"I cooked specially for you," I was pleased to show her the food I had prepared.
She only blinked, then surpassed me. She went to the kitchen, went straight to the refrigerator, took a piece of yakult, and then past me again.
I quickly set down the food that I was carrying. I hold my tears because I didn't want her to think I was weeping too much.
'It's true though,'
Back then, even though she's always been outside—talking and we're still having fun, but the situation is different now. I can sense how much she hates me, where she makes me feel really guilty, like I am to blame for everything.
I understand, but what I reallyn't make clear is why she's so mad? Perhaps if I was in a scenario and she got it wrong, I would understand and forgive her right away, because that was appropriate.
Forgive and forget.
Because to forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return you will receive untold peace and happiness. That was Momma taught me when I was just a 7 or 8 years old. Also if the person whom have wronged towards you has still not asked for forgiveness, forgive immediately for that is the only path to being free and happy.
But in our case, forgiveness isn't really for me. It takes so many times just to get it.
Momma left because she had to take care of our business, her business rather in Alegria. She left early in the morning, so she didn't think about having breakfast because it was crucial and couldn't be missed or everyone would lose their jobs. I understand that reason, but she still doesn't bother to eat—Momma didn't eat a certain of food at all.
She's my mom, so it's normal for a child to worry about her mother.
So now I'm eating my breakfast alone again—it's not new though. I merely started eating what I cooked for her. I asked Yaya if she had eaten her breakfast, and she said no. I told her to invite my sister because she might be hungry, but she refused to.
'She really doesn't want to be at least with me at the dining table.' I was starting to feel badly.
"Hija, your friend is here." Aling Rosa said.
I just nodded to her, and instead I asked Yaya Ryzie to call her as well as brought here as I need someone to talk to now.
I feel so down.
"Good Morning, Stacia babes," she said she was seated in front of me. My back is now in the kitchen facing it while her is now in the living room same as mine. "What's that?" referring to my dish that I was eating. "My viand," In the opposite, I responded.
"Yeah I know, then what's the name of that viand?" In astonishment, she questioned.
I just responded with a sigh. It's just a simple Adobo—a common food eaten and cooked by so many.
"This is Adobo—don't you know this?" My brows come together because of confusion.
She shook her head, I tried the Adobo that I made for her. "Its nasty Stacia!" she also spit.
'Huh?'
I've eaten it right now, so it's not bitter. I tasted it again and tasted pleasant, not because I cooked it, but because that's what my tongue really tastes like.
"It's not sour, your tongue is sassy,"
"Sour, taste it,"
"I already tasted it, and it tasted good, not sour!"
"Is it Adobo right? I guess I hate it now," she said assiduously.
'She's rude!' my mind said.
If I had a lot of friends, I would have kicked her right away. Really insulting what I cooked, it's great to be thrown out of the house and never to come back.
"Oh... you're here!" it's that my sister voice?
I looked into the living room, and I confirmed that voice is from my sister. She was hugging a woman, maybe a friend of hers.
'I hope we're like that nowadays,' I abruptly envied her friend.
"Your sister friend?" she asked.
I shrugged. "Maybe,"
"But hey, I was just joking earlier. You feel like the heavens and the world dropped when I saw you here. Why? Haven't you talked for a long time?" she split.
It took me a couple of minutes to see them before I turned my head over to her. "Not yet, and it doesn't seem like that's going happen again. Each time I approach her—she's stopping me right away. I'm trying to speak to her, yet she just accuses me that it's actually my fault."
She was sighing. "I feel bad for you, and at the same time I feel sad. I'm sorry to say this but maybe your sister is a pride,"
I gave her a wry smile. "Maybe she's not, perhaps the impact on her was too severe until it reach that point..."
Instead of continuing, I just finished eating, I went straight to the bedroom to get some rest. She followed me, and in the few days we met, we accepted easily. She also came to the house because I told her that I couldn't get out of here because Momma was going to scold me.
Momma already knows her, she's my only friend, and she's all right with it because she told me that Carla looks kind and I agreed to her.
I was very happy when we became friends until we were talking about problems and everything else that led to laughter.
She was a really material friend. She's so bubbly, that sometimes she can't help it to be loud. She likes to watch Korean Dramas, she says she likes Song Joong Ki, a Korean actor in Korea, he's popular and he's admired by many especially those womens—particularly this woman in front of me. She even wallpaper it on her cell phone.
'What a kind of a fan, tsk.'
Speaking of cell phone, Momma will give us a cell phone in case of emergency and I will be very happy because when Carla leaves and come back to her hometown I will be left here again but because of the cell phone I can always talk to her and have a conversation with her.
I found out that she wasn't from here, so when she asked me where she didn't know the location—she was not with anyone that time—because she wasn't familliar in the area, so as me. She's only here for a vacation, and she's coming back to Mindoro because it's her school day.
I studied online, very different from her habit or the way she studies. I am a home schooled student, and she's not and I was suddenly feel envious of her telling me what experiences she had to study at school.
It looks like fun because every time she tells a story she never lose her chuckle.
It looks crazy but the truth is she's happy.
She's from Mindoro, which is far from here. I'm glad she thought of taking a break here and in our town here in Gumaca, although she's far away. She's been to other locations in Gumaca, though I haven't.
"You know what you should try to explore here, the places here are beautiful, it's not too loud, and the breeze is great," she laid on my pink italy velvet bed while I was watching her use her cell phone.
I rolled my eyes. "You know I can't because that's the only thing everyone, particularly Momma, is forbidding me to do,"
Every since I was a kid, I haven't repeated the escape because I've given up hope. I might be able to go out, but I'll be scolded later, so there's nothing. Come along—because everybody here seems to know what I'm doing or what am I trying to do, whether I'm going to run away again or not. Some pleading I've had with them hasn't been given.
It is really forbidden to my part.
She was lying on the bed. "Maybe in the morning you're not allowed so that means..." she looked down and brought her face closer to me, as if she were noticing something, and she grinned maliciously. "You should at night!" she said eagerly
"You're allowed at night Stacia!"
I hit her on the head right away. "Had said I can't—when I'm not allowed in the morning it's same at night,"
She was shaking her head. "Gosh, maybe, you know, right? Right?" she was trying to give me hope.
I shook my head, despairing. Maybe I want to, but I don't hold the decision, I don't want to hope again, because it is not going to happen.
"If I was you, don't expect it because it won't happen,"
"Why can't you go out? It's awful for you since you're not going to see the beauty of Gumaca and visit that because you're going to be fascinated by the beautiful scenery, mostly the trees,"
"If I had just created the decision or even holding it, I might have made it before," I said, shaking.
"But I just don't understand why you can't do the same thing that we usually do, let's just claim that your sister Raj can't do it too, but yours is different—then your sister should go out and you can't, how often?" I can see the in her expression the huge problem I may also have.
And though I don't know the real reason, Momma previously mentioned that she'd tell me why, but until now she hasn't been able to say it yet. I want to ask, but I don't want to lead her because I know she has a word to say.
"Let it be, maybe life is like that with the possible and not. Suppose a patient has something to eat, something not to eat, like a prescription—you need to conquer all,"
I wanted to lay down next to her because my ass was burning on the floor. Unexpectedly, there was some noise outside, and I wasn't sure if it was my sister or the maid servant.
I asked her. "What's that?" but she shrugged probably she didn't know.
I walked to the door, and only then did I confirm I was wrong because her friends were here, not all of them, but some of them! I kept wondering what the reason they were here was? Back then, they rarely came here, or if they did, if they had an occasion or a party in the house.
'I can't recall any occasion here at home,'
Yaya went by. I was thinking about asking what's in there. "Yaya, what's going on downstairs, and the sudden noise?"
"Uh... you sister's friends, downstairs they're having some fun, I guess they're going to bond here at your house. They're preparing the set-up of the videoke,"
"Ok, thanks Yaya," the last word I said.
She said goodbye after, then she was heading to my sister's room because she had requested something.
"What's in there?"
"The friends of my sister are having fun, they seem to be bonding there,"
She got up from lying down, a wide smile plastered on her lips. "Let's go with them!"
I interrupted her right away. "We'd better stay here,"
Her forehead was furrowing. "Why? Don't you want to join them? They seem to having fun reaching out to their noise in your room, come on!" she pulled my hand, but I stopped her right away, instead.
"Don't Carla, they're just not paying attention any attention to me because that's what they've done to me before, I just looked like an air. If you want to join, I'm going to be all right here in the bed," I took my hand in it.
She stared. "Oh... never mind, let's just stay here then," she had said then she returned to her place earlier.
I could hear their voices sing in unison in little than a minute. Their voices are fine, but not on the right stage, they're not perfect, and their voice doesn't fit on the song.
I picked up one of my books and then began reading as Carla was watching a Korean Drama called 'It's okay to not be okay' it's a episodes. Apart from the glamorous and sexy characters they have English subtitles which is great, but it's confusing when you look at the same thing, the English subtitles and also the cast.
It looks like you're going to squint between the two.
She tapped my arm, I just answered her by just hmm?
"Let's go downstairs? I am already starving, and then you've already mentioned that even though we go down and expose ourselves to them, they're not paying attention to us? Let's go, huh?" She stood up first, and I finished the next page until I followed her out of the room.
'Yeah, she's got a point, too,' I sighed.