Chapter 28: When We Were Young
4 Privet Drive, July 21st 1997
It's the third time I'm reading the letter, even though there's nothing really in it. There's nothing that could give up the sender, and the content is vague enough that it doesn't give anything away. It is merely a simple and a short greeting, not even requiring an answer. But I still know who's it from, even without the tell-tale opening and closing. I'm rather certain he would never accidentally address someone in such unmannerly way.
Potter,
I hope this letter finds you well. I apologise for not writing sooner, even though it has been too long since our last meeting. Here, everything remains as unexceptional as always.
I trust all is well with you and your family.
Until we meet again.
I let out a quiet snort. Family indeed…If the Dursleys can be called as such.
I'm glad my aunt, uncle and cousin have mostly left me be after meeting with Kingsley and Mr. Weasley a couple of days into my holiday.
The last weeks in school went by in a numb haze. Dumbledore's funeral came and went, and so did the additional occupants in the school. Everyone tried their best to focus on their education, to be present in their classes, even though for the most of us, it felt pointless after the realisation of being at war. Somehow, it still helped. It helped to focus onto something entirely different than seeking revenge and trying to form plans and gather forces for battle.
But then came the end of school year, and it was our last day in Hogwarts. My last day. Before we left the school on the last weekend of June, Lupin pulled me aside for a quick chat in the Entrance Hall.
"Harry, can I talk to you for a moment?" Lupin says quietly, watching the students pour into the horseless carriages – the ones pulled by Thestrals.
"Yeah, sure…" I say to Lupin, while Ron and Hermione eye me curiously.
I merely shrug at my friends and tell them I'll catch them up in the train.
Lupin gives me a curt nod and walks towards one of the classrooms on the ground floor. I give him an assessing look, and study his weary demeanour. I really hope nothing bad has happened. I wonder, is it something about Regulus? Has something happened? I haven't heard from him in a month, and even then, it was through Lupin, who has been stationed at Hogsmeade since the end of May. Worry and anxiousness start to mingle in my chest as I step into the classroom after Lupin.
Lupin flicks his wand to the door, undoubtedly casting privacy charms, before he takes in my expression.
"Oh! No, nothing has happened, Harry. I apologise, I should have said something right away," Lupin says quickly, his cheeks flushing with red.
I let out a relieved huff and give him a tight smile. "'S all right. What did you want to talk about?"
Lupin gestures at the two chairs closest to us before taking a seat on one of them. "I wanted to talk about this summer, and the situation we are in," He says gravely.
I sit down and give him a tight smile, knowing what he's about to ask from me. "I know what the situation is. I know we're at war. I know that I need to go back to the Dursleys, and that I'm not supposed to run around in Surrey. I'll be good. I promise," I say tiredly, and then chew the inside of my cheek and eye Lupin hesitantly. "…Just…you'll come for me, yeah?" I ask quietly, a flicker of uncertainness going through me.
Lupin frowns as I speak, a sad smile on his lips. "Of course we will, Harry." He says promptly. "The agreed plan still holds," He says, giving me a reassuring smile.
It was decided earlier this week that Mad-Eye would be side-along-apparating me to one of the safe-houses on July 24th, a week before my birthday, while the Order leaked false information to the Ministry – which we now believe to be infiltrated by Voldemort and his Death Eaters – that I would be leaving Surrey on the night of my seventeenth birthday, when the protective spells will break.
"There is something else," Lupin continues. "The Order will provide a safe-house and a transport to Europe for your family," he says.
What? "Wh – You mean the Dursleys?" I say with a hint of incredulousness in my voice.
Lupin gives me a nod.
"Yeah, not my family. But…I suppose it's better to have them out of the picture," I mutter bitterly.
Lupin sighs. "Harry, you know that if Voldemort finds them, he will – "
"Of course I know," I grit out sharply, interrupting Lupin. I force my jaw to relax and the anger to dissipate. "I'm fine with that. Good luck for the poor soul who has to make them agree with your plan."
Lupin's mouth twitches. "Don't worry. They will understand."
They didn't. At least, not before arguing about the matter with me more than twenty times during these past weeks. They didn't understand it when Kingsley and Mr. Weasley explained them that the disappearances and the accidents the muggle tv had been reporting, are Voldemort's doing. Not when they were told that once I turn seventeen, the protective charm that keeps me and the Dursley's safe, will break. Or when the Order told them that they are positive that if Voldemort finds them, he will try to get to me through them.
Only after my cousin told his parents that he will go with the Order people, that he believes me, did my aunt and uncle stop questioning me. And then they started packing. And ignoring me.
There're still three days before the plan will be set into motion. I know I should start going through my belongings, to pack the essentials into my rucksack, but instead, I stare at the letter – the only contact I've had to the wizarding world during the holidays, after Kingsley's and Mr. Weasley's brief visit. The only words I've received from Regulus since Merlin knows how long ago. And...it's enough, for now. He's alive, and that's what matters.
I hope he is doing better now. Probably still healing from the curse, but…at least he's written to me. Let me know that he's okay. Circe, I wish I could talk to him. But I know I can't, not yet. Not until I'm with the Order.
With a weary sigh, I drop the letter on my desk, next to a small stack of newspapers I have already organised. My eyes flicker briefly to the topmost issue, the one with the article by Elphias Doge. Dumbledore's obituary. With mixed feelings of sadness and embarrassment, I wonder yet again, did I know the late Headmaster at all? Did I even try to get to know him? It seems that it was always about me, always about the plan to destroy Voldemort, to think of a way for me to survive. But the Headmaster had been young once. He'd had a brother and a sister, a complicated family history; with his father's conviction and his mother's, and later, his sister's deaths. Even though Dumbledore probably wouldn't have confided in me about his past, the possibility to ask, to get to know him, no longer exists.
The second issue, just under the one including Dumbledore's obituary still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up with rage and my stomach fill with nausea. There is an article by Berry Braithwaite, interviewing none other than Rita Skeeter, who what it seems has written a biography called The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore.
Bloody tart. I should've known the article she wrote about me in my fifth year, the one that actually showed me in a good light; with only truth printed and not the usual rubbish Skeeter spreads, was a rare exception.
I should've known she would still be a problem. And now she's written a book, disgracing Dumbledore, defaming him. Saying that the relationship between the late Headmaster and me had been…unhealthy…sinister. Implying that in his youth, Dumbledore had dabbled in the Dark Arts.
And I know that it is definitely not him, not Dumbledore. He would've never…but the idea just makes my chest expand with anger.
4 Privet Drive, July 24th 1997
After using the past three days to go through my school trunk and my belongings, probably for the first time since going into Hogwarts for the first time, I'm finally ready. I've packed all the essentials; my Muggle clothing, the Invisibility Cloak, potion-making kit, some books, the Marauder's Map, a photograph album I received from Hagrid years ago, a handful of letters and my wand are all stuffed into the rucksack that is now propped up against the wall next to the door.
I also came across the mirror my godfather gave me – the one that is connected to its pair – and there's really only a fragment of it left, as it had been lying in the bottom of my trunk, broken. Seeing it again, made all the feelings of resentment and anger, and…regret surge upwards. If I had only realised I had it, and used it when it mattered, I might still have Sirius. He wouldn't need to suffer where he now is undoubtedly suffering. With heaviness in my chest, I decided to pack the piece as well.
Everything else, I've either tossed away; the old quills, a cracked and worn-out Sneakoscope, a handful of dried potions ingredients and single socks that no longer fit, or pushed into one of the closets; my school robes, a cauldron, parchment and quills, as well as most of my school books.
I spend the rest of the day in my room, after informing the Dursleys that the people they are supposed to go with, are arriving early in the evening. I don't need to be around them, and they sure as hell do not want anything to do with me. I'm the reason they have to abandon their home for, and to start a new life. I'm the reason they are now in danger.
The Dursley's have left, less than hour ago, with the weirdest of goodbyes. There isn't really much left to be said after sixteen years of disdain and neglect. After checking my room for the final time and making sure I have everything ready I need to take with me, I decide to spend the last moments in this house where it all started – in the cupboard under the stairs.
It feels odd, to sit here. The space definitely felt larger back then – but I suppose I'm the one that has outgrown it. Still, I remember it like yesterday, when I didn't know anything about magic. When I thought my parents had died in a car accident. I remember how my uncle had lost his temper when I told him about my dreams, about the flying motorbike. I remember receiving the letters. Hundreds of them. And meeting Hagrid. And Dudley's pig's tail.
I chuckle to the memory.
I remember how Dudley used to make my life a living hell, how he used to blame me for his every misdoing, and how he didn't skip a chance to beat me up after chasing me around in Little Whinging with his group of bullies.
But then it all changed. I remember the night when he lay curled up on the ground, whimpering and shaking, begging me to help him. The Dementors. Somehow, Dudley changed after that. Maybe he actually started to think that I wasn't a complete waste of space. At least, that is what his reluctant parting today seemed to hint towards.
The silence and my musings are interrupted with an abrupt, booming sound, coming from outside. I stand up quickly, forgetting where I am, and hit my head on the low door frame of the cupboard.
"Ouch…" I mutter, rubbing my forehead as I step into the hallway and move towards the kitchen.
As soon as I spot them in the back garden; Hagrid standing next to a large motorbike, Hermione, Tonks, Bill and Fleur dismounting from Thestrals, while the others; Ron, Lupin, Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Mundungus, Fred, George, and Mr. Weasley hop off from their brooms – I run towards the door and yank it open.
"It's about time," I say, almost breathlessly. "Why are you all here?" I ask then, confused, remembering that Mad-Eye was supposed to side-along me.
I'm surrounded by my friends, and the joyous greetings are quickly interrupted by a tense Mad-Eye, who ushers everyone inside to go through the new plan.
"Oh, Harry, we've missed you!" Hermione says and gives me a tight hug. Everyone else chatters lightly as they take their seats around the kitchen.
Ron grins lopsidedly at me and ruffles my hair. I give him a mild glare back. "Alright, mate?" He says, just as carefree as ever. And it's just what I need right now.
"Hey, Harry," Tonks says, pushing towards our little group. "Guess what?" She says, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. I can't help but notice that her hair's back to the bright shade of pink, something it hasn't been in a long time.
I don't have time to answer before she lifts her left hand and wiggles her fingers. There's a ring in one of them.
"Y-You…?"
Lupin steps next to her, slipping an arm around her waist. "We got married," He says, his smile somewhere between sheepish and apologising.
"I'm…wow." I say, stunned by the news. "Congratulations!" I say quickly, grinning widely at the couple.
Lupin nods his thanks and then says, "I'm sorry you couldn't be there. Most of our friends were not, in fact. Only Andromeda and Ted, and…Regulus. We wanted to keep a low profile, you know…?"
"Yeah, of course…" I say quickly, and then an image flickers into my mind. Regulus participating Lupin's and Tonks's wedding, and…meeting his cousin – the one he hasn't met apparently in years. I wonder how did that go.
Tonks must've seen my doubtful expression, as she lets out a quiet laugh. "Yeah, there were some…snags on the road…but, in the end, it was a pleasant reunion," She says with a wink.
"Oh," I say, feeling now more curious than anything. "What h – "
"All right, gossip time is over!" Mad-Eye booms and everyone falls in silence.
Mad-Eye then proceeds to explain the changed plan; how the Order thinks that the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Pius Thicknesse, is working for Voldemort, and thus we have to abandon all transport that can be detected by the Trace.
Mad-Eye explains that we will use brooms, Thestrals, and Hagrid's motorbike to leave the place and move towards a safe-house, and it all sounds quite simple – although there seem to be some definite flaws in the plan, but I listen attentively.
When Mad-Eye gets to the part about seven Harry Potters flying in the night, and tells me that six of them, my friends included, have agreed to drink Polyjuice Potion to disguise themselves as me, I finally open my mouth and outright refuse.
There's no point to argue in the end, and sooner rather than later, I find myself climbing into the narrow, black sidecar attached to Hagrid's motorbike. I watch as six of my clones mount their brooms and Thestrals, each paired up with an Order member.
My head is spinning and my heart is beating rapidly in anticipation. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. Then, with an ear-splitting roar, we take up into the night sky, and the next moment, all hell breaks loose