It has been a month since I fell ill. Joochan and I were back to being buddies (yay), Jaehyun is now what he proclaims himself to be my 'best friend' - I tease him a lot about this but I do feel the same way, and Bomin still looks up to me as his noona. It seems like I can tolerate school life when I'm with them.
Time sure moves fast. It seems like yesterday when I couldn't even entertain the thought of talking to Joochan at all, much less to Jaehyun and Bomin. But we have been closer than ever, all thanks to the Hong residence, where we all hangout together whenever we feel like it. I already faced the obstacle of being a social recluse after being with those three.
And yet, there was another obstacle that I felt like I could not overcome: the upcoming examinations.
Students are rushing to make or print out their reviewers, several group studies are scheduled on weekends, teachers cram and pressure the student body to quickly finish the requirements before the exam week arrives, students cram and procrastinate for compliance.
Eyebags become the trend for a couple of weeks.
In short, everything and everyone is in chaos.
I wasn't an exemption.
"Han Minhee, Meet me later in the faculty room after class." After saying his goodbye, Mr. An leaves the classroom.
"What did I do now?" I slump in my seat, feeling doomed. Maybe I forgot to submit a project? I missed a major quiz? Was it about my absence? I have absolutely no idea what trouble I got into now.
Jaehyun, now surprisingly sitting beside me questions, "MM, what did you do?"
"Trust me, I don't know too."
"I hope it's not that bad," Jaehyun reassures. "Now go, or else it might actually be more troublesome for you."
Striding through the halls of the building, the sound of my shoes clicking on the ground is overpowered by my heartbeat, anxious. A lot of possible scenarios are already getting through my head that I'm already getting dizzy because of it.
"This is nothing, you're not going to be expelled yet for being dumb, Minhee," I assure myself before opening the faculty room's door and heading towards my professor's desk.
Mr. An perks up as soon as he sees a standing figure looming over him. "Ah, Han Minhee. Please sit down."
I follow suit. "...You asked for me, sir?"
"Why, yes," he clears his throat, "I'm sure you know why I called for you?"
"Actually, no, sir," I laugh nervously.
Mr. An types on his laptop for a while, and as if he suddenly remembers that I am sitting in front of him, he shifts his gaze towards me. "Your grades are hanging on the line. The exam might only be your last chance in order to get through the semester."
I nod, and lower down my head in humiliation. I didn't need to be called into the faculty just for me to hear that I'm about to be a failure.
"We're not asking a lot from you. You don't need to ace every subject. Just passing them would do you a favor," he pauses. "Please take the upcoming exams seriously, okay?"
"...Yes, sir..."
Mr. An's face softens a little. "I know it's going to be difficult, seeing as you're not blessed in the intelligence department. You take after your father for that." He chuckles a bit. "I know I've been hard on you this school year, but that's because you are the daughter of my friend, and I also would like to do what's best for you."
Mr. An was my father's closest friend back when they were in college. It did not surprise me that much when I first knew about it since both have a chilling demeanor while having a smiling facade with other people - my dad with our family and Mr. An with his classes. Anyway, true to his word, I did inherit my wit - or my lack of it - from my dad. He wasn't all that great in his academics, however, he had exemplary achievements and mindset when it comes to handling business. His strong sense of business and money making made him a business tycoon on the national level (at least back when he was still alive) and made Han Corporate a force to be reckoned with back in the day.
Of course, the pressure on me for inheriting the business plus leading it all on my own was a huge load on my shoulder.
"I know, thank you," I smile, tight-lipped. "...is that all?"
He nods. "Yes, but please take my words seriously. It's for your own good."
After the talk, I excuse myself out of the faculty room and heave a deep breath of relief as soon as I got out. "Fuck, I'm dead."
There's no way I can pass the exams. Not with my brain the size of a bird's and my attention span (while in class) that of a fish. I'm doomed.
I bury my face in my hands as I lean on the wall, groaning.
"I guess Moaning Minhee really does suits you," a voice from my left remarks, startling me.
"Jaehyun you bi-" I stop dead in my tracks as I recognize Joochan's tall figure now standing in front of me. "...Joochan?"
"What were you fussing on about? It looks serious."
"Uh...it's nothing," I laugh nervously. "It's just my life falling apart, nothing more."
His face is struck with worry. "What?"
"Yeah, I'm going to die," I pale. It just seems really impossible for me to actually pass any exam at the moment. It's not like I will suddenly become a genius or something. I feel suffocated, as if the air around me is thinning. Is this due to the overwhelming pressure of acing the upcoming examinations to keep my life intact? "My stomach feels weird, I'll go to the restroom."
I excuse myself and rush to get out of the hallway, leaving him dumbfounded. He must be wondering why I am acting like this. But it's not like it's his problem anyway.
While walking, I get a text notification from my phone. I fish it out from my pocket and check the message.
바봉 (Babong)
How did it go?
MM
I'll tell you later
I quickly type in a reply and head off to the pavilion situated at the center of the school's garden. It took me only a minute as I was speed walking down the hallway.
I heave a breath of fresh air and finally calm down. I take a seat on the ground of the pavilion (even though it is a bit dusty) and lean on the pillar behind me. It feels nice to be in an open space. It helps in clearing up my mind.
"So, what now?" I ask myself. I came here to help calm my mind and to find a solution, but here I am just sitting down, empty-handed.
Clearly, I know there is one solution: to actually study. But my mind and heart wants to reject it, even if it is the most sensible and logical thing to do.
But even logic is something that is out of the picture when it comes to my studies.
With that, I slump back and bury my face into my arms. I sit there for a while, mind empty, and stand back up as soon as the bell rang (I almost forgot that I had classes) and went straight to my next class.