Chapter 15 - 15

It was 11PM and Severus sat in an armchair by the fire reading when he heard a door squeaking. "I sent you to bed an hour and a half ago young lady. What are you doing up?" he asked without looking up. Tirza cringed. 'Damn that door,' she thought. She shuffled her sky blue, fuzzy slippered feet to where he sat. He looked at her sternly. "I asked what you were doing up." "Don't be mad at me," she told him softly. "I can't sleep." She sat next to his chair on the floor and leaned her head against his knee. "Why can't you sleep?" he asked. "I'm afraid," she whispered. "The dreams might come back." Forgoing his idea to sternly send her back to bed, he gently stroked her hair, not sure what to say. "I wish mommy was here." A silent tear slid down her little face. Snape felt as though his heart was ripping in two; his little girl was suffering and he couldn't do anything to stop the pain. 'Time and love will heal her,' Dumbledore had told him. "Sometimes I want to die," she whispered.

She started to sob and crawled onto Snape's lap, crying into his robes. He lifted her head and looked into her eyes. "Why do you want to die?" "I'm a freak, I'm messed up. I hurt daddy and it just doesn't go away." He wished he could take her pain away. Even a memory charm would only erase the memories; the feelings would still be there, without an answer as to their existence. "You're not messed up. It was not your fault, Tirza." "Yes I am!" she yelled. "Do you know any ten-year-olds who have-done-grown up things? Or are on pills because of it? And can't sleep? Almost everytime someone touches me I want to scream and throw up!" Snape didn't know how to respond. "See, I am a freak!" "No, you aren't. Don't think such things. There was nothing you could do," he told her softly. "I'm a bad girl daddy. I'm a really bad girl. You should be mad at me, I was so naughty, it was very naughty."

Snape held her close as she cried. He remembered Dumbledore had mentioned muggle counselors for this sort of thing. "Did your mom ever take you to talk to someone about this?" Tirza nodded. "Yes, but the lady told me I was naughty and it was my fault. Mommy yelled at her and didn't make me go see her again." Snape wanted to strangle whoever this muggle counselor woman was. "She was wrong. If anyone was bad, it was her for telling you such things." "No, she was right. I'm just all bad and stupid. You and mom just say I'm not because I'm your daughter. You should be mad and yell at me and send me away forever." "I am not ever going to send you away, EVER," Snape told her firmly.

It took her nearly an hour to cry herself to sleep. Snape carefully carried her into her room and laid her down on her bed and tucked the covers around her. Her little face was still stained with tears. He quietly shut the door behind him and headed for his own room. 'There must be something I can do to help her,' he thought.

Snape woke the next morning at 5:30 as always. He rolled over and nearly rolled on top of something. Shaking his head, he looked at the lump beside him under the covers. Deciding that he was not delusional, he pulled back the blankets. Curled in a ball, wearing teddy bear nightclothes, fuzzy purple slippers and clutching a stuffed lion was Tirza. He chuckled, wondering when she had invaded his bed and why he had not noticed until now. Tirza stirred and pushed away her lion. "You're losing, run faster," she mumbled as she pushed at her lion again. Snape couldn't help laughing, causing her to wake up. She stretched and yawned. "Molly, there you are." she reached for her lion. Tirza saw Snape and pulled the covers over her head. He laughed and pulled the covers away. "Hello little bed thief." "You're not mad?" she asked tentatively. Snape smiled at her and shook his head. "I would like to know why you are in my bed and not yours." She smiled and sat up. "Well, I was scared and lonely and I came to get you, but you were sleeping. I thought you might be all pissy at me if I woke you up, so Molly and I just got in," she told him. "Hey do you know you snore? I thought it was a bear at first and then I thought 'Not in a dungeon silly!' so I figured it must be you!" Snape laughed. "I am surprised you are awake and in a good mood this early." Tirza looked at his clock. "Oh good god," she moaned and pulled the covers up over her head.

"No, you might as well be up and get ready for breakfast," he told her. He heard snoring noises coming from under the covers. "Tirza, come on, I know you are awake." "No I'm not! Opps," she said and resumed snoring noises. "Out little miss." She was still snoring. He pushed the blankets away and smacked her bottom gently. Tirza sat up and frowned. "Hey dude, that's called child abuse. I could call 9-1-1 and the coppers would bust down the door and drag you to jail. Then they'd stick you in a cell with a big guy named Buba who is looking for a new girlfriend!" Snape shook his head. "That was nothing close to child abuse and spanking is still legal in England." "Well damn, that sucks! I knew this was a messed up country! I mean, what the hell kinda country doesn't have McDonald's. That's a bad sign right there," she told him. "And what is with this person named Buba?" Tirza giggled. "That's a cop joke. AJ's dad was a cop and he told us that sometimes he told suspects that to scare them." Snape nodded. "Will you kindly vacate my bed and get ready, or do you plan for me to drag you to breakfast in your teddy bear nightclothes?" Tirza put her hands on her hips. "No way, Jose!" Snape started tickling her; she giggled and wriggled away from his fingers and ran to her bedroom.