The world can be a scary place. At one point, you can have a mysterious best friend and live through the first semester of college with no problem. At the end of a seemingly normal day, though, you find yourself looking at the murder of that same best friend.
Well, that isn't quite true. I couldn't really see anything and I couldn't even make a single sound because my face was utterly covered by the boy right behind me. I could feel his palpitating heart through my sweaty back. I heard the shuffling and murmurs of the criminals in front of us. Then, a long moment of silence followed.
I swear I must've almost fainted from asphyxiation when I was finally released. I bolted out into all fours. I panted desperately for air, blinking out the tears clouding my vision. After a few seconds, I hurriedly tried to stand up, searching for my best friend.
'I could still save her. I could…' I thought, my mind still in a jumble from the lack of oxygen. I placed a hand firmly on a pile of trash, trying to keep my balance. I was finally able to see clearly.
Jesta wasn't there. There were no police officers. The only indication of a crime happening was the puddle of dark blood on the ground. Even then, it only looked like a normal puddle to everyone else. The alleyway was silent.
'Help,' I thought. 'I have to get help.'
I grasped around for my phone, finding it inside my back pocket where I had hurriedly placed it while we were still running. I was about to call the authorities when I realized something.
We.
I realized that Tanner was with me. Anger wasn't enough. I was suddenly filled with a deep fury. I didn't understand any of the actions my writing partner had done that day, from easily finding Jesta's location to stopping and silencing me to the point of me gasping for breath.
Just as I was about to turn towards him, I felt a sharp point making gentle contact on the small of my back. "Don't move," Tanner whispered against my neck.
It felt as though I couldn't breathe yet again. Any tiny move I made reminded me of the new threat pressed coldly on my back. 'A knife?' I absentmindedly thought.
Nothing made sense, but with the sudden resurgence of danger, I found myself calming down. I have always believed that it was easier to be on the receiving end of the blow, rather than be a spectator forced to watch. I looked around me, and when I saw the very object I was looking for, I blinked in disbelief. The reflection from a shard of a disposed mirror showed Tanner, holding what looked like a retractable knife from behind me. Seeing the shiny blade, I found myself in a sudden daze. I remembered the pleas for help from the younger children, insistently calling me, "sister". Their tiny hands reaching towards me…
"Good." Tanner's voice was harsh and low, bringing me out of my memories. "Now drop the phone."
I didn't realize I was still holding onto my phone. I dropped it with no problem. Tanner reached a leg over and kicked it away from us, this little movement digging the knife just the tiniest bit deeper, breaking skin. And then, the pressure was gone.
I slowly turned towards my assailant. Tanner's hands were empty, the knife gone. But I knew he had just put it away, ready to take it out again if needed. His small face was sweaty, his clean features molded into a serious expression. He still looked like the timid clubmate I knew, but he was now more than that. Or maybe, this was just the true Tanner I never got to know.
'Why would he do this?' I found myself thinking. 'What could have made him so scared that he would suddenly threaten me with a knife?'
When the silence continued, I saw that he looked uncomfortable. He was pale and he couldn't look me in the eyes. I realized that he was waiting for me to break it. Or, to be perfectly blunt, he led me to believe that I had the choice to talk.
"Why?" I whispered, staring at the boy I once knew. He may have done it to protect me when he stopped me from saving Jesta, but him with the knife? That was wholly different.
I instinctively backed away when he suddenly brought up a gangly hand to scratch his hair. He looked surprised to see my crouching form, ready to spring up into fight or flight. He almost looked hurt when he saw me frightened.
Finally, he explained, "There are just too many things happening right now. If we call the police and blow this whole thing up, we might be dragged into-"
Hearing just enough to understand, I slowly activated my human superpower of shutting people out. I still saw him, talking and talking, eyes growing frenzied and hands moving around fervently. When I felt that he was about to be done, I reluctantly let myself back to reality.
"… That's why I did what I did. Yassi, it was to protect you. Let's just leave this to the adults," Tanner finished his speech, his drooping eyes searching mine for a reaction.
I have long perfected the ability to hide my emotions, much like how Tanner hid his true self from me for the past three months. Carefully, I created a sad and tired smile, which in truth wasn't so hard to make given all that had happened, and said, "Of course. Thank you, Tanner."
He looked just like the timid boy I knew when he let out a sigh in relief, slouching his thin-looking body in timidity. He smiled a shy smile and gently took my hand as he bent over to pick up my phone. He placed it onto my hand.
"Let's get out of here, then." Tanner spoke in his usual shy tone, ending his sentences like he was asking a question. I nodded my head and followed his figure. He seemed so sure of the way out that I didn't bother to look around the alleyways we passed through.
My feet ached and my shirt stuck to my body, clammy with sweat.
Tanner never did apologize for bringing out his knife, almost as though to remind me that the threat was still apparent. I stared at the damaged phone on my hand, slowly counting the cobweb of cracks on its screen.
~~
Tanner brought me straight home that day.
We never spoke again during the train ride and during the travel. In fact, I only followed him in a daze. I never told him my address or anything, but there we were, just a few meters away from the apartment. I found myself shocked when I saw the familiar building right in front of us.
"This is it, right?" the boy asked, making me jump.
"Yes." I answered.
"Well, then. Good night." He turned to walk away in the direction we came from. I stared at his retreating figure, his gait calm and his back slightly slouched over.
I called out to him. He slowly turned to look at me. I didn't say a word.
"Yassi, we just saw something bad. And Jesta…" Tanner didn't continue, his expression scrunched up in sorrow. Quietly, he said, "… She was too young."
I only stared at him blankly. When the silence stretched on, he turned away again and walked away. Under the light from the streetlamp, I could see the slight bulge on his back pocket. It could have been anything, but I already knew what it was. The retracted knife he used to threaten me. A silent, gentle reminder.
"Liar," I muttered when I was already alone, the night sky gaping wide at me. "You never cared for Jesta."
Feeling empty and suddenly so tired, I went up to my apartment, feeling as though every step I took dragged me steadily down. I fumbled for my keys, went through the creaking door, and let myself fall onto my bed. I let sleep catch me.
I dreamed of countless hands scratching at me. Their silent wails ringing in my ears.
"You left us." They seemed to be saying in the oozing darkness.
Black, gaping eyes. Bare nostrils. Transparent skin. Moving, clacking, and bending around my static form. They multiplied in number and climbed up my body, their bony limbs sliding, snapping around. Their cold breaths gasping against my bare skin.
I thought I saw bright, blond hair amidst the twisting bodies.
"YOU LEFT ME!"
I awoke with the sun beating against my pallid skin, and when I took off my shirt to wash up, I saw the back covered with dried blood.