Muqeet's POV
His voice sounded pained, his usually calm gaze appearing almost panicked as he continued "I tried so hard to distract myself, trust me I really did but it didn't work. Nothing ever does."
There was a sense of helplessness in the slight tremor of his voice which was nearly impossible to detect. He was always so used to displaying the confident and self assured version of him that it was almost impossible to detect any signs of unease in his tone, but after nearly a decade of friendship with him I could easily detect the uncertainty lining his words.
I looked at the books strewn across the table in front of me, knowing full well how desperately he must have been trying to drown out the demons of his life within the fiction in those books. In those fairy-tale like happy endings.
When he looked up at me his eyes were glassy as if he were barely holding back his tears and a strong pain shot through my chest, the vulnerability in his eyes tearing me apart. I clenched my fists as I watched this man who was as good as my brother broke down his defences in front of me.
He must have noticed the emotions in my expression because his following words were uttered in the same confident tone that everyone around him was used to, "So I couldn't do anything but be the arsehole and ruin your Sunday morning."
"Welp as long as you appreciate it." I smiled at him, fishing out the all too familiar purple packaging of the grape candy from my pockets. I pushed it into his hand "Here eat this, it'll make you feel better."
He watched the bright purple wrapper in his hand and let out a small laugh that sounded half amused half curious "What are you now? A wannabe Professor Lupin with his piece of chocolates and wise ass advice?"
I smiled at him as I shook my head as the unpleasant feeling of dark sticky guilt coated the back of my throat. Looking up at the ceiling I ran my hands through my hair "I really wish I was as brave as he was or as responsible or at least I wish I had some of that magic. Know how handy that patronus charm would be to get rid of some of those dark feelings haunting us?"
He let out a chuckle that was laced with bitterness, as if he didn't believe that magic could ever help us get rid of the pain that ate us up from the inside.
"But I got neither of that and therefore I am just sad as you are."
"You know what I hear in the silence when nobody is around me and I have no work to distract me?" he suddenly asked.
Not waiting for my answer he continued "My father's voice admonishing me and constantly reminding me how big of a failure I am."
"It's funny you'd say that." I chuckled, making him raise an eyebrow in question "your father keeps on ranting about how big of a failure you are when he should get a pair of glasses and see how much of an effort you make. But I guess expecting the old man to be able to look past his own dumb assumptions and see you for the person you are is practically a lost cause at this point."
This made him snort derisively. I ignored it as I continued "I on the other hand AM a humongous big fat failure, but my old man accepts me despite that. HE even loves and supports me despite my being the disappointment that I am."
There was no expression on Altamash's face as he watched me intently. It made me feel good that he didn't rush to comfort me like everyone else did. Trying to placate my self loathing with fanciful lies like I was wrong and that I was a good son.
Watching how the sunlight danced across the ground through the windows I asked him "You know what he got me a few days ago?"
The memory still brought a smile to my face "He knew I didn't want anything to do with his company, he knew I didn't want any part in it so he went ahead and just gave me money and-" I pressed my eyes shut, fighting against the burn of tears behind my eyelids "He looked apologetic, as if he was sad that he didn't know anything about tech and computer. That honestly made me hate myself so much more, he asked me to go ahead and buy whatever I fancied."
I knew that he cared and that he found it difficult to show it to those he cared about and to communicate just how much he wished to be there for us. His awkward smile and attempts to make us happy always made guilt well up within me, although he always tried to give us happiness by giving us money and trying to ensure that we had nothing wanting I understood that he didn't know any other way to show us how much he cared.
But I sometimes craved for his warmth, but there was a distance between us that I couldn't seem to be able to overcome because I was burdened by guilt that weighed me down.
I felt Altamash silently squeeze my shoulder before he got up and walked towards the kitchen, most likely continuing work on the pancakes we had abandoned. I heard the faint chirping of birds as the smell of pancakes wafted towards me, making me close my eyes and sigh.
Feeling happy that my friend understood that I needed some time to gather myself.
***
"Oi you good for nothing twat, come over to refuel." Altamash called out, his t-shirt splattered with batter and the spatula covered with batter still in his left hand.
"You'd make a pretty cute housewife with your cooking skills and batter splattered clothes.' I observed grinning at him.
Placing the spatula into the sink, he said "These aren't batter stains, they're battle stains. Proof of my valiant attempt at being a good friend to a piece of crap like you."
I sat on the kitchen stool, and placed my hand on my heart "I'm incredibly grateful for your kindness Mr. Quadri. How may I repay you for your generosity? Want me to get you a wedding ring?"
He gagged at my suggestion, wrinkling his nose as he sat in front of me. Pulling his plate of pancake towards himself he drowned them in syrup as he smiled at me "Well aren't we a happy bunch? Some food, some tears and a great load of baggage. Some best friends we make."
Spearing a piece of pancake I grinned back at him "Cheers to that!"
He placed his head on his knuckle as he swallowed a bite "Now that you are fed and watered and hopefully a little less depressed, care to tell me heat exactly happened yesterday?"
I chewed slowly for a couple seconds before answering him "Baba wanted me to take care of the company since he is going to India and he wanted to entrust his entire life's labour to someone he trusted. And I'm very clearly not fit to be that person."
"But he knew that right?"
I shrugged "Yeah he did, the topic was broached again because of our lovely uncle Alyan. I don't like him, don't know what Gauhar sees in him. The man's got her wrapped around his pinky finger."
He had that calculating look in his eyes now, the one he had when contemplating on one of his absurd cases "Why do you dislike him?"
I rubbed my chin in contemplation "No particular reason, he just rubs me the wrong way. Not to mention that he keeps pushing me to ram into Baba's head that I'm not gonna take any responsibility for his business."
I tamped down the wave of resentment that rose within me "Like yesterday I brought up the fact that I had noticed something amiss with the accounts of the profits of the company and that we weren't actually having as big of a loss as it was being made out to be."
I could see that I had his entire attention now, his syrup smothered pancaked lay abandoned as he intently paid attention to my words. He thrived on things like these, little problems that he enjoyed to solve.
"So that is why it was completely beyond my comprehension that they weren't able to pay the employees and had predicted a very large turnover this year, which clearly is bad for the business. But to my exasperation the man just turned the entire thing on me and I left in anger because I couldn't stand his presence." I poured a glass of water for myself, wathing the water fall into the glass as I said in a near whisper "And I couldn't bear the sadness in Baba's eyes either."
"You ever thought of hacking into the company's database?" he questioned, making my ears perk up. How had I never thought of this?
"Nah I haven't but that sounds like a great idea, I can't take responsibility for that place but I sure as hell can ensure that everything is going alright with it."
Altamash reached forward to bump his fist with my shoulder, a proud grin on his face "That's the spirit my boy." Taking a sip of water he added "You know mate, I'm pretty sure there is some foul play going on in there. We just don't know what it is yet and especially WHO is behind all of it."
I nodded at his words thoughtfully as I chewed my food.