I woke up in the morning excited that the day outside had cleared. Last night, heavy rain fell over the city. I heard thunder for several hours, some incredibly loud. I thought I was going to wake up on a rainy day, or a sky full of clouds, but the sky was clear, and the sun was high in the sky.
I stretched out of bed and took a quick shower. Putting on my clothes, I took my bag, it was time to go to school. Down the stairs, I headed for the kitchen table for a quick breakfast and found my brother two years younger, Max.
He was having lunch looking upset. I thought about asking what the problem was, but I knew I shouldn't. We don't have a good relationship nowadays. When he was younger, especially before my physical problem, he was very dependent on me, almost idolizing me.
After my physical problem at the age of twelve, however, he started to distance himself from me. Nowadays, he almost ignores me at home, most of the time he is acid or rude. The strange thing, however, is that when he has a problem, like computer problems, I am the first person he always comes to ask for help.
If there's one thing that hasn't changed about him, it's his dependence; I think I will continue to be the useful brother for a few years. Maybe when I finally get the damn surgery, our relationship will get better. Did I say how I hate superficial people? It hurts to know that my brother is like that.
I don't hate him, however. It's not like he's going to be like that for the rest of his life. I hope one day to fix our relationship and be a good brother again. I miss that part of my life.
I sat at the table and thought about what I would eat. I wanted something tasty, but I didn't have much time. While I was thinking, my brother, generally acid, said good morning, and I returned reflexively.
"Good morning."
Only then did I realize that my grumpy little brother said good morning to me. What happened? Is the sun rising in the west? I was tempted to really look at the sun outside even though I knew it was overkill.
I looked at him and saw that, although he looked upset, it didn't seem to have anything to do with me. Normally, he would leave if I approached and sat with him, but he continued to sit there eating his cereal.
"What happened?"
I could no longer hold back my curiosity and asked, even though I knew the effect it would have. I was expecting the rude words he would always use with me, but instead, he said the strangest words I have heard since ... ever?
"I asked to go out with a girl yesterday. She said she was going to answer me today, I thought she would answer me at school, but she texted me this morning saying I was too ugly."
I felt my mind empty when I heard my brother's words. Too ugly? Max wasn't exactly a movie star, but if I had to say, he falls into the category of handsome. Fortunately, he inherited all the good genes of our parents, unlike me.
I heard stories recently that he was very popular at his school. This girl who rejected him wanted to date a movie star? It is not easy to find someone who looks good like that. At my school, at least, I only know three guys that I could fit into the category of a movie star: one of them is my friend, Jeff.
That's the best part of Jeff, actually. Even though he is so handsome and popular, he is one of my best friends, and he really cares about me, I respect him deeply.
I strayed a little. Back in the present situation, there is something that shocked me even more about my brother's words than the content of the words themselves.
It was the fact that those words came out of his mouth.
How long has it been since he vented to me? He usually barely talks to me. Days can go by without him saying a single word to me. Now, he spoke several words, and even shared a personal problem with me, obviously waiting for advice or comfort.
Finally, I can act like a good brother again, but it was so sudden that I was silent for a few seconds in shock. When I recovered, I saw in his eyes how much he wanted to be comforted, so I tried my best to compose myself and say it.
"This girl is crazy. You are not ugly, and you know it. I am ugly, look at my face. Whenever I go to school, there is someone who calls me the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I don't like it, and I always curse these people in my mind, but I have to admit that I am ugly."
"But you, my brother, have been blessed with all of our parents' good physical characteristics. You may not look like a movie star, but you are handsome, I guarantee that. This girl you asked to go out is crazy. I want to see her ask to go out with Johnny Depp, let's see if she can even get a look from him."
I thought my words would cheer up my brother. I tried my best to articulate so that he feels good, I even depreciated myself for that. I feel like I was pretty persuasive. I'm a good brother, don't you think? However, my words caused Max to get up from his chair and respond with red eyes.
"Brother, what are you talking about? Are you lying to me, and to yourself, just to try to comfort me? How can you say that? You don't know how I felt all these years growing up with a handsome older brother..."
Tears started to fall from his eyes and I stood up, not understanding what was going on. When I saw that he was going to run to his room, I took him by the arm and asked.
"What are you talking about, Max? Where did I lie?"
"YOU KNOW VERY WELL!! I HATE YOU!!"
After shouting those words, he broke free from my hand and ran upstairs to the room. I stood there, confused, looking at my brother's back as he ran.
My brother's screams seemed to alert my mother, who came running from the back of the house with her gardening clothes.
Even in her forties, my mother, Karen, is very pretty. The only thing I inherited from her was the black hair. The rest was completely different. Sometimes I wonder if I am adopted.
Our mother has always been a very easygoing person, someone who is happy with the little things in life. It is no wonder that she loves taking care of the garden at the back of the house. If my brother or I wake up early, she makes us breakfast, but in the morning, most of the time, she eats breakfast early and spends the rest of the morning at the back of the house.
Today was a typical day where my brother and I would wake up late, and my mother had already had breakfast and was taking care of the plants, so I was not surprised to see her wearing her gardening clothes.
"What happened?"
She asked in a low voice after not finding Max around. She's used to my brother ignoring me all day, so she must have been worried when she heard his screams.
"I dont know. We were talking, but something I said made him feel offended. He shouted that he hated me and ran to his room."
Worried, she looked upstairs, and asked me, this time in her normal voice.
"What did you say to him?"
I started by talking about his problem with the girl, how she said he was too ugly to reject his request for them to go out. Afterward, I tried to say exactly the same words I used with Max, and my mother said shocked.
"How could you say that to your brother? No wonder he was upset."
"What? What part of what I said pissed him off? I do not understand."
"You know very well. Why did you say those things? You are not the type to irritate your brother for nothing."
Before I could answer, however, my father came into the kitchen carrying his cell phone. When he saw me talking to my mother, he nodded to both of us and went straight to the fridge to get something to eat.
I was silent, and my mother respected that since she didn't force me to respond.
Our father, Kenan, is a very tall, strong, and ... ugly man. He's not as ugly as I am thanks to my eye, but almost all of my ugly features on my face came from him, only in me they were even worse.
In my father, with his tall and strong body, it doesn't look so bad. He also has a thick beard, which honestly gives him a very vigorous appearance.
I havenļæ½ļæ½ļæ½t fully grown yet, but I doubt that I will get to his height. At sixteen, I am 6 feet tall, which is not a bad height, but my father is 6'5'', he is a giant.
I honestly don't want to be as tall as he is, but maybe if I were that tall, my horrible appearance wouldn't matter so much since being tall is a good quality. It's not like all the tall basketball players are handsome, some of them are pretty ugly, and yet they make a lot of money, and enjoy all the other good things in life
This time, I strayed a lot ... I'm sorry.
Anyway, my father is a difficult man. He served in the army for most of his life, so he is very strict. For example, he doesn't like me to call him father, I call him Sir.
In front of him, I have to behave. If we brothers raise our voices, talk about subjects that he finds inappropriate, speak bad words, or are rude, he gives us that angry look that, if we don't apologize, he will do something.
My brother and I usually try not to get the something. So much so that at home, the only moments my brother talks to me is when we are in front of our father if he asks for something. Not even Max, petulant as he is, defies our father.
The only person he is not so strict with is our mother, I think because of her easygoing personality, and even she also respects him enough to follow most of the rules he thinks are necessary in the house.
Because of the kind of person he is, when he entered the kitchen, I decided to be silent. I was talking to my mom about Max's screams, and the reasons behind it, I didn't want my dad to intrude.
He usually intrudes whenever there is a problem in the house and gives horrible advice. One day, I complained to my mom about how they came up with another nickname for me, and he accidentally overheard it.
He came over and told me that, as a man, I must protect my pride. When I asked if he was talking about violence, he said that if I get to that, I shouldn't run. That I must face these people with an open chest and head up, and that if they challenge me, I should use what I learned in my Muay Thai classes to shut them up.
Ok ... not that bad advice, at least half of it. The violence part is really bad.
The point is that I don't want him to meddle in this, especially in this sibling fight. If he hears about it, I don't doubt he already knows about it since Max screamed out loud, he'll try to mediate the fight, and I'm sure it will only make things worse.
He looked at us strangely, knowing that we are holding on his presence. He created the dynamics of the house, so he was not offended and simply left the kitchen after taking something from the fridge.
When we saw that he was far enough away, my mom looked at me and raised her eyebrows with a dissatisfied expression.
"What do you mean by that expression? I don't really know what part of my words pissed him off. Be direct, mom. If it's that simple, I'm already feeling like an idiot for not understanding."
She relaxed a little but didn't take the look of exasperation from her face.
"You know very well that appearance is a sensitive topic for me and your brother, you can't talk to him like that. Just because you were born with all your father's good genes, it doesn't mean that you can be arrogant and disregard your brother. You may not understand this, but our society judges people a lot based on their appearance."
What?