Warning: May trigger discomfort due to suicidal acts. Read at your own risk.
"Stop it mom. I dont want to talk about it anymore."
"Honey, please. I don't like seeing you like this. Please. Just get yourself together. We can go counseling if that'll help. We can do anything you want dear. But please, please just... just get yourself together. It's already been so long."
Looking at the fairly smooth and well manicured hand grasping her dry ones, Bella looked at the woman across from her that she should've looked like but at the moment didnt. With her hair well coiffed with a dress without wrinkle, she looked at her mom and thought about what she said.
"I dont want to forget, Mom." she replied in a wistful tone, "I dont want to let it go either. I dont need counseling, nor a psychiatrist. I just wish he was here, Mom. I love him so much. it's unbelievable. Undeniable." A sob escaped her lips, forcing her to hold it in as tears filled her eyes but refuse to fall. "And I am the reason he's not here. I ki..."
"Shhhhh. You did nothing. Whatever you did was an accident. Don't mention it anymore." Mrs. Parker swiftly stopped her daughter from finishing her sentence. Not wanted to be reminded of that night. "Go up to your room dear. Get some rest. The maid will bring your lunch in half an hour. I will be going now I have a meeting at two." Gracefully standing, Mrs Parker kissed her daughter on the cheeks and stepped out of the grandiose sitting area.
Bella watched as her mom left then she herself walked up the stairs to her room. Closing the door behind her she sat on her unmade bed inside the minimally lit room.
Pictures flashed by as she remembered her beloved losing his life to her.
***
With the rain pouring down and the lights out. Bella and her beloved were in the kitchen arguing with each other.
"...I told you Bells. I didn't do anything like that. why would you even believe her?" with his hands to his head, a handsome young man showed his frustrations to an equally beautiful girl.
"Because she's my friend. I trust her." said the beauty with her hands plastered on the kitchen counter.
"And I am your man, you should trust me." the man shouted as he pointed to himself. "You've never trusted me as much as you trust your so called friends. They're lying. They don't know what they're talking about."
Running up to him, Bella slapped on his chest repeatedly while shouting "Stop lying to me! Stop lying! I saw the pictures! I saw everything!"
Grabbing onto her hands trying to restrain her, Markus got slapped in the process while her other hand grabbed for the knife that was close by pointing it towards him. "If I can't be with you, no one else can!"
And with that she stabbed him to death as the rain poured with the lightning flashing outside. Not giving him a chance to say anything more before he died.
She ended up burning the house making sure the body was burnt before calling the fire department to report the fire. With it being this late and the houses so far apart, everyone was sleeping in their beds praying for the rain to end.
It was only at the funeral did she find out the other woman was his cousin who had one too many plastic surgeries. Which meant she killed her man for nothing.
Needless to say she cried her heart out and cut all contact with her friends.
***
It's been three months since the last time she saw him. Three months of loneliness, heartache and soul wrenching pain. As well as guilt.
'What is happening to me? Why cant I move on? He's already dead. He died. By my hands at that.'
Looking in the mirror at her reflection, Bella saw a woman she no longer recognized. Hollow cyan blue eyes set in an oval shaped face, sallow skin with big bags under her eyes and dry luster less dark hair. A dress too big for her skinny self adorned her form. 'I can't take it anymore. The guilt is eating me up inside. I can't breathe properly, I cant eat properly. What am I to do?'
Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper from her bedside table, she began to write.
'Dear Mom and Dad,
I will miss you when I'm gone. I love you.
But I've decided I can't be the way I am anymore. I don't want to be this way. The guilt is eating me inside. It's too much to bear.
Will you forgive me?
In this life you are the best parents I could ever ask for.
Papa, I will always remember when you used to carry me on your back for piggy back rides, when you thought me how to ride a bike and when you beat up Jhon Meyler from down the street because he called me ugly. I love you.
Mama, I will remember forever when you always bandaged my scraped knees and patted my hair as I cried in your arms. How you always gave me girly motherly advice. And the times you bake chocolate chips cookies for me especially. I love you too.
Please forgive me. But I've decided I want a fresh start. And I'm sorry this is the only way I can get it. I've decided I want to be free. Free from all the shackles of my emotions. Of all the pain it's causing me.
Don't worry mom and dad, I will be fine.
I promise.'
Bella left that note on the table
Taking one last meaningful look at herself in the full length mirror, Bella did a full circle to get a final glimpse at what should've been a bright beautiful room that now turned a dull grey with dust pilings in a corner and minimal sunlight shining through due to drawn curtains. She slowly took it all in then walked directly to her window on the second floor of the building.
Standing on the edge of the windowsill, Bella looked down wondering if she was really that desperate. If she really wanted it to end this badly.
She jumped.
Head first towards the pavement. The only thing on her mind being her beloved Markus whom she killed with her own hands.
'I will soon be there my love.'
Needless to say, her mom who just stepped out of the house heard the loud impact of her body on the ground sent a maid to look what fell around the side of the house. On obeying her order the poor maid saw her mutilated young mistress' body lying lifeless on the floor in a pool of blood couldn't help but scream.
"Ahhhhhhhhh! Young Miss!"
On hearing such a scream Mrs Parker as well as the other servants of the house went around to look as well. On seeing her daughter's body, Mrs Parker couldn't help but rush towards her holding her in her arms, losing all her grace as she shouted in hysteria, "Call the ambulance! Somebody call 911!"
But it was already too late. She was dead.