[I know you.]
Three words that MingYu wanted to shout, but no sound came from him. He was so close. A few steps and he would be by the grand eunuch's side. He wanted to crawl out of this flesh prison of his memory, to wipe off the greyish-white powder and rouge to reveal the man's true visage.
[Who are you?]
It was unsettling how the answer was hanging by the tip of his tongue. The knowledge was there, yet it was covered under so many layers of fog, MingYu couldn't quite grasp it.
"I thank your highness for your priceless guidance and gift." MingYu heard his past self say.
The grand eunuch moved now, his posture straightened as he motioned cowardly at the emperor behind the low-set table, asking for permission to talk. With consent, the eunuch turned back to MingYu. The voice that erupted from his lips was shrill and mellow.
Eunuchs might have been castrated before stepping into service, but it shouldn't make one's voice this sharp. The low tone was there, hidden beneath the strained note. MingYu had barely caught it, and his full attention was already glued on the man.
"Now that general Qing has had a marriage granted to him, he must be eager to win the battle and return home."
"The country goes before all else."
Did he really say that back then? MingYu remembered thinking he rather died in the war then marry, and he ended up doing just that, but not in the battle he had imagined off. So lost in his thought, he didn't notice his feet moving on their own until he stepped through the dark wooden doors and stopped before ZhiYi.
"What did they want from you? You weren't demoted for slacking, were you?" ZhiYi said with a lopsided grin, crinkling his eyes as the two walked side by side, away from the study. "Even if you are just a foot soldier, I'll protect you out on the field."
The MingYu of the past glanced at ZhiYi from beneath his lashes.
Back then, it was only MingYu who had been sad at the prospect of marriage. His brothers had all congratulated him, ZhiYi had hugged him, happy for him.
The same hopeless feeling from back then washed over MingYu once more, knotting his insides up.
"I'm going to get married, ZhiYi." His voice had been indifferent, but he was smiling, feigning happiness.
ZhiYi halted, his eyes widened a fraction. "What did you say?"
"It's settled. I'll marry Lu BaShi's daughter once we return from battle."
Any moment now, ZhiYi would break into a grin and hug him, congratulating him. MingYu braced himself. The forced smile was still plastered on his face, keeping his tears at bay.
But ZhiYi didn't move, he merely studied him for what felt like an eternity.
Was it like this before? MingYu wasn't sure. Back then, his own unhappiness had overwhelmed his senses, turning him numb and scornful towards his life.
"Are you... happy, MingYu?"
Why was ZhiYi studying him so intently?
MingYu found himself mesmerised by ZhiYi's stern expression. The slanted eyes had slightly squinted, his thin lips were in a firm line. He could faintly hear his past self say,
"I'm already 25. It's the right time, don't you think?"
ZhiYi's eyes softened, a haze veiled over the bright brown irises as he smiled at MingYu.
MingYu had never noticed how ZhiYi's lips trembled but were kept in a pleasant grin.
"If you're happy, then I'm too."
MingYu's throat felt dry. ZhiYi was smiling, but his eyes looked pained. He seemed unhappy about the marriage. Was it just his wishful thinking? Blood thumped in his ears as MingYu's mind folded on itself. All those times the brothers had fooled around, maybe ZhiYi had meant it when he spouted those silly words?
ZhiYi's smile faltered as he reached out and pulled MingYu into a tight embrace, hiding his face in the groove of MingYu's neck. His voice was muffled, but MingYu could still sense the quiver in his tone as ZhiYi whispered,
"Congratulations, brother."
Two simple words back then were now like scorching knives that stabbed him in the heart, twisting it around in its cavity. He wanted to reach up and comfort ZhiYi, but the MingYu of the past only stood still, letting the memory fade away.
____
When MingYu came to, there was no pain, only relief. As he felt the dark fog lift-off, MingYu blinked his eyes open. The numbness had taken over his left arm. He tried to wriggle his fingers; they were weak, but still able to move.
"MingYu? How are you feeling?" ZhiYi's face came to view, scaring him.
The man was unrecognisable. Bright eyes were lifeless and surrounded by sunken black rings. An uneven stubble was climbing up his jaw, while strands of uncombed hair draped over his face, covering his hollow cheeks in eerie shadows.
"Good," MingYu said as he tried to push himself up in a sitting position. Dryness clawed at his throat. His voice was hoarse, he barely realised it was him who had spoken. His arms gave in as they had been idle for far too long, and he slumped back down, groaning as he hit his left shoulder on the bed.
ZhiYi loomed over him, worry marring his haggard features.
MingYu chuckled as he pushed the man away with his healthy hand. "I'm fine, I'm not a fragile vase."
Besides, ZhiYi was the one who looked like he needed to be taken care of, not MingYu.
"You have been out for three days, you must be hungry. I will go get you something to eat." ZhiYi said and offered him water before hurrying out without another word.
Still fussy over everything, MingYu mused as he put the empty cup aside. Shuffling noises caught his attention and, smiling brightly, walked over from the bed and pulled out the basket. He clumsily dug out AhXin with numb fingers and clasping him tightly in his right arm, he carefully made his way towards the bed.
AhXin wasn't crying, he was looking at MingYu with his bright round eyes and instantly tried to pull MingYu's finger in his mouth.
"You little brat, you only like me as a source of food!" MingYu teased but didn't pull his fingers away. "Better let your father feed you. My blood is not good for you, AhXin."
MingYu brushed over the plump cheek with his thumb. He could get used to this life, just the two of them, raising a child. A family, MingYu rolled the word on his tongue, savouring it like a dried sour plum. It sounded perfect, sending warm currents across his body. Shaking his head at the thought, MingYu chuckled to himself. Being unconscious for so long was messing with his rationality.
He was in the Earth Realm to be punished, not live a comfortable life. Even if ZhiYi agreed to play house with him to entertain him, Heaven would smite him sooner than later if they saw MingYu loitering around.
No, there was something more important to do now that he had stirred from his deep slumber.
A light knock sounded at the door before it cracked open and PingZe peeked in.
"You're still alive, brother? Here I was already searching for a hole to dump your body in."
"I'm glad to see you too, PingZe."
MingYu was too tired to pick a fight with him, so he let it slide.
PingZe moved about the room. The blinding grin was still grazing his lips, but his eyes were guarded.
Feeling annoyed by his attitude, MingYu finally snapped,
"What is it? You look like I might bite."
PingZe sat down at the little table with haste. His grin lost a level of brightness when he said,
"Oh, nothing. I was only worried you weren't... yourself."
MingYu arched his brow, but before he could utter a word, ZhiYi was back at the door with two warm packages in his hand.
Did he run? Fly? How was he be so fast?!
MingYu only gaped at him as ZhiYi kicked the door close with his foot and brought the steaming bundles over to the bed.
"I got two sticky rice dishes. One is chicken, one pork. I wasn't sure which one you like more, so I bought both. Be careful, it's hot."
ZhiYi was still talking when he unwrapped the banana leaves from the steaming roll and brought the dish up to MingYu's lips.
A slight sheen of blush caressed MingYu's cheeks as he lowered his eyes and nibbled on the offered food. Stealing brief glances from under his lashes, he noticed ZhiYi looking at him with alertness.
AhXin was tossing around in his arms, pining for attention.
MingYu stole brief glances at ZhiYi from under his lashes and noticed ZhiYi looking at him with alertness.
"You are all red, is the fever returning?"
Putting the packages aside, he checked MingYu's temperature with his palm.
Yes, fever, definitely. MingYu's blush deepened as he shrugged his shoulders, letting his head rest against ZhiYi's cool hand.
"He's fine, ZhiYi. You fuss too much." PingZe said, and ZhiYi jerked his hand away.
MingYu wanted to reach out and pull the man back, but resisted the urge. He only sat still and let ZhiYi resume feeding him.