I mentioned self care didn't I? Well that was a long journey. Painful but worthwhile.
The universe helps those who want to be helped. I wanted this. Badly.
You never know how rotten things have become until you receive that letter. Or those in my case.
1• The bank's was first. My bank advisor was worried. Thousands of dollars put into online shopping. That was when I saw, the mail around my apartment. From online shops I didn't even recognize.
2• My landlady's. I was behind on rent. What have I become? I was robbing my chance of surviving, in a way this was self harm.
That was the electroshock I needed and I helped me snap out of my trance. I returned all what I bought and got refunds. Those that were too late to be refunded were sold on an online application. I paid my rent. I called off my five months leave, the wedding wasn't going to happen so there wasn't any use for it ?
Through my journey of self reflection or "getting my shit back together", I still caught a glimpse of him on the streets once or twice. I even found myself in front of his building on one of my long walks.
Here's what I told myself: Rome wasn't built in a day, you're clearly not superwoman and this isn't some Hollywood movie. You're going to be kind to yourself and get your life back on track. And that's on what?
PERIODT.