8. FIGHTS
Three weeks had passed and Harry was feeling at least marginally better. He still wanted to cower from Remus or the other dominants when they were angry and periods of fear and desperation were followed by periods of anger and self-pity, which again were followed by periods, short moments, where he felt almost normal. He could never quite forget that he was a submissive elf, but he was adjusting, adapting, dealing.
Narcissa was a great help in all of this and whenever Harry was threatened to be overwhelmed by his despair, she would drag him to some unused classroom or her dormitory, which, to Harry's utter humiliation, had decided that Harry was not man enough to keep him out, and explain and soothe and tell him about her own experiences. The blonde also had quite a mischievous streak and though she loved Lucius more than life itself, she was not above teasing him, turning on her charm and sending him on errands for her own and Harry's amusement. Lucius took it all in good humour, which may have had something to do with the heated kisses Narcissa bestowed on him once she had tired of her game.
But Harry knew there was also another reason why Lucius played along without serious protest and it filled him with envy and longing to know that he had no one like this. Lucius allowed it to give Narcissa a modicum of control, to smooth the edges of the bitter helplessness she also had to be feeling, to make her feel better. Though he had told Harry he didn't mind being charmed by the elf, either, it was just not the same because it was not done out of love but out of pity, which Harry didn't want in the first place.
Narcissa had also insisted that Harry get some new clothes and so she had dragged Harry with her and Lucius to Hogsmeade, hadn't even allowed him to get some sweets or a butterbeer before purposefully pulling him to a clothes shop that Harry had never known to exist. And that had only been the beginning because although the blond witch had had very clear ideas as to what Harry should wear and what would suit him, she still had wanted Harry to try on at least half the shop before she had settled on the two outfits she had picked out in the very beginning. In fact, it had been three outfits but Harry had protested that; he didn't need more than two as he would be wearing school robes over them anyway. Narcissa had pouted and turned to Lucius for help, but finally she had grudgingly put one of the outfits back. Instead she had selected a new pair of shoes, a hat and gloves that, according to her, Harry just had to have. Harry had resigned himself to his fate, and paid for his things even though Lucius had tried to protest.
"I can pay for my own things." Harry had glared at him with as much vigour as he could muster. "I might not be as rich as you, but that doesn't mean I need charity on top of everything else."
Lucius had just put a hand on Harry's shoulder, rubbing in understanding and followed him to the cash desk, nonetheless, scowling fiercely at the young man behind it when he had tried to flirt with Harry. After that Harry had been ready to flee the shop and drown his embarrassment in a couple of butterbeers, but as it had turned out Narcissa had had other plans. With a cheerful "My turn." she had directed the two boys to a small bench and started a fashion show. Lucius had been delighted; Harry had been bored.
But all this torture had been rather worth it, not that Harry wanted to admit this to himself, when he had shown his outfits to the Gryffindors. James had wolf-whistled, Lily had smiled appreciatively, Remus had given him two thumbs-up and Sirius had commented that he looked very "fuckable". Then he had apologised and fled the room. Peter had ignored him as was his habit.
Harry didn't know what he had done to warrant the chubby boy's antipathy, or if it was even antipathy or something else. He sometimes thought it might be jealousy, but Harry didn't see what reason Peter would have to be jealous of him. In any case, they were happy to treat each other with mutual ignorance.
The other Seventh Years were nice enough, though it was hard for Harry to find a niche for himself in the tight-knit group around his father. They were friendly and made him laugh and even offered a few hugs every now and then, but they just as often disappeared to plan or implement their pranks or in Sirius' case to meet one of his many female and male acquaintances. But Harry wasn't going to complain.
"Today, we are going to duel," the Defence professor declared.
Professor Levis was a Junior Auror, who had been transferred for disciplinary reasons, involving some careless wand-waving in a fit of panic. But still, he bore his fate of temporary suspension comparatively well and with good humour. He was well-muscled and tall and knew a lot about the Dark Arts and had an easy-going nature, which made him one of the favourite teachers. If he hadn't been so careless and likely to digress and talk about his adventures for hours, he would have been competing with Remus Lupin for the best Defence teacher Harry had ever had.
"But not your usual duel." He smiled like he had a huge present waiting for his students. "We need a volunteer." He looked around the room. "Ah, yes, Mr. Black, why not you? It might even serve to distract you from that, surely very interesting, doodle you're drawing." Sirius rolled his eyes, but got up. "The others please form a circle around him."
He waited till they had done as he said before he continued giving instructions: "Now, Mr. Black will try to defend himself against you while you each throw a curse at him - nothing too harmful, mind you. Miss Evans, if you would start? We'll go clockwise. Any questions? No, well, then start whenever you are ready."
Lily waited for a moment longer before she fired a Whole-Body Bind at Sirius, who easily deflected it as he did with the next three curses. James' curse threw him a bit of balance, coming immediately after Peter's weak Stunner and Remus' Freezing Curse, but when Harry hesitated he had time to gather his breath.
"Mr. Parker, is there a problem?" the professor asked as Harry didn't make a move to attack the other Gryffindor.
"I... I can't hurt him." Harry shook his head wildly. "It's wrong."
"Harry, I really don't mind." Sirius carefully approached the trembling little elf. "You can visit me in the infirmary, what do you say?"
"I can't." Harry insisted weakly.
"Come on, Harry," James intervened. "Just imagine it was Remus."
"That's not funny." Harry sent him a half-hearted glare. "I couldn't hurt him, either."
"Could someone tell me what the problem is?" Levis interrupted.
"Harry obviously has a problem with attacking a dominant," Lucius stated the obvious. "Why though, Harry?"
"You'll be angry and I... can't," Harry finished meekly.
"Harry, I promise, I won't be angry, okay?" Sirius firmly grasped his shoulders, but then released him immediately as if burned and jumped a step back, breathing heavily with his eyes dilated. "I want you to curse me - and not willy-nilly but with with full power - that's an order."
Harry slumped in defeat, shivering uncontrollably but hesitantly raised his wand. James moved behind him, gently massaging his shoulders.
"Take a deep breath and then say your curse and everything will be over with," he murmured soothingly, but as Harry threw his curse, it raced too fast for anyone to react and hit Sirius square in the chest.
"No!" Harry collapsed and crawled towards Sirius' unconscious form, cradling his face between his hands and burying his face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
He cried bitter tears into Sirius' robes, his wings coming out to shield them both.
Sirius slowly blinked his eyes open, staring at the stone ceiling, before he became aware of the weight on his chest and the soft feathers tickling his skin as small puffs of erratic breathing teased his neck. Too good. James's smirking face moved into his line of vision as he shifted slightly, craning his neck to look around.
"You asked for it," his best friend told him not at all sympathetically.
"Ehm, Harry, I'm fine, you know? You can stop crying." He cautiously stroked one of the inky wings, imagining he was patting his owl and not this enticing little creature because that would completely destroy his ingenious plan to avoid Harry at all costs so that he wouldn't jump him in a fit of uncontrollable lust.
The small elf backed away from him, looking up fearfully as Sirius also sat up, rubbing his neck. "I'm sorry."
"I told you to attack me, Harry." Sirius sighed, opening his arms despite his better judgment and soon found himself with a lap full of crying elf. "It's not your fault I was too slow. Besides, I'm really fine."
"I shouldn't have hurt you, it's wrong. You are my dominant, I'm not allowed to hurt you, you should hurt me." Harry sobbed.
"I won't hurt you," Sirius protested vehemently. "Whatever your old dominant told you was wrong. You should never be punished for something you had no control over. And dominants aren't supposed to hurt their submissives, no matter what. Believe me."
"That doesn't mean that they don't, does it?" Harry whispered. "I know that what he did was wrong - I've been told often enough - but a lot of people do things they shouldn't do because it's easier or because they enjoy it or for whatever reason. They just do."
"I know that the world is not all fairytales, Harry." Sirius sighed. "But I'm not angry and I will not hurt you."
"Okay," Harry whispered before scowling lightly. "It was your fault, kind of."
Sirius chuckled.
"Mr. Parker, this was exceptional." Levis exclaimed as they both had got up from the floor. "I've never seen a spell cast so quick outside of Auror training. Ten points to Gryffindor and ten more when you tell me what spell it was."
Harry blushed and mumbled something before repeating it more loudly with a bit of prodding from Sirius. "A Stinging Hex."
"Curious," the professor mused. "Normally, those don't have such sweeping effects."
"Stinging Hex, huh?" Sirius asked. "You were angry at me, weren't you?"
"You wanted me to hex you, so I did," Harry justified himself stubbornly. "I only did what you told me."
"I know, Harry," the grey-haired boy replied. "That hex was powerful though."
"Of course it was," Harry said bitterly. "I'm a stupid submissive."
"Now, now, Mr. Parker," Professor Levis intervened good-naturedly. "I never heard someone complain about too much power. I assure you many of my colleagues would envy you for that hex." Harry remained silent and so the teacher continued, "Maybe you would like to go next, unless you have a problem with the defence part as well?"
Harry mutely shook his head and stood in the middle of the circle, waiting for Lily to start. He didn't have a problem with this part of the exercise, though to him it seemed like the four other creatures weren't too keen to hex him either.
"Very good, Mr. Parker." Levis applauded politely when Harry had completed his turn without being hit. "It's seems you have a talent for this. Ten points to Gryffindor. Who would like to go next?"
Harry slunk back into the circle so that he stood between Sirius and James and listlessly cast his spells. As it was, no-one came past him and some failed even before that. After the earlier incident, he was allowed to pass the rounds with Lucius, James and Remus, though the professor seemed a bit confused as to why Harry refused to raise his wand against the werewolf, as were most of the other students.
Lucius and Remus completed their turns without being hit and James at least managed to avoid two thirds of the curses before he was taken out, to his absolute horror, by Severus.
"Everyone had a turn?" Levis grinned his usual; teeth-showing smile that made many of the girls and some of the boys swoon. "Let's see: Homework." There was a collective groan, which made the teacher laugh. "Just kidding, enjoy your weekend!"
"So what are we going to do until the tryouts?" James challenged as the four Marauders plus Harry stood outside of the Defence classroom, allowing the other students to pass them.
"Go outside?" Sirius suggested nonchalantly, looking anywhere but at Harry. "We can always go for a swim in the lake before it gets too cold."
"Sounds good to me, any objections?" James asked, looking around. "Great, then let's go. Lily flower, you'll be coming too, right? Please?"
Lily looked up from her book bag with a light scowl. James silenced any possible protest with a fierce kiss and Harry didn't know if he felt more embarrassed or happier when Lily melted against his father and then nuzzled into his neck with a sigh.
"Alright," she agreed. "But I want to start on my Charms essay this evening."
In the end, Lily brought her friend Rebecca with her and Sirius asked a girl from Ravenclaw; Patricia, to join them. Remus brought a book and Peter would have brought x-ray glasses if he had known that they existed and had known how to get some on short notice.
After a short swim in the lake, Harry decided that while he might be a creature of forest, water still wasn't his element and the safe ground seemed much more inviting than a hug by the giant squid, who had been paddling lazily towards him.
Remus hadn't even bothered to dip one toe into the water and was quietly leaning against a tree trunk, reading his book, only looking up from time to time to observe the other students. Harry carefully approached him until he decided that the picnic basket was the least he needed between them and sat down on his towel, curling his toes in the soft grass and warily staring at the werewolf. This continued for over ten minutes before Remus once more looked up to find the little elf looking back at him.
"Hi," Harry said timidly, fidgeting under Remus' calm gaze.
"Hey." Remus smiled as he hoped reassuringly at the other boy. "Finished swimming already?"
Harry nodded. "Why didn't you go swimming, Remus?"
"Water isn't much for me." Remus shrugged. "And I don't fancy showing everyone my scars."
Harry nodded in understanding. "Thank you, Remus, for being so considerate."
"It's really okay, Harry," the werewolf assured him. "I think you're a great person and you can't help how you feel towards me, besides, I'm used to people being prejudiced against werewolves."
"They shouldn't be," Harry returned vehemently. "I mean you're only dangerous during the full moon and I think you're a great person."
"Thank you, Harry." Remus smiled gently. "Do you think we can work something out so that you won't be so afraid anymore?"
"I really don't know." Harry wrapped his arms around his knees. "I'm relatively okay as long as Sirius or James are there as well and I think I'm getting used to you, but I need more time, Remus."
"Okay," the werewolf agreed readily. "Do you think you could help me improve my spellwork, though? I never thought someone could cast spells that fast. How did you do that?"
"My uncle is a Defence teacher." Harry chuckled. "He made sure that I'd get the best training possible during the last few years. He was always a bit paranoid."
"That explains it, I guess." Remus also laughed. "So will you help me?"
"I'll try," Harry answered, studying the werewolf carefully. "Maybe you should loosen up a little? I mean your arms were so tense it took you ages to make the movement."
Remus briefly considered this before nodding in agreement and drawing his wand.
But this was too much for Harry and he shied away with his wide eyes focussed on Remus' wand. His wings once more came out to envelope him protectively.
Remus, not knowing what else to do, retreated hastily and then jogged to the lake to alert James and Sirius, so that they could help Harry calm down.
"Sirius, James," he shouted, waving his arms in case their ears were full of water, though it seemed like both boys were set on ignoring him.
James was feverishly kissing Lily, something that he wasn't granted often even though she was his girl-friend and he had every right to kiss her whenever he wanted. That was the theory at least. A pity really that Lily seemed to be oblivious to those rules most of the time. Anyway, as he now was allowed to feverishly kiss his girl he wasn't about to abandon this chance just because Remus thought it necessary to do some physical training and hadn't yet noticed that he had no talent for singing.
Sirius was also kissing and groping the Ravenclaw he had invited and though he realised Remus' waving for what it was, he was intending to ignore him because if he followed Remus' call he would have to deal with a delicious looking and most likely still half-naked, tempting little elf, and that was something he wasn't willing to face. His plan had been ruined enough for one day.
Said elf was also the reason he had a raging hard-on and not for example the very much nude, curvy female body in his arms. He had dreamed so far about feet, calves, hands, underarms, armpits, shoulder-blades, a very delicious and exciting belly-button and a really tempting neck and they all looked like they could belong to Harry, or at least he imagined as much. No-one could deny that he seriously needed to get laid and he was on the way to accomplishing that.
There was also another theory, but that was just not possible. This utterly perfect little elf couldn't be his mate. It was just not possible and he would not take advantage of Harry. No, he was just his usual horny self, he had a crush and his veela side was overreacting because he still hadn't found his mate. Harry was too good to be his. Harry's mate would be just as perfect, not a jokester, outcast by his own family. The Lucky bastard, Sirius would beat him to a pulp should he ever encounter him, and then he would bring him to a healer because he wanted Harry to be happy; even if it wasn't with him. But there was only so much torture and temptation he could take without losing control. And Harry didn't deserve that. Not at all. He just needed to find some way to distract himself.
Thus, Remus could wait. The rational part of his brain thought this the right moment to point out that getting laid hadn't solved anything so far and that the dreams were still as frequent and disturbing in that arousing sort of way, making theory two slightly more realistic. The rational part of his brain was promptly hit over the head, though with little effect since the rational part of his mind had learned to wear a helmet.
Sirius turned back to the slender blonde in his arms before he could dress up the rational part of his mind in a pink tutu to get his attention.
Peter on the hand was unsuccessfully flirting with Lily's friend and since he wasn't the one called, he had no reason to come out of the water to embarrass himself.
So Remus was ignored and he had no choice but to trot carefully back to where he had left Harry. He wanted to look after him, even if it was from a distance. To his surprise, Harry seemed more or less calm, talking quietly to Hogwarts very own greasiest student, his head resting against the taller boy's shoulder. Even more surprising was, however, that Severus seemed to be partaking in the conversation with more than sarcastic comments and sneers and that he had put an arm around Harry's shoulders.
Severus' semi-friendly expression turned into a sneer as soon as he saw the werewolf approach and Remus sighed inaudibly.
"I'm sorry I panicked." Harry looked up at him, but made no move to detach himself from the Slytherin.
"It's fine," Remus waved his apology away. "I hadn't realised you two were so close friends."
"We are not friends." Severus sneered. "And the only reason why we are so close is that every time I move away, Parker moves with me."
Both Gryffindors rolled their eyes and Harry swatted his thigh lightly. "Don't be so mean, Voldemort might see you as a competition and try to kill you."
"Don't say his name," Severus had blanched, unconsciously taking a hold of his arm where the Dark Mark was branded into his skin.
"Sorry, I always forget how touchy people are around here." Harry didn't really seem too sorry, "It's not like he'll pop out of the bush and say 'booh' just because I said his name."
"I'm not touchy," the Slytherin snapped. "Only sensible. You wouldn't talk like this if he were here."
"No, I would most likely be hiding under a rock," Harry said. "That doesn't change the fact that he isn't here and that you are touchy about his name."
"Fine, then be considerate and don't say his name," Severus demanded. "I'm not ordering you around either, though I could and it is very tempting to just tell you to shut up."
Harry chuckled happily at this. "You are funny, do you know that?"
"Of course, that's my main goal in life," Severus drawled, making Harry laugh once more and Remus suddenly realised that he had never heard the Slytherin talk so much, let alone without insulting anyone.
"Will you come to the tryouts?" Harry asked suddenly, blinking up at the other boy.
"Your questions get more stupid and pointless with each one. You should know by now that I live to see Gryffindor with a passable Quidditch team."
"You can go with Remus," Harry continued as if Severus hadn't answered. "I want you to be there, please?"
"Don't flutter your eyes at me, Parker," the future Potion's Master retorted, but Remus could see that Harry was methodically working on getting an agreement out of the Slytherin. "Fine, I'll be there, but keep those half-wits away from me."
"Thank you." Harry laughed, hugging him and also kissing his cheek. "Want to go swimming with me?"
"I'm dreaming of it every night," was the snarky reply, but for some reason Severus did follow the little elf, quickly changing his robes into black swimming trunks before fixing his wand at his arm.
Trust Snape, to never go anywhere without his wand!
Remus still sat baffled under the tree, trying to sort out what had just happened. It couldn't be that Hogwarts' approved expert for antisocialism had just consoled Harry, joked around with him and promised to go to Gryffindor's tryouts after having a swim in the lake. No, definitely not, he was hallucinating. That would also explain why he thought that the Slytherin was rather good looking, if a bit pale. He was thin and tall, but he looked surprisingly strong as he dove into the water. The sinew muscles in his arms and stomach flexed as he waded towards Harry.
Maybe he shouldn't have stayed up so long last night, Remus decided, resolutely turning back to his book, for some reason it wasn't as fascinating at it had been moments ago.
"You dunked me." Harry pouted, shaking his wet hair so that little drops flew out of it.
"Very attentive," Severus answered, but gratefully took Harry's towel. "You splashed water at me."
"Because you were being boring," Harry argued, taking Sirius' towel to dry himself off.
"You said we should go swimming. I was swimming," Severus stated.
"No, you were dunking me," Harry exclaimed. "Twice! I only splashed you once."
"Life is unfair, get used to it," the taller boy ordered. "I'll see you later."
"Don't forget the tryouts," Harry reminded him and the Slytherin rolled his eyes.
"When?"
"At five." Harry smiled brilliantly at him. "So you have enough time to get changed and think of something to say that'll make me feel better."
"I'll think about something to make the others feel worse." Severus smirked and turned to walk back to the castle.
"Never thought I'd see him act almost civil," Remus muttered, making Harry swivel around in shock.
"I think he's great," he said softly. "I like him even if he is sarcastic and sneering all the time."
"Who do you like?" Sirius plopped down next to Harry with a stupid grin on his face.
"Severus." Harry tensed as Sirius growled in displeasure.
"You're still hanging out with that loser?"
"Sirius, you said you'd try to be nicer to him," Harry pleaded. "He's my friend."
"I never said that." The veela scowled. "And I never allowed you to become friends with him."
"I wasn't aware that I needed your permission," the smaller boy whispered with a hint of defiance in his voice. "I'm going to find Lucius."
"You won't go to those slimy Slytherins," Sirius hissed and grasped Harry's arms pulling him back down. "You'll stay right here."
"Sirius, don't you think you're going a bit too far?" Remus intervened gently because he didn't want to frighten Harry even more.
"Don't tell me what to do, Moony," Sirius spat. "Or are you suddenly also best buddies with Snivellus? He's not good for Harry."
"You haven't seen how he treated Harry," the amber-eyed boy argued. "I think he really likes him."
"Snivellus likes no-one but himself. He's an egoistic bastard; he's only using Harry to get revenge on us."
"He is not." Harry whimpered. "And even if he were, at least he treats me like I'm still worth something."
"What are you saying, Harry? That he's better than I?" Sirius' hold tightened painfully around Harry's arm, leaving bruises, and Remus decided that enough was enough.
With supernatural speed and strength he pulled Harry from Sirius' grasp, scooping him up in his arms despite the weak struggle and the large wings that nearly dislodged his hold on the little elf. He then raced towards the lake where James and Lily were just coming out of the water and dropped the little submissive in his friend's arms.
"Sirius was hurting him," he said hastily by way of explanation and then brought some distance between them, stopping Sirius as he made to approach. "We'll have a nice long chat, Sirius, before you can even think about apologising to Harry."
The Animagus still looked furious and not really as if he saw any flaw in his actions, but reluctantly let the stronger boy drag him to the castle.
"Harry? Talk to me." James carried the smaller elf to their little camp and tried to pry his head from his arms. "Tell me what happened."
Harry continued sobbing and crying, now also shaking because he was disobeying a dom, but couldn't bring himself to answer. What was so wrong about wanting to be friends with Severus? Why couldn't he be friends with the Slytherins? They were nice, to him at least, and Harry hadn't seen them pick a fight with anyone so far, a stark contrast to what the Marauders were usually doing. Would James also get angry if he told him about Severus?
"Lily, can you go and fetch Malfoy?" James whispered over his shoulder and the Head Girl nodded and left them alone. "Harry, tell me what Sirius did. I promise I won't be angry."
"My fault," Harry finally mumbled, his wings disappearing and leaving him vulnerable and defenceless.
"Let me be the judge of that, okay, Harry?" James carefully cradled the smaller boy to his chest, willing his own wings to wrap around them both.
They weren't quite as big as Harry's, but were of the same inky blackness and soft feathers and like Harry's, they were mostly to protect and shield rather than for flying (he had tried it once, but had glided and flown for only a few minutes and his muscles had been sore and aching for the next five days).
"I was talking with Remus and then he drew his wand and I panicked," Harry whispered finally, causing James to feel guilty for having ignored Remus earlier. "Severus helped me calm down." Harry looked pleadingly up at the other elf and though James was far from happy about this development, he nodded to make Harry continue. "We talked and we went swimming and then he went back into the castle. Sirius heard Remus and me talking about Severus and when I told him that I liked Severus, Sirius said I couldn't be friends with him..."
"Shh, it was not your fault." James said and breathed a sigh of relieve when he saw Lily returning with Lucius, who immediately sat down next to him and started to pet Harry's hair.
Harry's sobs only grew louder and he tried to twist away from the gentle touch. "He said I couldn't go to Lucius. That they were just using me to get revenge on you."
"Harry." The older Potter shifted Harry a little. "Forget everything he told you and listen to me, okay? You can go visit Malfoy whenever you like. I don't like Snape, he doesn't like us, but if you can stand his presence then you're allowed to be friends with him."
"Harry." Lucius carefully began petting his hair again. "It's not your fault that they hate each other so much. It's childish and between the two of them. Black shouldn't have dragged you into it. You can be friends with whomever you like and none of us has the right to forbid it."
"He's not using me," Harry whispered stubbornly, looking up at Lucius for affirmation. "Severus, he's not using me."
"No, he's not, little one," the blond answered gently. "But I think it would be easier to convince the Dark Lord to open a kindergarten for charity purposes than to convince Black that the house of Slytherin isn't as depraved as he makes it out to be. Severus likes you; otherwise you would be lying in the infirmary by now because one of your potions had miraculously exploded."
Harry grinned weakly, wiping away the tears. "He said he would try to be civil to him, he wouldn't believe me."
"Sirius is a bit irrational and short-tempered, Harry," James soothed him. "But he will calm down and apologise to you. I promise."
"I want to be alone for a while," Harry murmured, pushing a little against James' chest. "Please?"
"Of course." James retracted his wings and helped Harry stand up. "Don't forget the tryouts, though"
Harry waved over his shoulder before he quickly disappeared in the Forbidden Forest to find the hidden clearing Lucius had shown him.
It wasn't so much Sirius' rigorous rejection of Severus that hurt him so much, but rather the blatant disregard of his own feelings. He wasn't about to force Sirius to be friends with Severus, but it would have been nice to know that Sirius at least cared about him. Instead he had ordered him around, not even attempting to give reasons for it. He had voiced nothing but unfounded accusations.
It was okay that Sirius didn't like Severus, but it was not okay that he wanted Harry to believe that Severus didn't like him as well. He had felt unwanted and unloved all his life and Sirius' accusations brought this all back. He could never like you, freak, you are ugly and abnormal and stupid and weak! And he didn't understand it. Sirius had spent the last two weeks maybe not exactly avoiding him, but still with a lot of other friends and nightly conquests and now Harry wasn't allowed to have his own friends? And then he had not only forbidden him to be friends with Severus, but also from contact with Lucius. Lucius was a dom and he made him feel safe, something that Sirius constantly failed to do.
Harry was being unfair and bitter, he realised it himself, because Sirius did make him feel good whenever he was there and not angry, like he had done in Defence against the Dark Arts or when he merely smiled at Harry. From a purely objective point of view, Harry had no reason to prefer Sirius to the other dominants, especially Lucius, but still he valued the smallest touch from Sirius much more highly than a drawn out hug with Lucius. It was stupid and Sirius did nothing to really deserve it, he was moody and irascible and possessive and neglectful. But his smiles made Harry feel warm and protected. Sirius was an idiot but Harry liked his laugh and the contagious happiness in his eyes. But he wanted to be angry at him, at least for now.