, but still…I'm a bit reluctant to leave his side again.
I give Ginny and Hermione quick hugs, and wrap my arm around Ron's shoulders as we stare silently at his brother and Madam Pomfrey, who tends his wounds with a foul-smelling paste. Pomfrey explains how healing magic doesn't work on the damage caused by a werewolf. There is no cure.
Lupin clears his throat and tells us that Bill probably won't be a true werewolf, as Greyback wasn't turned into one when he attacked Bill. But that it will likely have at least some impact on him. Ron starts to talk about Dumbledore, how he must know a way to help his brother, and I press my eyes closed, unable to repeat the words. Unable to tell another person how the Headmaster is…how he's…
But I'm saved by Hermione, who was there, on the grounds. She saw his body, surrounded by people. She tells the others in the infirmary, her voice high-pitched, trembling, but she tells them. That he's gone. That Dumbledore's dead. Everyone looks from Hermione to me, as if asking me to confirm it, and when I merely watch the floor, my face scrunched up in pain, there's no question about it. The news shakes up everyone, and then there're shocked outbursts, and after that, a long, quiet moment.
"What happened, Harry?" Lupin asks finally, his eyes searching mine.
"Snape. He killed Dumbledore," I say bitterly. "I saw it. I…we were there, Regulus and I. We saw the mark and we came back as soon as we could. Regulus was…he was hurt, unconscious, and I was…I promised him I would make sure Regulus was safe, and that…that I wouldn't try to help him, but he s-still…Dumbledore still immobilised me," I stammer, swallowing hard. "I couldn't do anything," I whisper.
There's a collective gasp around me as the others learn who had been behind it. Someone they had trusted. Someone who was supposed to be one of them.
"Malfoy was there first. He disarmed Dumbledore, and…and Dumbledore…he let him. Malfoy tried to kill him but he…couldn't," I mutter, frowning at the floor as I try to recollect the events in the tower. "Then Snape walked in, and he…he didn't hesitate. Shot a killing curse straight to his heart," I finish, my voice breaking.
Both Hermione and Ginny weep silently, holding each other. Madam Pomfrey lets out a loud sob, and the others don't look that much better. A moment later, there's a song – a phoenix's song – that fills the room. Fills the pressing, sorrowful silence. After what feels like several minutes, the door to the infirmary opens, and McGonagall walks in, looking tired and battle-stricken. Her robes are torn and stained with blood, her hair a mess, and there are bloody gashes in the visible skin on her face and hands.
"Molly and Artur will be here soon," She says as she takes in the crowd, and then spots me. "Harry…what happened? Hagrid said that you…that you were with…with the Headmaster, when it happened?" She asks, a mix of sadness and confusion in her voice. "He also mentioned Professor Snape – "
"Snape killed him. He killed Dumbledore," I say blankly, unable to skirt around the topic, wanting to get it out, wanting to be relieved of the responsibility of bearing the news. As McGonagall gasps and seems too shocked to be standing up, Pomfrey conjures her a chair and she falls into it instantly.
I walk towards Regulus's bed and slump down on the vacant chair next to it. McGonagall, Lupin and Tonks continue discussing the matter, how utterly taken by surprise they are, how all of them, on some point, had wondered, had doubted. I swallow down the lump in my throat, suppressing the urge to ask the others; why they hadn't done anything about it. Or…maybe they had. I know I had. I had questioned Snape, many, many times. And always, Dumbledore told me that he trusted him. That he believed in him.
I tell the others how Snape had passed Voldemort the information about my parents. How he had played a part to seal their fates. How he had come to Dumbledore afterwards, asking him to forgive him, telling him that he regretted it. The others – Lupin specifically – stare at me incredulously, not believing for one second that Snape regretted what had happened to my father.
The discussion about the evening goes on, and the others inform me how Snape had been alerted, how chaotic everything had suddenly been. Apparently, Dumbledore had told McGonagall and few others that he was going to leave the school for the night, and he had asked Lupin, Tonks and Bill for extra security, to patrol the corridors. I had nearly accused him that he was leaving the school unprotected…but instead, Dumbledore had done everything he could to protect it in his absence. The thought doesn't help to fill the emptiness, to brush away the sorrow, nor the anger.
I explain the others how the Death Eaters had been able to enter the school, how it had been Malfoy, who had helped them with a pair of Vanishing Cabinets, using the Room of Requirement. Ron and Hermione look devastated. They know exactly how sure I had been that Malfoy was up to something, but still, both of them had doubted me, hesitated to believe me.
It doesn't matter anymore. What is done is done.
Ron and Ginny tell everyone how they had been watching the Map, how they had followed Malfoy, and how the Slytherin had thrown Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder into the corridor as soon as he had realised that he'd been followed, and managed to smuggle a group of Death Eaters safely into the school. Lupin continues to explain how my friends had found the Order members and how they had found the Death Eaters only moments after, and then the duels had started.
Lupin tells how one of the Death Eaters supposedly had broken away to set up the mark, and after that, it was all disorder; curses flying everywhere, people running across the corridors. He tells how they had thought that Snape, who had run towards the Astronomy tower, had gone to catch the Death Eaters. How they had thought that Snape was there to help the Order.
How wrong everyone had been.
Tonks starts to talk, to explain what had happened afterwards, how the blonde Death Eater in the corridor had managed to blow up the whole ceiling, and then Snape and Malfoy had run back to the corridor from the Astronomy tower – how they had let them pass, as everyone had thought that they were on their side.
Another silence.
"What I don't understand, is…why was my cousin with you? What were you doing with Dumbledore?" Tonks suddenly asks, her scrutinising eyes boring into mine from the opposite side of Regulus's bed.
I feel everyone's gaze at me, but luckily, I am saved from answering by the hospital wing door, that suddenly flings open.
Mr. and Mrs. Weasley are there, followed by Fleur. They take in the crowd until their worried eyes settle at Bill. Mrs. Weasley rushes quickly towards her eldest son, tears streaming from her eyes. Lupin and McGonagall start to explain what had happened to an anxious looking Mr. Weasley, and how they think that Bill won't be a true werewolf. They also explain what had happened to Dumbledore.
Feeling too overwhelmed, to see Mr. Weasley's expression crumble at the sight of his son, to see how the news of the Headmaster affect him, I take in a deep breath and turn my focus on Regulus.
I wish he would wake up. I wish I could make sure that he's really okay. I take his hand – his right hand – into mine and brush my thumb lightly over his knuckles.
There's some argument between Mrs. Weasley and Fleur, and then, to everyone's surprise, the two witches are crying, and…embracing each other.
What…? …I will never understand women.
I glance at Tonks, who watches the incident with a knowing look, before her eyes settle at me, and then, slowly moving to where my hand is joined with Regulus's. There's a flicker of sadness in her eyes, before it is replaced by resoluteness. She stands up and walks to Lupin, who is standing close to the foot of Bill's bed.
"See that?" Tonks says quietly to Lupin, her eyes blazing. Lupin seems to grow smaller under her demanding gaze. "He's bitten, and she still doesn't care!"
Lupin lets out a weary sigh and rubs awkwardly his neck. "Dora…you know it's not the – "
"Don't you dare say to me that it is not the same! I've told you – many times – that I. Do not. Care. I want to be with you," She says, her voice trembling but her eyes still watching him intently, stubbornly…lovingly.
Shit. It's…how haven't I…
"You're better off without me, Dora…I'm too poor. Too old. I…I could hurt you – and I," He huffs, looking frustrated. " – I would never forgive myself if I did."
The others give their comments, encouraging the two to solve whatever it is between them, to do what they both seem to desperately want. Lupin's resolve seems to be crumbling.
But then, it vanishes altogether, when a quiet voice close to me speaks.
"It's about time you pull your head out of your arse, Lupin."
My head whirls towards Regulus, and he's – he's awake, looking groggy, looking worse for wear. But he's there, awake, alive, and my heart soars.
"You're alive," I gasp, dumbly, since I knew he was alive, but seeing him now – it's like an unbearable weight has been lifted from my shoulders, like the tightness in my throat has eased up a bit.
Regulus blinks slowly at me, a ghost of a smile at his lips. "Someone needs to watch over your reckless behind," he says wryly, and then he closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again. A small frown appears between his brows. "Why are you crying?" He whispers, but I don't have time to answer before Madam Pomfrey rushes towards us.
"Mr. Black," Pomfrey says kindly, and gives Regulus a smile as his attention moves to her.
I quickly wipe my eyes with the backs of my hands.
"How do you feel? Does your arm hurt?" She asks, while waving her wand over Regulus's body, supposedly to perform some diagnostic charms. Lupin and Tonks slowly approach his bed, while the others watch the scene from their seats.
Regulus's frown deepens, and he lifts his right hand, dropping mine as he reaches towards his left one.
"Easy," Pomfrey warns him, and then Regulus lets out a painful grunt. "Fuck." He grits out silently, and it must hurt like hell for him to swear in front of other people.
Madam Pomfrey seems unperturbed and merely flicks her wand over Regulus's arm. "Better?" She asks after a moment.
The clench in Regulus's jaw disappears and he lets out a long, relieved huff of breath. "T-Thanks," he whispers, and closes his eyes, falling into unconsciousness yet again.
I glance quickly at Madam Pomfrey, who casts the diagnostic charms again, and then turns to look at me, Lupin and Tonks. "He'll be all right. But the arm…I cannot say yet. It needs more time to heal, and I don't know yet how much he has lost its range of motion," She says with an apologetic look.
"Thank you, Poppy," Lupin says and gives her a small smile.
I want to say more, to ask more. I want to know what's going to happen to Regulus. But no words come out from my mouth.
Madam Pomfrey puts an assortment of vials onto the bedside table. "He needs to rest now," she says, and gives me a pointed look. "We will know more when he wakes up again."
The matron leaves to check on Bill, and I turn my gaze back to Regulus, while the heavy anxiousness fills my chest again.
There're voices everywhere. Mumbling. People around me, speaking in hushed tones. I try to focus on them, to listen to them, but I cannot make out the words, as everything slips away from my mind's grasp. There's haziness, cloudiness in my head.
I feel light, but…at the same time, darkness pulls me down…
The voices again. Clearer now. Lupin's voice. My cousin. I let myself relax, knowing that if they are around me, speaking softly, I'm not in an immediate danger. At least I hope I'm not.
What happened? Where am I?
It feels impossible to grasp on a thought, on a memory. Everything is too hazy. Where was I before I…fell asleep? Lost consciousness?
…The woods. Potter. Dumbledore. The locket.
Fuck.
The fucking Horcrux.
And then…my arm. I can't feel it. Can't feel anything.
…Am I dead?
I try to open my eyes, eyes that feel like they weight twenty pounds. I need to focus.
But…the dizziness swallows me again. Everything blackens. The world disappears.
There's pain. A steady, throbbing ache.
There's brightness…And under me, softness. I'm lying in a bed. The smells in the air…a hospital.
I focus on the sounds. There are some, and I listen carefully. Whispering. Close to me.
My cousin again.
On the other side…a weight pressing my arm. Is someone holding me down? But the pain is on the other side. Dull, but still there.
The Mark. The curse. The Sword of Gryffindor.
Why did I have to be so foolish? …Acting like a careless Gryffindor.
Merlin, my brother would enjoy this immensely.
My brother…If he won't kill me for almost having myself killed, I will consider myself lucky.
I try to swallow, but it feels like my throat is coated with sandpaper.
I blink harder, and manage to finally crack my eyes open.
Definitely a hospital. The hospital wing of Hogwarts. It's dark, and quiet – only a small lamp shedding dim light to the ward.
Potter's there, next to my bed. By the looks of it, he's using my right arm as a pillow as he leans against my bed in his sleep.
On the other side, my cousin and Lupin. Sitting next to each other, pulled against each other in a soft embrace.
It's about time.
"WhatdidImiss?" I mumble and watch with amusement as they jump in surprise, hastily disentangling and leaning towards me.
"Reg?" My cousin asks quietly, her expression anxious as her eyes move across my face. "How are you feeling?"
"Wha…?" Potter murmurs sleepily, and after two seconds, he's wide awake and alert again. "Regulus?" Potter says quickly, grasping my hand, his eyes shining with hope and worry as they study mine.
I let out a quiet grunt. "Water," I breathe, and then there's a glass with a straw close to my lips. I take a couple of heavenly mouthfuls, and even though my throat stays sore, I'm feeling immensely better.
"Are you hurting?" Lupin asks softly, watching me attentively.
I watch at their worried and expectant expressions, and then give a small grimace. "…Could be better."
My cousin looks at me wryly and lifts a vial with purple potion from the small table next to my bed. "Poppy said you could have this once we made sure you had regained your senses," she says, her brows lifting in question.
"I'm fine," I say with no small amount of irritation. "I'm in the infirmary. And by the looks of it, Lupin's finally stopped being a twat," I say dryly, feeling satisfied as Lupin's cheeks redden. "…And Potter here is staring at me like I'm about to quit breathing soon, so please. Give me the bloody potion," I grunt and give her a withering glare. Shit, it really hurts right now.
Potter too blushes, while my cousin lets out an amused sound. "Fine, fine. Sorry. I had to make sure that you wouldn't drop unconscious again…" She says with an apologising smile, and tips the vial against my lips.
I swallow the potion quickly, and immediately the pain in my arm disappears.
"Better?" Potter asks quietly, still that concerned look in his eyes.
He looks almost desperate. He looks…like…something that I can't quite place, and I have a feeling that it is not entirely because of me. "What happened?" I ask Potter, watching him closely.
Potter swallows hard, his eyes dropping away from mine. So, something has happened.
"Who was it?" I ask quietly, having an inkling of the reason for the grave expressions everyone seem to be having.
When Potter's eyes fill with grief, realisation sinks in. But I need to be certain. I turn towards Lupin and my cousin. "…Dumbledore?" I ask in dismay, my voice almost inaudible.
A sorrowful look crosses Lupins face, before he nods, "Yes."
Having something confirmed is different from having a strong suspicion about something. There's a heaviness in my chest, hopelessness finding its way to every corner of my mind. The Headmaster – the only wizard powerful enough to fight…him…is gone. The thought…it terrifies me.
"How did he die?" I ask, because I need to distract myself. I need something else to focus on.
Lupin's brows pull into a deep frown. "It…it was – "
"Snape. He did it," Potter says then, his voice hard.
I turn to look at him, surprised by the blankness of his expression. By the hatred in his tone. And most of all – I am shocked as I process his words.
Sev…
He…killed…? What the hell has happened? I watch Potter carefully, but there's only emptiness in his eyes. Severus Snape killed the Headmaster? No…it can't be. He wouldn't…he wouldn't risk everything like that. I know him. Knew him. That is not something he would do, not…not without…no. There has to be something else.
There has to be something. A reason.
"I saw it happen," Potter says darkly, as if guessing my line of thought – and when did that happen? Since when Potter's been able to read people?
" – In the Astronomy tower. You were unconscious. Malfoy was there, and he – I knew he was up to something. Malfoy had a mission…to kill Dumbledore," Potter continues, anger shaking his voice. "But Malfoy couldn't do it. He was too weak. Then…Snape came in, and I thought – I thought he was there to help, but…" He says, pausing to take in a calming breath. "He just looked into his eyes," Potter says weakly, watching me, like he's desperately trying to understand the whys and hows in the scenario.
"How – how could he do that…? He just…" Potter gasps, and swallows hard as his eyes start to fill with tears. "He looked straight into his eyes and did it. The Avada Kedavra…"
A tear escapes from the corner of his eye. Seeing him like that; his eyes scrunched up in repressed emotion, looking so frightened, so…lost…It makes my insides clench with worry. Not caring one bit that my cousin and Lupin are right there, sitting in silence, I lift my arm slowly and bring my hand close to his jaw, brushing away the wet trail on his cheek with my thumb.
Potter sniffs and grabs my hand, clinging to it with both hands. "And then you were…And I…I didn't k-know if – "
I give his hand a small squeeze. "I'm fine, Harry." I say quietly, reassuringly.
Lupin then clears his throat and mutters something about giving us a moment, while visibly dragging my cousin away – who is gazing at us with a mix of triumph and amusement.
As they step outside the infirmary, I glance around the dark room, and see two sleeping patients and recognise the strikingly beautiful woman dozing off in a chair next to one of the beds. Ms. Delacour. The patient must be William, her fiancé.
"Are they okay?" I inquire, nodding towards the other patients.
Potter grimaces. "Well, yes…and no. Neville's gonna be fine, I suppose, but Bill…he was attacked by Greyback."
Automatically, my eyes are drawn towards the windows, where I can see the waxing gibbous moon. I frown at Potter, as I recall seeing Lupin, human and looking well. At least, as well as he can be only days before the full moon.
"He wasn't turned then. So, Bill's most likely not going to be infected," Potter mutters wearily.
I nod slowly, and watch Potter more carefully. There're several gashes and dried blood on the visible skin, his eyes are red-rimmed, and he twitches unexpectedly as he lowers our hands back to the bed.
"Were you hurt?" I ask, watching his reaction closely.
Potter's brows twitch, and he swallows. "Yeah…but no more than the others, I suppose," he says dismissively, seemingly more interested to stare at our joined hands.
I watch him silently. Cruciatus, by the looks of it. The subtle twitching, something I only now realise he's tried to suppress for the better part of our conversation, is a tell by itself, but there's more – the redness in his eyes, the haunted look that clouds his expression at times.
I swallow down the rage, and the anxiousness I feel – because if I'd been there…I would have killed them. But still…it is pointless to think about it anymore, to feel that way now, when there's nothing but healing to be accomplished.
And then there's my arm. I move my gaze to it, and examine the bandages wrapped around the marred flesh cautiously. I still can't feel anything. I can't move it, but I presume it is under a spell – to force the arm to stay unmoving until it is healed enough. And…will it heal?
"My arm…" I whisper, and Potter lets out a quiet sigh before he speaks.
"Pomfrey said…she said that it will take time…and that…" He says, stammering slightly.
I turn to look at Potter. "What?" I ask simply, keeping my expression blank, even when dread flickers in my chest.
"It…y-you might not be able to use it as much as you have…" He says, looking anxious. "But…I can get Pomfrey – she can explain it better, I mean, I'm – "
"No. It's okay." I say, and grab Potter's hand before he has the chance to get up. I close my eyes, forcing myself to stay calm, to empty my mind. What has happened, has happened. I knew the risks and the consequences when I took the sword. I know I'm lucky to be alive. And fuck, I need something else to think about. I don't want to imagine the possible effects and conditions the curse in the mark has left me in. I need…I need him.
I open my eyes, and see him watching me silently. He doesn't say a word as I pull his hand closer, placing it next to my head on the pillow, forcing him to come closer, to lean over me.
His bright green eyes, filled with innocence, and…grief, move searchingly across my face, and only when I slip my hand on the back of his neck and pull him closer, to meet my lips, he seems to relax, and then, there's a soft gasp of relief against my lips.
Hogwarts, April 25th 1997
Five days. Well, six. Almost a week since the day it happened. When Snape betrayed everyone. When he killed the Headmaster. I wonder where he is right now? Has he received some reward from his master, after accomplishing something even Voldemort himself was unable to do? The thought makes my insides churn with rage and nausea.
And then the whole half-blood prince rubbish. I really should've shown the book to Dumbledore. Anyone, really. Anyone would've recognised his writing. Maybe that would've been proof enough to show what he truly is…a murderer.
But it doesn't matter anymore, because Dumbledore is not here. He's gone, and he's not coming back. It feels like I'm losing everyone close to me, everyone who matter to me. Dumbledore, my parents, my godfather – no, not him. Not yet, at least. Because Sirius actually might have a chance to come back.
A sharp twinge of guilt passes me as I think about my godfather – I haven't really thought about him in a while. I hope he is okay. I don't know what I'll do if he is not.
Somehow…Dumbledore's death feels…easier to accept. Maybe because he had lived. Maybe because I had time with him. He did accomplish many things, and he mattered to many people. He's affected so many lives, I don't know if he even knew. He was important to many others. And he was important to the fight against Voldemort.
Now, though…it feels like…like I've lost a layer of protection. Like I'm all by myself, carrying this…responsibility. Like he had been sharing the load, until his death.
Still, it's strange to think of a world where he doesn't exist. He's been a constant presence, part of Hogwarts for so long. And now, we are supposed to continue our lessons for the next two months, like nothing has happened.
When so much has happened.
McGonagall is the Headmistress now. Many people from the Ministry are here to attend Dumbledore's funeral, and there's a certain breeze of change. There are rumours that the school might even close.
But I already know I'm not coming back to Hogwarts. I know what I have to do, and I have been thinking about it, a lot. It's my responsibility, destroying the Horcruxes. Destroying Voldemort. There's no one else. Well, except Regulus, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let him near one of those things again. Not after what happened to him.
Regulus left after spending the night in the infirmary, to continue healing at Grimmauld Place. Since the Minister, some Ministry employees, many parents of students, and several others started to pour into the school, to give their respects and attend the Headmaster's funeral, it became too dangerous for Regulus to stay here. He's still in a rather bad shape, and his arm is constantly hurting. The good news is, that he has been able to move it already. But apparently, it will be a slow and painful recovery. Before he left, we agreed to keep the contact at minimum, since last weekend brought up so many complexities to the surface.
Firstly – Dumbledore had been the secret keeper of Grimmauld Place. From what I understood is that the Order had gathered the moment Regulus had returned home, to make him as the new secret keeper. Just in case…since, well…
And secondly – Snape knows about Regulus. And now that he's shown his true colours, it might be so that Voldemort has already been given the information.
If Voldemort has found out about Regulus…he'll be even graver danger than the rest of us. Because of course Voldemort would want to capture him, to use his information. A time-travelling ex-Death Eater. And, maybe he wouldn't have a place in Voldemort's ranks anymore, since, well, destroying a piece of his former master's soul, but that doesn't mean Voldemort wouldn't be interested to learn what Regulus knows. And maybe torture and kill him afterwards.
So, no owls for us, and definitely no floo-calls. And two – maybe three long months before I can actually see him…
"Thought we'd find you here," Ron says quietly as he slumps down to sit on the grass next to me, under the beech tree, on the edge of the Black Lake.
Hermione follows him and perches herself on my other side, a hesitant look in her eyes. "What were you thinking about?" She asks, and waves her wand to cast a privacy charm, followed by a mild warming charm. The days are still somewhat chilly.
I shake away the gloomy thoughts and give her a strained smile. "Everything, I reckon," I say wearily. "The funeral. Sirius. Regulus. The mission – and what happens next…"
Hermione shares a meaningful look with Ron, before she clears her throat. "You know you're not alone, Harry," She says softly.
"Yeah, mate. We'll figure it out together," Ron says encouragingly, patting my shoulder.
We haven't actually discussed it, but I suspect that Ron has a vague idea about what is going on between me and Regulus. It's just that…in the midst of all that has happened, the topic seems inconsequential. But I suppose there will be a time and need to talk about it on some point in the future.
I nod slowly. "Yeah, I know," I mutter and watch the lake, where the giant squid makes ripples in the otherwise smooth surface. I don't, really. Even if I've told them everything that happened in the woods, and everything I've learned about Horcruxes, there're still things that they don't know of. And I don't know if I actually want them to know more. Because in the end, someone always gets hurt.
My friends are finally in a good place. Ron's not dating anyone, and Hermione is more…relaxed. They're actually beginning to act like the friends they were before this year.
"How's Bill?" I ask Ron, to change the subject. I assume he is okay since we've visited him and Neville in the infirmary every day before both of them had been discharged.
Hermione purses her lips slightly, evidently understanding my tactic. Luckily Ron doesn't.
"Not bad, I reckon. Got two women to fuss over him now," He says with a wry smile. "Mum's been beside herself with excitement – y'know, now that she actually gets along with Fleur, she can't wait to start to prepare for the wedding…"
"Merlin, are you talking about her?" Ginny groans as she walks closer and throws herself on the grass next to her brother.
Ron lets out a quiet snort. "She's not that bad," he says nonchalantly, even as his ears tinge with red. "And how did you hear that over Hermione's charm?"
Ginny arches a brow at him, as if making a point, but then she lets out a weary sigh. "I suppose if mum can stand her, then I can as well…"
The conversation moves on, but I'm too distracted to follow it. My focus is entirely on Filch, who has started to carry and place white wooden chairs into several rows not far from us.
That's where it is going to happen later today. Where Dumbledore will be laid to rest.
Hermione notices after a moment, and she nudges me softly. "We should go inside. There'll be people crowding in here soon," She says, and then I remember that the Minister is in fact here, and as I've successfully managed to avoid him until this point, there's no reason to stumble into his path now. I give her a quick nod and stand up to move inside.
Grimmauld Place, May 21st 1997
"Good morning, cousin," Nymphadora says with a wary voice as she steps into the drawing room. "…Or should I say, good afternoon?" She adds, before letting out a choked sound. "Merlin it reeks in here! You, what, decided to try drink your way into a coma as soon as the cats were dragged out?"
I let out a small grunt and don't bother turning to look at her. It's too comfortable where I'm situated; lying on the sofa, my face against the cushion. I've been awake for some time, actually, recollecting and replaying the conversation I had with my brother at some point during the night.
Lupin and Nymphadora have been constant thorns on my side ever since I came back home from Hogwarts. I know they're helping, as I've had quite the healing to do during these past weeks. But still, the only thing I have wanted to do is to see my brother, to tell him everything, so that he can tell me what to do.
I know I can trust him, and somehow…Sirius has always had my back. He always knew – knows – what to say, and what to do in a tight spot. And if there has ever been a tight spot, it's now. The Headmaster is dead. Killed by…by Sev, of all people. I still can't process the thought, but, unsurprisingly, my brother sure was able to.
"…Reggie, what the fuck! How can you be so bloody naïve to think that there was a reason?" My brother yells at me, pulling his hair with frustration.
The enragement manages to bring some colour into his gaunt appearance. He looks older, and the deep eye hollows and the tired, haunted look in his eyes makes my stomach curl with nausea. I'm afraid to ask how he is, because I don't know if he's strong enough to lie to me anymore.
Instead I let out a deep breath. He's still here. He's still fighting. And I can't waste this opportunity to feel pity for him, as I know he sure as hell doesn't want that. I can grieve for him on another time, when I'm alone, filled with longing and fear.
"I…" I swallow and turn my eyes to meet him again. "Let's not talk about it. I have other matters – more important ones – to discuss with you, brother," I say gravely, and Sirius stops gritting his teeth and gives me a mixed look of curiosity and dread.
"What is it?" He says with a hard voice. "I though you said no one else died. Y-You promised me, brother," He says, and swallows hard. "You promised that Harry is – "
" – He's fine." I say, feeling irritated. "It's something else…" I mutter, and quickly go through the topic in my mind, and what I thought I wanted to say to him, to tell him. But for some reason, the words don't come out. There are so many things my brother doesn't know, and so many things I don't want to burden him with.
But I need to. I need him to know.
"Then what is it, Reggie?" Sirius asks, his voice anxious as his eyes travel over my frame. "Has something happened…to you?"
With a deep frown between my brows, I lift my left arm – and fuck, it still hurts, even in a dream – and pull the sleeve up.
Sirius lets out a choked sound. "W-What…?" He whispers, panic crossing his expression. "Reggie…what did you do…?" He asks, looking horrified. His voice is trembling and his eyes…they're too bright.
Circe…this is too hard. I clear away the sudden tightness in my throat and lift my chin up stubbornly. I'm not going to keep this from him. Not anymore.
"I…I found out his secret…"
There's a poke at my ribs and then the sofa close to my feet dips as someone sits on it.
"You with me, Reg?" Nymphadora says, a hint of worry in her voice.
I sigh wearily and tilt my head slightly so my voice is not muffled by the sofa. "Yes, cousin. To what do I owe this pleasure?" I say dryly, and keep my eyes closed, to keep away the spinning of the room.
Nymphadora huffs. "What was that about? You know you shouldn't be doing that – you should be resting! Your arm…and the healing potions, you do know they all lose their effect with Firewhiskey?" She scolds me, her voice rising.
Merlin, I need a sober-up for this.
"…Kreacher," I grunt, and there's a faint pop next to the sofa.
"Master Regulus summoned Kreacher," the elf says.
I open one eye to squint up at the elf. "Bring me sober-up."
Kreacher bows low and disapparates, returning only seconds later with another pop.
"Oh, no, you don't," My cousin snaps and snatches the vial before I can take it from Kreacher. "We both know this will mess with the healing even more. Merlin, do you not care at all?" She says incredulously.
I glance at the elf, slightly amused by the way it is scowling at my cousin. "You may go, Kreacher," I say wearily and turn to give a hard look at my cousin.
"No. I do not. No kindly hand me the bloody potion."
Nymphadora stares at me for a while, her eyes narrowed with annoyance, until she sighs and slams the potion into my outstretched palm.
"Fine. Whatever suits you, cousin." She says tightly, her hair turning into an angry shade of red. "I'm off to work," She says as she makes her way towards the door. "Be nice to Remus. Tomorrow's the full moon, and well, he doesn't need to bear with your piss-poor character," She says over her shoulder before she closes the door behind her with more force than necessary.
Before guilt starts to mingle with the alcohol-related nausea, I toss down the contents of the vial and slump back against the sofa, closing my eyes and ignoring the rapidly increasing pain in my left arm.
Apparently, my cousin was right. The sober-up cleared what little there was left of the healing potion in my system, and now…it's going to be several hours before any potion will help to ease the pain. There is a healing charm, one that could help take the edge of the pain away, but, funnily enough – the curse is protected against my own magic. I almost laughed when William, who also happens to be a curse-breaker, told me so after the last Order meeting.
Thirty minutes later, I walk into the library, gritting my teeth against the stinging pain. Lupin is there, looking comfortable in an armchair next to the fireplace, an open book on his lap. He lifts his gaze to me as I walk towards him.
"You're awake. Feel better?" He asks kindly, and I glare at him before throwing myself into the next armchair.
"Now that you mention it, no," I say gruffly and watch with irritation as his mouth twitches a bit with amusement. The bloody git knows exactly what's happening.
He lifts his brows at me, an innocent look mixing with the tired expression that seems to take over every time before the full moon. "Oh? Something I could help you with?" He asks, taking pity, it seems.
"If you would be so kind." I say tightly, and almost sigh with relief when Lupin wordlessly pulls his wand from his pocket and flicks it at my left arm.
I give him a curt nod to thank him. There's a short silence.
"I'm going to be stationed at Hogsmeade next week. No use infiltrating a pack anymore. Dumbledore's death made it too dangerous," he says, staring at the coffee table, seemingly lost in his thoughts. "…And it also might have opened up some new threats against the school," Lupin continues resignedly.
I know this already, since it's one of the topics that has been discussed in the two Order meetings after the battle of the Astronomy tower. But it still makes me – and everyone else uneasy.
Lupin coughs lightly. "You want me to, um…" He mutters and scratches his neck before giving me an awkward look. "…to pass on a message?"
So now he's finally addressing something he must've been thinking many weeks now. Lupin obviously saw what happened in the infirmary, and probably had had his doubts already before that, since he hadn't looked surprised then. But he hasn't said anything afterwards, anything hinting towards Potter and me, or the infirmary.
I watch him closely, taking note of the way he's almost fidgeting. I'm half-tempted to say something outrageous, just to mess with him, but…he's actually asking out of consideration. So, I settle to something bland.
"Just…tell him to stay out of trouble."
I want to say something about the Horcruxes, about finishing the Dark Lord. I want Potter to know that he's not alone, that I'm fighting alongside him. I want to tell him that I met my brother, and that I told him everything. But I can't.
Lupin nods slowly and after a moment his focus moves back to the book.
My mind is already miles away, in the conversation I had with my brother, about the Dark Lord's secret.
"…Could you fucking stop calling the fucker that?" Sirius says, his voice heavy with annoyance.
I lift my hands up in a calming gesture. "Fine. Although, one might say that it is not the main point of this conversation," I say dryly, and my brother throws a glare at me.
"Oh, I'm allowed to throw a fit from whatever subject I choose, brother, after you so kindly informed me that you – and my fucking godson – are singlehandedly trying to destroy one of the darkest wizards there is!" He growls, then takes a couple of breaths, as if trying to calm himself down.
At least he's not outright screaming at me, as he was for what felt like an eternity, after I finished explaining the Horcruxes and the mission to destroy them. The ear-splitting yelling was followed by an overwhelming hopelessness, anger, self-hate, dejection, and now…anger again.
I roll my eyes inwardly. "That's what you are focusing on, brother? Not…not the fact that we know, finally, his secret, and the way to end him?!" I ask incredulously.
Sirius scoffs. "You could let the Order handle this. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't already done it," he says, and gives me a challenging look.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I ask, feeling disgruntled, even though I know my brother's trying to provoke me. "Did you miss the fact that an Order member killed the Headmaster?! And besides, do you not know how obnoxiously stubborn your godson is?" I huff, "I'm fairly sure he will try to throw me off from this mission whenever he deems fit."
Sirius arches a brow at me. "Try?"
I give my brother a blank look. "He can try."
Sirius lets out a short laugh, and watches me strangely for a short moment. "Didn't know you had it in you, brother," he says quietly, giving me an almost approving look.
His expression clears, and for a moment, he seems to struggle with his emotions. "I still don't like it."
I let out a sigh. Out of relief, perhaps. "I know. But you heard what he told me about the prophecy. You know that he won't stop, no matter what," I say with a hint of resign, looking away. "He needs to do this, and I need to help him. I need to make sure he will get through this alive," I say quietly, watching my brother's feet while chewing the inside of my cheek, and it actually only then hits me.
What I need to do. What my part in this is.
I glance up at my brother, and see his eyes widening with surprise, and he looks at me with affection and gratefulness.
"…So…are you two…?" Lupin mutters suddenly, watching me over the top of his book.
I glance at him, and roll my eyes. "You had to ask, did you?" I say dryly.
Lupin lowers his book back to his lap and gives me a wide smile. "Well, it is quite funny," he says lightly.
I lift my brows at him. "What of it is funny?" I ask, keeping my expression blank.
Lupin's grin turns into a mischievous one. Shit…I might know where this is going.
"Only the part where I imagine what your brother would have said – and how he would have reacted if he was here," He says, looking wistful and amused at the same time.
So…I might have left some things unsaid during the discussion with my brother.