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Chapter 11 - Chapter 10 - I’m Sorry

"Momma," I couldn't help but hug her as I got down.

She's mad at me, she's really mad at me.

She caressed my back, I just cried because I couldn't hide the sadness I was feeling. What she did upset me, but I don't have the right to blame her, because I am to blame.

If I had been cautious, I wouldn't have gotten to that point.

A couple of hours later, that thing has happened where she was so extremely upset at me as if she gotten to the point where she blew up.

She couldn't contain her rage towards me, but I couldn't contain the sorrow that consumed me.

All of my plans and expectations were unexpectedly broken. I had a lot of thoughts for her—for the both of us, and it fell to pieces all of a sudden.

I know I'm guilty of it too, and I don't literally mean it, so why would she say it to me as though she didn't say it was?

I also didn't like the incident, either. If I'd be someone in her case, I'll have it in the first place.

"Raj," I tried to go near her yet she's walking away from me as if I'm going to do something wrong with her again.

"Don't you dare go near me," she said it strongly.

Instead of continuing with what I was about to do, I only stopped because I was afraid that she would get even more upset as I moved further. I just want to talk to her but she doesn't really want from what I've seen right now, and she doesn't seem to have any plan, either.

I knew then that I was jealous of her, particularly cos of the things she could easily get while for me, no matter what I say or what I please I don't really have because it isn't possible. She only said it might be different from me so when it's forbidden, it's really forbidden, and that's something that I envy even more.

I think we just need to talk to each other so that we can clear it. I really didn't expect it to reach that point, and I also doesn't want it.

If I could just turn the world upside down, I'd have done it from the beginning, but everyone knows I don't have the power to do that.

If I would have, I automatically do it.

The day before and, I tried to talk to her again hoping she'd talk to me, but she didn't really take a single glance at my site, where am I standing.

'Is my fault so huge?'

I want to fix it all, but she's the one who doesn't want to. I will represent her and obey her requests only so that we can come to terms with each other.

We're sisters, right? we should indeed to supposedly forgive each because that's the right thing to do. Regardless of the severity of the fault, one must be able to forgive or it's better that the both of us will forgive, and in that case everything will be all right.

'Everything will be back to normal, normal treatment between the two of us," the back of my mind said.

"Just let her reflect first," Carla said, seeing that I was upset.

I was sighing deeply. What else? It was nothing for her, whatever I do.

"I didn't mean it, so why is it so sudden?"

"Maybe... she just didn't comprehend that what she's experienced since she likely won't already do—she definitely cannot do it now,"

"And I'm the reason why this thing happened..." I personally agreed sincerely.

Honestly, if it was not for me, she wouldn't be like that. I've done my best, still I just do not have the final decision.

"Momma, come on and let her leave. She's not going to let herself slip, e," I actually went to her room because I've heard my sister and her friend talking lately at the door.

I didn't mean to hear it, but when I found about it and, I just felt that she wasn't happy when she was here—at home.

She wants freedom where she's free to do what she desires.

"You can't pass me like that, Stacia." it's a stern expression.

I pouted. "But Momma sh—"

"No."

"Momma,"

She gazed at me at the vanity mirror with a strict on her face. "Don't make me say it again, Anastacia Quinn Smith."

"Sorry... Momma," I left suddenly, too, because no matter how much I tried and pleaded, there was nothing.

I was about to enter my room when the voice of my sister unexpectedly overshadowed behind me.

"It's your fault that this is happening, because you've never been cautious about taking the medicine—it's just a simple medication you don't know yet, Stacia?"

"I'm.... I'm sorry," my voice broke.

"You're not really sorry from what you've done,"

I confronted her "I didn't really mean it, I didn't think this was going to happen if I just knew it was going to happen, at first I was going to take it, but we already know I can't because I don't have the strength to do that,"

She raised her brows at me. "Of course, you can't! Common sense Stacia, you're insane huh?"

I shook my head and said nothing to her.

"Don't bother anymore because you can't do something, no matter how often you please Momma, there's nothing that can change," she didn't hesitate, she said outright, as if I wasn't hurt.

My mind keeps saying sorry, and I can't say that because... because I'm terrified. I said it once—I wanted to say I'm sorry again, but she didn't mind it, she just simply ignored it.

"What do you would just like to forgive me for? Alright, I didn't necessarily mean that. Why couldn't you forgive me for that? Were sisters right? We should forgive each other—I'm going to do anything just you forgive me, everything," Internally, I sighed with relief because I already say it all to her without my tears or even crack my voice.

I barely wanted her forgiveness that's all nothing more.

She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at me intently. "Stay away from me," that's all then she walked her back on me.