. i should control myself, ) he didnt come here...
he was hungry..i wait for him
.all fall into sleep but he didnt come . .(who want doughter god give them imperfect doughter, and who dont want doughter god make there doughters perfect. i hate gods.. even god also has enamy inside of him.. that he make someone like me who has more list of imperfections as compared to perfections and someone like just perfect. i hate myself then why dont you?
even if i try to push you side. i try to hurt you. i try to ignore you try to staps away from you but when i try to get step away from you i get more near to you more fall for you. i try so much but why dont you just hate me why you want me. to brock my heart or, for your love, or to use me? what is your intentions towards me. my heart was pissed, i was afraid to give my remains heart to someone cause if this time my heart get brock i am never ever able to stand i need someone who can fix me with pure love, but then i realise there is no one who deserves someone like me. so i get cold towards others.. and start hiding my pain my fillings, the real me in a beautiful smile on my face. and saw my family this world only like person who smile, no one care about pain. to control this pain i turned my heart in rock, and get savage, as in your language bad girl, but bad means i am not a person who give fake love. (i just use my heart less it doesn't mean that i am heartless.. there is heart inside, who pump who have fillings. you know words are the most dengerous hurtfull wapon.. who peoples lave those peoples.. actually who my family steb into my heart, but i never ever cry. front of them cause i dont want to show that i am weak. i cried when i am alone. and really crying alone. really make you hard, and strong enough to hide your pain in a beautiful smile. take example as yesterday.. you know.. we love our family so much.. yes my family is my soul. from behind of cold personality i was always worried and yes i do care about my family more then anything else in this world, so i fight against teachers for my brother.. (yes when i am in collage.. a teacher give him lots of complition and i help him cause next day was submission. but teacher start scold on him front of him his eyes get teary(how can i see someone hurt my family) i stop her scolding on him and mess with her. (after that next day this get spread about this each and every class its another point and after that her friends or some teachers who are in my class to teach make me suffer from lots of difficulty but i cant see someone scold on me) so yesterday topic was that i am doing my work. and my dad need my help. but i told them that i need some time to complete my qork then i will help you.. but they get angry on me and said hurahfully that i do on him is just fake love and they dont need my fake love. it stebed into my heart deep, it means my pure love is fake for you. after from that my dad started avoid me now. i want to cry but my tears not coming from eyes..did i am really that much heartless or i am really giving them fake love.. did my love is fake, its really hurt me. i thought there is no love in expressing or obey someone is, and the true love is stand for loved one, get worried for loved one have a care about someone, want to saw loved one always happy and always try make sure that keep your loved one on right line, and never ever leave that loved one alone in any condition, its true love and this all i have for my family but if they think its fake love then fine i am giving my fake love to thrm but why dont they see that i am giving them love. at morning they forget what they said and again start getting happy, yah i am happy he wasnt avoiding me but somewere in corner of heart this wepon was stebed now also.. and its hurting so much. get back into story just leave the topic)
i get near to him and take his head on my lap.. (i know i am to hursh and i am guilty about this) he sleep with empty stomach because of me.. but i already take my punishment for what i did and it was that i am also empty stomach, yah why i am crying now?.. i am really bad how can i talk to him like that he didnt eat anything because of me...