He was my Japanese teacher + I had to see him every day at school. It was a stressful experience as back then he got up early enough to walk with me.
I came to hate his face.
Whenever he asked me to eat together right after a lesson, I could never decline, because he was always polite even when I messed up my Japanese. To have patience with a person when teaching them... I find people who can do such a thing, an anomaly and it makes me feel like a piece of trash in comparison especially if I slight them or don't cooperate. That's why I couldn't decline him that time either when he invited me to his house.
I didn't expect I'd be going up to his room to wake him. His Mother seemed to give up on calling to him from upstairs.
When I got to the door, I heard music, a soft and soothing male voice. Did he fall asleep listening to the radio? I thought.
When I knocked on the door the music continued, when I opened it, it was as if I caught him naked because when he noticed me he let out the loudest scream. That's when I realized he was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
K: ( 0 [ ] 0 )
A: ( O - O )
I instantly felt bad and averted my gaze. "Sorry! I...your Mom thought you were asleep so..."
"I got it!" He tried shielding his chest and face with his arms.
Just get out already! Was what I got from his body language.
I closed the door and heard things falling and crashing. Was he angry?
I nearly tripped down the stairs. Awkward. So Awkward! The feelings from having to interact with him on a twenty-four basis began to snowball. Let's just get out of here!
I hurried downstairs to leave.
"Are you leaving already?" His mother asked as I changed my shoes at the door.
I couldn't even meet her eyes as I tried to force out a lie. It's as if my voice box was constipated
. "... ... ...well... he seemed... ill so..."
"Really?" She glanced up at the staircase looking slightly worried.
I left the house feeling even more guilty. That's when the front door flew open and something yanked me back by the wrist.
"Wait!" A fully dressed Kagami doubled over to catch his breath.
I was always sensitive to the airs of people. His tight grip on my wrists unnerved me. Why? Was he pissed? What was this? The strength in his cold hand, it crept up my arm like a roach, tarsi stabbing into the pores of my skin like needles making goosebumps erupt all over my body.
"How can you leave like that?"
"...I'm sorry."
"No! I mean... We had a lesson right?" He patted his chest, eyes shimmering with determination/anger? "I'm ready now."
He still wanted to teach me today?! For some reason going back into the house felt like an impossible chore. And he was still touching me.
"Ummm.... it's fine."
"What do you mean?"
A heavy sigh escaped me as I avoided his enthusiastic gaze. "Letsdoitanotherday... or something?" And let me delete that image from my mind. More importantly, where's your shame from earlier? Don't you feel awkward?
He knitted his brow in confusion. "What?"
It was hard to read him. The energy he was emanating felt like he was mad at me.
He hadn't let go of my wrist that amped my disturbance by the second so I yanked it free.
Maybe he realized it cause he looked at his own. "Ah!... Sorry."
"...I'm going home."
"You can't!" He blocked my way to the gate. Arms outstretched.
"Why?"
"...We have an appointment! I need to review your homework to see if you fixed what we spoke about! You keep making the same mistake!"
I felt suffocated, I honestly couldn't make sense of it either. But... it felt like I was stuck. Stuck between speaking my mind and hurting his feelings. Which would lead to awkward walks on the street, avoiding each other on a daily basis. My eyes burned. I didn't realize it at the time. I couldn't hear it in my own voice but it showed as I turned to properly face him.
"I. Neeeed. Space!"
"Eh?"
"I need space!"
"Hum?" The front door opened slightly behind him.
"I don't want to see your face for like two weeks!"
He looked flustered as he tried to process it and the reason for my crying, something I had yet to realize myself.
He processed my words."...That's half a month-
"A month isn't enough! I'm tire-tiRED... of your face!" My voice cracked, and that's when I became conscious of my wet cheeks. I lowered my head in realization.
My confession left him shocked, and he looked wronged as he held his hands, yanking on a finger. "Did I do something wrong?"
"It's fine!" I averted my gaze, swallowed the rest of the bullets I wanted to shoot him with. But what difference did it make? The first one had already been shot.
His expression became sheepish. So adorable, my guilt stacked.
And the guilt I felt from making him feel bad made me take a knee as I became overly conscious of my burning eyeballs. I squatted on the ground to hide my eye piss. Why was I crying? And of all places why here?!
The door slammed shut. "Amara? Why are you squatting on the floor? Are you not feeling well?"
How humiliating!
I couldn't escape with him blocking the gate so all I could do was hide my face. I tried to speak clearly. "I... I'm fine." But my voice betrayed me.
"Why is she crying? What did you do?!"
"I didn't do anything!"
"Nonsense! You were acting weird earlier too!"
I tuned out their conversation and buried my face in my hoodie.
Tears at times are like the true blood of Jesus. All the stress, resistance, and guilt I felt melted away. His Mom convinced me to come back inside and sit down.
"Everyone needs breaks. How could you do that to her?" She scolded him. I don't know what they were talking about, but it looks like she came to her own conclusion.
"...I didn't know she felt that way..." He skittered off somewhere.
He got in trouble because of me.
His Mom consoled me while serving some tea.
I apologized after coming to my senses. "...I'm sorry... for the inconvenience."
"You have nothing to apologize for! Everyone needs breaks. Growing up I didn't get any, my piano teacher stressed me out so much as a kid, whenever I see sheet music now I get dizzy. For a while I couldn't play anything, even listening to a piece stressed me out. I swore to myself I would never play one again. What's ironic though, is that I had a child that loves it so much, feels like the universe is laughing at me. Though, when he plays it, I can listen to it without any side effects. Weird isn't it? I came to love the sound of the piano again thanks to him."
What?! She sounds like she had it worse than me! It was a touching story though.
"Yes, but... Kagami's not as bad..."
She smiled at me. "Then are you okay with continuing lessons today?"
I couldn't answer right away. His stupid polite face popped up in my head. I reluctantly avoided eye contact. "...I... guess..." She's been so nice to me, now I couldn't say no to anything.
She knowingly smiled. "It's okay, you can make the lesson short. Baby steps."
"Right, baby steps."
She continued to pacify me with tea until Kagami returned. When he finally reappeared I simply stared.
Why... was he wearing a paper bag?
He carried on with the lesson as if it were perfectly normal, his Mother lurked in the back reminding him to keep it short. He showed great reluctance but eventually conceded.
Polite as he was, I knew he was a perfectionist. That's why he was so annoying, and why I wanted to avoid him even at school.
That memory I think, is probably the marking point of the first time we really got to know each other. Mrs. Fukuda too.