Chapter 9: Harumple Comes to Storybrooke
He probably shouldn't have popped off at Emma.
He really did regret it. Although, what she had done that night was inexcusable. Although, now that he saw Regina in that designer next to that hack genie he was pretty sure it had been a bit of a set up.
Okay, he knew it before he even saw them canoodling and opened up The Storybrooke Mirror. He shook his head at the not so original title. Regina never had been one much for imagination. After all, she had named her prized stallion 'Horse'. Really, who did that?
He had gone to town to the local diner on part a scouting mission and in part to get some breakfast in hope that it could butter Emma up a bit.
He doubted it. He was pretty sure she hated him. He couldn't think about it now. Instead, he tried to see if there were any buildings that were large enough to house a dragon. Although, it was very possible that if she had came into town she could be stored underground which meant he probably needed access to blueprints.
He ran across a few familiar faces on his walk to the diner like a dwarf (Sleepy, Sneezy, something that started with an S) that was making a living as a cab driver. A bad one that severed into the various lanes of Storybrooke several times. Seriously, you'd think twenty-eight years of driving the same route—
He then came across a very interesting sight: Reul Ghorm.
Harry's lip curled as his eyes settled on the fairy. Next to Regina, if there was ever someone's heart whom he wanted to turn into dust Blue was it. She had taken his son away from him. Lied about it, to get Bae to leave him, and was all around a horrible person. And so oblivious—
This could be fun.
"Good morning, sister." He said noting the obvious nun apparel.
"It's actually Mother Superior." The blue bug said giving him a strange look. "I don't know you."
"Never said you should," He said wondering if turning her into a snail would be too obvious—probably. Besides, it wouldn't serve his use for her. As horrible as the fairy was, she still could be a use for him especially when she was amnesic.
He might just be in need of some light magic, and while he knew his wife was full of it—well, he didn't exactly want to send her down there to face Maleficent. The cost was far too great, but if he had a fairy at his disposal.
He looked around the street; no one was in sight and waved his hand. The world froze. He smiled as he sank his hand into her chest pulling out the fairy's wretched heart. Like most exceedingly light people, it was darker than he would've expected but it had its uses. He could use this—hopefully. While Blue herself might not be able to kill Maleficent, he could use her heart to enable someone to defeat the beast, someone without magic who was brave and pure of heart.
Or at the very least, the heart would be a nice paperweight. While he didn't like to collect the things like Cora, there was something thrilling about having the heart of someone you really hated—especially if they were totally oblivious.
A second later he had what he wanted and smiled as he waved it to his vault where all his other Dark One goodies—such as Ron in the Box were stored. He felt about giggling for a second, but quickly stopped himself and managed to have a concerned face as he unfroze the fairy and the rest of the town.
"Are you okay, Mother Superior?" He asked trying to sound concerned. "You look positively green."
"I—I got to go," The fairy said scampering away. A part of him couldn't wait till the curse broke and she realized that she was heartless—though she might not realize it, since she always lacked a heart in Rumple's opinion.
He shook his head as he continued to walk up the apparently quaint streets. Regina really did need to think of updating the place, he thought, glad he hadn't been stuck here for thirty years as he approached the diner that Emma had mentioned.
Granny's.
And that's when he saw Regina. She looked pretty much the same as she did in the Enchanted Forest though she wore her hair much shorter and wore a business suit rather than an elaborate gown that forced her cleavage in your face. He was actually thankful for the suit, but wondered if he could ask her where she got her gowns designed because he'd like to buy one for his wife—though he knew Emma would kill him if he put her in Evil Queen wear.
Besides, he wasn't really in the mood to have a chat with Regina. Like he expected, the restaurant pretty much quiet when he entered and then there was Regina barking questions wanting to know who he was. He was sort of surprised she was able to figure out that he was Jaime's father. Usually, she was a little slow to put two and two together. He let her whine for awhile before telling her that she needed to have her worm of a genie write a retraction, this did not go over well. But his breakfast was done at that point, so he could really care less.
He frowned as he looked at the architecture. Nothing that apparent, a trip to the library was obviously needed. He hoped he wasn't going to have to do anything showy to get into the building. Knowing Regina, the place was probably locked up. He was sort of surprised she was allowing the children to attend school. She always said literate peasants were dangerous peasants.
He shook his head as he found himself in front of his large salmon house. God, he hated the color. He had saw that Emma had left a draft of a petition to paint the place red, but he knew it would never get through the court.
Really, appointing Cruella de Vil as a judge. He hoped she didn't have any animal cruelty cases.
He opened the door to see Emma staring at him. She looked a little pale, but was definitely sober.
He should've expected as much he gave her a potion to reverse the drunkenness pretty fast last night. Not the hangover though. He wasn't that generous.
"You're an early riser," she said.
He shrugged. "I wanted to walk around town and get us some breakfast. God knows, there's nothing in the refrigerator."
Bad move. She glared at him. "Sorry, I don't cook. Though, you should know as much."
He didn't take the bait. "I got some coffee also, thought you'd need it. It has cinnamon. I called Ford, by the way. He said that Sidney Glass should be writing a retraction."
"Good," She said frowning. "I can't believe they'd published that. I was only unwinding after a day at work and I swear I didn't have that many tequila shots."
He shook his head. "I'm not judging. But a judge would. I suggest if you have an urge for tequila, don't do it in Storybrooke."
"Duly noted," She said taking the bag. "Uh, I guess I should thank you for calling Ford."
He shrugged. "We both have an interest in our son's life."
"Yeah, we do." Emma said, "I guess we can eat breakfast together, if you want before I figure out how I'm going to save the office here in Storybrooke."
He nodded as he began to eat the most awkward breakfast ever. When they were finished with very little said between them he informed her he was going to see if Storybrooke had a library.
"A library?" She asked. "Really?"
"I'm interested in some of the old buildings here." He said, "History's sort of my thing."
"I thought you worked in government." Emma said giving him an odd look.
"I do. My fascination for buildings is a hobby." He said, "Big difference there. Though, I could do some work there too."
"Harry," Emma said with an odd look on her face. "Don't feel like you can't be here with me."
"Emma, it's just an errand."
"I—I know I haven't made you feel welcomed." She said, "And I'm sorry. I just wanted to set up boundaries."
"Clearly," Harry said.
"Will you let me finish?" She snapped.
"Fine. Finish."
"Thank you," She rolled her eyes. "Just because there's not and there won't be a you and me, doesn't mean that you have to walk on eggshells here. It's just as much your house as mine."
"I know that," He said, "I just have errands to run."
Emma shrugged. "Fine. If you need anything I should be here or at the office, you have my cell."
The library hadn't been an exact bust like he thought it would be. Apparently, Ford Gold had made the building a memorial of sorts for his dead wife—Lacey Gold (Belle).
He inwardly grimaced, as he wondered what sort of sick joke of this was of Regina's. He even frowned more as he saw a picture of Belle at the entrance of the lobby. He hadn't seen the girl in almost thirty years now, and yet seeing that photo again it had brought back a lot of those old feelings. Feelings of regret and a bit of bitterness that he had been so closed off to her then. He knew he had to let go, and on most of the days he did, but seeing her picture reminded him what an old bastard he was.
"Can I help you?" Snow White of all people said.
Snow White. His wife's mother, his mother in-law who ditched her daughter yesterday.
"I need to talk to the librarian." He said.
"Oh," The girl said with a frown. "Well, there's no real librarian here. Not since—well, not since Mrs. Gold died."
Really?
Really?
"Then who's your boss?" He asked.
"The mayor?" Snow said. "I don't know. There's a group of us that volunteers to keep this place open. I mean, the kids need a library so I'm here mostly during my off time. I think Archie devotes some time here too. And—"
"I get the picture," Harry said.
God, hearing how this library was ran was enough to make both Belle and Hermione roll over in their graves. Well, Hermione was still alive. It was enough to give his bestie a coronary.
"Well, then, is there anything I can help you with?"
"Yes, why did you stand up my wife for coffee yesterday?"
Yeah, he was going to be that direct. Snow White before she was cursed, would've appreciated this. This Snow White frowned.
"Wife?"
"Yes, Emma." He said. "You know HJ's mother."
"Oh," Snow said. "I—I was busy."
"No, that's not it. Is it?" He snapped. "Come on, dearie. We all know the mayor told you to stay away from Emma."
Mary Margret sighed. "I—it just wasn't a good idea. Tell Emma, I'm sorry."
"No," He said. "You should. And you are sorry that is. I'm shocked your husband puts up with this."
Because he could hardly see Charming, even a cursed Charming, putting up with a coward for a wife.
"I'm not married," Mary Margret said looking down. "Really Mr. Swan, tell Emma I'm sorry. Is there something else I can help you with?"
He rolled his eyes. "I think I can find what I'm looking for without your help. I actually know real librarians."
"Oh," She said her eyes lighting up. "Do you need a job? We really do need a librarian here. I'm sure that Regina could find the funds or there might be something left in the Lacey Gold Memorial fund."
He laughed, "Uh, no. The last person I want for a boss is Regina. And I actually do have a lucrative position.
Ruling a country.
Not that Snow White needed to know that.
"Oh," She said. "Well, are you staying in Storybrooke for long then? I, mean, if you already have another job?"
He rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't you like to know, dearie I suggest you apologize to my wife."
He then left Snow White standing there with her mouth wide open—an interesting look—as he wondered what had happened to Charming.
Another mystery to solve, he really wondered why it seemed like out of all people he was having to play the role of detective.
Seriously, the Dark One did not equal the World's Greatest Detective. If it did he was in need of a bat suit.
It had taken him the better part of the day, but he had been able to find the blueprints to most of the buildings in Storybrooke with a few exceptions—the mayor's office, the library, the hospital, and the old clock tower.
Obviously, these were the most likely places where the dragon was being held. Unless, Regina killed her which was entirely plausible. If that was the case, he was hoping that at least Regina brought the dragon corpse with the curse as some sort of magic treasure trove, though knowing Regina if she killed Maleficent she probably didn't have the foresight to keep her rotting corpse.
"Mr. Swan?"
He frowned turning around and saw Snow White staring at him—she was still wearing the cardigan, it really made her dowdy he wanted to say something, but he thought better of it. "Yes," He said turning at her and trying to look like he smelt something bad. It was a trick he had actually picked up from one of the older kings before the Enchanted Forest had been divided into so many smaller kingdoms.
She winced. "Sorry for bothering you, but we're about to close. It's Saturday so we close at five instead of nine. Is there anything I can help you with?"
"I got everything I need, dearie." He said not bothering to correct him on his name.
She nodded, "Uh, okay. I—I wanted to apologize to Emma. After what you said, I should've at least text her that I wasn't coming."
"Its common decency, dearie."
She sighed. "I know. I am planning on apologizing. I texted Emma earlier, but—well, she didn't respond."
He wasn't surprised. He knew Emma was probably hunched over work today, she had seemed pretty upset that she was going to be the laughing stalk of the legal world in Storybrooke.
Plus, he knew his wife. She held grudges. By now Mary Margret was probably on her asshole list and rightfully so.
"Well, what did you expect?" Harry said. "You stood her up. I wouldn't answer your text either."
Okay, that stung. He knew it, and he knew he shouldn't be that mean to Snow White. She was after all his mother in-law, and for that matter being controlled in good part by Regina, but what she did was wrong.
She sighed. "Again, I'm sorry. Maybe you could talk to Emma for me?"
He laughed, "Oh, yeah, that would just go over well. I can't fight your battles, dearie."
"But you can tell her how sorry I am, right?"
"I can tell her but that doesn't mean she's going to listen." He said as he looked at Mary Margret once more, "I'm usually not one to give advice, because really I'm the last person to be giving advice, but here I think it's needed. Make your own choices, Ms. Blanchard."
"What?"
"Don't listen to the mayor." He said, "You'll find that it's just not worth it."
He then turned to walk away enjoying the fresh. He didn't really get to go on a lot of walks back in Britain. When you were king, you didn't have a lot of free time. He felt bad not being there in his country right now. Sure, he was still doing work while in Storybrooke, but it was his kingdom and while he was sure Hermione was managing his policies and procedures just fine he was a hands on ruler. But he had to admit, being able to walk down the street like a normal person with no bowing or pointing was sort of refreshing. Not that he'd actually give up his king gig.
He shook his head as he thought about calling Hermione and realized that it was almost midnight there, she'd probably be asleep. When he bumped into someone.
Someone who was way shorter than him. It was a kid.
In fact, it was his kid.
He didn't realize this right away though. At least not Jaime looked at him. It was a little bit of an inverse of what he heard all those years growing up as Harry Potter. The kid looked just like his mother, but had his eyes. There was no denying it. Okay, he sort of had the Stilksin nee Potter crazy hair gene as well, but it was blonde not dark like his was.
However, he really wasn't focusing that much on the kid's appearance. Rather, it was the way he was cradling his arm and walking—or not walking correctly. Actually walking was a stretch, Jaime seemed to be swaying at best. "Are you okay?" He asked, "Surely, you didn't bump into me that hard? I'm not made out of stone."
The kid shook his head at him and that was when Harry noticed the expression on the kid's face he looked halfway dazed. "Are you okay, Jaime?" He asked not caring that he wasn't referring to him by Regina's stupid name. Why should he respect his murderer? The mere idea that she raised his child made him want to throw up.
"Don't think so. Fell out the window. Please. Help me get to Emma, I think Regina—I think she did something." The kid said before collapsing. Luckily, Harry was able to catch him. A part of him thought about healing him right then and then, that was the paternal part of him.
How odd for that part to come back after all those years? Jaime wasn't Bae though. He was his son with Emma. Harry frowned as he carried the boy towards the salmon colored house, thinking that once he got to the porch he'd set him down and perform a healing charm. He had never been able to pick up Bae like was able to with Jaime. His leg had been damaged and it made holding weight difficult, not so much now.
He looked at the boy who had been holding on to his arm sort of weird—was it broken? He had mentioned something about falling out the window.
"Oh, my God, Jaime!"
He had somehow managed to come back to the house. He didn't know he was still walking. Then again, he had been close to home and his wife had opened the door.
"What happened?" She asked.
"I found him walking the street. Walking is a stretch though." He said. "I—he mentioned something about Regina doing this to him."
"Did he?" Emma said her lips growing small. "I'm getting my keys."
"Keys?"
"Yes, we're taking his to the hospital. He's unconscious and-did he break his arm it looks so swollen.'
"I think he mentioned falling out the window." Rumple said frowning about taking his kid to the hospital, he'd rather heal him himself. "Are you sure about the hospital—I mean?"
"He broke a bone," Emma said. "I don't think we have a choice. God, I should probably call Regina."
"No," He said. "You let me handle Regina. Besides, I—he mentioned something about her that makes me think she's somewhat responsible for this."
"Don't be ridiculous," Emma said as she locked the door. "I mean, she wouldn't have broke his arm. You don't think she would, do you?"
"He said he fell out the window." Harry said. "I don't think she pushed him if that's what you're wondering but there seemed something off about him."
"Off?" Emma said, "Oh, please. Do not call Jaime a freak if you do I swear—"
"Freak?" Harry said. "I despise that term, Emma. I was going to say that they seemed dilated like maybe she drugged him."
"Don't be ridiculous."
However a few hours later, apparently it turned out Regina did drug him with a combination sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds. "It can be a toxic combination." Frankenstein—aptly named Dr. Whale in this world said as he looked a them. "You shouldn't take them together or at the very least try to climb out a window with them in your system."
If that was his attempt at a joke it was a bad one and it seemed like Whale caught win that he did not amuse either Emma or Harry.
"Okay, then. Have you two tried Mayor Mills again? I know that she would care that Henry's in the hospital."
"I don't care about Mayor Mills." Emma snapped, "Is he okay?"
"I said he's going to be fine," Whale said. "His arm will take awhile to heal, but it was a clean break. He was lucky."
"I hardly think falling out of your bedroom window drugged is lucky." Harry stated. "And seriously, who would prescribe sleeping pills to a ten-year-old?"
"Good question," Emma nodded in approval.
"Well, it wasn't me." Whale said. "I really shouldn't even be talking to you since you're not technically his legal guardians."
Harry shot Whale another Dark One look.
"But I think an exception is in order here. He will be drossy for the night, but he should be good to go tomorrow."
He then scurried away having Harry roll his eyes in disgust, Emma decided to pipe in. "Seriously, is that guy for real?"
"I'm tempted to fly in a specialist in myself."
"Don't bother, it's just a broken arm. I don' t think he can screw up that much and he did pump Jaime's stomach, but sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds, really? Who gives sleeping pills to a ten year old in the middle of the day?"
"Someone who has a hot Saturday date." Rumple supplied not wanting to go through the process of his wife putting two and two together.
"I'm going to kill her." Emma snapped.
"No, you leave that to Ford." Harry said. "I'm going to call him and the barracuda again. As much as I'd like to not inform her, I have a feeling that that's what Ford's going to recommend we not do."
"True, but Whale has probably told her already, or at least left another voice mail." Emma said. "Are you okay? I know it had to be a shock to see him, let alone like that."
"I'm fine," He said. "I probably should get some us some food, maybe some coffee too. It's going to be a long night. You want some? Do you still like cinnamon in yours? You didn't say anything this morning, I just wanted to be sure."
She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice."
He needed to calm down; all he wanted to do right now was kill Regina. The best thing he could was to spend his time on minuscule tasks such as picking up coffee. He found it was one way he could control his rage, keeping busy. Of course, he occasionally slipped up and he thought he could do as much when he ran into Cinderella of all people working the late shift at the diner.
He rolled his eyes when he saw the heavily pregnant princess—turned waitress or dishwasher or hostess. She seemed to be doing everything at the diner. Obviously, Granny never heard of labor laws.
He wondered how her debt had been translated over in the curse. Personally, he could care less about the child she was carrying. He might've been known as a baby trader way back in the day, but personally he found anyone who wished to sell a child repulsive. Although, he had almost done that once upon a time when Bae was ill. But to be fair it had been only a figurative child, and for that matter he had enough common sense when he became the Dark One to kill said mystic.
Yet another reason to hate the village idiot he used to be. But at least he had to give his village idiot self brownie points for not selling a figurative child to go to a ball and then playing victim for it.
Cinderella was foolish as ever. She got his order wrong three times. She had not concept of waitressing and was even worse when it came to figuring out how much he owed her. God knows, even he had done the simple math and was getting out a twenty when she said, "Just give me a minute, I can get a calculator."
"That won't be necessary." He said. "You just owe me two dollars and nine cents back."
"Is that with tip?"
He rolled his eyes. She would not be getting a tip.
"I'm still getting the calculator." She said, "You look like a nice enough guy, but one can never be sure about these things."
"Obviously," Harry said. "If you wouldn't mind hurrying up my son is in the hospital—"
"I completely understand," She said. "I'll hurry up, won't be but a second. I swear, I can normally add these things up quicker."
"I'm sure." Rumple said as he felt his phone buzz.
He got it out thinking it was Emma with an update on Jaime. Instead, it was Emma asking when the food was going to get there. That was a good question he wondered himself and was writing this back when he felt something heavy being swung at the back of his head.
The next thing he knew, he was waking up in Storybrooke General with that obnoxious Frankenstein presiding over him.
Oh, this would not do at all.