"Yassi Anne?" Tanner looked at me like I was a ghost. He was holding a thick laptop in his hand, his other one holding the door open. I saw how his knuckles were turning white as he gripped the knob tightly.
I was simply too shocked about everything that I found myself smiling insanely. I laughed as I said, "Tanner, hi. Of course you'd be here."
At the corner of my eyes, I saw Zero and the other Vigilantes looking at each other. The girl upperclassman of mine was still standing by the exit, her stance almost as though she was ready to tackle me if I made a sudden move.
I laughed even harder. Tanner looked like he would drop his laptop any time now. When I didn't hear anyone join in my laughing session, I turned towards them wildly, taking turns to look them in the eye.
"You're all joking, right?" I spat out. "This is just some… some elaborate prank right? Zero?"
I stared at his green eyes, vibrant as springtime. He looked almost sad.
"This isn't a prank, Yassi. You guessed right. We really are the Vigilantes," he said simply.
I started shaking my head fiercely. "So… all along, the Alpha Club was a criminal group?"
I heard a bang as Roy, the large guy with the red hair, hit the table with his palm. "Zero, what the fuck were you thinking bringing in this-"
Zero went across to place a hand on Roy's tense shoulders. "Trust me, Roy. She's on our side."
They started arguing, with the others pitching in from time to time. But, all the while, I was lost in my thoughts. I felt a migraine coming in. I slid onto the ground and hid my face under my hands.
Do you know that feeling like your world just suddenly changed? Everything might seem perfect and you're happy, but then comes something that breaks the peace. It can be anything, really. From a favorite TV actress dying tragically to a best friend suddenly getting murdered in front of you. Or from a sweet acquaintance suddenly sticking a knife behind your back to finding out that your school's fraternity was actually cruel and violent. For so long, I've been swayed back and forth from feeling calm and being insane.
I found myself unable to breathe in this type of world.
'Why is this happening? Why now, when I'm still healing from her death? Now, when I can barely keep myself together?'
Then, I felt a gentle hand on my stiff shoulder. "Yassi Anne… Are you okay?"
Staring at his smooth features and his fluffy black hair, I couldn't help being moved by his worried expression, even though I knew it was all an act. I was just so tired of it all.
"… What do you think, Tanner?" I asked him in a whisper, surprised at how weak I sounded. "Do you think I'm okay?"
A crease formed between his elegant brows. His thin lips crumpled into a thin line. He looked so genuine that I almost believed him.
"Tell me something," I said, my voice loud enough for the whole room to hear. I turned my head to look at Zero. "Was Jesta really a Vigilante?"
I stared at his green eyes, looking up from where I crouched. Zero straightened his back, and looked straight at me, a troubled expression on his face. "Yes, she was."
Several murmurs of protest came from the others, but I continued nevertheless. "Did she die because she was one?"
On that moment, I saw the varied responses from them. Some grew so angry they flushed a deep red. Others simply paled in shock. Tanner only flinched beside me. And Zero… I couldn't read him at all.
His words were clear, however, when he said, "No. She committed suicide. You know that, Yassi."
I was only silent for a little while.
'So they don't know,' I thought, my mind unexpectedly becoming clearer.
I stared at the boy kneeling beside me. 'Why didn't they know?' I asked Tanner with my eyes.
"So," Zero interrupted our wordless conversation. "Will you join us, or not?"
I sighed, still staring at the frozen boy beside me. Then, making up my mind, I stood up and offered Zero my hand. "I'll join. I'll write whatever needs to be written."
His hand was large and warm in mine. He smiled at me, as though he was confident I would say yes.
The girl with the short hair, finally nearing us from her post by the exit, sneered at me like I was a pathetic bug. "Did you really think you'd get in so easily? What happened to us being a 'criminal group', huh? Do you think you can barge in and then report us to the police like the good citizen you are?"
She suddenly grabbed the collar of my shirt and lifted me closer to her. "Who do you think you are? No one here wants you to join! Fuck Zero."
She spat at the said boy's shoes, earning a cold gaze from him. "Imelda dela Cruz. Take mind that I was the one who recommended you to Jenna. Without me, you won't even have your jacket and mask. Don't dare to reprimand me. You're a thousand years too young for that."
She immediately backed off, looking like she was about to be sick. Roy hastily steadied the girl. "But, Mel has a point, Zero. We can't just trust her, no matter how much you do."
The two others, a boy and a girl who looked alike, also nodded their agreement from across the room.
The tension inside the room was so vivid I could almost touch it.
Zero sighed. "Fine. Then she goes through the initiation. Like we all did."
The five others, including Tanner, were silent at first, before they finally agreed.
"Our plans may be delayed because of all this traditional bullshit, but at least we all agree on something. Yassi Anne has to go through the initiation and then that's it. She's officially one of us," Zero said languidly. And almost like it was an unspoken dismissal, they all stood up and packed their things.
I approached Zero as he went to gather his bag as well. "What's happening now? What initiation do I have to do?"
He shook his head slightly, bending down to slowly gather his things. An old phone. Some official-looking papers. A notepad.
"It won't be today, Yassi, so don't worry," he said, busily organizing his bag. "We usually plan this out for a long time. I'll contact you the location when it's time."
He then finally looked me in the eyes. "… It won't be easy. So get prepared."
I gulped. Before I could ask more, he had already started speaking with an upperclassman, the male twin. The girl was just behind him, and I found her looking at me curiously. The duo had light brown hair and slit eyes. Both had a splash of freckles on their cheeks and noses. They were thin and gangly, and their lips always seemed to be plastered into eternal smiles.
Weirdly freaked out, I too started to leave the building, the exit now wide open.
"Don't even think about telling on us," a gruff voice told me once I had stepped outside. Roy, with the other girl Imelda, were leaning outside the door, staring at me. "Even if you did, no one would believe you. So, don't try."
I stopped to turn towards them. "I won't tell on you. I do want to join the Vigilantes."
Imelda huffed. "Sure. The good little honor student wants to join a 'criminal group'."
I only glared at her, but she still continued speaking.
"Don't think I don't know the type of person you are, Yassi Anne. I've observed you in our classes together. You're nothing but an empty shell, and you only ever hung around Quisling just so you would look better. Do you think joining a terrorist group would make your college life more eventful, huh?"
She approached me again to take hold of my collar, but I stopped her. I gripped on to her wrist tightly enough for her to gasp in pain. I didn't really like her.
"Don't act like you know me and Jesta either," I spat at her face. "Zero already seems to trust me, but I'll bet you a hundred dollars you had to beg him and crawl your way into the group, Mel."
I made sure to put emphasis on the last part, and I was surprised to see her reaction. It seems like I had guessed correctly.
"Shut up!" she screamed at me, prying her wrist from my grip with force. I let her go easily.
"Tsk. Let's go, Mel," Roy guided her away from me. "Let's just make sure this one'll love her initiation rites."
Imelda seemed to like that idea, but she was still obviously pissed off at me. She huffed a little bit before she left with the big man. I sighed, unconsciously tugging at my collar.
"Yassi," someone called. I didn't have to look to know who it was.
"Tanner," I answered. "Tell me more about the initiation."
He only shook his head. "… I can't. Even if I could, I wouldn't be much of a help. I didn't need to go through one. I guess I'm just a special case. Anyway, every candidate's initiation is different. So, I don't really know what to say."
I sighed in annoyance. Looking around us, I found the once calm forest a stupid sight. MU was so large they can hide bastards and criminals…
Then, I glared at him. "Why didn't you tell them? Is this why you threatened me with a knife? Were you scared the police will connect you to the Vigilantes? Were you really that much of a coward?"
I was surprised too at my sudden outburst. I was simply too stressed out, and I had to have answers.
His thin brows furrowed. "… You don't understand, Yassi. I had to stop you. If the police got wind of us, they'll start putting pieces together, and they'll suspect MU as a whole."
I glared at him harder, and then looked at the building, with some people still inside. "But why didn't you tell them? If Zero knew about this, he could've done something. We could still avenge her, Tanner. We could-"
Tanner then suddenly covered my mouth, his eyes turning as deadly as the ones he had while he had pointed the sharp ends of the knife against my back. "Be quiet, Yassi Anne."
It took only a few seconds for me to be reminded of who this boy really was. Cruel. Unreasonable. Insane.
I pried of his hands, one holding my mouth and the other grabbing unto my hair. I glared at him. "… You sick, cowardly bastard."
Tanner only looked bored.
"What's happening?" The door opened and out came Zero, with the twins just behind him. Tanner immediately returned to his docile expression.
"Nothing," the boy answered. "I was just explaining some things to Yassi Anne."
"Oh, right. You guys were friends before all this, right?" Zero said, chaining up the door. "I suppose Yassi would be shocked about all this; her friend being a Vigilante and all."
I stared blankly towards Tanner and saw a small warning in his eyes. "… Nah. I'm not too surprised. I knew it was the quiet ones we should watch out for."
Zero and the twins laughed at that. Tanner only smiled a bit.
"That's true. I mean, look at these two," Zero gestured to the twins. "Greta and Blue only talked with each other in their first year here. The whole club said they were simply caught off guard when they suddenly entered this building out of the… blue."
I stared at the twins, wondering what they were capable of. Looking at them, they seemed more like undercover spies than mere college students.
"Don't make us ssound like we're monsterss or ghostss, Oliver," the boy, Blue, said. His S's prolonged like a snake's. "We only-"
"-Connected the dots," the girl, Greta, finished her brother's words. "We knew the Alpha Club of the MU was ssuspiciouss. That'ss why we even went to thiss sschool. Bessides, Oliver, you still weren't part of the club back then, sso you can't say much about our arrival."
Zero laughed, and didn't seem to be offended. Without me asking, he explained. "I only joined the Vigilantes on my second year. These guys joined while we were still freshmen, so although we're both third years, they never forget to remind me that they're my seniors."
I didn't expect that, but truly, I didn't care. He still continued on.
"Those two, Imelda and Roy, are fourth years. Jenna, our leader, is on her last and fifth year. She's under the architecture department."
I stared at him with a frown. "What's the point of telling me all this? They're probably gonna make my initiation so hard I won't be able to pass. I mean, aren't you scared of telling me too much information? I could easily walk out of here and into a police station, you know?"
"Hmph," Zero smiled at me calmly. "You won't do that. You couldn't do that to Jesta."
My frown turned into a glare. He walked closer to me and then held up his hand. I flinched away, thinking he was going to hit me. But, then, he only ruffled my hair. "Go home, Yassi. Your initiation will be hard, but I don't think it'll be impossible if it's you."
I only stared at his confident expression, and asked, "Why do you trust me too much?"
He smiled, his eyes looking tired. "Jesta chose you, right? That means you have a good heart."
That night, as I lied on my bed, I wondered about Zero's words. I imagined how close he really was with my dead best friend. I imagined them clad in black, with grotesque masks on, hopping from building to building. I imagined them sneaking into a dark alley. They both took off their masks, and they brought their bare faces together, their hands intertwined and their bodies pressed flat against the cold wall. Amidst the adrenaline rush and underneath the covers of their disguises, they kissed. Long after the breaths became more labored, and long after the gentle touches turned into desperate grasps, my face had merged with Jesta's and I was the one in the black clothes, hugging and gasping underneath the bright, full moon.