It has been 3 months since I had broken up with Will.
Will, my first boyfriend, but was he my true love? I cannot be sure! Though the love he gave warms my heart, his attention every detail that I made was something I had not expected but I enjoyed. I had never been close enough with anyone to establish a long term friendship. I had always be Alone!
I missed Will, not because of love, but I missed the attention he gave and the earth I felt from his heart.
On the bus, as I thought about our relationship, tears started to drop. I regret breaking up with him because I hated taking the bus alone with out him, I hated having no one to talk to. I disputed my lonely live! If I can get rid of this loneliness, I am willing to accept Will again even though it is not love but companionship!
A tissue was handed to means I looked up. I know him, Alex, we worked together as part timers in the restaurant together with Will. We had never spoken before though it has been 8 months since I started working there.
"Don't cry, what is over just let it pass. You still have other friends with you." Alex said as he wipe my tears.
Everyone in the restaurant knew about Will and I, we started dating not long after I started the job. He was my senior, and he guided me in my first few weeks on the job. Everyone saw how we started going out, having supper, watching movies and the gifts I get.
"Thank you" I muttered as I was shocked at his action. I looked at him and smiled, for a first time I felt my heart skipped a beat, his smile was warm. His action felt clumsy, its like he has never wipe a tear from anyone before and he had never console anyone before.
"Why do you cry when you are the one who initiated the breakup? Why breakup when you will feel sad?" He asked with genuine concern.
I was mesmerised by his words but it also brought pain. "I am selfish, it's the first time I experience warmth of a relationship, my first relationship. I enjoyed being with Will but that happiness is only contained during work and outside school. However, in school, I started feeling that, Will, is not suitable for me to be in a long term relationship. I started to despised him because he is not as smart, not as tall and not as eloquent as my classmates boyfriends."
My inferior complex started to kick in. My parents were not rich but I am in an elitist school, my classmates family came from families of Lawyers, Teachers, Business Owners. I won't usually mingle with my classmates because I had no money, but they would pay for my food and transportation if they wanted me to join them when I am not working. They meant no malice but I felt inferior!