16. NOT
The day was windy and cloudy with colourful leaves dancing through the air and the sun breaking through the thick clouds every once in a while. Harry lazily rolled around, putting his head on Sirius' chest and threw one arm over his stomach.
"Are you comfortable?" Sirius chuckled, carding his hands through Harry's unruly locks.
"Very." Harry sighed, drawing patterns on Sirius' stomach. "Thank you."
"Oh, I'm very comfortable as well," the veela assured him. "And it's not at all altruistic of me to have brought you here. I want you all to myself."
"I know you too well to believe that," Harry said mildly. "You have been holding back and all because of me. And I'm really grateful for it. I know it hasn't been easy for you."
"I also know you very well, that's why I'm waiting," Sirius murmured. "My veela side will tell me when it's the right time to bond with you and I won't do anything before you're ready. I want it to be special."
"Thank you," the green-eyed boy whispered. "I'm sure it will be."
"I think so, too." Sirius chuckled, bringing Harry a bit closer to him. "Now, just for the record, do you have anything else planned or do you just want to lie here all day?"
"I thought we could go riding," Harry answered, looking up hopefully.
"And what do you suppose we ride?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, sitting up slightly.
"Unicorns, thestrals, hippogriffs." Harry shrugged. "Whatever you like."
"That sounds good." Sirius stood up enthusiastically. "Why don't you surprise me?"
"Okay." Harry jumped up as well. "Wait here for me?"
"Of course." Sirius nodded, watching Harry as he skipped away and disappeared in the Forbidden Forest.
Harry didn't have to go far before he met a herd of unicorns and he happily laughed at a little filly that was frolicking around its mother. He gently approached a smaller group of younger unicorns, whose hooves were still slightly silvery. But they already had the strong built of the grown-up unicorns. One of them, Niveus, danced towards him, pushing his head against Harry's belly before snorting into his hair. Harry put his arms around the young stallion's neck, which whinnied softly before dropping to his knees to let Harry sit on his back. The elf laughed as Niveus reared up slightly and pranced in excitement. Harry reached out one hand to pat the mane of the unicorn next to him, Cumulus, silently asking him to join them, before he leaned a bit forward and nudged Niveus with his legs.
Sirius was casually leaning against the tree, absently picking a piece of grass to pieces. He nearly gaped as he saw the slim boy race towards him, his black-hair tousled by the headwind and a large smile spreading over his face and making his emerald eyes sparkle. No, correct that, he was gaping.
"Sirius." Harry laughed at him. "Meet Niveus and Cumulus. What to join us for a ride?"
Sirius nodded, speechless, carefully taking a step towards the unicorn next to Harry's. Cumulus almost seemed to grin at him and delicately stepped towards him, neighing in invitation. He silently thanked his parents - which was such a rare occasion that it is worth mentioning - for having him learn how to ride. The Blacks had huge stables, mostly because the Malfoys and other pureblood families had stables and it wouldn't do for the Blacks to be bested in anything. Anyway, since he had learned riding and had actually enjoyed doing so, also because his mother would never think about going to the stables since she despised animals almost more than things in general, he climbed the unicorn with ease and held lightly onto Cumulus' mane for support.
"Ready?" Harry asked, grinning from ear to ear. "Think you can catch me, Mr. Black?"
"But of course, Mr. Parker." Sirius bowed his head lightly and Harry gave a bright laugh and then whispered something at his unicorn that Sirius didn't catch and Niveus reared up before darting away.
"Let's see if we can catch that little elf, shall we?" Sirius patted Cumulus before urging him with his legs to follow Harry.
Cumulus whinnied in something like amusement and then exploded under him, galloping after the fleeing pair. After a while Harry slowed down so that Sirius could catch up with him. They rode next to him in companionable silence. Harry slid his hand into Sirius' and the two unicorn walked closer together so that their riders' legs brushed from time to time.
Eventually, the unicorns carried them back to the castle, then whinnied their goodbyes and trotted back to the Forbidden Forest while Harry and Sirius went to the Great Hall for lunch.
"Hey, Paddy, where have you been?" James greeted them, leaning in conspirationally to the slightly more muscular boy. "We've made this plan for this really great prank. You know, we're a bit behind with that. So you think you can get a bit of free time and help us make that potion?" He looked at Harry, who felt highly uncomfortable.
"I'll stay with Lucius and Severus," Harry murmured.
"You can help us," Sirius offered immediately, putting an arm around Harry's shoulders. "We promised to make you a prankster."
"I'd rather not, Sirius." Harry looked up at him. "I promised to stay out of trouble or to try at least and I don't think I want to."
"Fine." Sirius kissed his cheek lightly. "I understand, we'll surprise you then."
"Thank you." Harry smiled in relief. "I'll go over to them so that you can plot, okay?"
"Okay," Sirius growled, sounding not at all pleased, and drew Harry in for a demanding kiss, mapping every nook and cranny of Harry's mouth with his tongue.
Harry gasped for breath as his mouth was released and he quickly turned around before they could see his blush. He yelped as Sirius lightly slapped his buttocks, only grinning as Harry swivelled around to glare at him.
"Love you, gorgeous," Sirius called after him so that the entire Great Hall could hear it.
Harry blushed, but smiled and waved shyly over his shoulder. Since Lucius and Severus had already left the hall, he quickly grabbed a sandwich and an apple and followed them, walking faster than necessary so that the loss of his dominant would pass more quickly. He whispered the password and slipped into the always rather chilly Slytherin common room, looking around for Lucius or Severus. Finally he spied the black-haired boy hunched over a book, most likely another potion's book, sitting in one of the posh leather armchairs.
"Severus," Harry greeted him, sitting down on the armrest. "Where's Lucius?"
"With Narcissa, somewhere." Severus shrugged with little interest. "I wouldn't interrupt them. What are you doing here, anyway?" He finally looked up. "Has Black abandoned you?"
"No, he hasn't and don't say something like that, it makes me nervous," Harry reprimanded him. "So will you keep me company?"
"I'm afraid I'll have to go to Degenhardt in a few minutes to do a potion for extra credit. If I want to have my mastery in one year, I have to start now," Severus replied.
"I understand." Harry worried his bottom lip lightly. "I think I'll go back to Gryffindor then."
"We can walk together." Severus unfolded his long legs and got up. "We can meet again later, if you want to. I should be finished in about an hour, maybe less. Do you want me to come to you then?"
"That would be great." Harry smiled gratefully at him, softly kissing his cheek as they parted ways. "Have fun with your potions."
"I will," Severus murmured, watching as Harry quickly disappeared around the corner.
With a sigh, he touched his cheek, but then shook his head. He was happy with Remus, who was sweet and gentle and... not Harry. But he was clever enough to realise that the real Harry most likely wasn't like the fantasy he had created of him. He knew that, but that couldn't quite stop him from wishing, hoping and dreaming. But he would work on that because this attitude was fair to neither Remus nor Harry. Remus was real, Harry was his friend and deserved to be seen as more than an unattainable fantasy.
Harry wrapped his arms around himself, shivering slightly as he felt the full force of being alone hitting him. Damnit! He could walk to the Tower on his own, he didn't need a bodyguard! He brutally quenched the little voice that told him that he very much needed and wanted a bodyguard. But he could walk to the Tower on his own, he didn't need anyone to hold his hand and he could give Sirius at least that little bit of freedom. Most likely Sirius was glad that he wasn't clinging to him anymore. No, he wouldn't think about that, Severus hadn't meant what he said. And if Sirius wanted to leave him, he could understand that, it was his good right, after all he was weak and clingy and ugly. He really shouldn't think like that, Lucius would be ashamed and Sirius would want him even less. Stupid blond snot, he really needed to get over what Draco had said.
"Parker," a voice interrupted his torturous thoughts and he swivelled around, wand in hand.
"Oh." He let out a sigh, lowering his wand. "Hi, Peter, you startled me."
"Come into the classroom for a moment," Peter ordered, not returning Harry's smile.
Harry faltered, furrowing his brow, and as reluctantly as possible followed Peter's orders. Considering that Peter was a very weak dominant, Harry could have drawn out his obedience up to ten minutes, but the chubby boy got impatient and rudely took a hold of Harry's arm, dragging him into the classroom, and pushed him down on the floor. The skinny Gryffindor looked up with frightened eyes as Peter locked the door with his wand before turning to him.
"Now you'll pay, you little freak." Peter sneered at him, an expression that even in Harry's frightened state he found weird and vaguely amusing. "You will pay for it."
"For what?" Harry pressed out, scrambling back as Peter advanced, grasping the wand in his pocket.
"For stealing my friends. Everything was perfect before you came," Peter spat at him. "And now they ignore me completely. It's always Harry here and Harry there, but that will change once I'm through with you."
"I'm sorry if you feel like this. I'll try not to take up too much of their time," Harry promised as his back hit the cold stone wall, trapping him.
"They won't even spare you a glance," Peter muttered, "And we'll be back to normal. You're nothing special and they'll finally see that."
There were many things Peter was not. He wasn't clever or smart or even just remotely intelligent; he wasn't good-looking or attractive or handsome by a far stretch of the imagination; he wasn't dedicated and helpful like Remus, or courageous and adventuresome like James, or contagiously happy and spontaneous like Sirius. He was just Peter. He wasn't special, he didn't have creature blood, studies bored and frustrated him and he enjoyed seeing others humiliated because then he felt his own inferiority not quite as profoundly. For six years, he had had three great friends, who seemed unaware of the fact that he wasn't quite on their level. They shared everything, there were no secrets between them, inseparable. Until now.
Lily was a girl, she could never replace him. There were things James would never tell her, things he wouldn't share with her, guy things. She was no threat. James spend time with her, sure, but he always had time for his group of friends as well. For Sirius and Remus and Peter. None of them had had a partner and Peter had been happy that way.
But then Parker had showed up and destroyed everything! The friendship Peter worked so hard to keep every day, the only thing he was willing to do everything for, had been served to that stupid elf almost on a silver platter. Suddenly Sirius and Remus had boyfriends and even James spend more time with Lily because now everyone had someone. Everyone except Peter that is. Peter was alone and with every minute he was left in solitude his resentment of Harry grew.
Peter wasn't clever or good-looking, but he was determined. Determined to get his friends back and Harry out of the picture. With all the means necessary, how ever despisable they may be.
"Peter..." Harry whimpered as the other boy leaned down to him, forcefully tearing his legs apart.
"Shut up, shut up." Peter slapped him across the cheek, hard enough to make tears spring to Harry's eyes. "Do you think I want to do this?! Everything could be perfect, without you. I have to do something! You don't understand! You don't understand what it feels like to be a failure to everyone, you don't understand!" His voice was high-pitched, frantic and choked with sobs. "I need them. I have to do this!"
"Peter, stop this, stop, we can talk about it," Harry tried to ward off the clammy hands that scrambled to undress him. "We'll find a solution. It's not too late. Stop, please!"
But Peter didn't seem to hear him, muttering under his breath, "They won't like you anymore when you aren't a virgin anymore. Then you'll be just another one of Sirius' bints and he'll drop you. You will pay..."
He continued mumbling incoherencies as he worked on Harry's pants. Harry shuddered and sobbed and his wings surfaced, cocooning him and knocking Peter off of him as he crawled into a corner, one hand holding his wand trained on Peter, while the other clutched the small silver rose in front of his chest.
"Stupe-" Harry started, but then whimpered and dropped his wand as the door was hexed open.
"What is going on in here?" Remus demanded, his fine nose catching the unmistakable scent of fear, of sheer horror. "Peter, what are you doing?"
"N... Nothing," Peter stuttered. "Parker just freaked out. He's not right in the head..."
Remus snarled at him, noting how the smaller boy hastened to zip up his trousers again. "Out now! Before I let Moony loose on you because he would just love to rip you to shreds right now."
Peter scrambled to obey and Remus carefully approached the shivering bundle of elf in the shadowed corner. Harry's whimpers grew louder and huge, tear-filled eyes looked up at him, begging him to save him, to go and leave him alone.
"Harry, shh, he can't hurt you now." Remus cautiously caressed one of the inky black wings that fluttered under his touch. "You're safe. I'll take you to the Gryffindor Tower. It's only a few steps from here. And then I'll look for someone to protect you, okay? I don't want to leave you here. In Gryffindor there will be a lot of people and he won't try anything. Okay?"
Harry whimpered and wrapped his wings even tighter around his body, but nodded.
"Do you want to walk or would you like me to carry you?" Remus asked gently.
"I don't think I can walk," Harry choked out in between sobs that wracked his delicate form.
Remus nodded in understanding, shrugging out of his robes and spreading them over Harry in the hope that it would make Harry more comfortable with being carried by a werewolf. One pale hand reached out from beneath the cocoon of feathers to draw the robe closer and Remus cautiously lifted the smaller boy up in his arms, wincing mentally as Harry sobbed harder, his back and wings knotting into a tight web of tense muscles under his hand. He quickly left the room, throwing the door shut behind them with probably more force than was necessary or prudent, making Harry wince in his arms.
"Remus," someone called from behind him and the werewolf gave a sigh of relief. "What happened?"
"Severus." Remus turned around, locking eyes with his boyfriend. "I need you to take Harry to the Gryffindor Tower. I'll tell you everything later."
Severus nodded swiftly and took Harry into his own arms. "What's the password?" he asked, his fingers soothingly running through Harry's soft hair.
"Ladybird," Remus answered over his shoulder already several steps away. "I'll find one of them."
Severus carefully tightened his arms around the slight, trembling body in his arms and then made his way to the portrait of the Fat Lady, whispering the password and ignoring the weird glances thrown his way as he crossed the common room. He hesitated a moment as he entered the dorms, but then put Harry on Sirius' bed, spreading the soft blanket over him.
"Harry," he called, pulling one of Harry's wings down with soft force. "Talk to me, please?"
Harry shook his head, huge tears splaying over his already wet cheeks. Severus sighed, shifting on the bed and drawing Harry to his chest, gently patting his hair. Harry pressed closer to the older boy, searching refuge in the familiar, protecting arms, trying to feel safe again. Severus' arms were no cure against the helplessness and betrayal he felt.
They sat like this for over half an hour and finally Harry's tears subsided and the tremors softened, but still Harry wouldn't talk to Severus, who was at his wits' end what he could do to calm Harry down. What was Remus doing all this time, anyway? How difficult could it be to find one of three boys and send them up here? And would it have been too much trouble to tell him the basics so that he would at least have an idea what to do for Harry?
"Harry!" It must have been the first time that Severus was honestly glad to see Black as he pushed into the room.
Harry struggled free of Severus' embrace as he heard the worried voice and launched himself at the other Gryffindor, sobbing into his chest and clutching his robes as if he was afraid that Sirius would disappear and leave him alone again. Severus looked up as the bed dipped once again and caught sight of Potter and Lucius.
The Gryffindor looked paler than usual, his eyes wide and almost fearful as he stared at the trembling little sub. His hands clenched in the bedspread, his knuckles turning white before he loosened his hands slightly and also embraced the smaller elf.
Lucius returned Severus questioning gaze, but didn't say anything. But the black-haired Slytherin could see the muscles play around the veela's jaw as he clenched his teeth together in an uncharacteristic show of agitation, before he gently pried one of Harry's hands loose and caressed and squeezed it comfortingly. Harry's hand tightened in his, his fingers wrapping around Lucius' thumb.
"What happened here?" a cold voice asked from the door and Severus pulled out his wand, though he thought that this was a very reasonable question. "Put away your wand, Mr. Snape. Right now, I really have better things to do than to start a duel."
"Who are you? How do you know my name?" Severus demanded, not lowering his wand and briefly wondering why he was the only one who seemed to care about the hooded stranger.
"It's okay, Severus," Lucius said, sounding more tired than Severus was used to. "He brought Harry here."
Severus reluctantly lowered his wand and the tall man walked to the bed, somehow managing to shift Harry into his own arms, though Sirius didn't seem at all happy and growled at the older man.
"Shh, little sub, shh, take deep breathes, all right?" the mummed wizard murmured soothingly. "That's it. Nothing will happen to you, you are safe, shh, don't cry anymore. Tell me what happened please, I can't help you if you don't."
Harry's whole body shook and his wings fluttered nervously as he looked up at the older veela. "I wanted to go back to Gryffindor because Lucius was off with Narcissa and because Severus had to do that potion and then Peter came... and he told me to go into that classroom." Harry heaved a huge sob and the older man urged him softly to go on. "He said I had stolen Sirius and James and that I had ruined everything for him and that he would make me pay..."
"How, little elf?" the older Lucius asked, wiping away some of the tears. "What did he do to you?"
"He said that Sirius wouldn't want me." Harry sniffed. "If I wasn't a virgin anymore." The arms around him tightened, pulling him even closer. "He would have done something if Remus hadn't come..."
The older wizard sighed in momentary relief before he turned back to Harry. "Did he hurt you, little elf?"
"No," Harry shook his head lightly. "Not really, he just scared me. I couldn't disobey him and I was so helpless and he said all those things. I was going to hex him. Is... Is that okay?"
"I'm very proud of you, Harry," the stranger assured him. "You have every right to protect yourself."
"I'm sorry I worried you," Harry murmured
"You have nothing to be sorry about," the hooded man calmed him down. "This should never have happened to you." He glared at the three dominant creatures, who looked away, ashamed.
"It's not their fault," Harry protested, looking up at the man who held him. "I thought I would be fine. I didn't think he would go this far and I hadn't asked Lucius if he had time for me. It's not their fault."
"They should have known better than to let you walk around on your own." The stranger sneered. "They are responsible for you."
"No," Harry dared to object. "I'm responsible for my actions. You know that I always do foolish things. It was only a matter of time until I would mess this up as well. I'm sorry, but please don't be angry at them, be angry at me."
"I'm not angry at you." The man sighed. "And this is not your fault. It's in your nature to want to please them and they should have known not to let you wander on your own. Something like this was bound to happen."
"Please," Harry whispered. "Please, don't be angry. I'm fine, nothing happened."
"It's not fine, Harry," Sirius told him. "He's right, I should have better protected you. I'm sorry, I could never forgive myself if you were really bound to that rat. Jamie and I should have known that something was off with him."
"I should have told you," Harry argued weakly. "I knew that he didn't like me."
"We all knew that, Harry," James corrected him gently. "We talked to him about it and told him to leave you alone. We should have made sure that Malfoy had time for you or we should have at least kept an eye on Peter."
"But nothing happened," Harry protested, brushing his cheeks as if to prove his point. "Remus saved me."
"Nonetheless, I will take you back home." Lucius stood up with Harry still in his arms. "You will be safer there. We found someone for you."
"But I don't want to," Harry returned half-defiantly and half-pleadingly. "I want to stay with Sirius."
"He's my mate, Sir," Sirius offered, slipping an arm around Harry's narrow waist as Harry freed himself from the stranger.
"That is not an option, Harry," the stranger said, his voice neutral. "You are needed at home and Sébastien will provide the protection you need."
"I haven't even heard of him," Harry exclaimed. "And I don't want to bond to someone else. I want to be with Sirius."
"He went to Beauxbaton, is twenty-one, good-looking, intelligent and quite charming," the older man reasoned. "He would love to meet you and I am sure you will like him. Your friends like him."
"I don't want to like him, I love Sirius," Harry argued. "That won't just change because you think that this Sébastien guy is perfect. Doesn't he have a mate of his own?"
"His mate died before they could bond, Harry." The hooded man sighed.
"So I'm the consolation prize?" the elf asked bitterly. "Why can't you at least give Sirius a chance?"
"Because it is not a possibility, Harry. No one expects you to bond with Sébastien just yet, but he will be able to give you all the care and attention you need. I am sorry if you feel that this is unfair and I understand that you made friends here, but you knew that this was only a temporary solution," the older Lucius said evenly. "You can say good-bye to your friends while I pack, but we will return home. We can discuss this later."
Harry swallowed hard trying to keep the tears at bay. What if Sirius was dead? Remus had never mentioned him. He knew that he would have to return to his own time, but somewhere deep down he knew that Sirius was also his mate and it hurt more than he cared to understand to have to leave him and maybe never see him again.
"I'll never love anyone as much as I love you," he whispered, one single tear rolling down his cheek as Sirius sealed their lips in a kiss that promised so much, but spoke of so much desperation at the same time.
"I'll look for you and I won't stop before you're mine again," the shadow veela vowed, kissing Harry once again before he reluctantly let him go to say good-bye to the others.
"Tell Narcissa that I'm grateful for all her help," Harry whispered to Lucius as the tall blond enclosed him in his arms. "And thank you for everything. I don't think I could have survived without you."
"I hope we will see you again, Harry," Lucius returned. "Take good care of you for me."
Harry nodded before he embraced the only other elf. "Thank you, Prongs. Be nice to Severus for me and I wish you and Lily all the luck in the world."
"Thank you, Harry," James replied, his voice a little choked. "I'll miss you. We've grown so used of having you around. The Marauders won't be complete without you. We'll deal with the rat, don't worry." His eyes narrowed angrily and he balled his hands into fists.
Harry closed his eyes. He couldn't find it in him to ask for mercy for Peter even though a large part of what he felt was overwhelming pity for the chubby boy. But Peter had tried to rape him. There were some things for which there was no excuse.
"Keep Sirius from doing anything foolish," Harry begged instead.
"I will," James promised. "And we'll both keep looking for you."
Harry gave him a watery smile, pressing closer and mumbling in his hair. "I love you, Dad. I will never forget my time with you."
James looked confused and wanted to ask what Harry had muttered, but the elf had already turned to Severus.
"Tell Remus thank you for everything he's done for me and saving me time and time again," Harry asked and Severus nodded. "Please, Severus, don't hate me when you find out who I am."
"Harry, why would I-" Severus asked confused.
"Keep safe." Harry turned away, not answering Severus' confused question and threw himself into Sirius' arms once again.
"I won't let you go, Harry," Sirius growled lowly, enclosing Harry's thin waist with his hands and bringing him closer. "I won't let him take you away from me."
"I have to go, Sirius," Harry said softly. "He's right, I don't belong here."
"You belong with me, Harry," Sirius argued vehemently.
"Yes, but it's not time yet." Harry smiled softly at him. "I want you to be happy more than anything else. Promise me to be happy."
"Harry..."
"Promise me, Sirius," Harry pleaded. "Promise me."
"Okay." Sirius sighed, not wanting those green eyes to well over with tears he caused. "But I won't stop looking for you. I love you, Harry."
"I love you, too," Harry whispered. "My name is not Harry Parker."
"Harry, that is enough," the stranger interrupted them. "Sleep."
Harry sagged almost immediately in Sirius' arms, silent tears running down his cheeks.
"Why won't you at least give me a chance?" Sirius demanded desperately. "I'll do whatever you deem necessary. I'm not like my family."
"No, Black." Lucius sneered at him, pulling Harry into his arms, though Sirius was still holding onto him. "You are worse! You won't ever see Harry again if I have anything to say in that matter."
Sirius' hands dropped, both from shock and because he didn't want to hurt Harry. He helplessly watched as the older man adjusted the sleeping elf in his arms and placed his shrunken possessions into his robe pocket before walking out of the room, stealing Harry from him.
"No," it was nothing more than a desperate whisper as he sank to his knees, burying his face in his hands. "NO!"