Seated in the bus, Ahi's thoughts ran astray.
What a day! My days won't be peaceful any longer eh?!?
Just a few more minutes dear, you'll reach the house.
I am trying ...But it hurts!
Ah! Don't take me for a mentally imbalanced person...I just have split personalities!
Which might be quite uncommon, but I've developed them out of pure consciousness. So, nothing dangerous.
You see, I have already mentioned that I have a high IQ and good memory right?.
If you combine these 2 from a very young age, can you imagine how my childhood was?
You can't! Because, I can say that it is horrible, not being able to act the age you are!
For example, I still remember the first lie I told my mother and the look she gave me when I said it was a lie.
I was called a liar, when I used to say the truth, which is not acceptable for a child's world.
I may look like a pampered kid, but the truth is..... I always crave for my parent's attention and hence I act like a rotten child.
I can understand when people tell the truth, and when they lie, at a tender age of three.
When no one was able to understand me... I had to do my own research on my mental condition, which I initially used to think as a disorder. If not, I really may have gone mad or be labelled as a "Mad Person".
I have turned the way I am now- not due to my health problems, but due to the influence of my surroundings.
With no one to turn to for help, I started being self-dependent.
They never knew that I have such a high IQ and was a bullied kid.
They never knew that I had no friends.
They never knew that I started making books as my friends out of loneliness.
They never knew I could only eat alone, without company!
They never knew I was hiding behind a smile, because I loved that smile I have lost when everyone blamed me for a mistake I never committed, as I am a "LIAR"!
They never knew I was a narcissist because I was trying to make up for the love I never received from them.
They don't know that, I hug myself to sleep during nights to make do for a mother's warmth.
They don't know that, I protect myself from danger to make do for a Father's shelter.
They don't know, that I never considered them as my parents.
Even when I am honest, it only makes me much more of a villain in the family.
I am only a good daughter when I am of any use to them, like showing me off to the relatives, showcasing my talents and awards I've received.
They don't know that I was still stuck in a childhood where no one saved me when I needed them the most, when I needed someone to protect me, someone to cherish me, someone to love me for being.....just me.
Every kid is born innocent! But that innocence was ripped away from me, by none other than the people that surround me!
I wish I was never born....If only I was not born....But, one day something like a doubt, got stuck in my mind....
What if...just...what if I was born for a purpose....what if I was born for someone who really needs me...
What if..... that person is still waiting for my arrival....What if,that person is barely about to breathe and I am their only oxygen supply.
I at least need to be alive for someone who is needed for this world. If I could make at least one person happy,I don't mind being born in this cursed world.
I don't know who but,.... That thought somehow stopped all my overthinking, and made me into the happy-go-lucky person I am!
When the Jerk was kissing me today....I thought, he was thirsty...But something in my mind was warning me to stay away from this man...when I subconsciously pushed him away and slapped him...I was shocked out of my mind for the actions I have committed.
I was still in a process to recollect my actions, but when Fat purse approached, all the pores in my body screamed "Danger!"
I was still trying to maintain my mental health. But, when I heard him say that single word "Please."
There was a voice in my head that said..."I do not wish to see that look on his face ever again!"
When I turned towards the Jerk, the sentence repeated itself again.
The place where my heart exists, did hurt a lot then.
I was unable to control the pain like I used to.
"Ouch"
There it is! That same pain again!
This happened in the washroom earlier too, when I thought about the incident that took place.
"Ah! My stop was near."Need to get ready, to get off!
It hurts..... and I am..... scared.
Reaching home she was greeted by her mother,"Mamma, I won't be having dinner. I am tired. I want to sleep.If I get hungry I'll wake up and eat." with a tired face.
"At Least, have some juice," said her mother.
"Later."
Saying this, she resigned to her bedroom.
Closing her bedroom door, she immediately crawled into her bed sheets and opened the note in her hand that said 'Sorry'.
Ah! I am doing it again, right daada? Hurting someone with my words and actions.
But I felt my throat being restricted with their actions towards me.
To be honest, I was jealous of them both, dada.
Looking at their loving parents, and the way they are being doted, and taught with love instead of warning/beating....I was envious and sad .
I was always scolded for being a picky eater, and brutally insulted in front of everyone for being unable to eat some stuff.
When that Jerk's and Fat purse's parents were treating me the same way, they do with their children. I felt ticklish and warm inside.
'That's how it feels to be loved eh?!?' is what I thought.
But the sudden unknown feeling made my walls go rock hard, in a defensive state.
I was scared ,and I just wanted to escape from that place where I was unable to face that blinding light.
I felt weak, for being unable to resist their affection, and made that stupid feeling effect me.
They are the first people who made me realize how it feels to be loved, cherished, protected by someone.
"Those 2 sure are, one hella lucky person's huh?!?" said Ahi, to the darkness that surrounded her.
I was never recognized for being myself in front of others.
So, I started wearing a mask suitable for each stage of life.
I hate to cry, as crying made me feel weak.
I became too strong to the point, that being strong is the only option left for me.
But, The mask that I proudly wore slipped at the most inappropriate time.
I was angry with myself for not being strong enough to have a control on mind and actions, and let those filthy emotions control me instead.
So humiliating....
A Degree in psychology.....What is the use? Waste of money.
She slowly dozed off to sleep, not noticing that the pillow was wet.
When Ahi was in a deep slumber, curling and hugging herself, there was a presence who slowly approached her with eyes full of warmth and love,
"Ahi~ You just don't know.... that you're the most loved person in the world."
Brushing her hair backwards tenderly, that person placed a soft kiss on Ahi's forehead with tears in their eyes.
"So....,please don't cry yourself to sleep like this. I love you the most!" said the person, wiping Ahi's new set of tears.
Ahi stirred in her sleep and gave a sweet smile to the last sentence.
Looking at the person lying on the bed, who just looks like a little angel with a harmless smile, The person has a warm smile, and gave another peck to Ahi on her forehead.
"This time....I will definitely defy your fate. Even, if the wheels of fate already started moving." said the person, with a determined expression and left Ahi's room.
Author's Note: Sorry guys for the late update... As you can see... This chapter made me pull my hair out of frustration!😅